AmberGretchen
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2005
- Messages
- 7,770
Hello everyone. This is my first time putting this all out in writing, so I apologize that it will probably get long and possibly confusing.
I''ve recently been sick, for about three weeks now, pretty much confined to my apartment since I was diagnosed with Whooping Cough and so I can''t go out since I might be contagious. I''ll probably be well enough to go back to my lab tomorrow, which has filled me with a deep sense of unhappiness, that I''ve confronted before, but this illness has given me time to really think about it, and I find that I''m no closer to arriving at a decision of any kind. So I thought I might see if some of the kind and intelligent people here, who have a different set of perspectives and experiences than the people I''ve already discussed this with have, have some ideas, to see if that might help provide some clarity.
A little bit of background first. I went to an ivy league college, which I loved - I''ve always enjoyed learning and this particular school encouraged independent direction and learning, which I''ve always appreciated (I did independent study in high school where I didn''t go to any classes but studied almost entirely on my own and just had to take exams with everyone else). I graduated in May of ''04 with a double major in biology and public policy (similar to political science). I had very much enjoyed both areas of study, and originally I wanted to attend medical school before I discovered that I hated organic chemistry and basic physics, and didn''t think I would be good enough with people to be a good doctor. So I decided to try working in a lab in college, and I loved it. Hence graduate school in the biological sciences seemed like the logical choice.
Problem is, here I am in my third year (so 2.5 years completed, approximately) of a PhD program and I''m pretty much miserable. I have a reasonably interesting project (although progress is incredibly slow and frustrating), nice labmates and an amazing boss. So I think its unlikely that, other than my project somehow speeding up, which I have very little control over, there''s anything I can change about my situation that might make me happier right now. I''m also happy with my life otherwise, so I don''t think its that either - I have a wonderful husband, great friends, and a reasonable number of hobbies and interests to occupy my time when I''m not in lab.
So the decision I''m struggling with (I know, finally), is whether or not to try to stick it out and finish my PhD. I''ve put a lot of thought into it, and I''ve come up with the following thoughts, in no particular order:
1. I don''t want to stay in science in the sense of doing it in a lab, but learning about it is still interesting to me. In fact, my favorite part of graduate school was researching and pulling together the 30-page proposal of a research plan for my qualifying exams, which involved exhaustive library research, tons of brainstorming about how to solve a particular problem, and then condensing it all down into a logical document and a short presentation which was defended before a committee of professors.
2. I like the idea of going into something like management consulting, but everything I''ve read so far indicates that a PhD in life sciences if that''s your field is necessary to get a job at a top firm, and if I leave now, I''d only get a Masters. Its really tough to find information on what my career options would be outside of science with a Masters in Immunology, so I feel like I''m operating from a lack of knowledge on that.
3. I hate the idea of being miserable a lot of the time for the next 2-3 years while I finish a degree in something I don''t want to spend my life doing.
4. I miss using other parts of my brain besides the science part - I am passionate about and interested in a number of issues, including most kinds of public policy and political science, history, art, and particularly in the issues surrounding the connection of science and health care to business and markets in a way that makes sense for everyone involved. I talked to someone who went from my program to a job at a top-three consulting firm and he compared being in grad school to body-building with only one muscle group. That''s a perfect analogy of how I feel and its frustrating.
5. I''m having trouble getting motivated (and I''m normally a really motivated person) to do the work I need to do in lab. I just can''t get excited about the minutiae that are essential for a good scientist to get worked up about. I find myself caring much more about the "big picture" than about the results of a particular experiment or trying to troubleshoot stuff in the lab, even though I know that its all related.
6. I know if I stop, it will feel like "quitting," and I hate to think of myself as a "quitter" - I know I''d be embarrassed and more important disappointed in myself for not sticking it out, although some of that would be tempered if I truly felt it was the right decision.
7. I can''t think of another academic program (i.e. law school, business school, etc...) that would make me happier right now. Sometimes I think maybe I should have gone the medical school route because I think I would enjoy it more than this in the short term, but I think over the long run it would have brought many of the same issues. Plus I would be in serious debt right now, whereas at least I get paid to be in graduate school.
8. I''ve always felt that a career in policy or public health at a lower level (i.e. the level of job I would currently be qualified for) would be way too frustrating for me - I''ve watched my mom go through this experience as an epidemiologist and I am not especially eager to repeat it, despite my strong interest in policy. I think that getting experience and seniority in business first is more the way to go.
OK, I think that''s everything I can think of. I also think its important to mention that I do understand that I''m incredibly lucky just to be having this problem - I have a lot more options than most people, and believe me I do feel blessed because of that. But I also dread going back to the lab, and I''ve been unhappy there and struggling with this decision for a while. I have talked to my mentor/boss about it, and he was very understanding and supportive and I know (again, I do realize how incredibly lucky this makes me) he''ll support whatever decisions I make and help me however he can (probably he''ll be less able to help with something outside science but I''m sure he''d still try).
Sorry this is so incredibly long, but I''m really hoping that maybe some of the wonderful people here can help provide some insight in this dilemma and maybe clarify what might be the best decision here. Thank you in advance for your advice - I''m really looking forward to reading it.
I''ve recently been sick, for about three weeks now, pretty much confined to my apartment since I was diagnosed with Whooping Cough and so I can''t go out since I might be contagious. I''ll probably be well enough to go back to my lab tomorrow, which has filled me with a deep sense of unhappiness, that I''ve confronted before, but this illness has given me time to really think about it, and I find that I''m no closer to arriving at a decision of any kind. So I thought I might see if some of the kind and intelligent people here, who have a different set of perspectives and experiences than the people I''ve already discussed this with have, have some ideas, to see if that might help provide some clarity.
A little bit of background first. I went to an ivy league college, which I loved - I''ve always enjoyed learning and this particular school encouraged independent direction and learning, which I''ve always appreciated (I did independent study in high school where I didn''t go to any classes but studied almost entirely on my own and just had to take exams with everyone else). I graduated in May of ''04 with a double major in biology and public policy (similar to political science). I had very much enjoyed both areas of study, and originally I wanted to attend medical school before I discovered that I hated organic chemistry and basic physics, and didn''t think I would be good enough with people to be a good doctor. So I decided to try working in a lab in college, and I loved it. Hence graduate school in the biological sciences seemed like the logical choice.
Problem is, here I am in my third year (so 2.5 years completed, approximately) of a PhD program and I''m pretty much miserable. I have a reasonably interesting project (although progress is incredibly slow and frustrating), nice labmates and an amazing boss. So I think its unlikely that, other than my project somehow speeding up, which I have very little control over, there''s anything I can change about my situation that might make me happier right now. I''m also happy with my life otherwise, so I don''t think its that either - I have a wonderful husband, great friends, and a reasonable number of hobbies and interests to occupy my time when I''m not in lab.
So the decision I''m struggling with (I know, finally), is whether or not to try to stick it out and finish my PhD. I''ve put a lot of thought into it, and I''ve come up with the following thoughts, in no particular order:
1. I don''t want to stay in science in the sense of doing it in a lab, but learning about it is still interesting to me. In fact, my favorite part of graduate school was researching and pulling together the 30-page proposal of a research plan for my qualifying exams, which involved exhaustive library research, tons of brainstorming about how to solve a particular problem, and then condensing it all down into a logical document and a short presentation which was defended before a committee of professors.
2. I like the idea of going into something like management consulting, but everything I''ve read so far indicates that a PhD in life sciences if that''s your field is necessary to get a job at a top firm, and if I leave now, I''d only get a Masters. Its really tough to find information on what my career options would be outside of science with a Masters in Immunology, so I feel like I''m operating from a lack of knowledge on that.
3. I hate the idea of being miserable a lot of the time for the next 2-3 years while I finish a degree in something I don''t want to spend my life doing.
4. I miss using other parts of my brain besides the science part - I am passionate about and interested in a number of issues, including most kinds of public policy and political science, history, art, and particularly in the issues surrounding the connection of science and health care to business and markets in a way that makes sense for everyone involved. I talked to someone who went from my program to a job at a top-three consulting firm and he compared being in grad school to body-building with only one muscle group. That''s a perfect analogy of how I feel and its frustrating.
5. I''m having trouble getting motivated (and I''m normally a really motivated person) to do the work I need to do in lab. I just can''t get excited about the minutiae that are essential for a good scientist to get worked up about. I find myself caring much more about the "big picture" than about the results of a particular experiment or trying to troubleshoot stuff in the lab, even though I know that its all related.
6. I know if I stop, it will feel like "quitting," and I hate to think of myself as a "quitter" - I know I''d be embarrassed and more important disappointed in myself for not sticking it out, although some of that would be tempered if I truly felt it was the right decision.
7. I can''t think of another academic program (i.e. law school, business school, etc...) that would make me happier right now. Sometimes I think maybe I should have gone the medical school route because I think I would enjoy it more than this in the short term, but I think over the long run it would have brought many of the same issues. Plus I would be in serious debt right now, whereas at least I get paid to be in graduate school.
8. I''ve always felt that a career in policy or public health at a lower level (i.e. the level of job I would currently be qualified for) would be way too frustrating for me - I''ve watched my mom go through this experience as an epidemiologist and I am not especially eager to repeat it, despite my strong interest in policy. I think that getting experience and seniority in business first is more the way to go.
OK, I think that''s everything I can think of. I also think its important to mention that I do understand that I''m incredibly lucky just to be having this problem - I have a lot more options than most people, and believe me I do feel blessed because of that. But I also dread going back to the lab, and I''ve been unhappy there and struggling with this decision for a while. I have talked to my mentor/boss about it, and he was very understanding and supportive and I know (again, I do realize how incredibly lucky this makes me) he''ll support whatever decisions I make and help me however he can (probably he''ll be less able to help with something outside science but I''m sure he''d still try).
Sorry this is so incredibly long, but I''m really hoping that maybe some of the wonderful people here can help provide some insight in this dilemma and maybe clarify what might be the best decision here. Thank you in advance for your advice - I''m really looking forward to reading it.