Any lawyers here? I could use some advice

[msdarlinjoy]

Date: 3/2/2006 9:07:55 PM
Author: MissGotRocks
My guess too is that there is more going on than meets the eye. Just what that is I can''t say because I don''t know the whole situation but that seems like a thin excuse for banning an older woman from worship. Even if they were sued, they have insurance.

If the minister was a true Christian, he''d be going to pick her up every Sunday. Shame on him - when the organization of religion prohibits the fellowship of religion then the church and the minister need to take a cold, hard look at themselves and what they represent.

I am sorry for her - and am truly appalled at this story.

Xchick,

I am so sorry to hear this

! There is something rotten going on!

Even if the dear woman did have difficulty walking, or even if the poor woman was incontinent and smelled, even if she spoke out of turn, or sang the wrong words to the hymm, or was serverly disfigured and hard to look at, ... Is that a Christian reason to "ban" her from church? I don''t think so.

Personally, If it were my grandma ... I would be calling this pastor, and frankly asking him what reasons would he like to give me as to the reason they are banning this elderly woman going to church. After he had his say, then I would simply respond with ... "Well, thank you Pastor XYZ, I understand how concerned you are about my dearest grandmother, and thank you for having her best intrests at heart ... you are truely a compassionate, caring man of god ... and since you have chosen a life to serve god and spread the wonderful doings and happenings of God and his son, I know that since you find that it would be too dangerous for my grandmother to attend church as she normally has for the past XYZ amout of years, what day of the week should we mark down on the weekly calender to remind us of what day you will be personally sharing God''s praises with her, here at home.

Give me the name & # of this guy, and I''ll call him too! Maybe if we all called, he would rethink his action~!

After I personally talked with said such Pastor, and I still thought this was bogus, I would be calling the news stations ... and or local paper, they are always wanting something spicy to put in the news cast or article.

Don''t give up, and keep us posted! Hugs to your grandma ... and I will send a prayer her way too!

 

[freckles127]

I''m sorry to hear this about your grandma! It seems so hypocritical that this would happen of all places in a church! I agree about calling the pastor on it and questioning this obvious discriminatory decision against the elderly and emphasizing how much your granmother enjoyed going to his church.

Sorry not a lawyer.. so I can''t chime in on the legality of this situation.

Mara--I love Alias and definitely feel like kicking some BU77 after watching that show

 

[lmurden]

Date: 3/2/2006 4:53:46 PM
Author: belle

Date: 3/2/2006 4:21:10 PM
Author: lmurden

The church may be a private institution but they certainly get federal and state funding!

in what form?

Don''t they get tax exemption? Don''t they except money from their church goers?

 

[lmurden]

Date: 3/2/2006 10:16:41 PM
Author: Mara
xchick i may be going off of faulty memory but doesn''t your grandmother have alzheimers? or something like that? possibly it''s something to do with her condition while at church? could she be forgetting and getting scared or belligerent or something and maybe this is just a thin excuse for them not wanting her there aka ''to deal with her'' anymore?

i''m not super familiar with churches or that whole thing but that was just a random thought. i find it very odd that they would suddenly ban her when others are there that are as old as she is and even just to ban her to begin with? just seems strange for a church and for a preacher to be behind supporting it. i''d also look for some other reason than what you have been told.

If there is another reason for banning grandma then the preacher should say so.

 

[belle]

Date: 3/2/2006 11:11:15 PM
Author: lmurden

Date: 3/2/2006 4:53:46 PM
Author: belle

Date: 3/2/2006 4:21:10 PM
Author: lmurden

The church may be a private institution but they certainly get federal and state funding!

in what form?

Don''t they get tax exemption? Don''t they except money from their church goers?

all non-profit organizations get tax exemption, yes. there is a big difference between tax exemption and federal or state funding though.
yes, they accept monies from their church goers. since they don''t get federal or state funding, they must rely on the financial generosity of their members.

 

[XChick03]

Date: 3/2/2006 10:46:55 PM
Author: Mrs Darlin Joy

Date: 3/2/2006 9:07:55 PM

Author: MissGotRocks

My guess too is that there is more going on than meets the eye. Just what that is I can''t say because I don''t know the whole situation but that seems like a thin excuse for banning an older woman from worship. Even if they were sued, they have insurance.


If the minister was a true Christian, he''d be going to pick her up every Sunday. Shame on him - when the organization of religion prohibits the fellowship of religion then the church and the minister need to take a cold, hard look at themselves and what they represent.



I am sorry for her - and am truly appalled at this story.

Xchick,


I am so sorry to hear this

! There is something rotten going on!

Even if the dear woman did have difficulty walking, or even if the poor woman was incontinent and smelled, even if she spoke out of turn, or sang the wrong words to the hymm, or was serverly disfigured and hard to look at, ... Is that a Christian reason to ''ban'' her from church? I don''t think so.


Personally, If it were my grandma ... I would be calling this pastor, and frankly asking him what reasons would he like to give me as to the reason they are banning this elderly woman going to church. After he had his say, then I would simply respond with ... ''Well, thank you Pastor XYZ, I understand how concerned you are about my dearest grandmother, and thank you for having her best intrests at heart ... you are truely a compassionate, caring man of god ... and since you have chosen a life to serve god and spread the wonderful doings and happenings of God and his son, I know that since you find that it would be too dangerous for my grandmother to attend church as she normally has for the past XYZ amout of years, what day of the week should we mark down on the weekly calender to remind us of what day you will be personally sharing God''s praises with her, here at home.


Give me the name & # of this guy, and I''ll call him too! Maybe if we all called, he would rethink his action~!


After I personally talked with said such Pastor, and I still thought this was bogus, I would be calling the news stations ... and or local paper, they are always wanting something spicy to put in the news cast or article.


Don''t give up, and keep us posted! Hugs to your grandma ... and I will send a prayer her way too!

Thank you, Mrs Joy. I''ll probably give this man a call tomorrow and give him a piece of my mind.

I''ll let you know what he says, though I have a feeling it will something just as ridiculous.

 

[strmrdr]

Iv read this thread 5 times and just dont know what to say.
That is shocking.

Best I can do is pray about it.
Prayers outgoing.

 

[researcher]

What in the....I don''t even know what to say. My dad is an ordained minister (although his main career is as a marriage and family therapist) and therefore very involved in the church community. I cannot imagine there EVER being a time when he or any of his colleagues would do this. I mean, they all joke that churches would disintegrate without the "blue hairs". Age discrimination in churches is just ridiculous! I think this is more about discrimination based on mental disability. Either way, it''s odd that the minister is not more forthcoming with the reasons for not having your grandma attend. The one he''s given just doesn''t seem right. Has your grandma threatened to sue? I mean, maybe she''s tripped a few times and said she''d sue if they didn''t fix the sidewalk or something. But even if she has you''d think the minister would have spoken to her about his concerns. I dunno. This thread reminds me of an ad campaign for the UCC churches that was banned for being too controversial because it showed people being turned away at other Christian churches and being accepted by the UCC: http://www.alternet.org/mediaculture/20652/ and http://angrysinglemom.blogspot.com/2004_12_01_angrysinglemom_archive.html.

I agree with what others have said that it''s not illegal to turn someone away, but I still think it''s not something that should be left alone. I too would contact the local newspaper/news station. Also, I would consider talking to another minister about this issue, maybe someone who has some political power.

I also hope that this gets resolved soon. My heart and prayers go out to your grandma!

 

[lmurden]

Date: 3/3/2006 12:38:00 AM
Author: XChick03

Date: 3/2/2006 10:46:55 PM
Author: Mrs Darlin Joy

Date: 3/2/2006 9:07:55 PM

Author: MissGotRocks

My guess too is that there is more going on than meets the eye. Just what that is I can''t say because I don''t know the whole situation but that seems like a thin excuse for banning an older woman from worship. Even if they were sued, they have insurance.


If the minister was a true Christian, he''d be going to pick her up every Sunday. Shame on him - when the organization of religion prohibits the fellowship of religion then the church and the minister need to take a cold, hard look at themselves and what they represent.



I am sorry for her - and am truly appalled at this story.

Xchick,


I am so sorry to hear this

! There is something rotten going on!

Even if the dear woman did have difficulty walking, or even if the poor woman was incontinent and smelled, even if she spoke out of turn, or sang the wrong words to the hymm, or was serverly disfigured and hard to look at, ... Is that a Christian reason to ''ban'' her from church? I don''t think so.


Personally, If it were my grandma ... I would be calling this pastor, and frankly asking him what reasons would he like to give me as to the reason they are banning this elderly woman going to church. After he had his say, then I would simply respond with ... ''Well, thank you Pastor XYZ, I understand how concerned you are about my dearest grandmother, and thank you for having her best intrests at heart ... you are truely a compassionate, caring man of god ... and since you have chosen a life to serve god and spread the wonderful doings and happenings of God and his son, I know that since you find that it would be too dangerous for my grandmother to attend church as she normally has for the past XYZ amout of years, what day of the week should we mark down on the weekly calender to remind us of what day you will be personally sharing God''s praises with her, here at home.


Give me the name & # of this guy, and I''ll call him too! Maybe if we all called, he would rethink his action~!


After I personally talked with said such Pastor, and I still thought this was bogus, I would be calling the news stations ... and or local paper, they are always wanting something spicy to put in the news cast or article.


Don''t give up, and keep us posted! Hugs to your grandma ... and I will send a prayer her way too!

Thank you, Mrs Joy. I''ll probably give this man a call tomorrow and give him a piece of my mind.

I''ll let you know what he says, though I have a feeling it will something just as ridiculous.

Please do call and get to the bottom of this. Good luck.

 

[AGBF]

I just read this thread for the first time. I await a report from you after you speak to the minister. I hope that you get to the bottom of what is going on. In the meantime, please know that I am holding you and your grandparents* in my heart.

*Excuse me! Your great-grandparents!

Love,
Deb

 

[portoar]

My heart goes out to your great-grandmother. You''ve received some excellent suggestions here.

I guess if I''m going to add anything, it''s to say that when you do call, be polite, don''t sound angry or upset -- that will just put the minister on the defensive.

There are many agencies that counsel and help elders, both social services and local senior centers -- I think you should do a little research to find one in your granparents'' community, contact them and have them come out to talk with your g-grandfather and g-grandmother -- to help them to handle this new situation with the church. They may be able to lend some support in terms of talking with the minister, arranging volunteers to accompany your g-grandmother to church to supervise and help her while she''s at church. Perhaps if the church knew that a volunteer was coming with her to supervise and assist they would relent. The object here isn''t really what''s legal or not, the object is to get her back into church.

But, there''s more here on the family front than meets the eye:

From reading your posts, it sounds like your g-grandmother has been going to church, and driving, ALONE? Forgive me, but if she has alzheimers, as you say, what is going on here? She has no business going anywhere alone alone, and especially she has no business driving. Your family needs to take this situation as a wake up call, have a family conference about the care of your grandparents, and act responsibly for their care and well-being. In all this you only mention your grandfather, who is 60 miles away. Where are your parents? What family support are your ageing ggandparents getting?

At a miniumum, your ggrandmother should not be driving. A call to her doctor and the local DMV would have her license to drive revoked, and you should do it.

If you or your family can''t drive them places, then call the senior center in their neighborhood. Most senior centers have volunteers who can help with driving to appointments and shopping. If she needs to be in a nursing home, then your family needs to make a visit to your grandparents, help him visit them, and choose a nice home for her. This is not something he should be doing alone. It''s a big step and one that causes intense feelings of guilt, grief, and depression. Reading between the lines, it sounds like your grandparents need some family support right now they''re not getting.

As reprehensible as the minister''s actions are, if you sift you may find a grain of truth. The way he''s gone about this may be wrong, but his actions may stem from some real and valid concerns about your ggrandparents and their well-being. Forgive me if I''m reading this wrong.

 

[Caribou]

Date: 3/2/2006 3:14:41 PM
Author:XChick03
I have a situation and even though I''m a first year law student, this is something I''m really unsure about.

My great-grandmother, who some of you have already heard about, has just been ''banned'' from her church. Her faith is one of the only things she has left to hold onto and going to church is something she really enjoys. My grandfather called last night and told me about this situation and asked me if it was even legal. The preacher of the church told her not to ever come back and the people who live next door used to give her rides to church since she''s unable to drive but now they refuse. When my grandfather called the preacher to ask him why he''d say such a thing, he said she was too much of a ''liability'' because if she fell at the church the family could sue. For one, people like this are the exact reason I stopped attending church. Southern Batptists (and I apologize if any of you are, I mean no disrespect) have always seemed highly judgemental and hypocritical to me, but this just seems ridiculous even to me. How can a preacher of all people, be more concerned with money than with an old woman, who won''t live many more years, hearing the word of God she loves so dearly?

On the legalities of it, for one, I think he''s being utterly ridiculous in saying the family would even have grounds for a lawsuit if she fell and injured herself. That''s like saying if I went to McDonald''s and got a headache I could sue them. Secondly, isn''t it illegal to tell someone they can''t attend church? I''m not sure on this, but it seems like a discremination issue to me, because they are saying that based on her age and phsyical condition. Am I wrong in this? Any help is very appreciated.


ETA I''ve e-mailed my criminal law professor but she''s out of town for the week, and I really need to find out before then. Thanks again.

WHAT?!?!?!

I have no legal advice to give you, I''m just shocked that a place where one goes to worship God would ban someone. I totally agree, that is very hyprocritical and judgemental.

I feel horrible for your great grandmother!

 

[XChick03]

Date: 3/3/2006 9:53:26 AM
Author: portoar
My heart goes out to your great-grandmother. You''ve received some excellent suggestions here.


I guess if I''m going to add anything, it''s to say that when you do call, be polite, don''t sound angry or upset -- that will just put the minister on the defensive.


There are many agencies that counsel and help elders, both social services and local senior centers -- I think you should do a little research to find one in your granparents'' community, contact them and have them come out to talk with your g-grandfather and g-grandmother -- to help them to handle this new situation with the church. They may be able to lend some support in terms of talking with the minister, arranging volunteers to accompany your g-grandmother to church to supervise and help her while she''s at church. Perhaps if the church knew that a volunteer was coming with her to supervise and assist they would relent. The object here isn''t really what''s legal or not, the object is to get her back into church.


But, there''s more here on the family front than meets the eye:


From reading your posts, it sounds like your g-grandmother has been going to church, and driving, ALONE? Forgive me, but if she has alzheimers, as you say, what is going on here? She has no business going anywhere alone alone, and especially she has no business driving. Your family needs to take this situation as a wake up call, have a family conference about the care of your grandparents, and act responsibly for their care and well-being. In all this you only mention your grandfather, who is 60 miles away. Where are your parents? What family support are your ageing ggandparents getting?



At a miniumum, your ggrandmother should not be driving. A call to her doctor and the local DMV would have her license to drive revoked, and you should do it.


If you or your family can''t drive them places, then call the senior center in their neighborhood. Most senior centers have volunteers who can help with driving to appointments and shopping. If she needs to be in a nursing home, then your family needs to make a visit to your grandparents, help him visit them, and choose a nice home for her. This is not something he should be doing alone. It''s a big step and one that causes intense feelings of guilt, grief, and depression. Reading between the lines, it sounds like your grandparents need some family support right now they''re not getting.


As reprehensible as the minister''s actions are, if you sift you may find a grain of truth. The way he''s gone about this may be wrong, but his actions may stem from some real and valid concerns about your ggrandparents and their well-being. Forgive me if I''m reading this wrong.

No, she doesn''t drive alone. She did about a year or so ago, but she''s declined a lot since then. That''s why her neighbors, who we thought were her friends, drove her and sat with her at church.

I should''ve clarified before. She lives alone, which is why my grandfather, her son, is trying to find a nice nursing home for her. I lived with her until about 3 months ago but when my fiance got relocated, I moved with him. But my great-uncle, her other son, lives just a few blocks from her and he could do a lot more for her.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 3/3/2006 9:53:26 AM
Author: portoar

But, there''s more here on the family front than meets the eye:

From reading your posts, it sounds like your g-grandmother has been going to church, and driving, ALONE? Forgive me, but if she has alzheimers, as you say, what is going on here? She has no business going anywhere alone alone, and especially she has no business driving. Your family needs to take this situation as a wake up call, have a family conference about the care of your grandparents, and act responsibly for their care and well-being. In all this you only mention your grandfather, who is 60 miles away. Where are your parents? What family support are your ageing ggandparents getting?

At a miniumum, your ggrandmother should not be driving. A call to her doctor and the local DMV would have her license to drive revoked, and you should do it.

You misread. Here''s what XChickX said in her opening post:

"The preacher of the church told her not to ever come back and the people who live next door used to give her rides to church since she''s unable to drive but now they refuse."

I read this to mean she was getting rides to church until the preacher banned her, and because of that banning, the people next door refuse to provide a ride.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 3/2/2006 10:26:48 PM
Author: XChick03
The average member is over 70 years old and it'd be like the moronic leading the elderly.

This really makes me feel something is amiss. If true, then it's hard to imagine why your G/G constitutes any more or less of a "fall and hurt herself liability' than any other members.

My instincts could be way off, but I have a feeling this has to do with money. Churches run on donations. If you're accurate about the church being comprised of mostly elderly members, it's not hard to imagine a money connection.

There are schemes all the time that prey on the elderly because they are either confused or someone appeals to their "moral" sense.

That "preying" element set aside, even......it's not hard to imagine that most elderly folks feel strongly about supporting/donating to their church. If there has been a recent change in the way your G/G has been donating, that may be behind this.

You said " the preacher told her not to *ever come back*." That's REALLY strong, and I really feel there's more behind it than simple concern for her welfare. "Don't ever come back" is acrimonious....it's said when relationships end badly. My gut tells me this has to do with money.

 

[fire&ice]

I''m with those that believe something else is going on. Many congregations will even minister at home if the person can not get to church. Either the pastor is a complete moron or something has happened that prompted the "ban".

I don''t think you will have any resolve or action without speaking directly to the pastor. Be polite & try to stay on the best page of what''s best for your ggrandmother & the congregation.

Good luck. I know in the South - "Church" is like their family/social circle. It goes beyond just "worship".

 

[XChick03]

I really doubt this has much to do with money. At least, as far as my grandma goes, not sure about the other members. The only reasonable explanations I can come up with are: 1. The church thinks their doing a good thing by forcing my grandfather to put her in a nursing hom, even though they didn''t bother to ask him about it since he''s already doing that. 2. Its somehow a misunderstanding, which seems unlikely because of what the preacher told my grandfather. 3. The preacher is just a stupid jerk. I was planning to call him today, but then I realized I have no idea how to reach him.

I guess I''ll have to wait until Sunday when I know he''ll be at the church.

 

[Kaleigh]

Can''t you call the church??

 

[Gemklctr]

I think you''ve gotten a lot of good advice here. I am a lawyer and don''t see an obvious legal angle, although that doesn''t mean that with some thought and investigation a creative attorney or one knowledgeable in the fields of church or elderly law (which I''m not) couldn''t come up with something. I do know that we had an issue in my church last year regarding a mentally handicapped parishoner who was disrupting other members during services and prompted a number of complaints. We had similar complaints about my grandmother, who had a severe case of Alzheimers, in her nursing home. You may want to check whether that is what is happening here, especially given the cooperation of your great gandmother''s drivers in the ban.

That said, no matter what the reasoning, the way this was handled is outrageous and the remedy even if there was a significant problem seems draconian. It sounds like you were given a rationalization, not a reasoned explanation/justification, and you should be entitled to at least that. I know my church handled its situation much better, and with much greater consideration for all parties involved. Good luck.

 

[roxy7]

i know this is kind of off topic, but have you decided whether you and your bf are going to move in with your grandmother?

If I were you, I would call an association of Southern Baptist churches and act really really sweet and talk about how your poor lil old grandma and how all she wants to do is go to church. See what they say -- they might talk to the preacher of the church for you.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 3/3/2006 12:08:25 PM
Author: XChick03
I really doubt this has much to do with money. At least, as far as my grandma goes, not sure about the other members. The only reasonable explanations I can come up with are: 1. The church thinks their doing a good thing by forcing my grandfather to put her in a nursing hom, even though they didn''t bother to ask him about it since he''s already doing that. 2. Its somehow a misunderstanding, which seems unlikely because of what the preacher told my grandfather. 3. The preacher is just a stupid jerk. I was planning to call him today, but then I realized I have no idea how to reach him.

I guess I''ll have to wait until Sunday when I know he''ll be at the church.

You know, you''ve said this a few times, and I just have to wonder:

If someone is a jerk, they are a jerk........so why NOW? How long has he been the pastor at this church? Why is this so urgent all of the sudden? What happened that last week was the "draw the line in the sand, don''t ever come back" moment?

 

[XChick03]

Date: 3/3/2006 1:49:23 PM
Author: aljdewey
You know, you''ve said this a few times, and I just have to wonder:


If someone is a jerk, they are a jerk........so why NOW? How long has he been the pastor at this church? Why is this so urgent all of the sudden? What happened that last week was the ''draw the line in the sand, don''t ever come back'' moment?

That''s what I keep wondering, also. There had to be some sort of catalyst you would think.

I mean, he''s never been the nicest person and always kind of brushed my grandma aside whenever she wanted to talk to him, but he''s never just been downright mean to my knowledge. Its all very baffling.

Date: 3/3/2006 1:41:10 PM
Author: roxy7
i know this is kind of off topic, but have you decided whether you and your bf are going to move in with your grandmother?


If I were you, I would call an association of Southern Baptist churches and act really really sweet and talk about how your poor lil old grandma and how all she wants to do is go to church. See what they say -- they might talk to the preacher of the church for you.

After much discussion between my FI, my grandfather, my mom and myself. We''ve all decided that there is just no way Peter and I can give her the care she needs. We think she''d be better in a nursing home where they can provide around-the-clock care. It still makes me sad to think about it, though.

And kaleigh, I was planning on it, but I spoke with my aunt today and she said the only way my grandfather could get in touch with him was calling Wednesday night because they have a Bible study or something like that. He''s not usually at the church except for when there is a service, so I will have to wait until Sunday, I guess.

 

[february2003bride]

XChick-

I just read this thread for the first time and I want to say how sorry I am that your great-grandmother and family is going through this.

Reading through the thread it sounds like the minister would rather just get "rid of" (for lack of a better phrase) your g-grandma for whatever reasons, and they sound more personal and for his benefit than the church''s. And his excuse is one you can''t really argue with; it involves his fear of being held liable is something happens to her in his church and in turn, he also looks like a "great guy"

for thinking about her and her well being. He probably thinks his excuse comes off as caring when it turn, it makes him look like an arse.


Another thought- could something have happened recently at the church, not directly with your g-gma but another elderly church member and now they are trying to cover all of their "bases", so to speak?

Good luck, and again, I''m so sorry

Carrie

 

[Richard Sherwood]

There''s always two reasons for the actions people do.

One, is the reason they state.

Two, is the real reason.

 

[XChick03]

Okay, everyone I finally talked to the preacher myself. I told my FI I was planning to call the man, but he insisted we drive all the way to Charleston to talk to him in person. He just loves my grandma to death. We ran into heavy traffic, but luckily we made it there right when everyone leaving. We took the preacher aside and explained who we were and asked for an explanation. We never told him what we''d heard, except that someone told my great-grandmother she was no longer welcome there, we just waited to see what he''d say. He told us that the people who drove her to church told him they didn''t want to bring her anymore, he never said why, and he told us that he agreed with them because they didn''t want her there unsupervised because she could injure herself and they''d be liable.

 

[Mara]

Date: 3/5/2006 11:50:41 PM
Author: XChick03
Okay, everyone I finally talked to the preacher myself. I told my FI I was planning to call the man, but he insisted we drive all the way to Charleston to talk to him in person. He just loves my grandma to death. We ran into heavy traffic, but luckily we made it there right when everyone leaving. We took the preacher aside and explained who we were and asked for an explanation. We never told him what we''d heard, except that someone told my great-grandmother she was no longer welcome there, we just waited to see what he''d say. He told us that the people who drove her to church told him they didn''t want to bring her anymore, he never said why, and he told us that he agreed with them because they didn''t want her there unsupervised because she could injure herself and they''d be liable.

...and you said?

Did you ask him any pointed questions or after that did you just drive home?

 

[XChick03]

What I said was pretty rude actually. I basically told him he was being ridiculous and pointed out that what he was doing was pretty much the exact opposite of his religion. I also told him the Post and Courrier (Charleston city paper) would probably be interested in hearing about it.

He didn''t say a whole lot after that, just said he had some "church business" to attend to and left.

 

[Mara]

HAH see that is the part I wanted to know.

I would have pressed him for the reason that the couple said they don''t want to drive her anymore. Can you ask them directly? It seems like SOMETHING must have happened?!

 

[XChick03]

Date: 3/6/2006 12:18:16 AM
Author: Mara
HAH see that is the part I wanted to know.


I would have pressed him for the reason that the couple said they don''t want to drive her anymore. Can you ask them directly? It seems like SOMETHING must have happened?!

They either had already left or just didn''t go because I looked and couldn''t find them. The preacher wouldn''t give me a reason, though I asked. He said I''d have to discuss it with them. Still curious about why they''d do that, but the lady has always been a little odd.

 

[Munchkin]

I would have pressed him for the reason that the couple said they don''t want to drive her anymore. Can you ask them directly? It seems like SOMETHING must have happened?!

Finally, a part of this post that I have actual knowledge about! ( I have been hanging back waiting to hear what the preacher said, because I had a feeling there had been a catalyst.) I have done a lot of work with people with Alzheimer''s. It is a very hard illness to be around. It is even harder if the person is not family, which would more likely provide a basis of love, duty, respect, etc.

It can honestly be very stressful and scary to care for a person with Altzheimer''s. In driving your great-grandmother to church, those people took on the role of caretaker for a few hours every week. Even if their agreement was simply to drive her, they were responsible for her safety. That is a daunting concern. For those few hours every week, their stomachs were likely in knots.

Inherent in Alzheimer''s is lack of predictibilty of action, coupled with the loss of reasoning/memory to understand when someone tells you that something is unsafe/unwise. Plus, it is honestly very draining to listen to the same questions/concerns over and over and over. Back in my nurse''s aide days, I was often assigned to be one-to-one companion to alzheimer''s patients. There were entire eight-hour shifts where I was asked "What do I do?" or "Who took my shoes?" literally every two minutes. One night I was in the hospital as a patient, and my roommate had alzheimers. I spent the entire night after my own surgery reassuring her that she was safe.

It sounds to me like it was simply too great of responsibility for these people to handle and the preacher did not explain the situation well. Perhaps they had asked that you not be told they were the reason?

I want to make sure that I don''t come across as a cold person here! I truly am a caring individual, I just think that most people don''t understand how emotionally, mentally and physically draining it can truly be to spend even a few hours with a person with advanced alzheimer''s. If these neighbors are of advanced age themselves, they are likely also scared for their own safety if she acts in an unpredictible manner or falls, potentially onto them.

What I am trying to say is that is sounds like it just became too great of a responsibility for them, and wouldn''t fault them for that. If it had been me, however, I would have brought that directly to the attention of your family. The preacher could have also suggested alternative transportation or a nurse''s aide service that could accompany her to church. This was handled poorly.

Munchkin