An internet Dating Profile for Perry

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/24/2010 12:27:35 AM
Author: whitby_2773


T-Gal -

this makes perry sound warm and friendly, funny, sharp and quick witted, like someone who can encapsulate what they want to say...and deliver it cleanly and directly. he sounds confident, ''on it'', and as tho he knows where he''s going. in other words...

he sounds like you. (which is probably why you''re happily married - and perry, not so much)

perry - the thing about writing one''s profile is that it *does* reveal who we are. if you feel your write-up reflects who you are, then leave it. while a few suggestions are fine, be careful that it still sounds the way you''re going to sound when you meet whoever responds...in real life.

good luck in finding someone special

Whitby, first, thanks for the compliments.

Second, I totally agree that profiles DO reveal who you are. However Perry is insisting on Internet dating. If we were to cling to the hope that he is much better in person (and I say this because I''ve seen TGuy write...horrible chalk board screeching stuff to my English major''s ears, and yet I adore him in person), then he needs the opportunity.

Someone wrote in the other thread about the odds of meeting someone. Let''s say Perry needs to meet 100 women to find one he can click with...he''s not going to do it meeting 4-6 women a year. Yes, he may have to set himself up to get rejected 99 times, but I wonder...is it better to fluff the profile a bit to have a better chance at finding someone if he is going to insist on dating this way?

Take out the fact that it''s not really fair to the other women if it really is a bait and switch. I''m just talking odds here.

But the bottom line is that this profile needs to be improved. Wipe it clean with a bowel towel, folks!!!

 

[Regular Guy]

Date: 2/24/2010 12:39:53 AM
Author: TravelingGal

Take out the fact that it's not really fair to the other women if it really is a bait and switch. I'm just talking odds here.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyrano_de_Bergerac_(play) ?


The above...a minor point.

T Gal (gal?)...hope you're feeling better, and no offence, and enjoy your writing.

Points of the need to "throw ideas against the wall until they stick" notwithstanding...

My main point is that the folks who work in "product development," or invention, etc, and the folks in marketing...are different departments.

But still...

But the bottom line is that this profile needs to be improved.

ok, yes...

 

[TravelingGal]

Yanno, whitby, I''m thinking more about what you said...

I think people can do better at putting their best foot forward in dating so nothing is glaring and you can buy yourself time so that the other person can get to know and like the real you.

But the real Perry is someone who does not want to be bothered with a girlfriend who has a flat tire. He may just be using that as an example to show how he wants someone who can do "routine things" but I do think the knee jerk reaction of someone who is selfless and caring would be to want to help a woman in that situation, and not even think about using it as an example. Deco''s story about her hubby warmed my heart.

So Whitby, you''re right.

Perry, again it comes back to this: It''s really not your profile that is a problem (although it''s a big one). It''s you.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/24/2010 12:52:46 AM
Author: Regular Guy

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyrano_de_Bergerac_(play) ?


The above...a minor point.

T Gal (gal?)...hope you''re feeling better, and no offence, and enjoy your writing.

Points of the need to ''throw ideas against the wall until they stick'' notwithstanding...

My main point is that the folks who work in ''product development,'' or invention, etc, and the folks in marketing...are different departments.

But still...

But the bottom line is that this profile needs to be improved.

ok, yes...

Very, very, VERY true, and point taken.

 

[VRBeauty]

Perry: even though this is a fairly anonymous internet site, it takes guts to put a personal ad up there for comment and criticism as you did, especially since you know what a tough audience you''re dealing with here! So you''re either pretty courageous and motivated, or very desperate. I''m guessing it''s the former. Something to keep in mind as you fine-tune your ad!

 

[zoebartlett]

TGal -- I''d totally date you.

Perry, I agree that your first profile wasn''t very interesting to read, and I would have passed by it too. I agree with everyone that you need to lighten up and have fun with this.

 

[mousey]

Look, I think we should go a bit lighter on Perry. There is a very big difference between saying your post comes off a bit creepy, and You are creepy. He s obviously trying. And it takes courage to come on here looking for advice, and to keep posting in the face of everyone thinking you are wrong.
That said, I do think you are misleading yourself a bit. As one poster in the last thread said, if you want to help someone get an education, then give to a scholarship fund. You could even choose a branch of education that is close to your heart (development economics for example) and have an award named after you- it costs less than you would think. In that case the person who won the award on need or merit would not feel beholden to you.
You seem genuinely confused about what you ought to give in a relationship, and what you should expect from the other person. You seem to want someone who will prioritize your business (which I dont see any problem with- it would nt be MY choice to prioritize BFs career over my own, but I would have NO problem with a woman who choose to do this). So on one level you seem to want someone who is in one sense submissive. This is compounded by your language (''gal'', ''lady'', etc). On the other hand you want an independent woman. I don t see an obvious contradiction here. But when you go on to give an example of how she ought to be independent, instead of saying something like ''she should cultivate her own tastes/friends/dreams/etc you again reference yourself. I see myself as an independent woman, but I would have no problem calling BF in a situation wherein I did nt feel in control.
I second the people who advise you to work on yourself. This isn''t to say I think you are fundamentally creepy, or a horrid person, etc. I think we all need a little work sometimes. Going for some counseling might be the best thing thats ever happened to you.

 

[CasaBlanca]

Ok, I got me a BIG OL'' stick and I am going to start whacking all of you advising Perry on anything other than the COMPOSITION of the profile.

Light examples of what comes to mind when you read his version are appropriate, but anyone assuming they have the right to attack Perry as a person after reading a few lines...should be WHACKED. WHACKED I SAY. Not tar and feathered...but a good old fashioned whack job, up side the head.

Perry, I will apologize for this thread the direction it has taken, AND FOR THE NIT WITS and how it has gotten out of control. Please don''t take anything personal...after a good smack down I have a feeling I won''t be the only one apologizing to you.

Yes, we need to improve the delivery of your "written expression"...but the girl waiting for you...IS WAITING FOR YOU...she isn''t waiting for a bunch of preWHACKED advisers to change YOU Personally. You are unique...and you are PS family. Seems as if several posters have forgotten the pledge we signed. To be helpful, and supportive. I suppose we all hurt the ones we love?

Let''s get back on track people...MARKETING...this is merely a marketing campaign.



WARNING! WARNING!!!

Just try me...I got me a big stick...ONE MORE personal attack AND I am coming down on you nitwits with fury! NOW shape UP! Cause it is going to leave a mark!

 

[Maisie]

Nitwits?

 

[monarch64]

Casablanca, thanks ever so much for that very helpful reply. Perhaps you want to revisit some of Perry''s older topics? Like from 2006, 2007, etc. regarding internet dating? Kid gloves have been used already. Time for a dose of reality. And dare I say, those who live in glass houses may not want to throw stones...or to be perfectly clear, not call others nitwits.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 2/24/2010 10:40:18 AM
Author: monarch64
Casablanca, thanks ever so much for that very helpful reply. Perhaps you want to revisit some of Perry''s older topics? Like from 2006, 2007, etc. regarding internet dating? Kid gloves have been used already. Time for a dose of reality. And dare I say, those who live in glass houses may not want to throw stones...or to be perfectly clear, not call others nitwits.

Ha, ditto! Although I must admit it''s refreshing to see all of the contradictions and hypocrisy in one post instead of spread out over a few posts. Threatening posters with a big stick (?!) and calling them nitwits at the same time you''re telling them not to personally attack someone. That''s good!

P.S. Do make sure to check out perry''s "Sugar Dads" thread if you need a little more background, Casablanca.

 

[Ella]

Please limit the comments to comments about the personal ad itself.

 

[kama_s]

Date: 2/24/2010 10:55:23 AM
Author: Ella
Please limit the comments to comments about the personal ad itself.

Ah, I can only imagine how comical it must be for you guys to moderate PS sometimes. You come to a thread talking about personal dating ads that quickly dissolves into people chasing others with a stick!

 

[Ella]

Date: 2/24/2010 11:07:44 AM
Author: kama_s

Date: 2/24/2010 10:55:23 AM

Author: Ella

Please limit the comments to comments about the personal ad itself.

Ah, I can only imagine how comical it must be for you guys to moderate PS sometimes. You come to a thread talking about personal dating ads that quickly dissolves into people chasing others with a stick!

It does lead to a little head scratching every now and then.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/24/2010 5:57:52 AM
Author: mousey
Look, I think we should go a bit lighter on Perry. There is a very big difference between saying your post comes off a bit creepy, and You are creepy. He s obviously trying. And it takes courage to come on here looking for advice, and to keep posting in the face of everyone thinking you are wrong.
That said, I do think you are misleading yourself a bit. As one poster in the last thread said, if you want to help someone get an education, then give to a scholarship fund. You could even choose a branch of education that is close to your heart (development economics for example) and have an award named after you- it costs less than you would think. In that case the person who won the award on need or merit would not feel beholden to you.
You seem genuinely confused about what you ought to give in a relationship, and what you should expect from the other person. You seem to want someone who will prioritize your business (which I dont see any problem with- it would nt be MY choice to prioritize BFs career over my own, but I would have NO problem with a woman who choose to do this). So on one level you seem to want someone who is in one sense submissive. This is compounded by your language ('gal', 'lady', etc). On the other hand you want an independent woman. I don t see an obvious contradiction here. But when you go on to give an example of how she ought to be independent, instead of saying something like 'she should cultivate her own tastes/friends/dreams/etc you again reference yourself. I see myself as an independent woman, but I would have no problem calling BF in a situation wherein I did nt feel in control.
I second the people who advise you to work on yourself. This isn't to say I think you are fundamentally creepy, or a horrid person, etc. I think we all need a little work sometimes. Going for some counseling might be the best thing thats ever happened to you.

No one is calling Perry Creepy. Since I brought up the word in the other thread, I'll again note that I said he is "coming off" as creepy. He's sounding like it in the other thread.

As Ira, PP, Whitby and many others pointed out, marketing isn't going to help if the product isn't correctly represented.

When I said the problem "is you" I'm not saying Perry is a bad person. However let's face it, there are many decent people who aren't in a place where they can have a healthy relationship. Just based on what Perry has written in the last couple of days, it seems that Perry wants someone who can complement his life and not the other way around. Offering to "help" with money does not count.

So back to the profile at hand...knowing what we know about Perry, is it going to be enough to make his profile more upbeat, warm, and positive? Don't know. But what the "nit wits" here are smart enough to understand is that if Perry wants to find love, it's going to take more than changing his profile. It's going to take someone who understands that HELPING someone is more than being just a sugar daddy. HELPING someone means HAPPILY TAKING THAT CALL FROM THE WOMAN WHO HAS A FLAT TIRE, 200 MILES AWAY.

(Oh, and that's also called LOVING someone.

)

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/24/2010 11:13:25 AM
Author: Ella

Date: 2/24/2010 11:07:44 AM
Author: kama_s

Date: 2/24/2010 10:55:23 AM

Author: Ella

Please limit the comments to comments about the personal ad itself.

Ah, I can only imagine how comical it must be for you guys to moderate PS sometimes. You come to a thread talking about personal dating ads that quickly dissolves into people chasing others with a stick!

It does lead to a little head scratching every now and then.

You guys do a great job...we PSers can be a crazy bunch from time to time.

 

[kama_s]

Date: 2/24/2010 11:22:53 AM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 2/24/2010 11:13:25 AM
Author: Ella

Date: 2/24/2010 11:07:44 AM
Author: kama_s

Date: 2/24/2010 10:55:23 AM

Author: Ella

Please limit the comments to comments about the personal ad itself.

Ah, I can only imagine how comical it must be for you guys to moderate PS sometimes. You come to a thread talking about personal dating ads that quickly dissolves into people chasing others with a stick!

It does lead to a little head scratching every now and then.

You're guys do a great job...we PSers can be a crazy bunch from time to time.

Agreed!

And Tgal, also fully agree with your previous post. As usual, you're the voice of reason.

 

[that_someone_special]

If I read your profile, I would be a little put off by your flat tire example.

If I were to get a flat tire, and I didn''t know what to do, I would call you (my boyfriend) because to me, that''s the first person I go to. Maybe you couldn''t come get me, but could you explain how to change tires?

By you saying that a flat tire is "routine" and not to bother you with something so small and stupid, makes me think I wouldn''t be able to go to you for anything.

Grandma died? - ROUTINE!
Got the flu? - ROUTINE!
Car was totaled by drunk driver? - ROUTINE!

Personally, I would also delete the "thousands of dollars a month" comment about the cats. It sounds kind of braggy and I think you could just keep it at, "I have a severe cat allergy."

 

[that_someone_special]

I just read this whole thread.

HAHA. Ok ignore my entire post.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/24/2010 11:32:25 AM
Author: swedish bean
If I read your profile, I would be a little put off by your flat tire example.

If I were to get a flat tire, and I didn''t know what to do, I would call you (my boyfriend) because to me, that''s the first person I go to. Maybe you couldn''t come get me, but could you explain how to change tires?

By you saying that a flat tire is ''routine'' and not to bother you with something so small and stupid, makes me think I wouldn''t be able to go to you for anything.

Grandma died? - ROUTINE!
Got the flu? - ROUTINE!
Car was totaled by drunk driver? - ROUTINE!

Personally, I would also delete the ''thousands of dollars a month'' comment about the cats. It sounds kind of braggy and I think you could just keep it at, ''I have a severe cat allergy.''

SB, the second part is not part of Perry''s actual profile. I made the same error when I read it the first time. He wouldn''t put that flat tire part in the actual profile, but it''s the example he gave us on what he''s thinking.

 

[jewelz617]

Basically the vibe I''m getting from this profile is that you want a girlfriend, but you don''t want to make the time or sacrifices it takes to keep one.

 

[Erin]

I wouldn''t even use the word Severe when saying cat allergy. It begs for sympathy and creates a negative feeling.

Why don''t you write down what a typical EVENTFUL day for you looks like?

 

[Haven]

Hi, Perry,

Wow, this is an interesting thread! I'm just going to comment on the profile.

This is what I'd want to know about you if I were on a dating website. Now, I'm just one person, so here it is FWIW:
- What makes you tick? (NOT what makes you sick.

i.e. What are you most passionate about? What ideas or beliefs are the root motivators for the choices you make in life?)
- What kind of lifestyle do you lead? (i.e. How do you live your life when your time is all yours? Are you laid back, active, do you travel much?)
- What are you looking for? (e.g. A serious relationship, casual dating, companionship.)

Your current profile tells me the following about you:
- A handful of banalities about relationships and individuals and individuals in relationships.
- You have flaws, and so do I.

See the difference?

 

[sba771]

I think Haven and I met our SO''s on the same dating website. Anyway, as someone who is marrying the person they met online I will give my 2 cents. Sadly I don''t remember what exactly was on my FI''s profile, but I remember what appealed to me. I will be honest, some of it was superficial, but as you even said, these sites are to a degree.
So I was 21 when I signed up and I gave a decent age window that I was interested in since I was looking for something long term. I will also say as a cocky youngster I would not contact anyone, I felt that they could contact me. I realize this is stuck up- I was young! So my advice there is I do hope you are contacting people and not just waiting for them as I think a lot of women feel the way I did.
So my FI contacted me and I think there is a lot to be said in the way the man does this. So many people must have glanced at my profile and they all used the same lame line. I wrote that I love museums- I do, it sounds typical, but my major was set up so I could continue and get a masters in museum studies which had been the plan. So most of the guys all sent me the same ''let''s go to a museum sometime." That is not original. My FI''s note was, "the MET just opened the new Greek and Roman (my college major) wing, I haven''t seen it yet, would you consider going with me?" This struck me because he took multiple parts of my profile into consideration and actually came up with a date, not just something generic.
So that note made me click on his profile. The superficial parts were that I LOVED his eyes and also he did click the box to indicate his salary level. He also was 9 years older. While the money was something that did catch my eye, aside from that box he never mentioned it which I liked. The things that he wrote that worked for me was how much he loved his job. His profile was short and simple sentences, no more than 2-3 lines in each and no fancy wording, but there was a genuine enthusiasm with everything he wrote about, from his job to his hobbies. He wrote about his passions and didn''t care whether or not people liked them, he was confident that he was who he was. Let me say, there were things we don''t have in common, but I loved that I could tell that he enjoyed his life, but was down to earth.

I realize that was long and a little rambling, but we are getting married and I feel it worked and I really found that keeping it simple appealed to me the most. I had a lot of people contact me and he was the only person I agreed to see because he was real and comfortable with who he was and not trying to be impressive.

 

[monarch64]

Slightly off-topic, and I don''t know if this has been mentioned yet, but Perry are you responding to ads posted by women? Or are you just casting a line and waiting for the bites? If the latter is the case, I wonder if a better approach for you wouldn''t be to start being more proactive and responding to women''s ads more and waiting for them to come to you less.

 

[monarch64]

Here is an example of what NOT to say in a personal ad (for anyone who''s thinking of posting one or having similar issues to Perry):

"Forget my Valentine - 45 (Downtown)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2010-02-07, 1:49PM EST

Reply To This Post

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Forget my Valentine. Forget it. I am so sick of people getting on here and saying that want me or they are in love with me. A 19 year old, really. I am a 45, white guy. Weight 280. I dont want a 19 year old, I want a women that is 40 to 49. That is is. No one else. I just want to make her my queen for a day. I have not had sex in 2.5 years. And I want some now. Yes, NOW. Please help. Please. Thank you so much.

Location: Downtown
it''s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests"



Hey, I''m here to help...

 

[junebug17]

Perry, just a couple of thoughts I had after I read your profile...you delve into a serious discussion of what type of relationship you are looking for, and some general statements about the type of person you are interested in, but I didn''t come away with any sense of you as a person. I would expand on your likes, interests, lifestyle, and general outlook on life, and do so in a way that is a little more light-hearted and fun. You don''t have to go over-board and be silly if you''re not comfortable with that, but I think it would help to lighten things up a bit and focus on describing yourself a little more.

And I don''t think you need to include the line about dating/fling/meaningful relationship. It implies there''s something wrong with dating, and isn''t dating a way to figure out if a meaningful relationship is possible? And if the woman is only interested in a fling, I think you''ll be able to figure that out after you''ve had some contact with her.

As for the cat allergy, I''ll admit I''m on the fence about this one. It seems fair to let someone know about this up front, but I guess I would just mention it, and not use the word "severe".

I wish you the best of luck in your search for companionship Perry!

 

[Haven]

I'm almost embarrassed to say that I still have the online profiles that DH and I posted when we found each other! He printed them out and brought them to me on our second date and said "We might want to keep these so we can look back at them and laugh at ourselves one day." So, I did. And we do.

------------------

Here's what my DH wrote in the About Me section of his profile:

A boy from the city who loves to get away and experience other places. Here, I have close friends and family ties. My father's sachel and strong work ethic, and my mother's compassion and joy for life have impacted me. I'm not perfect, but always look to better myself and learn from experiences. Here's where I could state the usual: "I like restaurants, theatre, reading, sports, outdoors, " yada yada. Try this on for size--I have a drum kit, two anatomical skeletons for studying (and for scaring opposing condos), an immense music collection (all eras), incredible handy skills, and a dream to one day cage dive with great whites. Tell me about your interests and dreams, I welcome your hello.

Here's what I wrote in the About Me section:

I love a good laugh, good food, and great company. Can't get enough of Frank Sinatra. I will never be too old to run through sprinklers on a hot day, or jump in puddles on a rainy one. I've never met a dog I didn't like. Or a novel. Traveling is swell. Traveling with good friends makes your world seem a whole lot bigger. Traveling without good friends makes you wonder what you went out searching for in the first place. I refuse to live my life according to anyone else's plan, and I expect nothing less from the people I surround myself with.
And I must warn you--I am a silly, silly kid.

------------------------

Now, I was 23 when I wrote that, and I have to say mine isn't the best profile. It doesn't even do a great job of sharing what I previously told you I was looking for. But there it is, as it was, nearly six years ago.

I think DH did a better job in his description. The only parts I didn't like were the "impacted me" bit and the last line, it sounded weird to me. BUT, he was awfully cute and I was intrigued, so I didn't let that scare me off.

Please no harsh criticisms, everyone. I'm sharing these for Perry's benefit, I know we sound cheesy and nerdy and all that, but we were just two people looking for love, so we were willing to endure a bit of cheesiness to find it. And I don't regret one word of it--those profiles led us to each other, and we couldn't be happier.

 

[sba771]

Date: 2/24/2010 12:46:30 PM
Author: Haven
I''m almost embarrassed to say that I still have the online profiles that DH and I posted when we found each other! He printed them out and brought them to me on our second date and said ''We might want to keep these so we can look back at them and laugh at ourselves one day.'' So, I did. And we do.

------------------


Here''s what my DH wrote in the About Me section of his profile:


A boy from the city who loves to get away and experience other places. Here, I have close friends and family ties. My father''s sachel and strong work ethic, and my mother''s compassion and joy for life have impacted me. I''m not perfect, but always look to better myself and learn from experiences. Here''s where I could state the usual: ''I like restaurants, theatre, reading, sports, outdoors, '' yada yada. Try this on for size--I have a drum kit, two anatomical skeletons for studying (and for scaring opposing condos), an immense music collection (all eras), incredible handy skills, and a dream to one day cage dive with great whites. Tell me about your interests and dreams, I welcome your hello.


Here''s what I wrote in the About Me section:


I love a good laugh, good food, and great company. Can''t get enough of Frank Sinatra. I will never be too old to run through sprinklers on a hot day, or jump in puddles on a rainy one. I''ve never met a dog I didn''t like. Or a novel. Traveling is swell. Traveling with good friends makes your world seem a whole lot bigger. Traveling without good friends makes you wonder what you went out searching for in the first place. I refuse to live my life according to anyone else''s plan, and I expect nothing less from the people I surround myself with.

And I must warn you--I am a silly, silly kid.


------------------------


Now, I was 23 when I wrote that, and I have to say mine isn''t the best profile. It doesn''t even do a great job of sharing what I previously told you I was looking for. But there it is, as it was, nearly six years ago.


I think DH did a better job in his description. The only parts I didn''t like were the ''impacted me'' bit and the last line, it sounded weird to me. BUT, he was awfully cute and I was intrigued, so I didn''t let that scare me off.


Please no harsh criticisms, everyone. I''m sharing these for Perry''s benefit, I know we sound cheesy and nerdy and all that, but we were just two people looking for love, so we were willing to endure a bit of cheesiness to find it. And I don''t regret one word of it--those profiles led us to each other, and we couldn''t be happier!

I am SO jealous you have this! My mom did this for her bf and I tried to, but because I emailed them our success story, they deactivated our accounts! gfff

 

[whitby_2773]

about 2 years ago, tim was away at a conference in Las Vegas, and i was home in NY with the dogs. i got a really bad case of some stomach bug and started throwing up. i couldn't stop, and this went on for about 8 hours till at midnight, when i was starting to feel that 'disconnected from my body' thing, i called a friend of mine who called 911 for me. she also called tim on his cell to let him know. i went to the ER for an overnight stay where they gave me fluids and punped me full of stuff to stop me heaving etc.

i'd been there about 6 hours when tim walked through the door. i have no idea how he did it to this day - but i tell you, that man could not have been more 'My Hero' if he'd ridden in on a white horse. i never asked him to come - he just came.

it's not a flat tire, granted, but it *was* just a stomach upset and i was only going to be there overnight.

anyway, if he was looking to date, and he had something like that on his profile, i'd totally date him.

(well, except for the wife part of course, but you get what i mean...)

actually, he's a really humble man, so he'd never include something like that on a dating profile - i'd have to include it for him.

i think we're getting into a grey area here...

ETA perry, all that to say - how about including a few more nice things about yourself? when you're trying to sell something, rather than telling prospective buyers how much maintenance the produce requires, how about telling them how great it is?