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Age Difference

Autumnovember

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
4,384
So, here is a question that I've been wondering for a little while.

What is the age difference between you and your SO? If it is a big one, does it FEEL like a big one? If it isn't who would you say acts more their age out of the two of you?

Me and FI have a 14 year age difference but to us its not noticeable. FI acts much younger and looks much younger than his actual age. It's never ever bothered me OR him except for the fact that he LOVES 80's music and its hard for me to get into. He says the 80's was the best years and its nothing like how it is now. He's seriously obsessed with the 80's. Even though he is older than me, I have a tough time keeping up with him sometimes! Its an ongoing joke between all of our friends. I also really love that he is older than me it makes me realize why it never ever worked out with the people I dated that WERE my age. Anytime I see an older guy now....I'm... :naughty: They're much more attractive to me than guys my own age.

Another factor that probably plays a big role in the fact that our age difference is not noticeable to us is that in terms of our relationship, I act much older than I am. I kind of always have with all my relationships.
 

HollyS

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 18, 2007
Messages
6,104
DH and I are 4 years apart. Perfect. We are of the same era, so we speak the same lanquage, think the same thoughts, know the same songs, have the same experiences based on when and how we grew up and became adults.

However, I once had a very serious relationship with a guy who was 37 to my then 21. It worked.
 

Autumnovember

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
4,384
HollyS|1314685133|3005202 said:
DH and I are 4 years apart. Perfect. We are of the same era, so we speak the same lanquage, think the same thoughts, know the same songs, have the same experiences based on when and how we grew up and became adults.

However, I once had a very serious relationship with a guy who was 37 to my then 21. It worked.

Nice! Very interesting to see how differently everyone works.

Part of the reason SO and I work so well is because we do speak the same language regardless of age, think the same things too. But what I really love is that we aren't exactly the same...we have different taste in music and we have both been able to bring our differing experiences to the table...it has helped us learn a lot.
 

Pandora II

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 3, 2006
Messages
9,613
I'm 3 years older than my husband.

I dated a guy who was 12 years older and didn't really notice the difference.

However, one thing that is definitely true is that you end up living the older partner's age. My father is 10 years older than my mother and she found that they were thinking about retirement etc a lot younger than any of her friends. She was living the life of a 65 year-old when she was only 54. She very much advised us to marry men who were close to our own age.
 

rosetta

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 7, 2010
Messages
3,417
Only 3 years between my husband and I, but he's way more into 80s music than I am.

Nothing wrong with a big age gap, as long as youre both happy.

I've always been wary of loving someone much older than me, as statistically he would die earlier than me, and much earlier, and I just couldn't handle that. I'm biased because I often see what couples go through when one of them is dying of cancer. I appreciate that I may be the only person here who thinks so practically like this!

But at the end of the day, you love who you love, and no age difference is going to change that. And no one can predict the future. And I too would take my chances, rather than turn love away.
 

Amys Bling

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 25, 2010
Messages
11,025
We are five months apart and both truly act our age. I do gave to say though that when we both first graduated college I acted more our age while FI acted younger- as though he was still in college. Once we bought our house and moved in together at the age of 24-going on 25 FI became more his age and responsible.
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
48,278
My dh and I are 7 years apart and it really is nothing. I totally agree with Rosetta. When you find your soul mate age does not matter as long as you have similar values and hopes and dreams. My parents are over 10 years apart and they have been married since 1963 and are still very much in love.
 

diamondringlover

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 12, 2006
Messages
4,137
Me and hubby are almost 6 years apart, he is older, I didnt notice much at first but as we are aging I am starting to notice the difference a little more, there is 22 years between my sister and her husband and at first she didnt notice it either, but now that she is 49 and he is 71 she really notices the difference, he is too tired to anything so they do nothing most of the time....btw they have been married for 28 years......
 

Mayk

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 12, 2011
Messages
4,648
I am two years older than my husband..and commonly refer to myself as a cougar.... :nono:
 

April20

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 1, 2008
Messages
3,323
DH is 8 years older than me. For us, that makes absolutely no difference.
 

packrat

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 12, 2008
Messages
10,614
JD's 4 months older. We hung out as friends for years before getting together so we're similar in a lot of ways. I did date a guy who was 12 years older. Didn't notice a difference..tho his dad was my mom's teacher in school so that was a bit weird.
 

vc10um

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 22, 2009
Messages
6,006
A is 7 months older than I am. I think we both act older than our age (we're both 27) and we have since we met. I have always acted older than my age (my mother use to say I turned 30, not 13) and from talking with his family, the same applies to A.
 

yennyfire

Ideal_Rock
Trade
Joined
Jun 6, 2010
Messages
6,760
There are 9 years between us. We don't notice the difference, except that some of the shows he remembers from the original, I saw as re-runs! :lol:
 

iheartscience

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 1, 2007
Messages
12,111
My husband is 3 years older than me. I've never dated anyone seriously who was more than 4 years older than me. I briefly dated a guy who was 27 when I was a freshman in college, but he was too immature for even an 18 year-old so it didn't last long! ;))

I think most of the time men in their late 20s/30s who date much younger women are immature. Once everyone is 30+ (say a 30 yo woman with a 40 yo man) there seems to be less of a maturity gap.
 

Pandora II

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 3, 2006
Messages
9,613
rosetta|1314690901|3005218 said:
Only 3 years between my husband and I, but he's way more into 80s music than I am.

Nothing wrong with a big age gap, as long as youre both happy.

I've always been wary of loving someone much older than me, as statistically he would die earlier than me, and much earlier, and I just couldn't handle that. I'm biased because I often see what couples go through when one of them is dying of cancer. I appreciate that I may be the only person here who thinks so practically like this!

But at the end of the day, you love who you love, and no age difference is going to change that. And no one can predict the future. And I too would take my chances, rather than turn love away.

I was equally wary - my grandmothers both married men more than 10 years older than them and have spent a long time as widows. I will also say that I was prepared to walk away from men with children or men who were too much older - I believe there is more than one person out there who could be right for you...

My younger sister married a man 8 years older than her and I have noticed that she seems much more middle-aged and further on in her life than my husband and I - not in terms of income or property or anything like that, just in mindset. Both my husband and hers were on extended job hunts until recently and he was being turned down because of his age and worrying about medicals etc which just weren't reasons that are even on our radar yet.

So, while I think it can work well - my parents are very happily married and just celebrated 40 years together - and really makes no difference on an emotional level, I did conciously choose to look for someone close to my age.
 

AmeliaG

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 8, 2011
Messages
880
BF is a couple years younger than I am but my BIL is 15 years older than my younger sister. Its ironic because he's the same age as my first BF who my parents thought was way too old for me. They're happy but my sister tells me she gets comments all the time about when she's going to leave him and it hurts.
 

charbie

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 16, 2008
Messages
2,512
Only ~2.5 years between DH and I.
I was an exchange student after high school, and he was a July baby so he graduated college quite young, while I was a bit older than my peers, which I think helped close the 'maturity gap'- he was already out of college 4 years when we met, and I was just about to graduate. Oddly enough, sometimes I think he is too responsible (not very often) and I think he has to roll his eyes and think 'grow up!' At some of the things I do...haha.
 

Logan Sapphire

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 5, 2003
Messages
2,400
Exactly 2 years apart (we have the same birthday, but he's older). I always morbidly tease him he's going to die 7 years earlier than I will, b/c he's 2 years older plus the 5 year gender difference.

I have a twin sister, so we always celebrate our 3 birthdays together.
 

Tanzigrrl

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 17, 2010
Messages
743
My husband is 10 years my senior. I don't feel the age gap much, if at all.
 

Octavia

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 28, 2007
Messages
2,660
DH is 3 years 3 months older. He is much higher-energy than I am, so sometimes I feel like he acts less mature (or I'm acting old...) -- not with the big things, though. Overall, we're pretty evenly matched.
 

Lady_Disdain

Ideal_Rock
Trade
Joined
Jul 25, 2008
Messages
3,988
I am 6 years older than my SO. At the very beginning, this did bother me. Now, I don't even notice it.
 

Lew Lew

Shiny_Rock
Trade
Joined
Jul 25, 2009
Messages
142
My husband is 6 years older than I am. I've always thought it was cool that he was older (so mature, smart, handsome!). I'm so used to the idea of an "older" man that the thought of being with someone my own age seems weird - like the guys would be immature or something. Silly, I know.
 

Circe

Ideal_Rock
Trade
Joined
Apr 26, 2007
Messages
8,087
When I was 24, I met a man at an alumni function. I figured he was maybe a decade older, which, while at the edge of my internal boundaries, seemed totally fine. We hit it off, and made a dinner date for later that week. As we were talking, I casually mentioned my age, and he boggled. Cue the following conversation:

"Wait, you're 24? I thought you were 34!"

"No ... afraid not. Why, how old are you?"

"44."

"But I thought you were 34!"

Yeah.

Apparently, I presented as being exceptionally mature, and he had aged well. We tried going out a few more times, but at some point I made a joke about the 70s, before I was born, and he said, "Ah, yes, I was 18 that year ...." and we just sort of looked at one another and called it a night. While I intellectually don't see anything wrong with an age difference, for me (and him, I presume), it was just too odd knowing there was that much of a gap between us in terms of lived experience ....
 

rubybeth

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2007
Messages
2,568
I'm 8 months old than DH and I graduated high school one year before him. I'd say that, while we are the same age for about 4 months of the year, my personality makes me seem older. I'm much more of a planner, and have a more set career path. He's still uncertain about what he wants to do, but being married to me gives him stability and I'd completely support him going back to school or changing jobs.
 

ame

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 7, 2004
Messages
10,794
He is 7 years older. Sometimes its noticeable, others it's not. We're both a couple of fat, overgrown children.
 

Sha

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 27, 2007
Messages
2,328
DH is 8 years older. He looks pretty young for his age, though. We don't really notice much of a difference. We relate pretty well to each other in most respects. Any differences I think, are mostly due to personality - not age/maturity.
 

sba771

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 1, 2008
Messages
887
He is 8 years older. The only time it was a bit weird has nothing to do with my husband. I found it weird when some of my former coworkers looked down at me or could not seem to look at me as a peer when they were the same age as DH. Also DH's family still looks at me like I am young and stupid so we are working on that.
 

Cehrabehra

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 29, 2006
Messages
11,071
I am two years older than my husband. We met when I was 5 and he was 3 and he's *always* been a bit of an old man. He is mr. stable and I'm a butterfly on a windy day lol :)
 

wannaBMrsH

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 27, 2008
Messages
1,049
My DH is only 3 years older than me, but I am his 2nd wife and I am 10 years younger than his first wife.

I agree with Pandora that you end up living the older person's age and the poster who said it's important to have the same values and goals.
I also want to add that whether it's the older spouse or the one with kids or the one with debt, that is the life you end up living.

My parents taught me that if you and your partner have the same values and the same goals, your odds of making a successful union are much greater than those who don't share the fundamentals. DH and I have completely different personalities and we have very different interests, but we believe in the same ideals and we have are always working together towards the same goals.
 
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