Wedding Am I being a Bridezilla?

[Sha]

Well, I hope things works out okay. Just to say, though, I think it would be extremely unfair for you to have to change your date, when it was set since April. If anything, your cousin should change hers. Is their date set in stone? Anyway, that''s just if any other problems come up with the dates.

 

[rockzilla]

I''m going to play devil''s advocate here. I think something sometimes people forget during this process is that others have restrictions and scheduling issues as well.

For example, all you''re seeing is....OMG they picked a date 2 weeks before ours? How could they do this? They could have picked any other date.

Whereas when you''re the one doing the planning, you have to consider a lot of conflicting stuff. Totally made up, but this is a reasonable approximation of what sometimes people are juggling:

-We want a summer wedding
-We want a church wedding...church is only available certain dates
-We want a reception at SuchNSuch location...only available certain dates
-Our best friends Joe and Sue are teachers and can only come during a certain 2 month period
-So-and-so is starting school in the fall so can''t be after suchandsuch date
-Need time to save up $$
-Can''t conflict with cousin Jane''s wedding which is on the XXth day of August

When you have 52 weekends in a year...which breaks down to ~15 weekends in the summer, and you start throwing in other venue considerations, personal restrictions, etc, it whittles down the list pretty fast. I know that, 16 months out, our ceremony location only had 1 date in July and 1 in August...we went with the August one because that was best for my out of town family, but I''m sure it will create a conflict for someone else as well.

I guess what I''m trying to say is, like many things in wedding planning, picking a date is a major compromising process. Maybe there were only a few dates available, and she picked the one that wasn''t the week of, right before or right after yours, but other dates didn''t work out and she had to pick 2 weeks before. In the end, there isn''t an unlimited supply of dates, and 99% of the time you have to choose one that doesn''t work for everyone. I''d give her the benefit of the doubt that she is not trying to upstage you and chalk it up to other circumstances leading her to pick that date, which won out over not having it within, say, a month of your wedding.

PS Maybe see this as a good thing? You can definitely help each other out in the planning processs!!

 

[pjean]

Date: 10/20/2008 10:23:15 PM
Author: Munchkin

As for the Aunt/shower thing, I would suggest saying: ''Since I''m sure you will be planning a shower for cousin, would it be more convenient for you if my bridal party threw mine?'' That makes is clear that each bride should get a separate shower while letting her off the hook for planning two. You will also have a clear answer as to whether or not to expect one from your family.

That sounds like a very good idea.

 

[amyjokerette]

I agree whole-heartedly 100% with rockzilla. It's so hard to find a date that works for all venues, vendors, parents, and immediate family and siblings. I am willing to guess that she is also worried about guests having to choose between the weddings. But maybe that really is the only date that worked for her. It seems unfair to do what some people are suggesting and ask her to "wait until summer of 2010". I would not recommend that at all. Just try to enjoy it together.

PS: Here's an example of how this can turn ugly... A couple of years ago my sister in law asked my now-husband if he could "please wait until after their 19 her engagement and after her wedding was over before he proposed to me". He already had the ring for me and had already planned the proposal, but she wanted him to wait another 19 months before even getting on one knee! They had already been engaged for 6 months when she asked that. Thankfully my husband proposed to me anyway and we scheduled our wedding for 5 months after theirs. I felt I was not crowding her time and I looked forward to planning together. Unfortunately, I was floored and also sad that my sister-in-law couldn't enjoy sharing the planning process with me, and it has driven a wedge between us ever since. Don't let that happen to you!! It just isn't worth it.

 

[somehowcollide]

Date: 10/21/2008 9:26:19 AM
Author: Morgie44
Thank you ladies for all your feedback, after sleeping on it, I am feeling a bit better, though I am still pretty peeved, there is nothing I can do but put on a happy face. We can''t move our date up or back... our venue only hosts weddings Memorial Day through Labor Day we chose the last weekend in August to allow for more time to save up, and the only other date available is August 8th (a week before their date) I did notice when I was checking the dates available online, 8/15 (their date) now says contract pending when last week it was available... I hope that this is a coincidence, but part of me worries it is not.


As for the showers who knows maybe they weren''t even planning on throwing one for me. I know that it wouldn''t be feasible for my bridal party to throw me one as they are all tight on money right now and none of them have homes they could host in so it would mean a more expensive undertaking than I''d be comfortable asking of them with all of them either in school, planning their own wedding, or both! If it comes down to that I would rather go without one.



Meresal - the three of us are actually from 3 seperate immediate families ( my mom is one of 4) so each family has one wedding, though I know for mine and my Oct cousin, we are footing our own bills. This does show how large of an overlap we are talking about though... my mom has 50 first cousins on her side! We are a huge family...

Whoa, are you saying that there is a possibility that they could be booked at your venue as well?! Your cousin will have a lot arguments regarding how to justify date, rockzilla for instance, makes some valid points. However, I still understand where you''re coming from and would probably feel exactly the same way. Is it possible for you two to work together and negotiate deals with vendors? (every vendor except the venue of course, sheesh!) Otherwise, honestly, just ignore it. You have this amazing, happy time ahead of you. You''re giving her too much power by letting her wedding plans overshadow yours! Don''t forget that this day is about YOU and if you stop thinking about you and your FI then everyone else will too. Plus, if some family members are not able to make it to your wedding, you''ll end up saving some cash and your wedding will be full of people who really want to be there and are not there just because they feel obligated.

Chin up! Don''t let this get to you, you still have everything you always wanted, most particularly your man!

 

[glitterazzi]

Date: 10/21/2008 9:24:02 AM
Author: meresal

Have you thought about discussing it with her? I''m one to not step on anyone else''s toes, and this would be the obvious way to find out if it will bother her.

I would present her with all the information you just shared with us. However, if she''s not ok with it, then you will be forced to pick a different date or risk making a friend very upset.


I think 3 weeks is plenty of time, for a girlfriend, and 2 weeks is plenty of time for a guy friend. Do you all live in the same area?

Thanks! I will talk to her - I just don''t want to sit down and potentially start something unless I''ve got a ring and am starting to make reservations! Knowing her as well as I do I don''t think it would bother her at all... or even occur to her to be upset! But I will definitely have a heart to heart with her - because if it would bother her in the least I''d think long and hard about changing my plans! She WILL have been engaged for a good 18 months at that point - she deserves her day to be all she wants it to!

The many events of fall 2009 aren''t all in the same area, but within a couple hours drive... but the guest lists won''t be all that similar - just a couple of friends from HS in common... not too bad! As I am in her wedding and she will be in mine my FF and I want everyone to have time to have "their" time... we don''t want any one''s honeymoon rushed, or anything put off... we are trying to be accommodating without giving up too much of what we want too. I guess we''ll just wait and see! Thanks for the help!