A different parenting view...

[Mara]

lol cdt... yes i agree in general. sometimes i read stuff that is so en vogue right now and i am like WHAT? REALLY? i feel like for almost anything you can find some article online that says that it's good or bad. our kid is moving into their room from day one...we have it so we'll use it and our house is tiny...the room is like 10 steps from ours. and as for soothing them to be with you, honestly i think the kid would be more disrupted sleeping in our room with my loudly snoring husband, and our dog. hahaha.

sorry i didn't mean to start the 'water debate'... i figured that it might not be done anymore but now i don't QUITE get the reasoning behind it (empty calories, water HAS none?) so it's just so confusing. and i do agree with anchor that you talk to 5 people, you can get 4 diff responses. i feel like today's parents almost have it harder than our parents and not just because of increased knowledge or safety rules but just SO much information out there it's hard to pick through and know what the heck you are doing. IMO social pressure in parenting is quite rampant and it just makes new moms confused and feeling like they are a bad parent if they deviate from the culturally accepted norm (whatever it may be) or their kid cries a lot or they don't feed right or this or that.

mp, we got small amts of cereal mixed in with formula starting at 3 months i think...and we loved it. i def need to catalogue all the stuff my mom and grandma did and then pick through it hehe.

tg...i agree re juice. i would rather give water than juice and teach the kid to learn to love water just as much as milk for the future when water will be their primary hydration method.

thanks for the congrats miracles. fiery, my mom is going to help us out a fair amt for a while so i know she and i will be clashing a bit, but that's part of the fun i guess.

i am just grateful to have her near.

 

[icekid]

The doctor in me is more than a little horrified by this thread

In the end, I think as long as an educated decision is made, then to each parents his/her own. Each of us is charged with making the best decisions that we can for our children (to-be, in my case

) If your child wails for hours upon end while sleeping on her back and sleeps like a baby

on her stomach, let her sleep on her stomach! However, disregarding current knowledge just because "we survived" by dumb luck does not make sense either.

Still, I highly recommend being VERY careful giving water to a small infant. Hyponatremia (low sodium) is extremely serious! Infants can "process" water just fine. But, their immature kidneys are unable to handle free water appropriately. Seizures? Not worth the risk to me. Inform yourself first and foremost, THEN trust your instincts. (Please note- I do not mean giving an older baby a bit of water to try from a cup.) For those who like additional reading- http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/100/6/e4

 

[mia1181]

An interesting thing about the generational differences in parenting, for all those Mothers and MILs who say "I did it with you and you turned out fine" do we really think a baby who wasn''t given water or a blanket won''t turn out fine?

One other thing to consider is that a lot of Doctors'' advice is made for mass consumption. In other words, it can be a better-safe-than-sorry approach aimed at people who may not really have common sense. Babies are injured or die every year from parents who do stupid things (walkers by stairs, boiling hot bath water, drowning in bath tub). Sometimes we can just use our own judgement and baby will be fine.

But I think the most important thing is to consider whether the benefits are even worth the risk. For example, once as a nanny I was doing some grocery shopping and the baby started screaming and crying. Being a fan of using distraction on young babies, I handed the baby the only thing I had to play with which was a plastic produce bag. The baby shook the bag and became amused by the sound of the bag and stopped crying. Crisis averted! But then an elderly lady came up to me and snapped at me that I should know better than to give a baby a plastic bag "It DANGEROUS!" Now, yes I know that there is a risk to a baby playing with a plastic bag, I realize that plastic bags can suffocate babies, but that was very unlikely in this scenario. Baby was sitting face to face to me in a shopping cart. I weighed the risks but the benefit of keeping baby happy was larger than the risk.

Another scenario was when a baby I nannied was getting a flat head from sleeping on her back. Taking supervied naps on tummy to round-out head = defenitely worth the small SIDS risk.

However, I''m not sure on the benefit of water to baby. Is baby actually getting dehydrated? Maybe if it wasn''t having enough wet diapers, but then I''d probably call the doctor if that was happening.

Same thing with blankets on babies as Tacori mentioned. I think if you can keep the baby warm with PJs, a blanket is not really necessary.

Solids before 4 or 6 months- For me there is just not a big enough benefit because baby can get all the nutrition it needs from BM or Formula. I personally see solids as just practice for eating table food.

These are just my personal opinions. For you the benefits might be greater than the risk, or maybe you would never give a baby a plastic bag in the grocery store. Either way there really is no right or wrong. Just do your best as parents.

 

[TravelingGal]

mia, if my baby is screaming at a grocery store, I would not only give her the bag, but I would put it over her head to diffuse the noise.

 

[mia1181]

T-Gal that would do it alright! Why didn''t I think of that?

 

[geckodani]

Date: 10/19/2009 12:23:16 PM
Author: TravelingGal
mia, if my baby is screaming at a grocery store, I would not only give her the bag, but I would put it over her head to diffuse the noise.

Bwah hah hah!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 10/19/2009 12:26:07 PM
Author: mia1181

T-Gal that would do it alright! Why didn''t I think of that?

Well, you can take solace in the fact it''s because you''re not a mom yet. I mean, nannies are wonderful, don''t get me wrong. But they simply can''t match a mother''s intuition and hence, why you only used the bag as a diversion instead of placing the bag over the child''s head.

 

[mia1181]

Date: 10/19/2009 12:39:37 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 10/19/2009 12:26:07 PM
Author: mia1181

T-Gal that would do it alright! Why didn't I think of that?

Well, you can take solace in the fact it's because you're not a mom yet. I mean, nannies are wonderful, don't get me wrong. But they simply can't match a mother's intuition and hence, why you only used the bag as a diversion instead of placing the bag over the child's head.

I just spit out my OJ all over my laptop! Thank you! Where can I send the bill? I now live close enough to you to hunt you down!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 10/19/2009 12:44:40 PM
Author: mia1181

Date: 10/19/2009 12:39:37 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 10/19/2009 12:26:07 PM
Author: mia1181

T-Gal that would do it alright! Why didn''t I think of that?

Well, you can take solace in the fact it''s because you''re not a mom yet. I mean, nannies are wonderful, don''t get me wrong. But they simply can''t match a mother''s intuition and hence, why you only used the bag as a diversion instead of placing the bag over the child''s head.

I just spit out my OJ all over my laptop! Thank you! Where can I send the bill? I now live close enough to you to hunt you down!

Actually, I could use a new nanny! Have you gotten a job down here yet?

 

[mia1181]

Aw too bad, you missed the boat!

I am now a Behavior Therapist and sadly my nannying days are over..

 

[miraclesrule]

Thank God I wasn''t sipping my hot pumpkin latte when I read T-gal''s post!! Too funny.

Mara, I completely agree about information overload. All we had 30 years ago was Dr. Spock. His book was the "authority". It wasn''t that long ago, so we still had phones.

Distraction is good, but mia reminded me of a challenge I had with my evil toddler in the grocery store. I was at checkout and she was in the hair pulling, screaming her head off, bucking backward stage, on my right hip. I paid and had the grocery bag in my left hand and DD in my right. She grabbed on to my hair and was pulling the crap out of it and I was just sort of stuck because my left hand was holding the groceries. So I walked out of the store with my head sideways trying to tell her to let go and she wouldn''t. As soon as I got out of the store, I bent down to put the bag on the ground and with my left hand, I grabbed my daughters hands to try and pry them off my head (both of her hands had me!) but she would not let go. So I reached over with my left hand, grabbed her hair and pulled it. So here we are....what a sight. A battle of wills. Both pulling each other''s hair. She started crying and let go of my hair. I said to her " SEE, that hurts doesn''t it? Stop pulling Mommy''s hair or I will pull your hair. Stop pulling anyone''s hair or they will pull yours too"

I got the dirtiest looks from onlookers. But my daughter never pulled anyone''s hair ever again. I had to employ the same technique with biting. However, I have been with kids that never do that stuff. Different kid, different techniques.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 10/19/2009 1:00:52 PM
Author: miraclesrule
Thank God I wasn''t sipping my hot pumpkin latte when I read T-gal''s post!! Too funny.

Mara, I completely agree about information overload. All we had 30 years ago was Dr. Spock. His book was the ''authority''. It wasn''t that long ago, so we still had phones.

Distraction is good, but mia reminded me of a challenge I had with my evil toddler in the grocery store. I was at checkout and she was in the hair pulling, screaming her head off, bucking backward stage, on my right hip. I paid and had the grocery bag in my left hand and DD in my right. She grabbed on to my hair and was pulling the crap out of it and I was just sort of stuck because my left hand was holding the groceries. So I walked out of the store with my head sideways trying to tell her to let go and she wouldn''t. As soon as I got out of the store, I bent down to put the bag on the ground and with my left hand, I grabbed my daughters hands to try and pry them off my head (both of her hands had me!) but she would not let go. So I reached over with my left hand, grabbed her hair and pulled it. So here we are....what a sight. A battle of wills. Both pulling each other''s hair. She started crying and let go of my hair. I said to her '' SEE, that hurts doesn''t it? Stop pulling Mommy''s hair or I will pull your hair. Stop pulling anyone''s hair or they will pull yours too''

I got the dirtiest looks from onlookers. But my daughter never pulled anyone''s hair ever again. I had to employ the same technique with biting. However, I have been with kids that never do that stuff. Different kid, different techniques.

LOL Miracles, great story. You would get SERIOUS dirty looks now, but I believe in that strategy. My friend used it on her son for biting. He never bit anyone again.

It must be some basic conditioning or something because my brother used that same tactic on his dog! (Yes, my brother is weird.) The dog kept biting/nipping at him one day and my brother took the dog and bit him back. For some reason, the dog never attempted to bite anyone again.

Mia, bummer! I did indeed miss the boat!! Congrats on your new career!

 

[Mara]

I love that bit about ''I had to employ the same method with biting''.... oh to be a fly on the wall for that one!!!

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 10/19/2009 1:49:06 PM
Author: Mara
I love that bit about ''I had to employ the same method with biting''.... oh to be a fly on the wall for that one!!!

Lol! I think it''s awesome - if only more parents did things like that with their kids. I got beat up by a 4 year old this weekend because he thought it was ok to hit people and throw things at them. Sigh.

 

[miraclesrule]

Mara, I'll give you the scoop. My daughter had been going through a serious biting phase. Once, I was in the line at the bank (we used to actually go into the bank and wait in lines, so throwback I know) and she turned around and bit another kid standing next to her...on the boys nose. I was mortified. All the kids in line started crying and we were just ready to get to the window. I meekly hand over my drivers license, which she proceeded to bit as well. The look on that teller's face. It was like he thought my angel was the spawn of Satan.

Not long after that, a friend and I were sitting on the couch and my daughter was trying to interrupt for the gazillionith time and I told her to wait just a minute because my friend was talking to me and my daughter appeared to accept that. Two seconds later she bends over slightly and bites into my left thigh...HARD! I didn't even stop to think about it. I just grabbed her right hand and bit her forearm. Not hard enough to draw blood or leave any lasting evidence (lol), but hard enough to make it hurt. I think everyone in the room was as surprised as I was that I did that. But trust me...she never bit anyone again. I was actually sad that I hadn't done it earlier. It would have saved me a lot of grief.

 

[fieryred33143]

MR-My mom did the same thing to me when I was about 7/8. She says I was lashing out and trying to get attention because my brother was just born so I started biting and acting like a "baby." Sometimes, just to mess with her and be mean, I''ll do a random "ow" while grabbing my arm. She asks "what''s wrong" and I say "it still hurts from when you bit me." She gets a kick out of it.

 

[miraclesrule]

Fiery...that''s awesome. I think I will do that with my leg around my daughter.

 

[KimberlyH]

My mom babysat a kid from the time he was 1 until he was 7 or so, then worked for his parents' at their dental office for 15 years (they are still family friends). I had really long hair and he loved to pull it. One time he pulled hard enough to bring me to tears and so my mom pulled his hair in turn. He got the saddest look on his face and said, in a huge pouty voice "Mom [that's what he called my mom] pull my hair." That is a phrase that has never died amongst our family. So funny.

I'm pregnant, and not a reader of parenting books (which is quite odd as otherwise I am a voracious reader). My philosophy on parenting is that I don't have one, we're going to do what works for our kid and us, as a family, based on or own instincts and the advice of our ped. and the people we admire as parents (from both past generations and our own). I think common sense, which includes the ability to seek advice and help when needed, goes a long way in raising a child to become a good and successful (read: kind, self-sufficient, generous, and happy) adult.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 10/19/2009 11:09:07 AM
Author: icekid
The doctor in me is more than a little horrified by this thread

In the end, I think as long as an educated decision is made, then to each parents his/her own. Each of us is charged with making the best decisions that we can for our children (to-be, in my case

) If your child wails for hours upon end while sleeping on her back and sleeps like a baby

on her stomach, let her sleep on her stomach! However, disregarding current knowledge just because ''we survived'' by dumb luck does not make sense either.

Still, I highly recommend being VERY careful giving water to a small infant. Hyponatremia (low sodium) is extremely serious! Infants can ''process'' water just fine. But, their immature kidneys are unable to handle free water appropriately. Seizures? Not worth the risk to me. Inform yourself first and foremost, THEN trust your instincts. (Please note- I do not mean giving an older baby a bit of water to try from a cup.) For those who like additional reading-

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/100/6/e4

fiery''s link http://www.kellymom.com/nutrition/solids/baby-water.html

I thought I would repost the links since they weren''t clickable. I had two friends who had the same debate about water; interesting info.

 

[softly softly]

Date: 10/19/2009 10:59:00 AM
Author: Mara
lol cdt... yes i agree in general. sometimes i read stuff that is so en vogue right now and i am like WHAT? REALLY? i feel like for almost anything you can find some article online that says that it''s good or bad. our kid is moving into their room from day one...we have it so we''ll use it and our house is tiny...the room is like 10 steps from ours. and as for soothing them to be with you, honestly i think the kid would be more disrupted sleeping in our room with my loudly snoring husband, and our dog. hahaha.


sorry i didn''t mean to start the ''water debate''... i figured that it might not be done anymore but now i don''t QUITE get the reasoning behind it (empty calories, water HAS none?) so it''s just so confusing. and i do agree with anchor that you talk to 5 people, you can get 4 diff responses. i feel like today''s parents almost have it harder than our parents and not just because of increased knowledge or safety rules but just SO much information out there it''s hard to pick through and know what the heck you are doing. IMO social pressure in parenting is quite rampant and it just makes new moms confused and feeling like they are a bad parent if they deviate from the culturally accepted norm (whatever it may be) or their kid cries a lot or they don''t feed right or this or that.


mp, we got small amts of cereal mixed in with formula starting at 3 months i think...and we loved it. i def need to catalogue all the stuff my mom and grandma did and then pick through it hehe.


tg...i agree re juice. i would rather give water than juice and teach the kid to learn to love water just as much as milk for the future when water will be their primary hydration method.


thanks for the congrats miracles. fiery, my mom is going to help us out a fair amt for a while so i know she and i will be clashing a bit, but that''s part of the fun i guess.

i am just grateful to have her near.

Mara both my kids slept in their own room within the first few weeks and to be honest I''ve never really completely understood how having them in the same room as you reduces the risks of SIDS. I realise being right beside the baby if it stops breathing makes it easier to respond immediately, but if you are asleep, which essentially is what most people will be doing in bed every chance they get when they have a baby, are you necessarily going to know that your baby has stopped breathing? Also presumably babies who sleep in the same room as their parents at night are left to sleep alone during the day?

I was quite comfortable putting my babies in a room that was right across our narrow hallway and I made a habit of regularly checking their breathing, but for those precious few hours they were quiet and asleep so was I!. Interestingly enough I was never actually advised to have them in the room with me, nor was I told not to give them water. Perhaps this is relatively new advice (my kids are now 5 and 3), or perhaps it''s not something that is recommended as a matter of course in Australia. From reading this board it seems we are given slightly different advice here on a few things - i.e we are not told to keep a newborn at home or away from people at all in the first few weeks, and babies here get their first full bath almost immediately.

 

[neatfreak]

Mara The empty calories thing is the idea that babies have teeeensy little tummies and they need all the nutrition they can get. If you fill it with empty calories (aka water) then they don''t have room for milk or formula-which is what their little bodies really need.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

So this thread got me nervous too, Ice Kid explained the whole water issue pretty well. Please realize, that breast milk and properly mixed formula have the right balance of electrolytes and water for a small baby. When our water/salt balance is out of wack, we automatically replace the missing element in our diet. If we have too much salt in out body, hormones are released that tell us to "drink water." Babies cannot control their diet, they only take what you give them.

As for the co-bedding. I don''t know what the bedding is like in 3rd world countries, but I do not recommend it. I had to sit through a "death conference" once during my residency. During this conference, I had to hear about all the children under 18 who died of a cause that needed to be investigated by a corner (so a kid who died of cancer was not included in this, it was mostly trauma and SIDS). There were several children who died of SIDS. Now this conference only reviewed the last month in ONE city. Most of those babies were co-bedding, the rest were on their bellies. In the hospital we also had a newborn who was co-bedding who fell off the bed and broke her scull and ended up with a bleed in the brain.

As for the eating at night. In our culture, obesity is a big issue in children now. One of the biggest things we are stressing to parents is how you use food in the early years is going to influence how kids eat in the later years. Children (except for ones with certain medical conditions) do not need to eat at night after 4 months of age. If a child is eating at night after 4 mo, it is for comfort, not nutrition. What the parent is teaching the child by feeding at night is that it is OK to use food for comfort. That is the foundation to the teenager to has the box of cookies when her boyfriend breaks up with her. It is hard for a child/adult to break the habits that were established early on. Also, many cultures that do night time feedings into the toddler years have a huge problem with tooth decay. I see it all the time.

On introducing solids - before 4 months of age the gut is not fully mature. That means it is more prone to allergies. An older doctor explained to me why years ago, solids were introduced so early. Most kids were formula fed, and the formula was poor quality (formula is now standardized by the FDA). Because of that, it was not adequate nutrition. So what happened is that doctors recommended starting solids early to get that extra nutrition. He said that the food allergies at that time were horrific, but you had to deal with that (i.e. a kid with bloody stools) because there was no alternative since breast feeding was not established. Solids should start at 6 months of age because breast milk is no longer a complete form of nutrition, most notably, there is not enough iron in breast milk for a 6 month old.

Holding the babies in a soft carrier, studies have shown that is good for the baby .

Please realize, when you hear stories from previous generations, you might not realize the complications that can occur because you are only hearing about a few children, or looking back at your own childhood. Most of these studies are based on population data. But ask any parent who lost a baby or has to go though the pain of food allergies, and they will tell you that this is something you want to prevent if you can. Your view on things change when you see bad things happen. I know that is kind of depressing, but it is real life.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I never gave my daughter water until after my pedi okayed it and that is how we started practicing with sippy cups so during the first year it was minimal and as of now she only drinks (and requests much to my MIL''s dismay) water and milk. She didn''t need water the first year to train her to want it. She just does.

I think co-sleeping is a personal decision. I personally did not want to co-sleep b/c I did want her to sleep in her own bed/room. She shared out room (in her bassinet) until she was 4 months old. In hindsight I should have moved her sooner b/c we ALL slept better. I kept her as long as I did for my own laziness b/c BFing was so much easier having her at arms reach. I think it is funny b/c she will NOT sleep in our bed. My DH has tried to get her to nap with him and she refuses. She loves her crib and honestly it makes my life easier. We don''t have to struggle to get her to sleep by herself.

My daughter did get night feedings until she was 6 months of age (2 at 4 months, 1 at 5 months). Her weight really dropped and her pedi told me if she wants to eat feed her. No exceptions. We actually had to take her for a weight check at 15 months and luckily her weight was back on track.

Bottom line I think if you trust your gut you cannot go wrong. We all want the best for our babies.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Date: 10/20/2009 11:37:55 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
I never gave my daughter water until after my pedi okayed it and that is how we started practicing with sippy cups so during the first year it was minimal and as of now she only drinks (and requests much to my MIL''s dismay) water and milk. She didn''t need water the first year to train her to want it. She just does.


I think co-sleeping is a personal decision. I personally did not want to co-sleep b/c I did want her to sleep in her own bed/room. She shared out room (in her bassinet) until she was 4 months old. In hindsight I should have moved her sooner b/c we ALL slept better. I kept her as long as I did for my own laziness b/c BFing was so much easier having her at arms reach. I think it is funny b/c she will NOT sleep in our bed. My DH has tried to get her to nap with him and she refuses. She loves her crib and honestly it makes my life easier. We don''t have to struggle to get her to sleep by herself.


My daughter did get night feedings until she was 6 months of age (2 at 4 months, 1 at 5 months). Her weight really dropped and her pedi told me if she wants to eat feed her. No exceptions. We actually had to take her for a weight check at 15 months and luckily her weight was back on track.


Bottom line I think if you trust your gut you cannot go wrong. We all want the best for our babies.

Mothers do want the best for their baby, and that is the bottom line. And not tracking on the growth curve is one of those times where the 4 mo rule gets thrown out the window. Glad she is growing well now!

 

[Mara]

Ltl your post made a ton of sense...especially the bit about our parents giving us food earlier than we do now. It makes sense that formula in the older days was not as refined as it is today. I could also see formula in the older days potentially not as high in water content as today, possibly why our parents gave us more water then as well...I have no idea if this is true...but just thinking about the changes then vs now, it might be a possibility.

It''s very interesting too how advise also varies hugely from doctor to doctor on what is acceptable. I think that makes it even harder for new moms trying to figure things out.

 

[miraclesrule]

Even some formula today can be hard to digest. My daughter''s friend has had a really had time with regular Similac formula. It seems the baby just doesn''t do well on it at all. She switched today to a soy formula and she said "What is this stuff, magic?" Her newborn son did a 180 and was as content as can be. Babies are such a mystery, aren''t they?

 

[swingirl]

Date: 10/20/2009 11:22:11 PM
Author: LtlFirecracker
As for the eating at night. In our culture, obesity is a big issue in children now. One of the biggest things we are stressing to parents is how you use food in the early years is going to influence how kids eat in the later years. Children (except for ones with certain medical conditions) do not need to eat at night after 4 months of age. If a child is eating at night after 4 mo, it is for comfort, not nutrition. What the parent is teaching the child by feeding at night is that it is OK to use food for comfort. That is the foundation to the teenager to has the box of cookies when her boyfriend breaks up with her. It is hard for a child/adult to break the habits that were established early on. Also, many cultures that do night time feedings into the toddler years have a huge problem with tooth decay. I see it all the time.

My understanding was that there is research suggesting breastfed babies are less likely to become obese children. I can't imagine cutting off a breastfed baby at 4 months from their night feedingS. And the S is intentional. My kids BF about every 4 hours at that age and beyond. Once babies grow some teeth and are eating solid foods things change.

The learned habits of comfort food are more likely picked up from their parents and TV where they see women needing a chocolate fix after a difficult day.

 

[Pandora II]

I was advised by all the medical professionals I see over here to breastfeed on demand. Being in my bed Daisy could potentially feed all night - she actually feeds every 3-4 hours. She's never taken a paci and she's not a baby who lurks on the breast after she's done eating so I can only believe that she wakes and eats because she needs to. Her weight gain has been absolutely fixed to the 75 percentile curve since she was born (other than the dramatic loss at the beginning when I had no milk)

The research I did on SIDS plus government advice in the UK (which is to co-sleep for the first 6 months) was that bed-shaing babies have lighter sleep and so rouse more easily. The reason that tummy sleeping is dangerous is that babies have deeper sleep and so can stop breathing without the ability to rouse themselves. Mothers also don't sleep as deeply with the baby either in bed with them or co-sleeping in the same room.

Research here showed that 'safe' bed-sharing reduced the risk of SIDS. The National Childbirth Trust positively endorse safe bed-sharing for breast-feeding mothers.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I was just trying to explain the reasoning behind the current guidelines. I try to follow the AAP and they are a US based organization. Co-bedding is a hot topic and the AAP is aware of the fact many other cultures do it. The recommendations state that the baby being in the room with the parents reduces the risk of SIDS, but that they should not be in the bed with the parents. I like the AAP because they will change guidelines when the research changes or when a large enough group of physicians object to their recommendations.

Please keep in mind that these are all recommendations and guidelines and not absolutes. Clearly parents and babies are going to achieve things at slightly different rates. Just like some babies walk at 10 months and some at 15. Both are normal times, but not the same time.

And yes the medical profession has been proven wrong before, and I know will be proven wrong again. Much of how medicine is practiced still has no research to back it and as the research is done, recommendations will change. What may work for one culture, may not work for another.

 

[kennedy]

Date: 10/20/2009 11:22:11 PM
Author: LtlFirecracker

As for the co-bedding. I don't know what the bedding is like in 3rd world countries, but I do not recommend it. I had to sit through a 'death conference' once during my residency. During this conference, I had to hear about all the children under 18 who died of a cause that needed to be investigated by a corner (so a kid who died of cancer was not included in this, it was mostly trauma and SIDS). There were several children who died of SIDS. Now this conference only reviewed the last month in ONE city. Most of those babies were co-bedding, the rest were on their bellies. In the hospital we also had a newborn who was co-bedding who fell off the bed and broke her scull and ended up with a bleed in the brain.


As for the eating at night. In our culture, obesity is a big issue in children now. One of the biggest things we are stressing to parents is how you use food in the early years is going to influence how kids eat in the later years. Children (except for ones with certain medical conditions) do not need to eat at night after 4 months of age. If a child is eating at night after 4 mo, it is for comfort, not nutrition. What the parent is teaching the child by feeding at night is that it is OK to use food for comfort. That is the foundation to the teenager to has the box of cookies when her boyfriend breaks up with her. It is hard for a child/adult to break the habits that were established early on. Also, many cultures that do night time feedings into the toddler years have a huge problem with tooth decay. I see it all the time.

My understanding is that the co-sleeping statistics you're referring to don't take into account HOW the parents were sharing their bed. That means that parents who were drunk, on drugs, obese, sleeping on an unsafe surface like a couch or chair are all included in the statistics, thus making it look like co-sleeping is dangerous. I would be much more interested in statistics that separate out parents who consciously and safely choose to co-sleep from those who co-sleep irresponsibly. The AAP guidelines on co-sleeping are tantamount to throwing out the baby with the bath water -- rather than educating parents on safe ways to share their bed, they come out with a single uniform message that all co-sleeping is all bad. As Pandora points out, there is some compelling research to suggest that safe co-sleeping actually reduces the risk of SIDS. Dr James Mckenna, who has been leading federally funded research on sleep and SIDS at the University of Notre Dame for 25 years, says that societies with the highest incidence of co-sleeping actually have the lowest rate of SIDS.

I also wanted to add that 4 months old seems awfully young to cut off an infant from all night feedings. It seems like a bit of a leap to say that nursing a very young baby at night will teach him/her to use food as comfort later in life. Has anyone done any research on this? Seems to me breastfeeding and comfort go hand in hand -- just watch a distraught baby begin to nurse: does the baby calm down solely because of the nutrition or because both the milk and the closeness to mom is comforting? I have no doubts my daughter still very much needed to night nurse at 4 months and beyond. Was it only because she needed the calories? Probably not -- it was likely a combination of being hungry and wanting to be close -- but I don't have any worries that this will result in some kind of eating disorder when she's older.

I really do appreciate your expertise as a pediatrician, but I just wanted to comment on these two points.