An internet Dating Profile for Perry

[yssie]

Date: 2/25/2010 4:08:53 AM
Author: crasru
I have an idea: why doesn't Perry post his initial one, then another one adjusted according to TG's advices, another one changed according to someone else's advices...and sees whichever gets more answers. He can post as many as he wants, can he not? It is all about learning how to 'win the hearts'.

Another thing: I know a guy who writes excellent prose. If he posts a profile, women will be attracted to him like butterflies to lamplight. But he has a trait. A serious squint. He is also tongue-tied in real life. So any woman would pass him up IRL.

What I mean to say is that it still has to be close to reality. And it has to be Perry's because he can not take TG with him as a 'date advisor'.

Re. cats. I suspect this is not the main reason you did not like these women. If Angelina Jolie came to the first date carrying a cat, what would you say? I think it is the whole gamut: women with a 'baggage', and a cat, and eating god knows what...

Mentioning tires and cats is a bad idea. Don't bother me with your tires, and with your cats... Independence involves so much, but being able to change a tire has nothing to do with it. If she is able to change a tire, to fix a running faucet and is happy with her cat...why need a man in her life?

Another funny ad: 'Middle-aged man, honest, financially secure, looking for integrity, tenderness, understanding...and something to eat, please'.

Oh, I can change the tire, fix the leaky faucet, and cuddle my cats, but I do need FI for poop-scooping and dishwashing

Casablanca, your post made me laugh out loud



Haven - that's incredibly generous of you, to post your personal profile to help out here

You both sound so sweet, and so nicely matched!



Just one more of many success stories - my good friend is with someone she met online. They're perfect for each other. Both lied about height and hair colour

 

[perry]

Date: 2/25/2010 4:08:53 AM
Author: crasru
I have an idea: why doesn''t Perry post his initial one, then another one adjusted according to TG''s advices, another one changed according to someone else''s advices...and sees whichever gets more answers. He can post as many as he wants, can he not? It is all about learning how to ''win the hearts''.

----------


Re. cats. I suspect this is not the main reason you did not like these women. If Angelina Jolie came to the first date carrying a cat, what would you say? I think it is the whole gamut: women with a ''baggage'', and a cat, and eating god knows what...

----------

Mentioning tires and cats is a bad idea. Don''t bother me with your tires, and with your cats... Independence involves so much, but being able to change a tire has nothing to do with it. If she is able to change a tire, to fix a running faucet and is happy with her cat...why need a man in her life?

At some point I will post a revised one. But I''m trying to understand some of the advice - and figure out how it applies.



Concerning the cats. What I do not understand is why so many people do not understand that I am allergic to cats. Within minutes my eyes start to get puffy, my cheeks swell and a few minutes later my throat starts to swell shut (this can all start to happen within 10 minutes if I am in the "wrong" house). I can even react to the dander on a person''s clothing (although usually slower). That''s the initial reaction - the secondary reaction makes me run down for several days.

Now I will admit that this is not the real reason I don''t like these women. The real reason is by the time I start reacting to the dander on their clothing they have directly lied to me about having cats - to a very direct question with an explanation that I am allergic to them.

Why is it that if I tell someone that I am allergic to peanuts they believe me.... and would never think of exposing me to peanuts.

If I tell someone that I am allergic to cats - half the time I am told by people who admit they have cats that "we''ll we have a zyx cat that people are not allergic too." (I just had this conversation last week with a lady co-worker who was planning a get-together at their house: but the conversation is very re-occuring).

I''d like an explanation why so many ladies somehow feel that I''m not really allergic to cats - that this is not a real problem (or a real reason), and that their cats somehow would not be a problem. Am I supposed to carry an epi-pen with me to these dates and land in the emergency room....


Concerning the flat tire example: That was not in my profile, that was an explanation of a point on the type of lady I was looking for.

Ladies, what do you do if you are single and you have a flat tire - especially if you separated by a significant distance (I understand if you are just a few miles away and I can come and change it for you)? You either change it yourself or you call an appropriate service provider to take care of it. If the tire is destroyed you have it replaced (and depending on the condition of the other tires you will likely buy either a pair or a full set).

Why does the fact that you are in a relationship with me change that? Flat tires happen, tires get destroyed, tires have to be replaced. I understand that. In the case identified we are separated by several hundred miles. I just feel that in the face of a simple problem with an obvious solution that a lady should be able to just take care of what needs to be done without seeking my permission. For a major, or time sensitive, plumbing or heating problem - call the plumber or heating contractor as well.

I know that this may not apply to any of you - but there is a school of thought out there that a lady should play dumb (if it were) to make her guy feel smart and needed. That''s a total turn off for me. I want someone who can think on their own and handle the small stuff. There are enough other larger issues in life to discuss between us.

For those that don''t understand the point - that is fine. I suspect there are those of you who do.

Perry

 

[LadyBlue]

Perry, I totally understand your cat allergy. I think is demeaning to don''t take that seriously.

About the flat tire. I do understand that she should be able to handle situations like this, but, at the same time, you should want to know when something like this happen. It does not matter if you can do or can not do anything about that. You should be there to share the good, the bad, the boring, the obnoxious, the day a day. You should want to be there for her.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 2/25/2010 9:26:47 AM
Author: perry
Why is it that if I tell someone that I am allergic to peanuts they believe me.... and would never think of exposing me to peanuts.

Because a peanut is not a living, breathing creature they have developed an attachment to, but would be willing to work with you about the cat if they liked you enough. I''d personally feel pretty darn special that they wanted to give me enough of a chance that the cat would not be as important as me.

That said, if you dated them for months and THEN found out they had a cat they were hiding, that would be different. But for the initial first few dates, it isn''t as big a deal as you make it seem - unless they rub dander in your nose.

 

[somethingshiny]

Ditto gaby.

People who don''t take your allergy seriously are simply self-centered. You don''t want them anyway. However, I don''t think your allergy needs to be in your profile. This is something that can be discussed if and when you want to date a woman.

Flat tire: I change my own tires, do minor household and car repairs and maintenance. I know that DH takes comfort in knowing if I''m a 1000 miles away and something happens, I can take care of it. I think he''s pretty much in your camp for a woman taking care of herself. HOWEVER, Do you think I could do all of this when we first got together?? Not really. DH and I have enjoyed time together while he''s taught me car maintenance, we''ve worked and learned together how to manage plumbing, electricity, cabinetry, drywall, flooring, etc. Working on the house is one of our favorite things to do together. Don''t discount a woman who can''t change a tire (or do other "simple" tasks) she may just not have learned yet. You''ll get an idea upon talking with a woman if she has any intentions of expanding her skills or not. I really do get this part for you. I wouldn''t date a man who couldn''t change a tire. But, if he had lots of other good qualities, I''d teach him.

That''s the reason the "independence" issue does not need to be in your profile.



While I like TG''s revised profile, it really wouldn''t work for you. That''s not how you talk and THAT will be a lie. However, she had a great way of pulling in the reader and stirring something. That''s the feel you should try to create.

 

[LadyBlue]

Date: 2/25/2010 9:59:42 AM
Author: MonkeyPie

Date: 2/25/2010 9:26:47 AM
Author: perry
Why is it that if I tell someone that I am allergic to peanuts they believe me.... and would never think of exposing me to peanuts.

Because a peanut is not a living, breathing creature they have developed an attachment to, but would be willing to work with you about the cat if they liked you enough. I''d personally feel pretty darn special that they wanted to give me enough of a chance that the cat would not be as important as me.

That said, if you dated them for months and THEN found out they had a cat they were hiding, that would be different. But for the initial first few dates, it isn''t as big a deal as you make it seem - unless they rub dander in your nose.

Monkey, how would you feel if your son has cat allergy. And you and your son are invited to a b-day party. You ask the mom is there is any cat and she said NO, you go to the party and your son start feeling sick, you discover she has cat lock in a room. Your son get worst and you end up in ER.

Would you still interested in being friends with this women?

I don''t understand why Perry has to endup sick because he met a women that lie. I''m sure there are so many women without cats that he can meet. I think someone lying like that does not deserve a second chance, It would be different if he meet a women who has a cat and he still want to pursue a relationship. The lying is big no-no in my book.

 

[Erin]

The point isn''t why you would add that bit about the flat tire. The point is, like the rest of your profile, it reads like a dictionary entry on female independence. What in the world does that have to do with why I might choose to contact you for a date?

 

[princesss]

Perry, about the flat tire thing:

I am perfectly capable of changing a flat tire. I know where the jack is, where the spare tire is, how to take off the flat and put on the spare. But that doesn''t mean that if my tire blows in the middle of the highway and I have to make my way to the side amongst a bunch of cars going 75 mph and change it myself, I''m not going to be stressed. I rely on my BF to be emotional back up. Logically, from 200 miles away, he can''t do anything about the flat. But he can do something about my emotional state. He can calm me down so that I am able to change the tire without feeling stressed out and scared. I can let out all of the frustration and fear and then be able to function properly. If I wasn''t with him, I''d call my best friend for the exact same reason. I''m in NC and she''s in OR - realistically, she can''t do anything. But moral support means a lot.

I think that''s why so many of the ladies here are reacting badly to that - you essentially said you''re not there for moral support by saying you expect her to just take care of it and not bother you.

 

[Loves Vintage]

Hi - Just a few thoughts:

In response to Crasu's comment, no you wouldn't really be able to put multiple profiles up on the same dating site. People sort of get to know who is on the site. It would be obvious if it were the same person with different profiles, and it would seem very odd.

Speaking of photos, Perry, if you do decide to go back to a more mainstream site and change up your profile, I would also recommend changing your photos. I on-line dated too and met my DH on Match.com, yay! Anyway, I live in a more population-dense area than it sounds like you do, yet I still got used to the men who had been on there before solely based on their photos. If I had read through the person's profile, and determined I was not interested, I would skate past their profiles when searching through again. My point is that if/when you modify the content of your profile, you should also change your photos so that your potential matches don't write you off automatically based on your prior profile and never make it to the new content of your posting.

Regarding photos, my DH had posted photos of himself that he took of himself on his porch. He had different facial expressions in each one, that revealed his quirky cuteness. I had forgotten about them, but looked at them yesterday after Haven posted about having saved their profiles. He also had some underwater scuba photos, which were neat, but did not draw me in. He could have been anybody in those photos (full scuba gear), but they did tell me about one activity he enjoyed. So, I think at least one nice clear shot taken from a non-professional perspective is required, and at least one other taken out and about somewhere. The park would work, for me, anyway. We are all different!

Definitely include the pie in your posting! In DH's profile, he indicated that he makes Pad Thai. Are you kidding me?? I loved that (and still do)!

Regarding the flat tire, yes, I could figure out who to call by myself in the event of a flat tire, but I would call DH too. It is not a typical every day event. I would not need him to come out to fix it, but he would want to know about me being stuck on the side of the road, regardless of where that road was located.

I will post more as I think of it. This is turning into a great thread, Perry. I second the poster who said you are brave for putting yourself out here!

 

[perry]

Date: 2/25/2010 9:59:42 AM
Author: MonkeyPie

Date: 2/25/2010 9:26:47 AM

Author: perry

Why is it that if I tell someone that I am allergic to peanuts they believe me.... and would never think of exposing me to peanuts.

Because a peanut is not a living, breathing creature they have developed an attachment to, but would be willing to work with you about the cat if they liked you enough. I''d personally feel pretty darn special that they wanted to give me enough of a chance that the cat would not be as important as me.


That said, if you dated them for months and THEN found out they had a cat they were hiding, that would be different. But for the initial first few dates, it isn''t as big a deal as you make it seem - unless they rub dander in your nose.

Guess how I find out they have cats....

Because I start reacting to the dander on their cloths - on the very first meeting; and long before we even hug.

Also, they have already heard an explanation that I am highly allergic to cats - that I can react just to cat dander on clothing - and lied to me about having a cat. I note that in all cases - after I start reacting - that they then admit that they have a cat (or cats).

Now you can have your own opinion on when an issue is a "big deal" in your relationships -- but when I start reacting, and have to deal with the effects (which includes rapid separation as act to minimize any worsening of the reaction) - and they admit that they lied to me and start giving excuses.... its a big deal from a relationship standpoint for me.

Perry

 

[MonkeyPie]

Look, I''m not saying the cat allergy is not a BIG DEAL - what I am saying is that if they honestly want to make it work with you, they show up with freshly-washed clothes and simply don''t make mention of the cat. I''m not talking about some jerk that shows up covered in cat hair, ok? I''m talking about someone that shows up without a trace of kitty lingering and tries to give you a chance after you honestly tell them about the allergy.

And inviting me to their house is completely different, gaby. There is no way they could clean the place for one night without kitty hanging about. No, I would not be friends with this person, but the situation I am talking about is not the same - it would be meeting in a kitty-free place, like a coffee shop.

 

[monarch64]

Perry, am I correct in interpreting your remarks about this tire thing as you need a woman who is not going to freak out and sweat the small stuff like a flat tire when you''re not right there to do anything about it? I think that''s what I''m hearing, not that you require a woman who can change her own tire and keep it to herself.

I don''t know how to change a tire, but I know how to use a cell phone to call someone nearby to come and help. And if my SO were 200 miles away I wouldn''t be calling him freaking out about it. I''d certainly mention it to him the next time we talked and I''m sure he would be sympathetic, but what really can he do at the time my tire goes flat if he is, in fact, 200 miles away and not present to do anything about it but listen to me whine?

Perry, your approach to life is methodical and logical, you base decisions more upon fact/data and logic rather than emotion. Many women base their decisions on a different ratio of fact/data to emotion, that is to say reactions or decisions are more emotional in nature than fact-based in comparison to men''s. I think what you''re looking for is someone who understands you, how you think, how you go about things, and is not very very very emotionally needy. That''s nothing out of the ordinary, most of us don''t really like a "clinger."

It''s the way you put things, or your approach that is off-putting and makes you come across as somewhat callous and unwelcoming. The content, or who you are, isn''t the problem. What you want is not the problem. It''s figuring out how to convey your message in an appealing way that you need to work on.

 

[perry]

Date: 2/25/2010 10:22:37 AM
Author: princesss
Perry, about the flat tire thing:


I am perfectly capable of changing a flat tire. I know where the jack is, where the spare tire is, how to take off the flat and put on the spare. But that doesn''t mean that if my tire blows in the middle of the highway and I have to make my way to the side amongst a bunch of cars going 75 mph and change it myself, I''m not going to be stressed. I rely on my BF to be emotional back up. Logically, from 200 miles away, he can''t do anything about the flat. But he can do something about my emotional state. He can calm me down so that I am able to change the tire without feeling stressed out and scared. I can let out all of the frustration and fear and then be able to function properly. If I wasn''t with him, I''d call my best friend for the exact same reason. I''m in NC and she''s in OR - realistically, she can''t do anything. But moral support means a lot.


I think that''s why so many of the ladies here are reacting badly to that - you essentially said you''re not there for moral support by saying you expect her to just take care of it and not bother you.

No problem with providing emotional support; and feel free to call me about the situation. But, I do not expect to be asked in all seriousness "what am I to do" in the face of the obvious.

By the way, the flat tire example is a real event - from a lady who spent her teenage summers and other free time working in her fathers auto and transmission repair shop. Who could twist wrenches as well as I could, and knew more about brakes, transmissions, and other things that I did. So the call comes in (long before cell phones); and back in the days when flat tires were a lot more common than today (tires have really improved). "Oh my, sob sob, I''ve got a flat tire.... What am I supposed to do..." Worse yet, in the resulting conversation she can see a service station from where she is sitting. This was not the only incident along those lines.

Interestingly, a short while latter when that relationship ended one of the key stated "flaws" that I had was that would stop and help people broken down along side the road (this was before cell phones). I took that criticism as the final evidence that she was not right for me.

Even today, I still stop and help people along side the road. Sometimes I give them a ride somewhere. Once in a while I change a tire or can do a simple mechanical repair. I''ve bought more than a few people a few gallons of gas (often at my expense); and even filled a few tanks at my expense as well.

Perry

 

[LadyBlue]

Date: 2/25/2010 10:37:07 AM
Author: MonkeyPie
Look, I''m not saying the cat allergy is not a BIG DEAL - what I am saying is that if they honestly want to make it work with you, they show up with freshly-washed clothes and simply don''t make mention of the cat. I''m not talking about some jerk that shows up covered in cat hair, ok? I''m talking about someone that shows up without a trace of kitty lingering and tries to give you a chance after you honestly tell them about the allergy.

And inviting me to their house is completely different, gaby. There is no way they could clean the place for one night without kitty hanging about. No, I would not be friends with this person, but the situation I am talking about is not the same - it would be meeting in a kitty-free place, like a coffee shop.

Hi Monkey, I don''t have cats, but I had dogs. I just can not see how I can be pet free, my dogs hair used to be everywhere, my car, clothes, purse, everywhere. Even if I were clothes out of the washer I don''t see how it can be pet free. I just can not believe that.

I do no have any allergy, but my nephew and nice have gluten allergy, and I see how her mom is paranoid about that. So I just think If my kids were to have an allergy as well. I hope people will be honest with me about that.

 

[perry]

Date: 2/25/2010 10:37:23 AM
Author: monarch64
Perry, am I correct in interpreting your remarks about this tire thing as you need a woman who is not going to freak out and sweat the small stuff like a flat tire when you''re not right there to do anything about it? I think that''s what I''m hearing, not that you require a woman who can change her own tire and keep it to herself.


I don''t know how to change a tire, but I know how to use a cell phone to call someone nearby to come and help. And if my SO were 200 miles away I wouldn''t be calling him freaking out about it. I''d certainly mention it to him the next time we talked and I''m sure he would be sympathetic, but what really can he do at the time my tire goes flat if he is, in fact, 200 miles away and not present to do anything about it but listen to me whine?


Perry, your approach to life is methodical and logical, you base decisions more upon fact/data and logic rather than emotion. Many women base their decisions on a different ratio of fact/data to emotion, that is to say reactions or decisions are more emotional in nature than fact-based in comparison to men''s. I think what you''re looking for is someone who understands you, how you think, how you go about things, and is not very very very emotionally needy. That''s nothing out of the ordinary, most of us don''t really like a ''clinger.''


It''s the way you put things, or your approach that is off-putting and makes you come across as somewhat callous and unwelcoming. The content, or who you are, isn''t the problem. What you want is not the problem. It''s figuring out how to convey your message in an appealing way that you need to work on.

Bingo....

I think you have described the situation better than anyone else. Toss in the "experimental" nature to try different things when things are not working (or when I am looking for a better solution).

Thanks,

Perry

 

[Loves Vintage]

Date: 2/25/2010 10:50:47 AM
Author: perry

Date: 2/25/2010 10:22:37 AM
Author: princesss
Perry, about the flat tire thing:


I am perfectly capable of changing a flat tire. I know where the jack is, where the spare tire is, how to take off the flat and put on the spare. But that doesn't mean that if my tire blows in the middle of the highway and I have to make my way to the side amongst a bunch of cars going 75 mph and change it myself, I'm not going to be stressed. I rely on my BF to be emotional back up. Logically, from 200 miles away, he can't do anything about the flat. But he can do something about my emotional state. He can calm me down so that I am able to change the tire without feeling stressed out and scared. I can let out all of the frustration and fear and then be able to function properly. If I wasn't with him, I'd call my best friend for the exact same reason. I'm in NC and she's in OR - realistically, she can't do anything. But moral support means a lot.


I think that's why so many of the ladies here are reacting badly to that - you essentially said you're not there for moral support by saying you expect her to just take care of it and not bother you.

No problem with providing emotional support; and feel free to call me about the situation. But, I do not expect to be asked in all seriousness 'what am I to do' in the face of the obvious.

By the way, the flat tire example is a real event - from a lady who spent her teenage summers and other free time working in her fathers auto and transmission repair shop. Who could twist wrenches as well as I could, and knew more about brakes, transmissions, and other things that I did. So the call comes in (long before cell phones); and back in the days when flat tires were a lot more common than today (tires have really improved). 'Oh my, sob sob, I've got a flat tire.... What am I supposed to do...' Worse yet, in the resulting conversation she can see a service station from where she is sitting. This was not the only incident along those lines.

Interestingly, a short while latter when that relationship ended one of the key stated 'flaws' that I had was that would stop and help people broken down along side the road (this was before cell phones). I took that criticism as the final evidence that she was not right for me.

Even today, I still stop and help people along side the road. Sometimes I give them a ride somewhere. Once in a while I change a tire or can do a simple mechanical repair. I've bought more than a few people a few gallons of gas (often at my expense); and even filled a few tanks at my expense as well.

Perry

This should be in your profile, Perry!!! This is who you are! In my on-line dating days, I would have wanted to reply to your profile on the basis of this statement alone, however, I would not have due to my multiple cats.

But, I digress. Anyway, I would not include in your profile the part about paying for gas at your expense. It's ok to tell us here, but I would not include that in a profile because it does not read well. It just wouldn't be relevant to me that you paid for the gas and might sound a bit braggy, not sure if that's the right word, but you know what I mean, maybe. What is relevant is that you stop to help!! It tells me that you have a kind heart, without saying it directly!!

 

[princesss]

Thanks for clearing that up, Perry. I'd be frustrated in your position as well if that happened to me.

I think part of the problem with what you wrote at first is that there's a lot of back story that's being omitted, and because it's all put in the negative, all we see is "I won't help when you're in trouble," rather than, "I really admire women who can take care of themselves."

ETA: I totally agree with LV about including the part about stopping to help people on the side of the road. It's like a creative writing class - SHOW the women what they'll be getting, don't TELL them.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 2/25/2010 10:55:00 AM
Author: perry

Date: 2/25/2010 10:37:23 AM
Author: monarch64
Perry, am I correct in interpreting your remarks about this tire thing as you need a woman who is not going to freak out and sweat the small stuff like a flat tire when you''re not right there to do anything about it? I think that''s what I''m hearing, not that you require a woman who can change her own tire and keep it to herself.


I don''t know how to change a tire, but I know how to use a cell phone to call someone nearby to come and help. And if my SO were 200 miles away I wouldn''t be calling him freaking out about it. I''d certainly mention it to him the next time we talked and I''m sure he would be sympathetic, but what really can he do at the time my tire goes flat if he is, in fact, 200 miles away and not present to do anything about it but listen to me whine?


Perry, your approach to life is methodical and logical, you base decisions more upon fact/data and logic rather than emotion. Many women base their decisions on a different ratio of fact/data to emotion, that is to say reactions or decisions are more emotional in nature than fact-based in comparison to men''s. I think what you''re looking for is someone who understands you, how you think, how you go about things, and is not very very very emotionally needy. That''s nothing out of the ordinary, most of us don''t really like a ''clinger.''


It''s the way you put things, or your approach that is off-putting and makes you come across as somewhat callous and unwelcoming. The content, or who you are, isn''t the problem. What you want is not the problem. It''s figuring out how to convey your message in an appealing way that you need to work on.

Bingo....

I think you have described the situation better than anyone else. Toss in the ''experimental'' nature to try different things when things are not working (or when I am looking for a better solution).

Thanks,

Perry

You''re welcome. I think you might want to talk a bit about your approach to life in your new profile. You are welcome to include anything I wrote in my reply. And like the above poster mentioned/highlighted, I think you should also include that you are compassionate and like to help others...the roadside assistance anecdote shows your caring side.

 

[neatfreak]

Perry, if you like to help people on the side of the road, then you don't want to go anywhere NEAR mentioning that you want a girl who won't call you.

You don't want a woman who won't call-you just want a girl who can handle situations calmly and does not need your help for every little thing. So you're looking for someone who has an independent streak-it's not that you are a man who doesn't want to be there to support someone in a time of need. You just want them to be independent for some things.

You want to spin that and say that you want a woman with an independent streak, or a woman who doesn't sweat the small stuff. Something like that. Otherwise you sound like a mean man who won't be there to support her if she really needed you.

I also think you should mention that you are compassionate and like to help others as the poster above me mentioned. That is a GOOD trait to mention. VERY positive which your profile needs.

 

[katamari]

Perry, do you honestly think it is appropriate to refer to adult women as gals and ladies? Numerous posters have suggested that the way you speak about women is derogatory, and you seem to never address this and keep referring to women this way.

In reading your responses, I, and others, find incredible inconsistencies in what you want. You mention you want a strong, independent person who is calm and collected in the face of hardship. But, this post stems from you wanting to find a young women to financially support as a dating strategy (where you also were completely unaware of the power dynamic this might create). In this post, you want someone who won''t seek help or advice when in a stressful situation and you want someone to conform to your expectations and needs. I am sorry, but no strong, independent woman would be taken to being called a "gal" or a "lady." They are less likely to be interested in your pity or support and they likely won''t be interested in reforming their established lives (because I am assuming you are seeking women your own age) to meet your needs.

I think the sooner you realize this, the more likely to are to find a match. Your expectations are setting you up for failure. If you want a submissive woman that you will have to be there to emotionally support, or if you want an independent woman you will have to make some sacrifices for you both to retain your independence. There is nothing wrong with either, but you will continue to be hard pressed to find someone who is both. In my reading of your post, I would conclude that you want a submissive woman and that being honest about that would help you meet someone.

I also think it is incredibly odd that you are so willing to help strangers but seem very resistant to helping potential partners. I say this in seriousness, but it seems like you are comfortable with financial support but not with emotional support. The "sugar dad" thing might honestly work for you and it might honestly be a good avenue to pursue, but you have to be fine that you will find a submissive partner this way. And she may also be emotionally needy.

 

[TravelingGal]

OK, re: the cat thing, Perry I''m with you on that one. I am also very allergic to cats. People who aren''t allergic to anything don''t get this. And cat allergies are vicious because it''s not just the cat. Cats, peanuts, it doesn''t matter...it''s a horrible thing to not be able to breathe. I''m not as bad as having my allergy start up by just meeting someone with dander on her clothes, but once after TGuy hugged his cat, I realized 3 hours later when we were up in our wine country retreat (away from the cat) when I started wheezing and I joked that I was allergic to TGuy, then saw with horror that he had cat hair on his clothes (I was cuddling with him on the couch). I couldn''t breathe well for 30 minutes or so, and he had to dispose of the shirt and take a shower.

There is nothing you can do if someone has a cat. Their house is off limits. No amount of cleaning will let me in the house without having my air passages close up. Dander sticks to things for months and months after the cat is gone. My inlaws have 4 cats, and when they knew I was coming to visit, kept the cats outside for 2 weeks prior and she cleaned the house thoroughly. No dice...I suffered really badly. The next year when I visited, they decided they loved having me come visit more than the cats being able to be inside, and decided that 6 months prior, they cats would be permanently outside in an awesome enclosed area my FIL built for the cats. And yet, I still struggled with the allergy from time to time, especially when we sat outside.

And even though they loved me enough to do that, they all still decided to have Christmas at TGuy''s sister''s house, who guess what, owned a cat who lived indoors.

People just forget about people''s allergies. It''s an annoyance and often believed to be in their heads. So Perry, I''d put it in your profile in a nice way. Something like, "I love animals, but cats don''t like me as I am allergic and cause my airways to constrict very tightly. Please ladies, I enjoy breathing so sadly I would be a useless partner to a cat-owner if I were to be dead." Perhaps if you don''t just write "allergy" but DEMONSTRATE the serious reaction you get, any cat owners will realize and respect that. No one wants to be the cause of death.

Re: flat tires, Perry, there is a lot you can do from 200 miles away. If she doesn''t know how to change one, she might be prone to panic. You could emotionally help her. Also assuming you are not in a long distance relationship, we can safely assume that 200 miles away is not home for her. You could look up where the nearest mechanic is for her if you are in front a computer and she''s not. You can call places to see if they can come to assistance on the road. You can help her pinpoint where exactly she is if she doesn''t know because it''s a strange area.

You said yourself, men and women are different creatures. If you are going to have a woman in your life, you''d darn better learn how to interact with one, even though you think she should behave differently than the way YOU think she should.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/25/2010 11:28:44 AM
Author: katamari
Perry, do you honestly think it is appropriate to refer to adult women as gals and ladies? Numerous posters have suggested that the way you speak about women is derogatory, and you seem to never address this and keep referring to women this way.

In reading your responses, I, and others, find incredible inconsistencies in what you want. You mention you want a strong, independent person who is calm and collected in the face of hardship. But, this post stems from you wanting to find a young women to financially support as a dating strategy (where you also were completely unaware of the power dynamic this might create). In this post, you want someone who won''t seek help or advice when in a stressful situation and you want someone to conform to your expectations and needs. I am sorry, but no strong, independent woman would be taken to being called a ''gal'' or a ''lady.'' They are less likely to be interested in your pity or support and they likely won''t be interested in reforming their established lives (because I am assuming you are seeking women your own age) to meet your needs.

I think the sooner you realize this, the more likely to are to find a match. Your expectations are setting you up for failure. If you want a submissive woman that you will have to be there to emotionally support, or if you want an independent woman you will have to make some sacrifices for you both to retain your independence. There is nothing wrong with either, but you will continue to be hard pressed to find someone who is both. In my reading of your post, I would conclude that you want a submissive woman and that being honest about that would help you meet someone.

I also think it is incredibly odd that you are so willing to help strangers but seem very resistant to helping potential partners. I say this in seriousness, but it seems like you are comfortable with financial support but not with emotional support. The ''sugar dad'' thing might honestly work for you and it might honestly be a good avenue to pursue, but you have to be fine that you will find a submissive partner this way. And she may also be emotionally needy.

OK, gal and lady all over a personal ad may sound a bit much, but I don''t mind being called either a gal, or a lady. Heck, I call myself TravelingGAL.

 

[jewelz617]

Yeah, I don''t mind being called a gal either. Maybe it''s a regional thing, but my husband is from the South and that''s pretty common down there. So is saying "Sir" and "Ma''am" which I''ve found lots of people take offense to up North.

 

[princesss]

Date: 2/25/2010 11:42:31 AM
Author: PinkAsscher678
Yeah, I don''t mind being called a gal either. Maybe it''s a regional thing, but my husband is from the South and that''s pretty common down there. So is saying ''Sir'' and ''Ma''am'' which I''ve found lots of people take offense to up North.

What part is he from? I''ve lived in the South for almost 6 years, and I''ve never been called a "gal." "Sweetie," "Honey," "Darlin''," and "Sugar," yes. But "gal"? Never.

 

[monarch64]

Isn''t "gal" the equivalent of "guy?" I view it as just an informal word for woman. I don''t understand how it implies weak or lesser than. At all. Am I not supposed to refer to my female friends as "gal pals" or "the gals?" Sheesh.

 

[jewelz617]

Date: 2/25/2010 11:47:07 AM
Author: princesss

Date: 2/25/2010 11:42:31 AM

Author: PinkAsscher678

Yeah, I don''t mind being called a gal either. Maybe it''s a regional thing, but my husband is from the South and that''s pretty common down there. So is saying ''Sir'' and ''Ma''am'' which I''ve found lots of people take offense to up North.

What part is he from? I''ve lived in the South for almost 6 years, and I''ve never been called a ''gal.'' ''Sweetie,'' ''Honey,'' ''Darlin'','' and ''Sugar,'' yes. But ''gal''? Never.

He''s originally from Tennessee but we met in Virginia. His parents are from Mississippi maybe that''s where he picked it up, but he''s always said it.

 

[katamari]

I suppose I should specify. I think "ladies" can be a term of endearment and, so long as you know the people that you are referring to are comfortable with it, it could be used inoffensively. I do think it is infantalizing to strangers and/or people you are trying to build a partnership with. And, I stand by that a middle-aged man using it to refer to a search for strong, independent women is suspect.

 

[princesss]

Date: 2/25/2010 11:49:34 AM
Author: monarch64
Isn''t ''gal'' the equivalent of ''guy?'' I view it as just an informal word for woman. I don''t understand how it implies weak or lesser than. At all. Am I not supposed to refer to my female friends as ''gal pals'' or ''the gals?'' Sheesh.

IMO, "gal" is a word that depends on context. From an older man to a younger woman, it can come off as demeaning, whereas from an older man to an older woman it''s a common colloquialism, and from a woman talking about her friends, it''s a term of endearment.

Think about "honey" or "hon" - in some situations it seems totally natural, but in others it can make you uncomfortable. It''s all context.

 

[TravelingGal]

I think gal is fine in regular ol'' speech for many. But probably easier to steer clear of it in personal ads, along with lady, for the most part. Just use the word woman. However, I think when addressing the feminine sex as a group, "ladies" is fine and better than "gals" in a personal ad. Just like "gentlemen" is far more polite than saying "hey guys".

Words not to use at ALL in a personal ad when looking for a woman:

Chicks
Girl
Cougar
MILF

 

[katamari]

Date: 2/25/2010 11:49:34 AM
Author: monarch64
Isn''t ''gal'' the equivalent of ''guy?'' I view it as just an informal word for woman. I don''t understand how it implies weak or lesser than. At all. Am I not supposed to refer to my female friends as ''gal pals'' or ''the gals?'' Sheesh.

They are both an informal terms to refer to non-adults that are also non-children. If your friends are comfortable with it, that is their prerogative, and it would be in a different context than referring to adult strangers similarly.