Any polite way to tell BF he overpaid a ton?

[Alexa]

When my boyfriend first starting looking for e-rings at the mall I begged him not to knowing they are overpriced for the stones you get. Let me preface this by saying I''m thrilled and blessed to even know him and would marry him with no ring at all. I just hate knowing how bad he got ripped off and don''t know if I should say anything.

He bought a 1 carat princess with an H color and SI2 clarity for over $6400. From what I''ve learned here and a few other sites, as well as knowing it''s from a mall jewler, I know that''s a pretty awful price. Should be almost half that! And that''s just for the stone, no setting.

Is there ANY tactful way for me to let him know? I''ve tried to direct him to this site and do some online research but he kind of ignores the idea...just like when I suggested avoiding mall stores.

Any input would be greatly appreciated.

 

[elbardo]

Personally, since I am knee deep in my own search, I wouldn''t do it. I''ve been spending more hours than I care to admit on this site and others learning and searching, and I''m still at it. I want to love the stone I choose, and hope that she does too. In your case, unless there is anything that can be done after the fact (refund etc.), I would leave it. It''s water under the bridge, and if you can''t go back, what''s the point of bringing it up. The only possible outcome would be hurt feelings.

 

[Alexa]

Sorry i forgot to add that the ring hasn''t even been picked up yet. But you''re right i do NOT want to hurt his feelings.

 

[Kaleigh]

I can only imagine how hurt he would be, what''s done is done. I would just enjoy it and be thankful for it. Just my 0.2.

 

[valeria101]

Is he a romantic person ? Is the ring now considerd fully your own as opposed to some sacret, intangible landmark ?

If the answer is "no" and "yes", I'd check the return policy of the shop which sold the ring and return it. That's what return periods are for, no

Mara changed her original stone early on and the ring has been worked on once or twice... I can't remember the details of her "negotiation", but it may help to follow the story.

Otherwise, your engagement is worth allot more than 3k. What's the use to exchange peace of mind about ring with the one about your relationship

On a differrent note... judging from the 2X premium I would have thought "Tiffany"... but Si2 could not have come from there. Where is that price comming from ?

 

[elbardo]

Well, if there''s still a chance to return it, it might change things a little bit. REALLY depends on the type of guy. I know that i''m buying without her knowing, so the deal will be done and the ring will be ours...no returns. However, if he''s fairly realistic and layed back....perhaps proposing that you search for another one might not be a bad idea. Now, if you were to do that, and use a little bit of the extra cash to get him a little gift, that would be even better. Personally, a little thing like a new palm pilot, motorcycle helmet or anything would have me smiling from ear to ear, something that she may not be keen on, but knows that I really want.

Really depends on the guy though....I know a lot of ''sensitive'' types that would be crushed too.

 

[youngster]

Well, some people will happily pay more for convenience and a pleasant shopping experience. Others are willing to chase virtually all over looking for the perfect stone at the lowest price. The search for those people is part of the experience and, hopefully, they''re having some fun with it. Your fiance sounds like the former type. If he is, then there may be no point in bringing this up. It will just cause him to feel bad. Now, is the money he paid for the stone the only issue? Or, is the stone just not that great?

 

[NyssaLynne]

If it hasn''t been picked up yet then I believe in most states the sale can be cancelled. I would explain to him that because you are going to be starting your life together soon that you want the best deal for his money and you know that the diamond he purchased is overpriced and under-quality for what he spent. I can''t imagine him being hurt if you put it forward as a money-saving proposition and not a "I want a bigger/better/different diamond" approach. Wanting a different ring might make him feel hurt, but saving money should be universally good.

 

[Jimbo34]

Hope it wasn't custom made, if it was it might be very hard to return. If it isn't I would surely tell him to return it and go shop together for one. With what he paid for that ring you should be able to find an much better one.

Good Luck with whatever you do.....

Jimbo34

 

[Kaleigh]

If you are within the return period, then I would tell him. Why pay twice what you should pay? Do you know when the diamond was purchased?

 

[bcrossman3]

Ok, this is just one thought. Are you set on a princess? Perhaps if you switched your type of diamond and said something like "I am so sorry for changing my mind on this but I think I''d prefer a (fill in the blank)" you could then return the ring guilt free with him not feeling like he is to blame. This all assumes you can return the ring. If you can''t return it then I can''t think of a reason for him to know that he overpaid since he can''t do anything about it.

 

[aljdewey]

I think you should let a sleeping dog lie.....don''t say anything.

Don''t forget that an e-ring is an emotional purchase for a man to make. It''s an emotional purchase more than a practical purchase for some. There will be plenty of joint purchases down the line where you''ll have input.

Don''t spoil it for him. If I were a man doing the proposing, I''d want to hear how happy my proposal made her and how much she likes the ring. I *wouldn''t* want to hear how I overpaid (implication that I got duped) or how I could have done better (sounds emasculating and like you''re calling me stupid). To hear that would totally take the joy out of proposing.

If he wanted input on his selection, he''d ask before the purchase. Trust him to make what HE feels is the right purchase for his purposes.

 

[pearcrazy]

I agree, don''t say anythng. If you hadn''t stumbled across this site you wouldn''t have known any better either, right? I''m sure he''s anxious for you to wear his ring, telling him he overpaid may spoil the moment for him. Just enjoy his gift and you can have more say-so in helping him make future major purchases as his wife.

 

[Firefly]

Alexa,

Have you seen the ring yet?

Price aside, is it something that you''ve already absolutely fallen in love/ have a connection with? If not .. .

I strongly suggest that you go through all the fuss to get to something that you''ll be 100% happy with. Otherwise, you''ll keep thinking about it until you go crazy.

I had this experience where I couldn''t decide between a 0.7 VS2 E / 0.72 VVS1 H. Both H & A.

I was in the store and was really thinking hard about getting the E color one but last minute I changed my mind to the H cause it''s bigger and makes more sense [price difference between the two was very minimal]. We paid some deposit for it and they had to resize the ring so we were supposed to pay the rest when we get it later in the week.

I''m color sensitive so I keep thinking that I''ve made the wrong choice. I was so unhappy and I keep pestering my bf about this and he got a little frustrated at first saying that I''m so indecisive and blah blah blah .. not very happy with me. I couldn''t sleep the very same night.

I was about to go insane then I couldn''t stand it anymore so I called the lady who served me the next day and I told her my problem. She allowed me to go in store again and exchange it. She showed me the E color one and another one; a IF E 0.74 that I didn''t see on my first visit. It was love at first sight with the IF E one, it was a little over the budget but it was well worth it to put my mind at ease. My bf was happy with it and all well ends well. So it was really worth all the fuss and trouble just to get to "the one".

If you''ve already paid for the 1 carat, I think while it might not be possible to get a full refund, it''s most probably that you can get an exchange. You should go in store and take a look at what other choices that you might have. Take your time and choose carefully. Afterall, if it''s going to be an ENGAGEMENT ring the experience and the ring should be PERFECT!

 

[Patty]

I say speak up now or you''ll regret it forever.

 

[valeria101]

Now that I am thinking... you could always tell your fiancee that there has been a major devaluation of diamonds engineered by internet dealers and now diamonds cost half the old price online ! After all, it's a just a matter of time

and you can surely take advantage of "insider information" by now.

 

[Mara]

I think it depends on your relationship and how you two interact...you know him the best, obviously better than any of us strangers on here, how would he react if you said something? Even if it was put in a very nice way?

If you feel as though you can say something that will make sense to him and not hurt his feelings, then speak up.

If you feel as though whatever you say or however you say it will just be a negative thing to him, and you can live with the ring and the fact that he overpaid, then don't say anything.

In the end it comes down to you and him and your relationship, all of this advice from people is great to have...but in the end, you need to decide for yourself if you should speak up or not and if you can be fine with that or not.

Our peronsal story...we chose a stone which I ended up being somewhat unhappy with over time. My fiance knew it after the purchase, but we chose it together, and there were still times he took it personally that I didn't just absolutely love the stone. Over time though he realized that it wasn't about the sentimental purchase for me, but rather the performance of the stone itself, aka if you are going to spend the $$, it should look good right, and he let me get another stone that really was stunning. But it took almost a year to get from point A to point B and it was never a sure thing... I was just hoping maybe.. He could have put his foot down and said that I had to be happy with it, he DID purchase it after all! But we both are happy now with the decisions made, however, approaching him at the time of purchase when he was all fraught with spending such a large amount and the stress of just getting engaged would not have been right for US. But that's just us!

 

[ame]

I would say something. It''s better to be honest than hate what you are wearing for so many years and keep it from him.

Hopefully he isn''t horribly crushed and can return it for his money back.

 

[RockDoc]

I am partially in agreement with Mara, and in agreement with Patty.

From a man''s ( my view and opinion only it seems) I''d want to tell him that you aren''t unhappy with the ring, but you want to have him learn about the money he may be spending "needlessly".

This really isn''t about the ring or its shape, it''s about the quality and value that you''ll both aren''t getting.

I think its important to REINFORCE to him, that you''re pleased with his choice, but not at the price that the merchant is charging you.

Sit down with him and show him what you''ve learned, and I am sure he''ll respond in a positive manner.

If you were buying him something and he knew that the price was excessive, would he let you be "hurt" in this manner.
I know I wouldn''t want to not at least tell him how you feel, and trust that your relationship is such that you''ll easily "weather this storm".

Rockdoc

 

[bar01]

I have a great friend who kind of did the same thing - after I tried to direct him to pricescope.

I was able to convince him (after much persuasion) to take his new diamond ring to a good independent appraiser. At least he finally got the true information (quality and price) on his diamond from "an expert" rather than from me.

 

[Garry H (Cut Nut)]

If I were him and you mentioned it i would probably think "hmmm, she seems a bit materialistic? I thought the ring was a symbol, and she is looking a gift horse in the mouth. maybe she is not THE ONE?"

 

[Alexa]

Oh dear, quite the opposite! I would actually feel so much better about accepting the very same ring if he paid $3000 for it instead! I dont want a bigger/better/more costly stone or even care if I have one at all! I don''t think he''ll think I''m materialistic because I don''t even own or really express interest in jewlery or anything spendy.

Author: Garry H (Cut Nut)
If I were him and you mentioned it i would probably think ''hmmm, she seems a bit materialistic? I thought the ring was a symbol, and she is looking a gift horse in the mouth. maybe she is not THE ONE?''[/quote]

 

[Stevejohnuga]

I would say tell him, if you think he won''t get to upset. I agree with the above posts, do you really want to start off your new life together spending twice as much on the ring as what needed to be spent. I''m not sure your situation but 3k is a lot of money that could have been spent on other things like your new household etc..... just my opinion.

You know him best if you think he will react really badly and it would hurt him, then I wouldn''t say anything, but otherwise you should.

 

[Alexa]

Thank you all so very much for taking the time and effort to respond to this thread. You are all so knowledgeable and it was very helpful to read your responses and suggestions.

To answer a few questions from the thread: I have not yet seen the ring, it was purchased at a helzberg/zales type place, it''s definitely not about the money as I wish he''d spent less.

At first glance patty''s post says it all for me. But after rereading, aljdewey really hit home. This man means everything to me and I couldn''t bear to hurt him over a purchase that he made with such a good heart.

I also like elbardo''s idea of a gift even if the ring is not exchanged. Thank you. I think I''m going to get him a palm like you suggested. He loves gadgets!

 

[Alexa]

Author: Bertrand
I was able to convince him (after much persuasion) to take his new diamond ring to a good independent appraiser. At least he finally got the true information (quality and price) on his diamond from 'an expert' rather than from me. [/quote]

Now that's a good idea! Let the appriaser be the bad guy

But don't they always overvalue the rings by a bunch?

 

[fire&ice]

First, the caveat is if the ring can be returned or the sale canceled. If it''s a done deal with no easy recourse, then ABSOLUTELY don''t say a word & enjoy. Think of it as a lavish gift he wanted you to have.

That said:

If you believe he overpaid (don''t use that word) by 3k (or nearly 100%), it is your responsiblity to gently let him know. A number of things may be going on in his head. He may think that buying a diamond on the net is an insult to you or unromantic(some guys who come here have said as such). He may be embarrased to do so. Have a heart to heart & tell him that you really want to save money on the engagement ring & you can do so by a substantial sum of money buying over the net. Your working together to save for your future is far more romantic to you.

I''m all for open dialogue from the very beginning of your life together. Money issues will always be issues. Somtimes you just let it go - but - this is a very expensive purchase and commitment of limited funds.

But, you know your relationship better than anyone. My hubby is always up for my cost savings methods - always has been. Granted, we looked for engagement rings together - but he initially insisted on going to the "family" "proper" jeweler. I had a gut feeling that the rings were overpriced. A friend told me about a guy who was related to one of the "family" jewelers & had his own place - in a trailer in the industrial part of town. I suggested to my to be to have an open mind. It meant little to me where the stone came from. We found the stone of our dreams at at least 50% less. This guy''s trailer was really just a front. His vault contained unbelievable amounts of great stones - and he was the only one who could talk about cut. Years later, when I had all my stuff appraised, the appraisal came back better color, better clarity & the guy could stop talking about the cut.

Good luck.

 

[bopitaddict]

my $0.02, i wouldn''t tell him, it''s something he went and did on his own and if he finds out that he didn''t do a good job, it''s a shot to our male pride... as a guy, imho, while money is important, we''re not as good bargain shoppers as you women... and if we see something we like, we go for it and are satisfied with our purchase...

and if he doesn''t think anything of it, then i wouldn''t worry and let him be, what''s important is you and him... why put a damper on the situation by telling him he could have done better...

plus, next time you guys do the shopping, you can "lead him" in the right direction.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 4/20/2005 2:28:35 AM
Author: ame
I would say something. It''s better to be honest than hate what you are wearing for so many years and keep it from him.

But she hasn''t said she hates what she''s wearing. Her only issue at this point is how much was paid for it.

If she truly didn''t like the ring itself and it wasn''t her style, then I could potentially see speaking up and making one''s feelings known.

That isn''t the case here. The only "problem" is *how much* he spent. If she likes the ring itself, that should be the end of it. It doesn''t matter what he spent....he paid a price he was comfortable paying. Could he have paid less? Yes, we know he could have, but pointing it out now would be a mistake, I think.

 

[lost on 5th]

i think it depends on how much his overpaying bothers you.... and what element of the purchase is important to him.

if it is something that really bothers you.... and that you will be reminded over every time you look at the ring, then you might want to try and mention something. i think the appraiser is a good route. that way its not you questioning his purchase....

- but -

it also depends what is important to him. is he a "value shopper" or was his search simply to find the perfect thing for you. if he spent weeks/months searching thru the mall market for that ring....and he found one that met all of his desires...one that he wanted for you. the ring no longer has a cost in his mind. to question that purchase because he ''overpaid'' ...you may hurt him. and it would be something he is reminded every time he looks at the ''second ring'' ...knowing his origional efforts werent good enough.

its a tough call, but something that depends on what the 2 of you value the most. i wish you luck on this....

 

[Logan Sapphire]

My now-husband overpaid for what we got. We bought a good stone from a local store, and it was a good price for a mom & pop B&M. Granted, we only overpaid by $300-600 more. However, had he been more comfortable with buying online, we could have either paid less for the same quality or paid the same or a little more for an ideal cut. He knows this now, and will certainly consider buying online for future purchases, but at the time, with his comfort level regarding the whole purchase, buying locally was the only way to assuage his nervousness. Do I look at my ring on occasion and wish that we had saved money? Sure. Could we have used the money on other things? Definitely. But I feel it''s a small price to pay for his peace of mind, at that time. Perhaps your boyfriend felt the same way?