A Lot of Petty Stuff Going On IMHO

[iLander]

I posted this in random thoughts, but I think it's time to start a thread.

Is it just me, or does it seem like PS is getting really petty and small?

I feel like posters are just looking for any excuse to attack each other, usually over small, stupid things.

Takes the fun out of it for me, even if I'm not directly involved.

I let a lot of stuff go in some of my past threads, things that made me go , but I didn't comment because I prefer to use old-fashioned manners: when someone in the room farts, you don't comment.

I also feel that whatever I say, it will be parsed and criticized, regardless of civility. So, I really shouldn't even write this comment.

It's really made me adverse to posting on PS at all.

Does anyone have suggestions to improve the situation?

 

[Imdanny]

My method lately is to ignore what I don't like (or at least I try! ).

I don't find any diminution of the atmosphere at PS, but then again maybe that's because I'm posted only every few days?

I don't know.

 

[JewelFreak]

I'm like Danny -- ignore it. Quibbles go on in online groups just as RL ones. Maybe chemical un-attractions carry over the ether. Pointless to get into haggling online because you can never win an argument over the internet.

One of the worst things about the internet is that it doesn't carry a tone of voice -- so often I've had wrangles w/RL friends over something I wrote that they read in a different tone than I wrote it, if you can follow that. So now I refuse to discuss subjects that can get emotional online; phone me or do it face to face. No point in letting somebody you've never met anger the heck out of you; life's too short.

I actually find PS less nasty than many online places. The occasional brawl breaks out, but shrug & go to the next thread. I'm not gonna worry if X and Y don't get along; it's their problem.

-- Laurie

 

[Dancing Fire]

they don't bother me...

 

[labellavita81]

I agree... I have been a member since 2007 (even though my screen name suggests otherwise). I mostly lurk. I have noticed that in the recent months everyone seems on edge. There is always so much negativity and some people take this site WAY TOO SERIOUSLY. I know that some people "live" on this site but it is still the internet and if you don't like someones post, topic, comment, etc then don't respond. Some people like to stir the pot and thats how life is on or off the internet... at least on here I can make the choice whether or not I want to respond.

 

[Circe]

Fewer people = more tension, I think. Hopefully, we'll stick new members to replace the ones that were lost in the switchover to 2.0.

Otherwise, I guess we can all get real used to the "Ignore" button ....

 

[Miss Sparkly]

Mostly women = PMS somewhere! Hey, I know I'm a real witch around that time and for that I'm sorry

 

[AdiS]

Fewer people = more tension, I think. Hopefully, we'll stick new members to replace the ones that were lost in the switchover to 2.0.

Otherwise, I guess we can all get real used to the "Ignore" button ....

Seriously, I just recently returned to PS after taking a break for a while, and I already feel like I might need to use it soon. It wasn''t even anything directed at me, just the general attitude of certain posters and their readiness to attack each other. Needing an "Ignore" function is a first in my history as a member of the forum. Can't say I quite like the feeling.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Is this going to turn into another 24 hour thread?

PS has been like a bad relationship lately. Things start getting tense, then everything comes to a head (usually in a thread that eventually gets deleted), at some point pie is served and then it sort of starts over again.

 

[Gypsy]

iLander, weren't you the one who was posted in one of the deleted threads about CUSO, how much you were enjoying everyone's mean comments about him? In fact you posted twice commenting on how mean everyone was being, and how much you enjoyed it. Seems a little disingenious for you to be posting this.

Pots and Kettles.

I've always had a mental ignore list. But I am also of the opinion that if you can dish it out, you should be able to take it.

 

[Haven]

Is this going to turn into another 24 hour thread?

PS has been like a bad relationship lately. Things start getting tense, then everything comes to a head (usually in a thread that eventually gets deleted), at some point pie is served and then it sort of starts over again.

I agree. I'm definitely losing interest and find myself spending my free time doing other things.

FWIW--I have the impression that some posters pride themselves on their ability to throw down, if you will. If you remember CUSO, he was definitely bullied and pursued by a couple posters, and one of them even alluded to the fact that they could tear him apart if they wanted to, or something along those lines. I know the people who engaged in that fight felt they were justified because CUSO seemed to be bragging, but I will admit that those threads were an enormous turn off for me and everyone engaged in targeting CUSO came across as being incredibly petty to me.

Now, I'm just sharing that as a concrete example of what *I* perceive as pettiness and smallness here on PS. Of course, I realize that writing this may cause something here, depending on whether you believe me that I'm making this comment in the spirit of honesty and not as an attempt to start a fight. I'm not a fighter, though, and I rarely engage in forum brouhahas because, well, that's just not my style.

But yes, I agree with you, ILander, PS seems to be filled with a lot of unpleasant posters lately.

ETA: Gypsy posted while I was typing out my response. Had I come to this thread a few minutes later, I would have just quoted Gypsy and said "ditto."

ETA2: My misuse of the pronoun "they" in my original response was intentional. In an attempt to veil identities, I didn't want to pick a gender.

 

[junebug17]

Mostly women = PMS somewhere! Hey, I know I'm a real witch around that time and for that I'm sorry

Nah, you're nice Sparkly Blonde! In fact, I still feel guilty because I was rude to you in a thread (for the life of me I can't remember which one or what it was about, but I know I said inappropriate things). I apologized to you in the thread, but I'm not sure you saw it. Anyway, I'm sorry I was mean to you!

 

[junebug17]

Is this going to turn into another 24 hour thread?

PS has been like a bad relationship lately. Things start getting tense, then everything comes to a head (usually in a thread that eventually gets deleted), at some point pie is served and then it sort of starts over again.

This is pretty much how I see it too.

But in spite of the occasional mean-spiritedness, there is also a great deal of kindness that is displayed here on PS that is overlooked. There are some really nice people here.

ETA: And by "nice" I don't mean rainbows and puppies and "tell you what you want to hear" nice. I mean genuinely kind, compassionate, and able to be honest without being cruel.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Is this going to turn into another 24 hour thread?

PS has been like a bad relationship lately. Things start getting tense, then everything comes to a head (usually in a thread that eventually gets deleted), at some point pie is served and then it sort of starts over again.

This is pretty much how I see it too.

But in spite of the occasional mean-spiritedness, there is also a great deal of kindness that is displayed here on PS that is overlooked. There are some really nice people here.
ETA: And by "nice" I don't mean rainbows and puppies and "tell you what you want to hear" nice. I mean genuinely kind, compassionate, and able to be honest without being cruel.

thank you, junebug... ..

 

[Shoopy]

This is just my observation that others can ignore if they think it's silly.

When you have a group of anonymous posters who find each other through other venues with little to no moderation AND remain anonymous, well you are going to run into issues. Being anonymous provides a certain confidence to say things you wouldn't otherwise say using your real contact information. Some like to see it as being more honest under the mask of a protected name. I guess in some cases that is true but in most I see it as a means to be more disrespectful, petty, and downright rude. Moderators do so much more in a community than edit posts.

It seems to me that a lot of the drama that goes down happens OFF of PS and then brought here, I guess to make the masses aware?? I would much rather not know.

 

[CJ2008]

I don't know that it's any different than it's ever been.

I've always ignored any threads or comments that are full of negativity and/or tension. It just doesn't interest me, and I don't even want to waste my energy reading negative stuff.

I do notice it seems to be "slower" - but I think there's still a lot of great people here, who are ready to offer their thoughts and support, or just to share whatever it is. That's what I'm here for - the rest I ignore.

 

[kenny]

I'm definitely guilty of spending too much time here and taking things too seriously.





Time to take a Chill Pill.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I have to disagree that this is "recent"...and more along the lines of par for the course--not all the time, as in every thread, but it does happen. I also recently took an extended break, I needed to--not required to. What eventually brought me back was this, there are so many good things that happens here and in my few years as a member I feel I can attest to that. The community, at large is really a great place to spend extended time, if you have it and choose to spend it that way. But the drama does creep up, escalate quickly and someone usually ends up getting hurt, whether they'd admit it or not. People get this bravado behind their computer and things are often said that leave someone licking their wounds. I know the logical side is to say "hey, this is just the internet, don't take it seriously"...but verbal attacks on ones character are hurtful, virtually or not. I'm not saying that everything needs to be gold star stickers and sugar coated fluff...but even constructed criticism, when offered sincerely and worded kindly can be beneficial to anyone.

It makes me sad really. The reality is this, I (like most of you probably) join forums to have good conversation and kill some free time discussing life or hobbies or trivial things--it's something to do for fun, like an adult extracurricular activity. But, I am often left wondering when does the fun start...

I'll own my guilt and responsibility when it comes to posting before really thinking...sometime my intial or or gets the best of me and I just let it all hang out. It's not something I'm proud of. But it's something I try to be more aware of now than I was in the past...and most importantly, it's something I try to change. I often now read a post, walk away, think it over and come back to weigh in. Sometimes that's hard, like if someone is being attacked (and I've been there, so I know how it feels) and I see that they are being hung out to dry--I'll speak up on their behalf (if I agree with them, of course). I am going to be honest, I cannot for the life of me remember who says what or when or why--blame that on my bad memory--but I like everyone here equally and I think sometimes my bad memory is a blessing because I never roam around with a score to settle, and I think that has so much to do with a lot of descent here as others have said, it's the ongoing issues that surface and boil over without resolution ever.

So, I'll sum it up with this...I take my signature very seriously--it's never what you say, but how you say it. I have also have learned--through my own experience here, that it takes as much time to say something nasty, cutting and mean as it does to say something constructive, you don't always have to agree but it's how you go about that disagreement that make's all the difference.

 

[kenny]

I hear you Italianhaircolor.
Believe it or not I too often write a post but then delete before I post it, or or soften it.

You can just imagine what it was before I diluted it.

I also very often do not respond and elevate the drama considering how many times I could have.
Lately I have let many opportunities to respond in-kind just pass by.

But the police only notice when you drive poorly, not when you drive well.

 

[monarch64]

I find that when I don't "live here," I don't take posts so seriously. There was definitely a time when I spent the majority of my internet time on this site, and I found myself getting far too wrapped up in the day-to-day and even hour-to-hour threads and posts. Only when I removed myself, did I realize that I had been placing far too much importance on what went on here.

 

[iLander]

Well, to improve my PS experience, I'm going to choose not to rise to the bait that people sometimes offer.

I'm going to remember the saying "Don't defend yourself. Your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe you anyway".

I'm going with "Be the change you want to see in the board".

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I apparently just miss out on the controversial threads! I guess sticking mostly to Rocky Talky and Show Me the Bling keeps one away from most of the negative threads! I am sorry to hear of people attacking others, though. There are ways to express an opinion without attacking someone and I don't think PS is the place for that kind of posting.

 

[soocool]

If I have no personal stake in the dispute, I do not participate.

PS, for me, is an escape. I would like to think that it is a pleasant escape. Otherwise, I could just talk to DH's family and have the same experience.

 

[bee*]

If I have no personal stake in the dispute, I do not participate.

I feel the same. I tend to stay away from the threads that are causing issues.

 

[dani13]

Ditto, Bee. I totally ignore the threads where there is way too much drama....I have enough of that in my life!!!!

 

[kenny]

I'm going to remember the saying "Don't defend yourself. Your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe you anyway".

Very wise.

 

[dragonfly411]

I'm going to remember the saying "Don't defend yourself. Your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe you anyway".

Very wise.

I would do well by myself to remember this.

 

[meresal]

I haven't really been around as much as before, but if it is happening, It is just "that" time of year.

It happens around here after the holidays. The strong will survive... and just ignore as much as possible like others have said.

 

[TravelingGal]

I'm going to remember the saying "Don't defend yourself. Your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe you anyway".

Very wise.

I would do well by myself to remember this.

I think it's more impressive to acknowledge past mis-failings, apologize and move on. I've had "enemies" do that, and with time, they've become friends and hope I've done the same.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Fewer people = more tension, I think. Hopefully, we'll stick new members to replace the ones that were lost in the switchover to 2.0.

Otherwise, I guess we can all get real used to the "Ignore" button ....

Yeah, less people is part of it. I get the general feeling that everyone would like to blame other members for the current atmosphere of PS, but I for one, will admit, I've lost patience with some posters who play the same games over and over so I know I've contributed to some tension.

I think everyone needs to take stock in what they've said and consider how things come across and a) maybe reevaluate what/how they say things, and b) do the same when reading what others say. Some people sound really smug to me and I have NO idea if they are or if their writing style just portrays that. What I can say it it's taking greater effort for me to keep my mouth shut.

I've been here like EIGHT years and have seen fights happening throughout these years. It's not like BOOM, we've all blown up a gentle countryside and turned it into a mine field. There have been numerous bickering fights, etc., as the years have progressed but some of the people who were involved have either moved on OR have changed their approach over time so the newer ones may have created the impression that PS has suddenly turned evil.