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A funny thing happened whilst shopping with the missus....

AussieUser

Rough_Rock
Joined
Mar 27, 2011
Messages
23
Here i am thinking everything is sweet with the ring design (princess in kite form)as i previously have shown her a design and she said it was really nice. So i got the ball rolling and its all made and everything.
Well yesterday as we walked by a shop and it had a similar design. So im like .. what do you think about this design and she is like...nah i dont like it..i like it the traditional way.......
i was like :o :shock:
and i was dying inside....but i couldnt tell her as she has no idea

i quickly messaged the jeweller all i can say is thankfully the design can be changed free of charge...

And to think i thought everything was alrite lol
 

yssie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 14, 2009
Messages
21,100
Re: A funny thing happened whilst shopping with the missus..

What a bit of luck, Aussie!


Can we sticky this as a warning to new buyers purchasing for their beloveds?

YES, poking around to find out her preferences IS well worth potentially leaking some of the hopefully-not-a-total-surprise of that first pledge to spend your lives together, and is far preferable to assuming you know best - and getting it wrong! :errrr:
 

Gypsy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
40,198
Re: A funny thing happened whilst shopping with the missus..

AussieUser|1316328522|3019946 said:
Here i am thinking everything is sweet with the ring design (princess in kite form)as i previously have shown her a design and she said it was really nice. So i got the ball rolling and its all made and everything.
Well yesterday as we walked by a shop and it had a similar design. So im like .. what do you think about this design and she is like...nah i dont like it..i like it the traditional way.......
i was like :o :shock:
and i was dying inside....but i couldnt tell her as she has no idea

i quickly messaged the jeweller all i can say is thankfully the design can be changed free of charge...

And to think i thought everything was alrite lol

This is not surprising to any of us at all.

SO MANY men on here tell us... "I KNOW my GF doesn't have an opinion on her ring, she barely wears jewelry." and "I KNOW she wants to be surprised" and " I KNOW she'll LOVE anything I get her."

And they DO NOT KNOW OR UNDERSTAND what you've JUST figured out (you get a prize for this by the way!)

Over and over again we get women on here looking to re-set their stones. To change their stones entirely to different shapes. To help them consign their entire rings. WHY

BECAUSE almost every man on here says... "I know what I'm doing..."

So I'm just going to say this straight out. Cause I KNOW there are other men reading this thread.

My husband and I spend inordinate amounts of time together. We've been together for A DOZEN YEARS. Think about that. PLUS, we have VERY similar tastes in jewelry!

He STILL WOULD NEVER HAVE EVER EVER EVER have picked out MY SETTING out in a MILLION years. And I adore it and would not have loved ANYTHING else half as much.

You know why?

CAUSE HE ISN'T:

A) ME
B) A MIND READER
C) AN OMNIPOTENT GOD.

There is a reason why the phrase "women are from venus and men are from mars" is a cliche. IT IS TRUE. SO UNLESS you suddenly able to change what PLANET YOU ARE FROM, YOU ARE PROBABLY WRONG.

SO.. when WE tell you:

A) "Talk to her" or have a sister, mother, aunt, cousin, best friend ASK HER what she wants.
B) Don't SPEND THAT MONEY ON A CUSTOM SETTING SHE'S NEVER SEEN-- buy a temp setting OR BETTER YET propose with the unset stone!!!
C) I KNOW she'd love anything you'd get her... but why not get her EXACTLY WHAT SHE WANTS that she will love BECAUSE she thinks it's PERFECT rather than love just because YOU gave it to her? WHY NOT GO FOR BOTH.

PLEASE LISTEN TO US!

We have no investment in this personally. BUT WE LIKE TO SEE PEOPLE BE HAPPY. And no... just YOU being happy isn't good enough, we'd like your women to be happy with the RING, not just because you got it for them, but because THEY LOVE THE THING.

End of soapbox speech.

TO THE AUSSIE: A kite set princess is risky. TOO RISKY. I'm so happy you know why now.

Next step might be to say to her... "Honey I noticed today that you seem to have a good idea of what you like and don't like. How about we pick a setting together. I'd LOVE to make sure we both adore what we buy!"
 

MissStepcut

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 29, 2011
Messages
1,720
Re: A funny thing happened whilst shopping with the missus..

If my SO listened to what I like about jewelry, he would get so many mixed messages. There are a lot of design traits I like, and would want to incorporate into some piece or another (milgrain! tapered french cuts! bezels!) but I don't want them in my e-ring... I just like them generally. Or I think they're great for AN e-ring, just not MY e-ring.
 

monarch64

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Aug 12, 2005
Messages
17,905
Re: A funny thing happened whilst shopping with the missus..

D to the Itto! I am currently wearing a setting that I absolutely HATE. My fiance doesn't read these boards, thankfully, because if he did he'd know how I really felt about my setting. Instead, I'll keep it to myself for probably years until it's the right time to discuss another setting. Or maybe not...maybe I'll just carry my horrible hatred for this setting that he and his jeweler chose to my grave. GREAT!
 

AussieUser

Rough_Rock
Joined
Mar 27, 2011
Messages
23
Re: A funny thing happened whilst shopping with the missus..

haha well the funny thing was she liked the setting before but i guess she didnt LOVE it....
the general guidelines and i have asked her are
a) Princess cut
b) Whitegold
c) Single solitare
d) she doesnt want the prongs higher than the diamond
e) i think its called tapered

I did try to ask her lets have a look but she does seem to think it wont be happening for a while, and i cant exactly tell her we have to look.

I attached a file of what i want it should look like

Whiteflash has something similar but its not quite it
 

Gypsy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
40,198
Re: A funny thing happened whilst shopping with the missus..

AussieUser|1316332854|3019985 said:
haha well the funny thing was she liked the setting before but i guess she didnt LOVE it....
the general guidelines and i have asked her are
a) Princess cut
b) Whitegold
c) Single solitare
d) she doesnt want the prongs higher than the diamond
e) i think its called tapered

I did try to ask her lets have a look but she does seem to think it wont be happening for a while, and i cant exactly tell her we have to look.

I attached a file of what i want it should look like

Whiteflash has something similar but its not quite it

There ya go not making sense again. IN YOUR MIND you can't tell her. But let's step OUTSIDE your mind for just a second. Have you thought that maybe the REASON she hasn't give you more specific details is BECAUSE she thinks it's a ways off so she'll have TIME TO TELL YOU WHAT SHE WANTS AND SHOW IT TO YOU so you get it right?

Cause here in REALITY there's no reason on God's Green Earth you can't say... to her best friend or Mother or sister or cousin-- say, ask my sweetheart a simple question for me... "does she want the ring to be a surprise or would she enjoy if we shopped for it together?"

And then if she says "oh, I want a surprise" you do what you have planned.

But keep in mind this woman has already surprised you once. She MIGHT have another one up her sleeve. And then she'll say, "Oh he's already started to ask me what I want, we'll shop for it together."

And then... YOU SAY TO HER... "LOVE OF MY LIFE-- I want to go ring shopping with you now! JOIN ME!" And then it will all be sunshine and roses till the end of time.


See... it works perfectly fine.
 

AussieUser

Rough_Rock
Joined
Mar 27, 2011
Messages
23
Re: A funny thing happened whilst shopping with the missus..

yeh i understand what you're saying...

Girls are complicated things haha

Though i do know she does want a surprise but not a surprise infront of heaps of people so something secluded is on the cards....

she actually thinks (god bless her) that none of this would happen to her...(the whole ring thing)

She also say "im happy with watever you choose"...(as long as u stick within my requirements)

hopefully this attachment works now





Untitled-3_0.jpg
 

Rhea

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 20, 2007
Messages
6,301
Re: A funny thing happened whilst shopping with the missus..

I like a lot of pieces. I always says "oh, that's pretty!" in jewelery stores. What I don't say is "oh, that's pretty, and something I could see myself wearing forever!"

It's completely different if you think the guy isn't ready to buy yet and that you're just having a look around. I suddenly got a lot more opinionated when I realised we weren't just talking about pretty, but we were talking about ring he wanted me to wear forever pretty. Just because he says that's a nice car doesn't mean that she should show up with keys to that car as a surprise. It's the same thing.
 

Gypsy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
40,198
Re: A funny thing happened whilst shopping with the missus..

Okay. We'll go with that.

How about these settings. I think they are close to what you want... and you don't have to re-invent the wheel.

http://www.goodoldgold.com/images/classicjewelry/Ingwer/LES002.3/LES0023%20W%20WEB%20BACKGROUND.jpg

http://www.goodoldgold.com/images/classicjewelry/U114/U-114%20w%20web%20background.jpg



These can be found here: http://www.goodoldgold.com/SettingSearch/

BTW... ask her if a a FLUSH FIT wedding band is important to her. The settings above and I think the one you sketched will force a GAP between the engagement ring and the wedding bad. There are easy ways around this... so if it's important to her let us know and we'll help you by either posting settings that accommodate flush fit bands OR help you design the gallery of your custom ring so that it does.
 

Gypsy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
40,198
Re: A funny thing happened whilst shopping with the missus..

AussieUser|1316336026|3019997 said:
She does want it flush though...is there a way we can do something to make it flush?
YES. Absolutely. Are you working with WF? Then tell them that you want "the gallery of the setting to be modified to allow for a completely flush fit band-- it is a must have."

They will either raise the basket and provide a smooth shank area under it. OR they will smooth it out at the base and have the prongs develop in a way to accommodate that flush fit.

They will provide you with what is called a CAD (computer assisted design) rendering of the setting. A computer image of what they design looks like so you can approve it before it is cast.

WF is good at design so they won't have any issue with this request. Once you have the CAD post it for us with a REMINDER that you wanted a flush fit gallery and then we'll tell you if you've got one or not.
 

AussieUser

Rough_Rock
Joined
Mar 27, 2011
Messages
23
Re: A funny thing happened whilst shopping with the missus..

Thanks for that Gypsy
No it not with WF
its with a place where im in Aus.

Thankfully they can change the design/make a new one but ill be discussing it with them tomorrow as they dont work on Sundays
so fingers crossed, as the date i penciled in is coming up soonish haha
 

Gypsy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
40,198
Re: A funny thing happened whilst shopping with the missus..

Okay well, if you have a problem with them let us know. Fingers crossed for you.
 

marcy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 27, 2007
Messages
24,114
Re: A funny thing happened whilst shopping with the missus..

That's nice you found out before the custom ring was past a point of no return. I think the new setting will be really nice and sounds like it's something she'll love.
 

AussieUser

Rough_Rock
Joined
Mar 27, 2011
Messages
23
Re: A funny thing happened whilst shopping with the missus..

Just an update on the story
i actually kept the ring how it was in the kite setting

I proposed on the 11/11/2011
and she absolutely loved the ring and couldnt picture anything else
everything i planned went to plan and its soo nice

and btw she said yes haha
 

melave

Shiny_Rock
Joined
May 29, 2011
Messages
281
Re: A funny thing happened whilst shopping with the missus..

Congratulations Aussie!! I am so glad it all worked out and she loved it :)

Now....... pictures please!!! :)
 

TristanC

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 6, 2011
Messages
995
Re: A funny thing happened whilst shopping with the missus..

AussieUser|1321165779|3060711 said:
Just an update on the story
i actually kept the ring how it was in the kite setting

I proposed on the 11/11/2011
and she absolutely loved the ring and couldnt picture anything else
everything i planned went to plan and its soo nice

and btw she said yes haha
Congrats to the max on this. Wonderful story on the proposal. Glad she loved it after all the drama.

Frankly, look at the boards where people poll how much they love their rings/want it changed/hate the setting etc etc etc. There are tons of women who picked the ring out themselves and still wanted (and many got) an upgrade (both to the stone and the setting), changed their mind, wanted more, loved it but not any more etc. So who is to say that getting it that route is any better? Other than not giving them someone to blame when they catch upgratitis.

I'm glad you went your way, and the lady said yes.

I hope she loved the ring every bit as much as you hoped she would. But more importantly: I hope the ring will eventually be just a minor thing in the grand canvas of a wonderful amazing life together as a married couple :bigsmile:

If we forget this bit - we have may have spent too much time looking at rings and not remembering the point of it all to begin with.
 

pregcurious

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 18, 2009
Messages
6,724
Re: A funny thing happened whilst shopping with the missus..

monarch64|1316332362|3019980 said:
D to the Itto! I am currently wearing a setting that I absolutely HATE. My fiance doesn't read these boards, thankfully, because if he did he'd know how I really felt about my setting. Instead, I'll keep it to myself for probably years until it's the right time to discuss another setting. Or maybe not...maybe I'll just carry my horrible hatred for this setting that he and his jeweler chose to my grave. GREAT!
Monarch, you are too kind, and made me laugh out loud. I gently tried to get my husband to change the setting the day we got engaged. He got a yellow gold chunky cast piece when I asked for platinum filigree. Fast forward 10 years later and I finally got it reset, but was stuck with YG because of my wedding band.

Fast forward again to today, and I am finally getting an annivesary set to REPLACE the wedding set I still don't love. I already have the eternity ring, and a red spinel for the center of a new anniversary ring (i.e. new ering).

Men, please propose with the stone or a temp setting please unless your fiance says "I have always wanted a Tiffany ring", in which case you can buy one and they will change the setting for you later at no charge (and get that in writing).

And to men who say I should love it because it was as gift, I get my husband gifts on a regular basis and he tells me when he doesn't like them. In response, I return them and get him something he does like, instead of making it about me--gifts are about the giftee, not the gift giver.
 

TheGreatTwizz

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 24, 2011
Messages
107
Re: A funny thing happened whilst shopping with the missus..

SOOOOOO true, and yes, this warning should be sticky-ed. Let me share my story:

I've been dating a girl for what feels like ages, but simply isn't. We've discussed our future since, nearly, the beginning of our courtship, so the prospect of getting engaged/married has been on the table, and agreed to by us both. I had expected to do so around or on NYE due to travel plans we had, then they got changed, and I figured 'ehhh, too soon' anyway.

Then, the future Mrs. sends me a text picture one day 'OMG isn't this gorgeous? And doesn't it look huge for only two carats?!?!'. Well, that put things in motion. We both woke up on a sunday, went to the jeweler with the ring (she had visited it many times prior), and I got the info I needed to make an intelligent decision (don't buy from there, the ring is priced at 4x market, and has a VERY poor stone).

As it is coming down to the wire and time to pull the trigger, we've discussed at length. I've showed her pictures of better performing stones, and she said to me 'that size is perfect, I don't really want anything bigger (yea, like she'd say no to 3 cts??)'. I explained to her what was wrong with that stone in the ring at the B&M store, how ridiculously overpriced it was, and how I can get her a better one. Then I asked 'are you ok with me doing the research you know I'm capable of, and to get you the best stone possible, as long as it meets your criteria, and then you can tell me exactly how you want it set? Or is that the EXACT ring you want, because if so, I'll go buy it right away'. She said no, that's fine, you worry about the stone, and I'll be clear on the ring, it doesn't have to be 'that one' as long as it looks just like it. So, based on the face up measurements, I've been shopping, and that's leading me to the 2.5 ct range for a well cut stone (I'm ok with this). Now, she was VERY clear that she wants a micro pave halo with stones all the way around the band. Well, if you've spent any time on this site, you know that halos are ALL over the map with specifics. I even sent her one photo and said 'hey, this is the setting, right?', she goes 'no, its not'.

We have plans this week to sit down, look through hundreds of photos that I bookmarked to discuss the intricacies of pave halo settings (curved struts, donut, stone height, etc). I'm fairly certain I have down what she wants, but with such a large purchase, I want it to be right, and be right the first time. The proposal will still be a surprise (she doesn't know my plans for it), but giving up some of the 'ring surprise', to me, is worth it to make sure I get it right. Could I buy her a new setting after or pay to have it changed? Sure. But would I prefer it to be perfect, the first time around, to be on bended knee and give her the ring she's always dreamed of when I ask her to spend the rest of her life with me? Well, yes. If finances were different (either way) it may change things, but I want this right, and that's how she's going to get it.

Gentlemen, if you're going to propose, absent having been told by mom or best friend 'oh, this is the ring she said she always wants', consult with her. Watch those silly shows on TV, go into the jewelry store and feign looking at a new watch for yourself; I PROMISE you that she will gravitate towards engagement rings (it's part of unmarried female DNA). Say 'hey, aren't those side stones on that princess nice', and when she responds, ask a clarifying question. Take mental notes. Otherwise, have the conversation with her unless you're in a position that you can spend that amount or MORE again to buy her the ring she really wants. If you get it wrong, you're going to be buying a new one on an anniversary anyway.
 

Sky56

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2010
Messages
1,037
Re: A funny thing happened whilst shopping with the missus..

Congratulations! =)
 

lovebug1031

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 18, 2008
Messages
348
Re: A funny thing happened whilst shopping with the missus..

pregcurious|1321285412|3061371 said:
monarch64|1316332362|3019980 said:
D to the Itto! I am currently wearing a setting that I absolutely HATE. My fiance doesn't read these boards, thankfully, because if he did he'd know how I really felt about my setting. Instead, I'll keep it to myself for probably years until it's the right time to discuss another setting. Or maybe not...maybe I'll just carry my horrible hatred for this setting that he and his jeweler chose to my grave. GREAT!
Monarch, you are too kind, and made me laugh out loud. I gently tried to get my husband to change the setting the day we got engaged. He got a yellow gold chunky cast piece when I asked for platinum filigree. Fast forward 10 years later and I finally got it reset, but was stuck with YG because of my wedding band.

Fast forward again to today, and I am finally getting an annivesary set to REPLACE the wedding set I still don't love. I already have the eternity ring, and a red spinel for the center of a new anniversary ring (i.e. new ering).

Men, please propose with the stone or a temp setting please unless your fiance says "I have always wanted a Tiffany ring", in which case you can buy one and they will change the setting for you later at no charge (and get that in writing).

And to men who say I should love it because it was as gift, I get my husband gifts on a regular basis and he tells me when he doesn't like them. In response, I return them and get him something he does like, instead of making it about me--gifts are about the giftee, not the gift giver.

I WISH i could get my SO to understand this! ugh...i've explained it so many different ways, but in the end i'm just "shallow"
 

AussieUser

Rough_Rock
Joined
Mar 27, 2011
Messages
23
Re: A funny thing happened whilst shopping with the missus..

here is a picture of the ring from the jeweller

New Image.JPG
 

TheGreatTwizz

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 24, 2011
Messages
107
Re: A funny thing happened whilst shopping with the missus..

diamondseeker2006|1321294445|3061476 said:
Good post, Twizz! Since you are fairly new here, maybe you'd like a shortcut to the best halo ring makers to save yourself some time:

http://www.victorcanera.com/

http://www.timelessluxury.net/
Thank you diamondseeker. I read the comparison of the VC, SK, and LM rings, and should I decide to outsource, VC will get the nod. As I'm in Philadelphia, there are a number of good bench jewelers to whom I've been referred, and the original B&M store is competitive in their cost of the setting, and out of courtesy to the store and sales rep, if we're within $1k, I'll let them do the work; I have examined their micro pave under loupe, and it looks to be done well, plus it'll give me a local store to service with. They couldn't do much more than smile and nod as I explained why I won't buy the stone from them.
 

diamondseeker2006

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 11, 2006
Messages
56,125
Re: A funny thing happened whilst shopping with the missus..

TheGreatTwizz|1321305472|3061599 said:
diamondseeker2006|1321294445|3061476 said:
Good post, Twizz! Since you are fairly new here, maybe you'd like a shortcut to the best halo ring makers to save yourself some time:

http://www.victorcanera.com/

http://www.timelessluxury.net/
Thank you diamondseeker. I read the comparison of the VC, SK, and LM rings, and should I decide to outsource, VC will get the nod. As I'm in Philadelphia, there are a number of good bench jewelers to whom I've been referred, and the original B&M store is competitive in their cost of the setting, and out of courtesy to the store and sales rep, if we're within $1k, I'll let them do the work; I have examined their micro pave under loupe, and it looks to be done well, plus it'll give me a local store to service with. They couldn't do much more than smile and nod as I explained why I won't buy the stone from them.
Great! At least you are well prepared after having seen the differences in the pave work here! Good luck!
 
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