Advice on Diamond Return and Whiteflash

[nala]

It sounds like you have made up your mind to keep it. My advice is to stay off PS! I knew nothing about diamonds before PS. I didn’t even appreciate them. Now I obsess over my stone. I’ve traded it up a few times and each time, the loss I took really hurtfinancially. It didn’t hurt emotionally Bc hubby understands my passion and was very supportive. Neither of us knew any better for our first stone. There are many threads here about the upgrade journey, along with the regrets that arise about the first diamond. You are lucky that you have the information to avoid such a costly regret. Many diamonds—no matter how desirable—will lose at least 30 percent if trying to sell or upgrade. That’s a lot of money.
It’s true that you don’t know what the future holds. Kids. College for kids. Home. Etc. It’s easy to forget about the possibility of upgrading when you are starting a family. So upgrading may not be an issue anytime soon—-if you stay off PS! But don’t leave PS until after you post a smtb thread!

 

[whitewave]

I remembwe a guy lately who found a diamond that scored a 1 HCA. That is why I wondered lol

 

[Dancing Fire]

Just want to address the emotional side a bit. You say you're afraid you will really hurt your partners feelings if you go down this route and if that's true I would say it's not worth it. Diamonds are after all only shiny rocks. Nice expensive shiny rocks but not worth hurting someone over.

OP
Better to hurt your partner's feeling now then later.

 

[ringo865]

Nobody says you can't have two tiamonds. Or that an upgrade means you have to trade the original diamond in. So in two years odor five years (after gushing about your whiteflash studs) you mention how you really want an ACA. But that youblive your ring. And then you buy an ACA and just get it set in a different setting so you can switch around. Or put your original in a pendant. And have two beautiful diamond rings.

 

[Caly27]

The proposal happened last night. Here are some pics of the ring. I feel like the diamond might be set a bit high but I'm unsure. There isn't a ton of space between the bottom of it and the setting bottom so it might just be me getting used to it. Anyone have thoughts on whether it's advisable to return in exchange for whiteflash instead? I do think this one is pretty sparkly. Thanks!

 

[OoohShiny]

It looks very nice, some strong contrast patterns in the first pic!

It is what I would call a 'peg head' ring, in that the shank looks like it has a hole drilled into it and then the 'peg' underneath the prongs of the head is inserted into it. They are, but their very construction, higher settings than rings with the prongs incorporated into the shank itself, but neither is 'right' or 'wrong' - it is personal taste

I think you should wear it for a few days, see how you feel about it and if it catches on anything (jumpers, trousers, etc.) and go from there!

 

[LLJsmom]

You’re still considering it? I would probably return it if it were me. That is just me. When things linger in my head I know that I won’t be letting it go in the future and I would be scheming for some way to make it happen. You should know yourself well enough to know how you will act and feel. Either way your diamond looks beautiful. The peg head setting is not to my taste but what matters is what you love. (I have had a peg head and I whacked it everywhere.). Congratulations on your engagement.

 

[sledge]

I've seen so many ASET's my eyes are a little crossed but that one looks familiar. I wouldn't be surprised at all if he came here seeking advise. Probably the smartest thing us guys can do, lol.

The table and angles look and work great together. Below is a chart that I use to gauge and show potential buyers what they are getting into. Using your actual data, you can see it lands in IDEAL (red circle I drew) and when trying to account for GIA oddities in rounding & averaging there is a bigger blue circle I drew that shows where I would expect it to COULD land.



At this point I'd check HCA, which is also below 2. Check. Then I'd advise to get an idealscope or ASET image to confirm light performance. Check.

Clearly, your boyfriend/fiancee did his homework, as everything checks as expected. The ASET seriously looks fantastic. Is it ACA perfect? Nope. But it's damn close.

And the beautiful pictures support it! The stone and setting looks gorgeous! Although I might agree it does seem to sit a little high. But that is easily fixable should you decide it's a problem.

As a guy, I can attest it could hurt his feelings depending on him and how you handle the matter should you decide to swap it. I know me and my buddies put a lot of effort into trying to find a good stone and setting for our girls. There is some pride that goes with that. That said, I also know that if my girl had second thoughts about anything I'd want her to tell me (the right way) so we could address them before the return policy expired.

How you handle the emotional part is up to you. You know each other best. However, I will reiterate that while not an ACA stone, it is very beautiful and I think he did a splendid job choosing!

 

[ac117]

Well first, congratulations although you don't seem that excited. Really is a gorgeous diamond he chose, although I agree set a bit high, but it doesn't seem like you have peace of mind and this truly seems more like a mind clean issue since you have an ASET that shows this diamond's near perfect cut and light return that we all assured you of a couple of weeks ago. But....if it's that important to you, then bring it up before it's too late to return. You will not get a G VS1 for the same price at WF but if you're willing to sacrifice that, then at least you'll put your doubts to rest.

Could you just order a WF stone that's in the same budget to compare the two together?

 

[Caly27]

After wearing it for a couple of days, I've pretty much fallen in love and am set on keeping it. I've actually grown to like the high setting, although I haven't yet whacked it on anything. I'll leave upgrading concerns for down the road--maybe the bug will never bite.

I do have one question for all of you knowledgeable people. How do you handle resizing with online vendors? I was measured twice this summer--roughly two weeks apart and came back a 5 both times. But the ring is somewhat loose even on the hottest August days here after walking around. There are sixty more days to have it resized, but I'm at a loss for how much to go down given that I've already been measured.

 

[sledge]

After wearing it for a couple of days, I've pretty much fallen in love and am set on keeping it. I've actually grown to like the high setting, although I haven't yet whacked it on anything. I'll leave upgrading concerns for down the road--maybe the bug will never bite.

 

[Caly27]

There are just too many beautiful, sparkly, big diamonds posted on this site!

 

[Wewechew]

I’m so sending this to my husband! He won’t think it’s funny

 

[nala]

[QUOTE="sledge, post: 4385651, member: 10129

As a guy, I can attest it could hurt his feelings depending on him and how you handle the matter should you decide to swap it. I know me and my buddies put a lot of effort into trying to find a good stone and setting for our girls. There is some pride that goes with that. That said, I also know that if my girl had second thoughts about anything I'd want her to tell me (the right way) so we could address them before the return policy expired.

How you handle the emotional part is up to you. You know each other best. However, I will reiterate that while not an ACA stone, it is very beautiful and I think he did a splendid job choosing![/QUOTE]

This. He has a whole new thread on this. And he handled it really well.
Sledge, after your hurt feelings and desire to please her, would you not advocate strongly that she share her doubts with him? To what extent did your fiance’s doubts hurt you? Was it an initial hurt followed by a desire to please her? Did it scar you in any way? Lol. I know I sound dramatic, but that is my point. OP is back asking the same question after she had decided not to. Makes me think she still hasn’t resolved the issue, Bc no one is disputing she has a gorgeous stone. Yes. It’s a gorgeous ring. But that’s not the issue. The issue is that OP wants upgrade options. Fiancé will not think badly of you for being practical. That’s how I see it.
OP, you sound like a true PSer. You are back. Questioning the setting. I see an ACA with upgrades in your future. I guess I’m not the sensitive type who fears hurt feelings Bc I know those are only temporary and they occur over The slightest of reasons. I’m in the minority here; but I hope you don’t repress your true feelings until they fester when one day it will cost you over 10k to upgrade. Now that would be a reason for hurt feelings and those feelings might be yours. Most who have traded up their stones for WF have taken a loss of at least 10k. There was a thread also on an OP who had to decide for blue Nile upgrade or WF. The thread went on for 25 or so pages.

 

[cmd2014]

I think it is a *stunning* ring. Your FI clearly went to a lot of effort to find you a beautiful stone in a gorgeous size that gives you amazing finger coverage. I would wear it with pride and let go of the doubts. You won't be happy IMO with having to drop down in size, colour, and clarity just to have an ACA stone. This one will be a sentimental favourite and will make a beautiful pendant or right hand ring or center stone in a 3 stone ring someday if you decide to upgrade. Plus, now that it is the one that was used for the proposal, I think the sentimental value is higher than it would have been pre-proposal. For him especially. Men like to feel proud of what they have been able to offer the women that they love. Given how beautiful it is, I wouldn't risk shaming him if it were me. (I would risk hurt feelings for an ugly stone, not for this one).

 

[sledge]

So @nala I think it depends on the couple and their personalities. I can be very direct, which some people love and others hate. My heart did sink a little when my girl said she saw yellow. But the "fixer" in me immediately went into overdrive and I started analyzing why she saw yellow, if she really saw yellow, how badly the yellow affected her, etc.

In my case, I excluded my girl from the diamond buying process. I underestimated her sensitivity to color. And I failed to accommodate for an exposed diamond pavilion that will show more color than a typical setting.

I'm smart & secure enough with myself to understand I'm not perfect and I made mistakes. I have admitted those mistakes to her and owned them completely. At the end of the day, I just want her to be ecstatic with the ring on her finger. I beat myself up a little for the mistakes I mentioned above.

What annoys me the most is she mentioned it but doesn't want to do anything about it.

So my suggestion would be that if you are going to say something, then know what you want & expect so you can provide appropriate feedback and resolve in a TIMELY manner. Return policies, etc is a bear to deal with and we don't want to lose money hem-hawing around. Not to mention, you need to be okay with being patient. It may take a bit to find that "perfect" stone. All this is okay. Just know what you want and be okay with making it happen.

Believe it or not ladies, buying a ring that is "perfect" is an entirely different set of stresses than you face. We do it to show you our love for you, and when it's not right it can feel like the gift wasn't properly received if these talks don't go properly.

 

[Gussie]

@cmd2014 I love this!

"I would risk hurt feelings for an ugly stone, not for this one"

+1

 

[nala]

@cmd2014 I love this!

"I would risk hurt feelings for an ugly stone, not for this one"

+1

Ceg, I followed your upgrade journey as well. You also had a gorgeous ring but eventually took a loss to trade up for wf. Would you mind sharing how much of a loss that was? I think the issue is not the quality of the ring. Rather, the trade up possibility.

 

[nala]

I think it is a *stunning* ring. Your FI clearly went to a lot of effort to find you a beautiful stone in a gorgeous size that gives you amazing finger coverage. I would wear it with pride and let go of the doubts. You won't be happy IMO with having to drop down in size, colour, and clarity just to have an ACA stone. This one will be a sentimental favourite and will make a beautiful pendant or right hand ring or center stone in a 3 stone ring someday if you decide to upgrade. Plus, now that it is the one that was used for the proposal, I think the sentimental value is higher than it would have been pre-proposal. For him especially. Men like to feel proud of what they have been able to offer the women that they love. Given how beautiful it is, I wouldn't risk shaming him if it were me. (I would risk hurt feelings for an ugly stone, not for this one).

I don’t see it as shame. To me, that’s a bit dramatic. And you do admit that you would do it for an “ugly stone.” OP, your stone is not ugly. As you can see, everyone likes it. But very few are addressing your issue of practicality. At the end of the day, Many would have no problems hurting feelings if they didn’t like the stone, Regardless of the effort that fiancé put into it. Nobody here seems like they are above hurting feelings, they just have different reasons and it doesn’t mean yours is wrong.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Don't resize! Have a couple of sizing beads put in. That will tighten it up a bit, and then if your ring size ever increases, all you have to do is have those beads removed (polished out). Sizing a ring with pave on the shank is asking for trouble, because every time you do, it may loosen the stones. It's an easy solution and you can go to any higher end, fine jeweler (not a mall jeweler) and ask them to put in small beads to make it a half size smaller (or whatever is needed). Shouldn't cost much.

Your ring is gorgeous! I'd just get insurance immediately especially since the stone is set high (but you should get insurance regardless).

 

[cmd2014]

I don’t see it as shame. To me, that’s a bit dramatic. And you do admit that you would do it for an “ugly stone.” OP, your stone is not ugly. As you can see, everyone likes it. But very few are addressing your issue of practicality. At the end of the day, Many would have no problems hurting feelings if they didn’t like the stone, Regardless of the effort that fiancé put into it. Nobody here seems like they are above hurting feelings, they just have different reasons and it doesn’t mean yours is wrong.

To you it's dramatic, but it is my experience. My husband did experience unexpected feelings of shame when I mentioned many years after we got married that it might be nice to upgrade my stone (which is a lovely and sparkly 0.4 carat, SI2, I, that would most certainly not qualify as a PS quality cut stone). It's not that I dislike it. It's just that as I get older and we get more established, a larger stone might be nice. But it has caused a decade of hurt feelings - to the point where he no longer even likes going into jewelry stores with me because he feels bad that he "couldn't afford a better ring" when we were in our 20's and just starting out. His reaction is out of proportion I agree, but it's also how he feels. I've since been told that it's how many men feel. Had I known that, I would not have said anything. A ring is not as important as my husband's feelings.

Now, it may or may not be how op's fiance feels, but it sounds like he went to no small effort to find her a lovely and quite large stone, and more importantly, it sounds like *she* is afraid of hurting his feelings...which means that she suspects that it might. Would it be worth it if she was devastated about the ring? Possibly. Is it worth it when she has a beautiful stone that she clearly liked when she first saw it? Probably not. Is it possible that she's just having some feelings of uncertainty because all of the messages here say that cut is king and anything less than a high performance diamond might be a source of regret later? Maybe. Is it possible that she's feeling uncertain because of messages here that she will *definitely* want to upgrade later? Maybe (keeping in mind that many women outside of PS do not ever feel that urge). I was simply speaking to my experience (hence the "this is what I would do if it were me"). Not everyone is going to see things the way that you do. Ymmv. It's what makes the world an interesting place.

 

[Caly27]

I really have fallen in love with the diamond and ring now . . . high setting and all. I do love bigger diamonds, but I think this is a good, wearable size for me. There will always be a bigger and better diamond out there, and I think I need to focus on mine and the effort and thought that my fiance put into it. Plus, I do believe it would hurt his feelings a bit, especially post-proposal. I want him to know how much I appreciate it. Although I'm sure he would love a break from me holding it up and saying "look how sparkly" in every new type of lighting. If I thought it wouldn't bother him at all, I might consider it more at this point. But it's not worth it for me.

@diamondseeker2006 I didn't even know those were a thing. Great suggestion! Thank you!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Your diamond is gorgeous! If it wasn't, then our advice might be different. We have seen people show us awful diamonds, and it is hard to lie if they express concern and ask if they should try to return. So enjoy your beautiful ring and being engaged!