Adoption Thread

[Logan Sapphire]

Congrats Bella!!!! Very exciting! I hope everything continues to move quickly for you.

Is your referral agency in the same state as your home study agency? Ours were not, and we also had to do an ICPC even though we were doing an international adoption.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

We officially accepted our referral today (and got 10 new pics, some from last week!!!!).

B was moved to our agencies awesome care center a few weeks ago!!!!!

Sheesh Logan, I don't think we need to do ICPC in NY for international adoption, I'll have to look into it more...our placement agency is in a different state...when did you do the ICPC?

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Here's a snippet from our timeline that mentions the ICPC:

11/21/08- I-600 A approved (7 month turn-around)

12/10/08- REFERRAL!!!

12/15/08- pediatrician appointment

12/17/08- accepted referral

12/18/08- Fed Ex’d assignment papers to Dillon.

12/29/08 – CIS acknowledged receipt of I-600 application

1/06/09– Mailed Interstate Compact (ICPC) Fee to Dillon along with thank you note to the foster mother.

2/26/09- received word from Dillon that Emigration Permission was received.

3/3/09- received word from Dillon that the passport was received.

3/25/09- Visa interview and travel clearance given!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't remember exactly when the ICPC was approved. Those 3 or 4 months after we accepted the referral were the longest months of my life! There's a number you can call to see when your child has their visa interview at the embassy and I was calling every day. Ah, the craziness!

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Bella, I was just thinking that I bet the reason we had to do an ICPC was b/c with Korean adoptions, the adoption isn't finalized in-country like most other international adoptions are. So technically while our daughter was in our physical custody, the placement agency in OK had legal guardianship of her until her adoption was finalized by an American court 6 months later. So hopefully you won't have to do one!

 

[Bella_mezzo]

hi Logan, Thanks for the timeline!

I think that's it re the guardianship...adoptions are legally finalized in Ethiopia and B will enter the US on an IR-3 visa...

talked to our super slow homestudy agency and they said "we are printing the copy to notarize right now" and then 2 hours later they called to clarify our placement agency's address, so hopefully they are mailing the copies today which means tomorrow we can FedEx our I-600A app It's like a race to get a court date before the rainy season this summer!

 

[Logan Sapphire]

At least that's one less thing you have to do then! C. came home with a green card (so cute to see a baby's picture on it) and an IR-4 visa.

If you look at our time line above, our I-600A took 7 months to get approved. Ridiculous. I hope your process is much, much quicker. Our CIS office is located (literally) right next door to my sister's condo and I could barely restrain myself from storming their doors.

 

[Lanie]

Congrats Bella!!! One step closer!

 

[mayachel]

This thread is so inspiring. I am so excited for you Imperfectgirl! What wonderful news and so great that the birth mother chose to to share the ultra sound picture with you.

I have questions for a friend of mine, she is single and currently living in America, but German born. She has been trying to conceive-originally with a partner, but since from donor sperm for about three years. She would be an amazing mother, and recently we've been discussing adoption.

Does anyone here have experience of how to start with an overseas citizen living (legally) within the US looking to adopt as a single mother?

 

[Bella_mezzo]

Logan,

Right now the I-600A are averaging 3-6 weeks for processing. They centralized the whole system this summer which made the previous slow system even slower, but around November the system started to get much more efficient. We are praying that continues through our application...

We got the notarized copies of the homestudy in the mail today and will be overnighting our I-600A application first thing Monday morning. Happy Valentine's Day to us!!!

It's been taking about 1-2 weeks to receive a fingerprinting appt, but as soon as you get your appt invitation you can try to walk-in at the fingerprinting location b/c they just scan in the bar code on the invite letter. We will definitely be trying to walk-in

So, here we go!!!

 

[pennquaker09]

I've got some awesome news to share with everyone. We got a call informing us that a young girl wanted to put her baby boy up for adoption. At this point I'm cautiously optimistic.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

Yay Penn!!!! Congrats on being "cautiously optimistic!

 

[ImperfectGirl]

Wow Bella! Awesome news and yes, Happy Valentine's Day to you and your DH! I sincerely hope everything is smooth in your process. And how wonderful that you got to see updated photos!!

Penn - I totally understand being cautiously optimistic. I will keep you in my thoughts and I hope this works our for you!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Great news Bella and Penn! Can't wait to hear updates and hope everything goes smoothly.

Bella are you taking parental leave at all when B comes home? I ask as a mother of a 2 year old mostly because you are going to feel like you were dropped into the middle of a monkey cage when he comes home There are challenges with a newborn or a toddler, no matter what its an adjustment, but I personally find the two year old challenges a little more emotionally and mentally draining because as a parent you have to be so on the ball and always sticking to your guns and being consistent to deal with the boundaries testing stuff. I suppose it might take a while for that to develop with B since he will be adjusting to living in a new place with you guys, and most kids don't turn into wild, uncontrollable animals until they feel totally secure . But a little time off to figure it all out will be essential! Also do you have any friends with kids of a similar age?

 

[Bella_mezzo]

hahahahaha DD-yes, I plan to take 12 weeks of unpaid mat leave if I am still at my current job and I will try to negotiate 1-2 days per week working from home, but I am really not sure if I can get that to fly.

I am well acquainted with the toddler stages (and really pretty much all stages birth to 6 or so) b/c I babysat extensively for most of my life (age 13 to present) and was a nanny for 5 of those years. With one year of nannying being a full-time live-in nannny for infant twins and their pre-school aged sister and the other 4 years covering birth to age 4 with a family who had 2 children. Then I taught private music classes to children ages 2-6. We are fortunate to have TONS of friends with 2-4 year old boys (I think 6 of them live with-in 5 blocks of us).

DH will also be home most of the time depending on his class schedule (he'll be in school and not working) which will give me some flexibility.

but...I just got called for a second interview for what I think would be my dream job for the next 5 years...(very small for-profit firm, super flexible work from home position, capitalizes on my skill set and strengths, works towards a goal I believe in, and pays better/has better benefits than my current job). If I get offered that position, I will probably take 4-6 weeks of unpaid leave, work part-time in the evenings when B is in bed for the next 6+ weeks(or during the day if DH is home to wrangle him and I can get out of the house), and then find the schedule that works best for our family.

Since "older" adopted kids (and really all adopted kids) need some special TLC to facilitate bonding/attachment/security it would be amazing to work from home. Depending on B's needs and personality I would probably rent an "office" in a nearby apartment or building to have a clear work space and not have him feeling like I'm home but ignoring him...

So, we'll see...if I am still at my current INSANE job, then yes, 12 weeks unpaid leave If this new job works out, there might be some interesting flexible options which would be ideal!

 

[lliang_chi]

Bella! WOW! I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed that you can land that dream job. Sounds perfect for you.

IG & Penn, I'm so happy for you guys.

Hope everything goes smoothly for all you ladies from here on out!!!

 

[ImperfectGirl]

hahahahaha DD-yes, I plan to take 12 weeks of unpaid mat leave if I am still at my current job and I will try to negotiate 1-2 days per week working from home, but I am really not sure if I can get that to fly.

I am well acquainted with the toddler stages (and really pretty much all stages birth to 6 or so) b/c I babysat extensively for most of my life (age 13 to present) and was a nanny for 5 of those years. With one year of nannying being a full-time live-in nannny for infant twins and their pre-school aged sister and the other 4 years covering birth to age 4 with a family who had 2 children. Then I taught private music classes to children ages 2-6. We are fortunate to have TONS of friends with 2-4 year old boys (I think 6 of them live with-in 5 blocks of us).

DH will also be home most of the time depending on his class schedule (he'll be in school and not working) which will give me some flexibility.

but...I just got called for a second interview for what I think would be my dream job for the next 5 years...(very small for-profit firm, super flexible work from home position, capitalizes on my skill set and strengths, works towards a goal I believe in, and pays better/has better benefits than my current job). If I get offered that position, I will probably take 4-6 weeks of unpaid leave, work part-time in the evenings when B is in bed for the next 6+ weeks(or during the day if DH is home to wrangle him and I can get out of the house), and then find the schedule that works best for our family.

Since "older" adopted kids (and really all adopted kids) need some special TLC to facilitate bonding/attachment/security it would be amazing to work from home. Depending on B's needs and personality I would probably rent an "office" in a nearby apartment or building to have a clear work space and not have him feeling like I'm home but ignoring him...

So, we'll see...if I am still at my current INSANE job, then yes, 12 weeks unpaid leave If this new job works out, there might be some interesting flexible options which would be ideal!

Such good news about the new job! Sending tons of *****PS dust****** your way!

eta: thanks lliang_chi

 

[Dreamer_D]

hahahahaha DD-yes, I plan to take 12 weeks of unpaid mat leave if I am still at my current job and I will try to negotiate 1-2 days per week working from home, but I am really not sure if I can get that to fly.

I am well acquainted with the toddler stages (and really pretty much all stages birth to 6 or so) b/c I babysat extensively for most of my life (age 13 to present) and was a nanny for 5 of those years. With one year of nannying being a full-time live-in nannny for infant twins and their pre-school aged sister and the other 4 years covering birth to age 4 with a family who had 2 children. Then I taught private music classes to children ages 2-6. We are fortunate to have TONS of friends with 2-4 year old boys (I think 6 of them live with-in 5 blocks of us).

All of that will help, no doubt! Kids do have a away of saving the most fun behaviour for parents -- Hunter never refuses to wear clothing and instead desires to writh around crying and running around the house nude for 30 minutes with his daycare or my mom I hope the new job works out, it sounds more family friendly.

 

[icekid]

Bella- I have been reading and keeping up with your adoption and cannot tell you how thrilled I am for you. This post has been a LONG LONG time coming, but my hands are always full which makes typing difficult I'll be here reading and living vicariously Yay for little B and mommyhood!!

Imperfect and penn- So excited to hear about your journeys, as well. Adoption has always been something I see in our future and it is so great to see others grow their families this way.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

thanks Ice!!! Your hands are definitely full with something cute, so it's totally understandable

We submitted our I-600A today, and got a giant invoice from our agency for the referral acceptance fees So happy that this is happening quickly, but ai-yi-yi it's going to be an interesting cash flow situation for the next few months...we need to get our taxes filed so we can get the refund ASAP.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Happy to see all the good news!

 

[ImperfectGirl]

thanks Ice!!! Your hands are definitely full with something cute, so it's totally understandable

We submitted our I-600A today, and got a giant invoice from our agency for the referral acceptance fees So happy that this is happening quickly, but ai-yi-yi it's going to be an interesting cash flow situation for the next few months...we need to get our taxes filed so we can get the refund ASAP.

Yaaay!! So glad youg guys got it submitted!
Know what you mean re: giant invoice...sheesh this whole process is soooo expensive! I'm sure it will all fall into place for you guys!

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Not to be Debbie Downer, but I just needed to mini-vent. DH's brother is adopting and asked DH to be a reference. The reference form arrived today and in the cover letter from the Adoption Program Director was the statement, "We should like to add that we do not expect adoptive parents to be any more perfect than natural parents.." I was floored! So much for positive adoption language. As a parent to both an adopted child and a child by birth, I can attest that there is nothing unnatural about parenting an adopted child. What kind of message does that send to adoptive parents and the general public who is already uninformed about adoption??

Sorry to be negative. Congrats again to Bella, Penn, and ImperfectGirl for their good news!

 

[Bella_mezzo]

Wow Logan, that is crazy! Are they using a reputable agency? That sounds really 1950...

 

[Deelight]

Congrats to all the new upcoming adoptions - so very happy for you all

 

[ImperfectGirl]

Wow Logan, that amazes me!! There is so much negative language associated with adoption but I would never expect it from an adoption agency. Wow, that just makes me sad. I'd hate to be labeled an unnatural parent because I didn't birth my child.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

Today USCIS (immigration) cashed our check for our I-600A application!!!!

Tomorrow I am stopping by the post office to mail our official referral acceptance documents for B as well as the giant check for the rest of the fees...so exciting that we are one step closer

We have Dr's appts next Friday to get some of our travel vaccines and the different medical forms that our new agency requires. Then I think our dossier will be done excepting the I-171H which should be in process now

 

[Izzy03]

I have scanned through this thread and find it so beautiful!!! You ladies are so inspiring!

Adoption is such a lengthy and difficult process for many, what a great idea to have a support thread exclusively about adoption.

My parents struggled with infertility and it took them years before they were finally "approved" to adopt by brother (I surprised them about a year later ).

I have always been amazed some of the comments people have made to me such as, "Well, he isn't your real brother!"...... REALLY? My parents were always very open with us about my brother's adoption and I can't say any of us ever thought of him as "different". While I would like experience bearing a child, I also hope to adopt internationally one day.

Today, my brother is finishing his Doctorate in physical therapy, just another successful adoption story!

Congrats on your little man Bella!!

 

[Bella_mezzo]

thanks Izzy-we are so excited!!!!

Congrats to your brother!

I'd love to hear anything that you think helped build bonds between you and your brother. I know a couple families where it worked great, and a few where it didn't work so great and children who were adopted felt second class...we are hoping to build our family through adoption and pregnancy and hope that that B will be the big brother to several awesome siblings down the line no matter how they come to be part of our family We hope that they will all enjoy the close relationships that DH and I both have with our siblings.

 

[Felicity]

Bella: Hi sweetheart, I just read your updates and am so excited for you and your husband. I just can't believe that you have pics of your little man. It must be so surreal for you now. I was so happy to hear he got moved to the care home and am glad you are able to engage in some retail therapy with this little boy in mind, that must be fun! Congrats too on the new job offer, sounds like your ducks are finally lining up, not before time if I may be so bold. I love to read your updates and wish that there wasn't so much paperwork between you and your little B. Much love.


Carry on!

 

[pennquaker09]

Really happy to see all of the good new here! And it just keeps coming, I've been meaning to come and update everyone, we met with the birth mom and her mom and she's a really sweet girl. She's having a boy. Which is good, because Gray made it clear that he didn't want a sister. Savannah is indifferent. I can see her trying to help me out. Anyway, her mom encouraged her to meet us to see that her baby could really end up in a good home. She's a teenager, and I think she's having a bit of a hard time, but we brought along the twins and she said that definitely eased her fears. Still no definitive agreement, it's looking good, however.

But we, well I, received another call late last week about ANOTHER baby, so even though I hope that everything goes through with this baby, we could still have another chance to adopt this year.

On top of that, Nate got a call from CHOP about a job. He hasn't asked me what I think yet, but since I know he won't get on my computer, I can admit to you all that I would probably run outside and do a full twisting layout like I used to do in my teenage years. That's how happy I would be to get out of New Jersey. I love it here, don't get me wrong, but we've been house shopping and without going into the TF or calling parents, we can't buy the kind of house we want. In Philly, our kids could have a yard, and we could have enough bedrooms so our folks won't have to stay in hotels when they visit.