An internet Dating Profile for Perry

[princesss]

Date: 2/25/2010 11:54:33 AM
Author: PinkAsscher678

Date: 2/25/2010 11:47:07 AM
Author: princesss

Date: 2/25/2010 11:42:31 AM

Author: PinkAsscher678

Yeah, I don''t mind being called a gal either. Maybe it''s a regional thing, but my husband is from the South and that''s pretty common down there. So is saying ''Sir'' and ''Ma''am'' which I''ve found lots of people take offense to up North.

What part is he from? I''ve lived in the South for almost 6 years, and I''ve never been called a ''gal.'' ''Sweetie,'' ''Honey,'' ''Darlin'','' and ''Sugar,'' yes. But ''gal''? Never.

He''s originally from Tennessee but we met in Virginia. His parents are from Mississippi maybe that''s where he picked it up, but he''s always said it.

Gotcha. I''ve been more in the southeast, and I''ve never heard "gal" - here the progression seems to be "girl" to "lady" with nothing in between.

It used to drive me nuts that BF called all of his girl friends "darlin" but I''ve gotten used to it, and now I kind of think it''s adorable.

 

[winternight]

Date: 2/25/2010 10:50:47 AM
Author: perry

Date: 2/25/2010 10:22:37 AM
Author: princesss
Perry, about the flat tire thing:


I am perfectly capable of changing a flat tire. I know where the jack is, where the spare tire is, how to take off the flat and put on the spare. But that doesn''t mean that if my tire blows in the middle of the highway and I have to make my way to the side amongst a bunch of cars going 75 mph and change it myself, I''m not going to be stressed. I rely on my BF to be emotional back up. Logically, from 200 miles away, he can''t do anything about the flat. But he can do something about my emotional state. He can calm me down so that I am able to change the tire without feeling stressed out and scared. I can let out all of the frustration and fear and then be able to function properly. If I wasn''t with him, I''d call my best friend for the exact same reason. I''m in NC and she''s in OR - realistically, she can''t do anything. But moral support means a lot.


I think that''s why so many of the ladies here are reacting badly to that - you essentially said you''re not there for moral support by saying you expect her to just take care of it and not bother you.

No problem with providing emotional support; and feel free to call me about the situation. But, I do not expect to be asked in all seriousness ''what am I to do'' in the face of the obvious.

By the way, the flat tire example is a real event - from a lady who spent her teenage summers and other free time working in her fathers auto and transmission repair shop. Who could twist wrenches as well as I could, and knew more about brakes, transmissions, and other things that I did. So the call comes in (long before cell phones); and back in the days when flat tires were a lot more common than today (tires have really improved). ''Oh my, sob sob, I''ve got a flat tire.... What am I supposed to do...'' Worse yet, in the resulting conversation she can see a service station from where she is sitting. This was not the only incident along those lines.

Interestingly, a short while latter when that relationship ended one of the key stated ''flaws'' that I had was that would stop and help people broken down along side the road (this was before cell phones). I took that criticism as the final evidence that she was not right for me.

Even today, I still stop and help people along side the road. Sometimes I give them a ride somewhere. Once in a while I change a tire or can do a simple mechanical repair. I''ve bought more than a few people a few gallons of gas (often at my expense); and even filled a few tanks at my expense as well.

Perry

Am I reading this right? So you like to help out total strangers but you won''t help out someone you''re dating? Is that why your ex was upset? If so she had a right. Personally I find the giving strangers a ride thing creepy - were you doing it while your ex was in the car with you?? Why the fixation on flat tires? I haven''t had a flat tire in decades.

 

[katamari]

Date: 2/25/2010 11:56:30 AM
Author: TravelingGal
I think gal is fine in regular ol'' speech for many. But probably easier to steer clear of it in personal ads, along with lady, for the most part. Just use the word woman. However, I think when addressing the feminine sex as a group, ''ladies'' is fine and better than ''gals'' in a personal ad. Just like ''gentlemen'' is far more polite than saying ''hey guys''.


Words not to use at ALL in a personal ad when looking for a woman:


Chicks

Girl

Cougar

MILF

Totally agree!

 

[jewelz617]

I hear a lot of "Darlin", "Gal" and "Sugar" out of Texas too.

But yes, some people don''t like it. And I as a female am somewhat bothered by the word "chick." SWEETHEART also sounds condescending in some contexts haha! Better to just stick to more generic terms in a profile IMO.

 

[Haven]

I think Monnie is spot on--it''s not the ideas it''s the delivery.

RE: The cat allergy. I do think it''s important that you mention your cat allergy, but it''s also important that you don''t dwell on it or come across as if you have some baggage surrounding that issue.

I have serious food allergies, Perry, so I understand your need to be with someone who understands your allergies. When my husband married me, he also committed to never having a strawberry in his home again, one of his favorite fruits, and to never eating or even touching one when he''s going to be around me. I totally get it. If I touch a strawberry, my skin reacts immediately. If I eat one or a bit of juice from one, my throat closes and I stop breathing. It''s scary. People have to be able to cope with this allergy when they get close to me.

HOWEVER, I would just mention it in your profile but don''t sound like a crazy person about it. (I do think it''s important to mention because that will be a deal breaker for some women. I personally could never be with someone who couldn''t be around cats. Seriously.)

RE: The flat tire issue. I''m sure it''s been mentioned already, but it is more about being there as an emotional support than as a remote mechanic.

Just last night I found myself driving home from teaching in what looked like a blizzard. I''ve never driven in conditions like that before, all I could see were very faint lights from the car in front of me and sheets of snow blowing sideways. I could not see road lights or road signs, I had no idea if I was on an actual street, or if there were other cars behind me or next to me. All I knew was that the car in front of me was crawling ahead at six mph, and I was terrified. I called my husband crying, because I needed some emotional support. There was nothing he could physically do for me, but hearing his voice telling me to calm down and take it slow was all I needed. (I know you''re thinking the obvious--why not pull over? I couldn''t even see buildings off the side of the road, let alone the streets to use to get to them, so I just kept on following the car ahead of me.)

So, that''s just a long real-life example of *why* a woman you care for might need to contact you in a tight situation even though you won''t really be able to do anything. I consider myself an independent woman, but I also get scared out of my mind in certain situations, and I could use some support when I do.

 

[Haven]

Photos. LV mentioned photos, and I wanted to quote her but can't find the original post.

She is so right on, there. As much as we like to think that they aren't important, the pictures matter.

I was receptive to my husband *even though* he was so much older than me for two reasons: 1) I was intrigued by his profile, and 2) I was really intrigued by his pictures. He posted a picture of himself wearing a pirate costume, another making a goofy face, and a third on a beach in another country. The first two showed me that he doesn't take himself too seriously and that he's one quirky dude, the third showed me that he takes care of himself.

My own photos were even stranger. I used to have a habit of taking people's digital cameras when they weren't looking and taking hundreds of bizarre pictures of myself. I chose four of those pictures to put up on my profile. They were all goofy, and I figured anyone who responded had to have a sense of humor.

ETA: I think it's interesting to hear how different women take to being called different things. I don't like being called "gal" but I *prefer* to be called a lady. I get a lot of "Ma'am" from my students, and I find that to be a respectful term, as well.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/25/2010 11:57:38 AM
Author: katamari

Date: 2/25/2010 11:49:34 AM
Author: monarch64
Isn''t ''gal'' the equivalent of ''guy?'' I view it as just an informal word for woman. I don''t understand how it implies weak or lesser than. At all. Am I not supposed to refer to my female friends as ''gal pals'' or ''the gals?'' Sheesh.

They are both an informal terms to refer to non-adults that are also non-children. If your friends are comfortable with it, that is their prerogative, and it would be in a different context than referring to adult strangers similarly.

But ladies would be acceptable, right? When I am at a business function and there is a group of women standing around and I have to greet them all, I say "Hello ladies!"

And since I''ve been in my industry forever, I do hear people come up to a group of women and say "Hi gals!" This is in a business setting. I prefer to use ladies though.

Also, it could be a generational thing. My boss always refers to women as ladies. "She''s a nice lady." He refers to me as one too, in fact just the other day telling a new potential business partner that "We have a great lady who is out your way who can come do a presentation at your office." But then again, he also calls me "kid" (although never in public. I just accept it as a term of endearment.)

 

[Haven]

Date: 2/25/2010 12:16:04 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 2/25/2010 11:57:38 AM
Author: katamari

Date: 2/25/2010 11:49:34 AM
Author: monarch64
Isn''t ''gal'' the equivalent of ''guy?'' I view it as just an informal word for woman. I don''t understand how it implies weak or lesser than. At all. Am I not supposed to refer to my female friends as ''gal pals'' or ''the gals?'' Sheesh.

They are both an informal terms to refer to non-adults that are also non-children. If your friends are comfortable with it, that is their prerogative, and it would be in a different context than referring to adult strangers similarly.

But ladies would be acceptable, right? When I am at a business function and there is a group of women standing around and I have to greet them all, I say ''Hello ladies!''

And since I''ve been in my industry forever, I do hear people come up to a group of women and say ''Hi gals!'' This is in a business setting. I prefer to use ladies though.

Also, it could be a generational thing. My boss always refers to women as ladies. ''She''s a nice lady.'' He refers to me as one too, in fact just the other day telling a new potential business partner that ''We have a great lady who is out your way who can come do a presentation at your office.'' But then again, he also calls me ''kid'' (although never in public. I just accept it as a term of endearment.)

Nearly my entire department (from my last job) used to call me "Kiddo." It evolved as a term of endearment because I started out as a student teacher there, and was the first student teacher they ever hired. I think they looked at me like their little niece who they remembered as a tiny little student teacher, and then all of a sudden she was all grown up into a real teacher.

It didn''t bother me at all. It was like a sign that I was accepted into their group.

 

[katamari]

Date: 2/25/2010 12:16:04 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 2/25/2010 11:57:38 AM

Author: katamari

Date: 2/25/2010 11:49:34 AM

Author: monarch64

Isn''t ''gal'' the equivalent of ''guy?'' I view it as just an informal word for woman. I don''t understand how it implies weak or lesser than. At all. Am I not supposed to refer to my female friends as ''gal pals'' or ''the gals?'' Sheesh.

They are both an informal terms to refer to non-adults that are also non-children. If your friends are comfortable with it, that is their prerogative, and it would be in a different context than referring to adult strangers similarly.

But ladies would be acceptable, right? When I am at a business function and there is a group of women standing around and I have to greet them all, I say ''Hello ladies!''


And since I''ve been in my industry forever, I do hear people come up to a group of women and say ''Hi gals!'' This is in a business setting. I prefer to use ladies though.


Also, it could be a generational thing. My boss always refers to women as ladies. ''She''s a nice lady.'' He refers to me as one too, in fact just the other day telling a new potential business partner that ''We have a great lady who is out your way who can come do a presentation at your office.'' But then again, he also calls me ''kid'' (although never in public. I just accept it as a term of endearment.)

I am okay with ladies in the plural to refer to a group of women, because I see it as the counter to gentleman. (And it is *so* much less offensive than calling them "guys").

I do think that lady in the singular is inappropriate, because woman should be used instead. I do agree there is a generational element, too, and I would be much less likely to state my preference to an older individual who called me a "lady" than a younger one.

 

[Lilac]

Date: 2/25/2010 12:03:04 PM
Author: Haven

RE: The flat tire issue. I''m sure it''s been mentioned already, but it is more about being there as an emotional support than as a remote mechanic.

Just last night I found myself driving home from teaching in what looked like a blizzard. I''ve never driven in conditions like that before, all I could see were very faint lights from the car in front of me and sheets of snow blowing sideways. I could not see road lights or road signs, I had no idea if I was on an actual street, or if there were other cars behind me or next to me. All I knew was that the car in front of me was crawling ahead at six mph, and I was terrified. I called my husband crying, because I needed some emotional support. There was nothing he could physically do for me, but hearing his voice telling me to calm down and take it slow was all I needed. (I know you''re thinking the obvious--why not pull over? I couldn''t even see buildings off the side of the road, let alone the streets to use to get to them, so I just kept on following the car ahead of me.)

So, that''s just a long real-life example of *why* a woman you care for might need to contact you in a tight situation even though you won''t really be able to do anything. I consider myself an independent woman, but I also get scared out of my mind in certain situations, and I could use some support when I do.

I have to completely agree with Haven here. It''s one thing to want an independent woman who can take care of things herself - but it''s another thing to decide you don''t want to be there for emotional support if she gets scared and needs to talk to someone.

A couple months ago I found myself stranded in an empty dark parking lot with a dead car. My car wouldn''t start and it was late at night and I was by myself. I was scared out of my mind. I called AAA and they said they would come in an hour or two, but it was freezing, I had no heat, and there was nobody around me. I was alone in the dark late at night and I was scared. I called my husband who was on his way to meet with a friend (and he had been planning this thing with the friend for several months) and I told him to go meet his friend, but I asked if he could just stay on the phone with me until he got to his friend''s house because I was scared. I told him over and over again that I wanted him to still go to his friend because I didn''t want him to suffer just because my car battery died, but he could tell I was still scared being alone in the dark so what happened? 20 minutes later he walked into the parking lot. He walked a mile from the subway to get to me because he knew I was scared to be alone and he was worried about me.

Now did he have to come? No, he absolutely did not. I was perfectly CAPABLE of waiting for AAA by myself. I didn''t need him to come and I certainly didn''t ask him to come. But he went above and beyond what he needed to do in that situation. His attitude was that his wife was scared and he didn''t want me to be scared, so he did everything he could for me to alleviate those fears. If that meant some sacrifice on his part (not seeing his friend) it was worth it to him if he could help in any way.

There have also been situations similar to Haven''s where I''ve found myself driving in extremely hazardous conditions and I just need to hear someone on the other end of the phone to keep me calm. Maybe my husband can''t physically drive the car if I''m stuck in a snowstorm, but just hearing his voice is calming and helps me (whether he''s 200 miles away or 2 miles away).

 

[whitby_2773]

hi perry

i was wondering if you could tell me why you want a relationship? i dont know your age, or whether you''ve been married before, but i think it would be really helpful if you could answer why you''d like a relationship with a woman. what do you expect to get out of it? why would being in a relationship enhance your life? what needs would it meet? i think it would be helpful for you to answer this question.

secondly, what do you consider yourself to bring to the table? what could you give a woman? what exactly are you offering?

could you answer those questions pls? i think it would help immensely and give a solid place from which to start. i think we''ve gotten a bit caught up on tires and cats - and yet i suspect there''s quite a large pool of women who have no cats and who can change their own tires. so, in regards to *them, let''s go back to basics....

why exactly do you want a relationship and what do you bring to the table? two simple questions - pls try to answer them directly. pretend this isn''t a profile - just a question that won''t be ''graded'', so to speak. speak freely and we''ll see what your starting place is.

 

[decodelighted]

I think the tire section indicates a lack of empathy and understanding of what its like to be a woman in this world. I can''t speak for all women but when we''re in vulnerable situations like sitting in a broken down car on a highway my first thought isn''t - "where''s my jack?" it''s more along the lines of "I hope I''m not going to be raped & murdered!". Even WITH cell phones & the ability to call AAA etc -- the wait is often long and scary. Sometimes nice people stop to help ... sometimes creepy characters stop to help. How can you ever know who to trust? Throwing out that example as a time where INDEPENDENT women would just "handle" it & never even call for support is profoundly, viscerally repulsive to me. I imagine MOST woman would have strong reactions to it. And I''m not interested in "playing dumb" for anyone.

Its as if you want to "offer" help to people who don''t ask ... but can''t stand that someone would ever EXPECT it from you. Think about that. Those, by the way, are the types of things people work out in therapy. The term "intimacy issue" might apply. I''m not a professional, but I have benefited from the objective support of therapy to learn more about myself, what expectations are reasonable and which are unreasonable ... which behaviors support my goals and which sabotage my goals ... and how to better see things from OTHER PEOPLE''s points of view instead of continuing to narrow and narrow my world view to a single audience of one.

 

[LilyKat]

Lilac and Haven - that''s why your husbands are happily married to beautiful, well-adjusted women. Generosity and kindness = good qualities in a man

Perry - I hope their stories explain why the whole "don''t call me if you get a flat tire" attitude to the person you love is fundamentally wrong.

Which brings me back to my original point - focus on what you can bring to a relationship and give (emotionally) to another person.

 

[joflier]

If it was me browsing through profiles, these are some of the things I'd want to know.....
What are you passionate about? And why? What gets you out of bed in the morning?

From reading some of your posts, and the other dating thread, you seem to have strong passion for humanity. Share some of that. If I'm reading a profile about a man that's driven to helping other people (which it sounds like you are), then gosh, how could any woman NOT be interested??? A strong independant man with a real big heart - that's a huge draw!

Also, you could talk about some of the things that bring joy to your life, and how you would like to share those joys with someone.

And - yeah - not to beat a dead horse or anything, but the flat tire deal really got to me. I think just a small statement about the type of woman your looking for would work just fine. ei: that your seeking someone who is strong and has a sense of independance.

 

[monarch64]

I cannot believe some of the responses on this thread. As women, we expect to be treated as equals, to receive the same pay, to be able to fight for our country, to become President of the country, etc. Yet we seriously get SCARED when our vehicles break down? That is buying into the idea that we are the weaker sex. I mean, what exactly is your husband going to do from 200 miles away about the tire OR the axe murderer lurking outside your vehicle? Are you going to hand the phone over to the axe murderer and let your DH reason with him? Just curious.

Perry, I honestly went from reading your first thread and sort of shaking my head in disbelief to reading through this thread and slowly understanding where you''re coming from. You''ve accepted that you have some issues as far as being emotionally giving, that you have some health issues which affect relationships, etc. You''ve also been up front with people and honest about that sort of thing in your personal profiles and ads. HONESTY is key in online dating, that is what you are seeking, and that is a very good quality to possess yourself. There really isn''t much that is shady or creepy about HONESTY. I say keep being yourself, keep being honest, just figure out a nicer way to state the facts of who you are and what you offer and what you are looking for. That''s it. Keep it simple. Take part of the money you might have invested in the sugar daddy theory and hire a part time personal assistant.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

"Ladies" makes my skin crawl. It sets my teeth on edge. Ladies are not the equivalent of gentlemen, as I see it. Gentlemen may occupy professions, or be captains of industry. Ladies, not so much. Lady, singluar or plural, implies a behavioural code that I see as oppressive and outdated.

There is a student in my class at school who wanders in every morning and says "hello ladies." He''s a nice person and I like him a lot, but by around day three, I wanted to hit him with a chair.

Ok, that was my subjective opinion and I''m sure there will be plenty rational reasons why I''m wrong, but it''s a gut instinct for me to like someone a little less for using the L word.

 

[Lilac]

Date: 2/25/2010 2:23:53 PM
Author: monarch64
I cannot believe some of the responses on this thread. As women, we expect to be treated as equals, to receive the same pay, to be able to fight for our country, to become President of the country, etc. Yet we seriously get SCARED when our vehicles break down? That is buying into the idea that we are the weaker sex. I mean, what exactly is your husband going to do from 200 miles away about the tire OR the axe murderer lurking outside your vehicle? Are you going to hand the phone over to the axe murderer and let your DH reason with him? Just curious.

Yes, when my car breaks down in the middle of a dark deserted parking lot at 11:00 at night, I worry about being raped or maybe even worse. Does that make me weak or paranoid? I don''t know, nor do I care. I think there have been plenty of instances where situations like that have turned out very badly, so if it makes me weak to worry about that then I guess maybe I am (although I do think realistically women are in a lot more danger in those situations than men are - it doesn''t mean women aren''t just as good as men, it just means in those particular situations a woman is probably more likely to get attacked or hurt than a man is). And if talking to my husband on the phone calms my nerves when I''m driving on a snowy, icy road and he can help me focus on driving, I don''t see any reason why I shouldn''t be able to talk to him for that moral support. It doesn''t make me a weak woman. Everyone needs some moral support sometimes.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/25/2010 2:23:53 PM
Author: monarch64
I cannot believe some of the responses on this thread. As women, we expect to be treated as equals, to receive the same pay, to be able to fight for our country, to become President of the country, etc. Yet we seriously get SCARED when our vehicles break down? That is buying into the idea that we are the weaker sex. I mean, what exactly is your husband going to do from 200 miles away about the tire OR the axe murderer lurking outside your vehicle? Are you going to hand the phone over to the axe murderer and let your DH reason with him? Just curious.

Perry, I honestly went from reading your first thread and sort of shaking my head in disbelief to reading through this thread and slowly understanding where you''re coming from. You''ve accepted that you have some issues as far as being emotionally giving, that you have some health issues which affect relationships, etc. You''ve also been up front with people and honest about that sort of thing in your personal profiles and ads. HONESTY is key in online dating, that is what you are seeking, and that is a very good quality to possess yourself. There really isn''t much that is shady or creepy about HONESTY. I say keep being yourself, keep being honest, just figure out a nicer way to state the facts of who you are and what you offer and what you are looking for. That''s it. Keep it simple. Take part of the money you might have invested in the sugar daddy theory and hire a part time personal assistant.

Yes Monarch. If my vehicle were to break down in a place where I was 200 miles away at night, I''d be nervous (a milder form of scared.) If it''s during the day, I''d be frustrated. I don''t need "emotional support" but I''d want to know I could call my man if it happened and he''d be willing to help me out in whatever capacity...if only to calm me down and stop the string of expletives that would be coming out of my mouth. TGuy is great for that. He''ll just say, "Calm down. I''ll check and see on X, X and X and you need to do Y, Y and Y." It''s not that I don''t KNOW that I need to do those things, but when things go wrong, especially in more urgent situations, my mind isn''t always clear. He never sounds exasperated with me. He knows I''m a crazy woman, after all.

 

[mousey]

Perry, on the ''what is your selling point issue''- you seem to have very refined tastes. Could you not play this up? You could say what books/music/poetry/art etc you like. You could even bring in your appreciation of diamonds here (obviously in a way that would avoid emasculating yourself). The only worry with this strategy might be that you could come off superior... So maybe you could add something like ''while I like Opera, I also like Hamburgers'' etc.
On the Ladies/Gals etc thing- I really think this depends on context. I have no problem with my girlfriend calling me Gal/chick etc. Nevertheless, I was expecting a delivery today of something important that ''got lost'', and while trying to sort it out w the delivery man he repeatedly called me ''madam'' in a really dismissive tone. I think madam is my least favorite label, it reminds me of a prostitute circa 1800. In the end I had to tell him that I found it a most unsuitable moniker. I think the gal/lady thing is similar- the dating site is not the right context.

 

[somethingshiny]

I just have to comment on the "lady" thing. In this area, ALL adult females are called "Women". Adult females who have class are called "Ladies." In fact, I regularly refer to my grandma as "Old Lady" as a term of endearment. The "gal" thing doesn''t bother me at all. The older generations use "gal" to mean any younger female, sort of along the lines as "miss."

In the South I have been called "dear," "sweetie," "darlin," "love," amongst many others. This was not meant to be insulting.

If Perry uses the word "gal" verbally, he should not avoid it in his profile. Again, that comes off as a lie. If a woman is interested in a profile that has the word "gal" in it, she''ll not be surprised if he calls her his "gal." However, if the woman (who has a problem with the word) is unaware that he would ever use the word in the first place, she could get pretty POd.

 

[purrfectpear]

I don''t know. I refer to men by a lot of terms I probably wouldn''t use in a dating ad

 

[joflier]

Date: 2/25/2010 3:26:59 PM
Author: somethingshiny
I just have to comment on the ''lady'' thing. In this area, ALL adult females are called ''Women''. Adult females who have class are called ''Ladies.'' In fact, I regularly refer to my grandma as ''Old Lady'' as a term of endearment. The ''gal'' thing doesn''t bother me at all. The older generations use ''gal'' to mean any younger female, sort of along the lines as ''miss.''

In the South I have been called ''dear,'' ''sweetie,'' ''darlin,'' ''love,'' amongst many others. This was not meant to be insulting.

If Perry uses the word ''gal'' verbally, he should not avoid it in his profile. Again, that comes off as a lie. If a woman is interested in a profile that has the word ''gal'' in it, she''ll not be surprised if he calls her his ''gal.'' However, if the woman (who has a problem with the word) is unaware that he would ever use the word in the first place, she could get pretty POd.

Maybe it''s a geographical thing? I was surprised to see this as an issue to so many people. I never thought twice about it - but I live in the same area as Perry. And I know a few other guys who use that term. Never really made me blink.....

 

[monarch64]

I think my earlier response about being scared as women re. the tire issue came off a little harsh. I don''t mean to offend anyone who leans on their spouse or SO for support in times of distress at all. I was writing from my perspective, and I grew up with strong male role models (father and older brother) who drilled it into me to use logic over emotion when dealing with troublesome things like roadside emergencies...and my mother raised me to be really self-sufficient and independent. She once told me she worried that the way she raised me led me to be a bit too independent and stubborn/headstrong. I have a hard time asking for help or admitting to anyone that I am feeling vulnerable. I really don''t have an issue with people who are able to lean on their SO''s in those types of situations, in fact I think it''s great.

I took Perry''s hypothetical flat tire situation to mean that the someone who has a flat tire is 200 miles away in their hometown, not stranded on a strange/unfamiliar highway somewhere while traveling. I didn''t mean (TGal)that if you''re on your way home from out of state and you''re 200 miles away and your car breaks down and you don''t know a soul that you should suck it up and deal with it. OR that you shouldn''t call your spouse or SO to vent or ask for advice if you need to while you''re waiting for Triple A to show up because you feel like a sitting duck. My apologies to anyone who thought my comments were unnecessarily harsh--I''m no superwoman either. I guess I worry more about worrying those close to me who can''t really do anything at the time so I''d rather call later or send a quick text to say what''s going on and that I''m ok. That''s just me, though.

 

[Lilac]

Date: 2/25/2010 6:37:31 PM
Author: monarch64
I think my earlier response about being scared as women re. the tire issue came off a little harsh. I don''t mean to offend anyone who leans on their spouse or SO for support in times of distress at all. I was writing from my perspective, and I grew up with strong male role models (father and older brother) who drilled it into me to use logic over emotion when dealing with troublesome things like roadside emergencies...and my mother raised me to be really self-sufficient and independent. She once told me she worried that the way she raised me led me to be a bit too independent and stubborn/headstrong. I have a hard time asking for help or admitting to anyone that I am feeling vulnerable. I really don''t have an issue with people who are able to lean on their SO''s in those types of situations, in fact I think it''s great.

I took Perry''s hypothetical flat tire situation to mean that the someone who has a flat tire is 200 miles away in their hometown, not stranded on a strange/unfamiliar highway somewhere while traveling. I didn''t mean (TGal)that if you''re on your way home from out of state and you''re 200 miles away and your car breaks down and you don''t know a soul that you should suck it up and deal with it. OR that you shouldn''t call your spouse or SO to vent or ask for advice if you need to while you''re waiting for Triple A to show up because you feel like a sitting duck. My apologies to anyone who thought my comments were unnecessarily harsh--I''m no superwoman either. I guess I worry more about worrying those close to me who can''t really do anything at the time so I''d rather call later or send a quick text to say what''s going on and that I''m ok. That''s just me, though.

Thanks for clearing that up. Now I understand more where you were coming from.

 

[monarch64]

I should''ve explained myself thoroughly, Lilac, when I first posted. I have a tendency to post when I''m at work and sometimes I make comments that seem to have some animosity attached because I rush to post. Thanks for reading my last response and understanding.

 

[risingsun]

I live in Virginia and have been addressed as Miss Marian on many occasions. As a Jersey girl, this one has me stumped, but I don't mind it

Perry, I do think you need to be authentic in your personal ads and place emphasis on who you are and what a woman could expect from you. I would keep it lighter in tone and inject some humor into the ad. I think that Whitby has a good point. It's important to have clarity about yourself and what type of relationship you seek. Do your self work and I think you will be better prepared to describe who you are to others. A woman reading a personal ad wants to know who you are. You can read her profile to find out who she is.

 

[Gypsy]

I''m thinking of getting in touch with T-gal so we can start a ghost writting service for dating ads. Apparently there is a need.

Perry... here''s my advice (and forgive me if it echos what others have said).

I''d think of yourself as a character in a book. And you are the author describing yourself. Now there is a LOT about you obviously. But this is a prologue. So what are the is going to hook your readers the most? Is someone who tells the audience they are funny more interesting? Or the person who demonstrates their sense of humor in their observations? Start a dialog and give them just enough positive detals about you, and a sense of what your character is like, that they will want to know more about you. And so they will conta contact your for the rest story that they start by reading your profile.

You have to be real, or all you will do is blend or repel. And in your posts here, we know you can be real... so take some of that and pretending you are describing yourself to one of us... not in the hopes of getting a date, but in the hopes of starting a dialog.

The best relationships are based on friendship, trust and loyalty.

 

[ksinger]

Wow. Haven''t I just been out of the loop.

OK...I''ve read as much of this and the "Sugar Dads" thread as I have time and stomach for. A few of my observations, and some of them come from past Perry threads and interactions.

Perry, in all of the posts of yours that I''ve ever read, do you realize you''ve never cracked a joke? You read like a Vulcan - intelligent, but so cold as to freeze any woman''s heart. (And yes, we are WOMEN, not GALS). Your profile reads like a Vulcan posting a job description. If you''re that joyless in person, you really ARE in trouble. Women really do love a decent sense of humor in a man. It signals confidence, and confidence is attractive. It can smooth over so much when a man doesn''t take himself so bloody seriously, and can see his own foibles. You come across in your posts as a man who is pretty darn serious (ie - not confident), and honestly, as a man who really doesn''t LIKE women. Drawn to them of course - most men are - but like you resent the pull. You see us in an adversarial light and it comes across. It feels like we''re a necessary evil to you. "I need you, but don''t need me back." is what I get.

I married a Vulcan so I''m familiar with them. Of course mine always had a wicked wit, even when young and far more serious. It was a saving grace. His ability to look inward and to laugh at himself has only improved over the years and makes him sexier than he could have possibly been at 20. He knows I''m completely capable, and yet, I call on him to do things that I COULD do, but would prefer that HE do. It is his pleasure to do so, because it pleases me and makes my life easier, makes me happier (which ultimately makes HIM happier), and it lets him know that HE is needed and appreciated. And I return the favor in areas that he would prefer that I do something. It''s mutual. And yes, I''d call him for emotional support with a flat tire and he''d give it and not begrudge it.

PS. - I read my Vulcan your post, and he shook his head and said, "He needs to call RussianWomenAreUs." and "He probably doesn''t like himself much." Harsh I guess, but that comes from another man, who also did his share of internet dating. Came back to ME in the end, of course. Who says you guys can''t learn?

 

[perry]

Sorry I''ve been out of the loop for a few days.

I''ve got a really bad cold and have been sleeping a lot (and not much else).

Thanks for all the constructive comments.

At some point I will work on writing another dating profile; until then - why don''t we let the discussion rest.

Perry