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biblobaggins23

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okay, i am a vegetarian, sometimes i'll eat vegan. i don't eat meat cause i believe its morally wrong to kill an animal to eat, even wear. my fiance is totally 100% supportive of me. he wants me to serve meat at the reception. knowing i'll have many many guests who aren't vegetarians, i gave in and allowed him to serve meat even though i don't like that fact. its really killing me paying for meat but i am doing it anyway. do you think i made the right decision? i get so disturbed seeing people eat meat. just a lot of angst and anxiety.
 

robbie3982

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I have to say that if you''re morally opposed to animals being killed for food or other purposes and it disturbs you to see meat being eaten, I don''t think you should serve meat at your reception. Some people have dessert only receptions and no one has a problem with there being no meat there.

I would definitely have a problem paying for something that I morally objected to.
 

sunshine14

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If you are really uncomfortable, I also think you should not have meat at your reception. There are a lot of vegetarian options that would be amazing at a wedding, so that would be a more comfortable option I''d bet. As long as there is enough food for the meat-eaters to still feel satisfied, I think you''d be good. I doubt you''d hear guests complaining about not getting chicken, but you may if they are still hungry...

Just do what feels right for you! The guests are there to celebrate you!
 

poptart

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If your wedding HAS to include some type of big meal, you can order stuff that keeps meat eaters satisfied. I''m not a vegan, but my good friend is, and whenever she cooks dinner I have never felt like I was still hungry afterwards, even though there was no meat. May I suggest stirfry as a meal? It''s big, and the rice fills people up... plus you could put tofu in it. Have you tried the small sesame flavored cubes? They taste just like meat and most people would not be able to tell the difference... I couldn''t. However, if you could get away with just a dessert menu that might be easier. But I agree with other people that you shouldn''t have to pay for something that you are morally opposed to.

*M*
 

Jas12

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hmm, this is a tough one. I am a big foodie--meaning I love to eat and cook (including meat).If i were going to a wedding and i knew the couple were veggies I would not be surprised or upset if there was no meat--i would be excited to have some great vegetarian items! I think the reason most people are disatisfied with vegetarian meals is that they tend to be either a) pasta or b) some portabello mushroom concoction and it is usually prepared as an afterthought to the meat entree, lacks flavour and lacks texture. If you were to plan a great, balanced selection of vegetarian items (indian curries, or thai dishes, unique salads etc.) I am sure no one would miss the meat!
 

ladykemma

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as a former vegetarian, i would serve veggie lasagna, easy for the caterer to prepare/freeze/transport in advance. meat eaters would never notice there was no meat. green salad, garlic bread, wedding cake.

stir fry for 100 - 200 people would be logistically impossible.
 

decodelighted

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Date: 3/7/2007 10:52:58 AM
Author:biblobaggins23
i get so disturbed seeing people eat meat. just a lot of angst and anxiety.
A) I doubt that you''ll be spending much time at your wedding WATCHING people EAT. It''ll be a big ol'' blur and you''ll barely remember *PEOPLE* being there ... much less, the food.

B) You''d really be limiting your life if you continue to bow to your "angst & anxiety" being around other people eating meat. I''d suggest you continue to expose yourself so that the impact diminishes over time.

C) Relationships are compromises ... he wants meat, you don''t .. it''s that "morally opposed" thing that makes you believe you have the high ground here. But he could be "morally opposed" to FLOWERS being cut ... no bouquet for you??
 

laine

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I''ve recently been to one vegan wedding, with only in season, local food (in October). That one left me a little hungry, with tomato soup, mashed potatoes, salad and bread. I also attended another vegetarian wedding (may have been vegan) which was delicious. I didn''t even realize until long after dinner that the whole meal had been vegetarian. There was squash soup or chili in a bread bowl, meatballs (but meatless--I assume tofu) in marinara, salad, several vegetables (both green and starchy), bread, and maybe pasta, as well as lots of munchies.

Non-vegetarians can survive without meat for a meal. If you aren''t comfortable with it, don''t do it!
 

Aloros

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I agree that if it makes you uncomfortable and you are morally opposed to it, just do a vegetarian meal! I''m sure all your omnivorous guests can survive a meal without meat. If the menu is planned well, I doubt they would even notice it was vegetarian. I''m not vegetarian, but I don''t eat much meat either, and there are so many delicious, filling vegetarian dishes that could be made instead.
 

cara

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I agree with the others - if you are really uncomfortable PAYING for meat, sponsering others eating it, just have a veggie meal and make sure it is universally appealing food. Most humans are omnivores, meaning they eat things besides animal flesh. You''ll get some flack from the cavemen but whatever. Similiarly with alcohol, if someone just didn''t like drinking, they should probably suck it up and be a good host by providing a beverage many people like to celebrate with. If you have strong moral objections, well nuf said. No need to buy it for your party.

Like all things in marriage though, life is a compromise. You do need to make this decision jointly with your FI. If its a non-negotiable for you, however, you need to be upfront about your position and prepared to accommodate him in other areas.

With some respect for your position as an activist, however, if you are actively disturbed by watching people eat meat this limits for ability to socialize with others without judging them. Are you also disturbed by other carnivores?
 

zoebartlett

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If I were invited to a friend''s (or a relative''s) wedding and I knew that he or she was a vegetarian, I would just assume that the dinner choices at the reception would reflect that. If you choose not to have meat, I don''t think anyone would miss it for one night.
 

jaz464

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Date: 3/7/2007 10:52:58 AM
Author:biblobaggins23
okay, i am a vegetarian, sometimes i''ll eat vegan. i don''t eat meat cause i believe its morally wrong to kill an animal to eat, even wear. my fiance is totally 100% supportive of me. he wants me to serve meat at the reception. knowing i''ll have many many guests who aren''t vegetarians, i gave in and allowed him to serve meat even though i don''t like that fact. its really killing me paying for meat but i am doing it anyway. do you think i made the right decision? i get so disturbed seeing people eat meat. just a lot of angst and anxiety.
I kinda don''t see how he can be ''100% supportive of you'' but still insist that you serve meat. Those two things don''t go together for me. So there are many, many guests who are meat eaters. So what? There will be many, many guests who like and dislike many things (music, foods, drinks, your choice of venue, etc). This is your wedding, and I assume your money. The two of you should choose what you both want because you can''t make everyone else happy all the time.
Since you are deeply bothered by seeing people eat meat and he is not deeply bothered by seeing people eat veggies, I think the food choice should be in your favor.

I am very interested in your situation. Assuming your fiance does eat meat, when the two of you go out to dinner and he orders a big steak or chicken breast, are you able to sit across the table from him and enjoy a meal comfortably?
 

cara

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Date: 3/7/2007 7:22:06 PM
Author: jazmine
Date: 3/7/2007 10:52:58 AM

Author:biblobaggins23

okay, i am a vegetarian, sometimes i''ll eat vegan. i don''t eat meat cause i believe its morally wrong to kill an animal to eat, even wear. my fiance is totally 100% supportive of me. he wants me to serve meat at the reception. knowing i''ll have many many guests who aren''t vegetarians, i gave in and allowed him to serve meat even though i don''t like that fact. its really killing me paying for meat but i am doing it anyway. do you think i made the right decision? i get so disturbed seeing people eat meat. just a lot of angst and anxiety.
I kinda don''t see how he can be ''100% supportive of you'' but still insist that you serve meat. Those two things don''t go together for me. So there are many, many guests who are meat eaters. So what? There will be many, many guests who like and dislike many things (music, foods, drinks, your choice of venue, etc). This is your wedding, and I assume your money. The two of you should choose what you both want because you can''t make everyone else happy all the time.

Since you are deeply bothered by seeing people eat meat and he is not deeply bothered by seeing people eat veggies, I think the food choice should be in your favor.
I read it as her FI is 100% supportive of her personally not eating meat or wearing animal products and all the difficulty in life that accompanies that decision.

However, people get struck by a certain bug of wanting to please others when they host and weddings just exacerbate the traditional impulses. Maybe he''s just realized that supporting her in this no-animal products decision, at times, means inflicting her preference on others and he wasn''t entirely feeling up to it. Maybe he enjoys eating meat, or just wants to provide the guests with the meal that he thinks would be most appreciated or appropriate for a wedding. Whatever, bilbo initially agreed but really isn''t comfortable so she should speak up and they should renegotiate.

One of my friends moved in with a guy, and she had been long time vegetarian since childhood, never going to eat animal flesh again, and he totally signed on to a veggie home, eating no meat unless he was at a restaurants, etc. But one day when he realized he could never throw a good BBQ again he got sad. So she relented, and they occasionally serve meat when they host others to let him grill. Life''s a compromise.
 

biblobaggins23

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Date: 3/7/2007 6:39:07 PM
Author: cara
I agree with the others - if you are really uncomfortable PAYING for meat, sponsering others eating it, just have a veggie meal and make sure it is universally appealing food. Most humans are omnivores, meaning they eat things besides animal flesh. You''ll get some flack from the cavemen but whatever. Similiarly with alcohol, if someone just didn''t like drinking, they should probably suck it up and be a good host by providing a beverage many people like to celebrate with. If you have strong moral objections, well nuf said. No need to buy it for your party.

Like all things in marriage though, life is a compromise. You do need to make this decision jointly with your FI. If its a non-negotiable for you, however, you need to be upfront about your position and prepared to accommodate him in other areas.

With some respect for your position as an activist, however, if you are actively disturbed by watching people eat meat this limits for ability to socialize with others without judging them. Are you also disturbed by other carnivores?
i have always loved animals and felt sad that they are innocent victims of maltreatment, abuse, and death because they don''t have a voice to defend themselves against this cruelty. for me, being a carnivore kept my mind from being at peace because i was being a hypocrite by eating an animal yet feeling sad they were being killed and victimized. at that time in my life, my mind felt in turmoil. i finally felt at peace with my mind and body when i made the decision to become a vegetarian. it felt like such a good release and i had so much more positive energy as a result. i''m sure other vegs/vegans had the same experience after making the switch.

in the beginning when i became a vegetarian, it was not a matter of judging people who ate meat. it was not the people, but the idea of eating meat that made me sad and angry. now, i am still sad animals are killed for meat and people eat it, but i''m much more desensitized to it. i accept that people who eat meat are doing what they feel is morally and ethically right for their mind and their body, and i hope they accept my decision to do what iis morally and ethically right for my body and that means not eating meat. i am not actively disturbed by them eating meat because they are doing what is best for them. i cannot judge people for doing that.

seeing people eat meat doesn''t prohibit my ability to socialize with carnivores because my fiance, friends, family, and parents eat meat. i also have a fiance who eats meat. am fine being at gatherings where people eat meat. if i was that disturbed i don''t think i would have been able to get out of the house and socialize nontheless be getting married. iiwill always be sad that an animal has been killed to eat though. that passion won''t go away.

since i care about my fiance and i want him to be happy on the wedding day, i don''t mind serving meat, because i love him, but its that i am paying for it. it makes me anxious that it is coming out of my pocket to pay for something i am against. i would rather spend that money on flowers or candles or more wine or something.

maybe i can get my parents to pay or something...i just cannot bring myself to pay for it. i''m sure my parents will be understanding because i know they will want to eat it and i don''t want to make them sad. and i don''t feel like asking my fiance to pay for the meat either. i feel like paying for reception food, is the brides family responsibility.
 

swingirl

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My 2 cents...

Just because people are meat eaters doesn''t mean every meal has to include meat. A vegetarien meal would be a nice change for most. I would find a caterer who specialized in vegan meals, not someone who just leaves out the meat. There are wonderful tasty vegan dishes out there that are filling and interesting that meat eaters would enjoy.
 

Gypsy

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have a good friend who is a vegetarian... her DF isn't but their wedding will be vegetarian.... and they chose very good menu.



One pasta and one rissoto dish to choose from. Grilled veggies on the side. Antipasta salad with olives, capers, and roasted peppers and fresh Mozzerella. Wild mushroom soup. Great dessert.



Only thing I know, from us being friends for so long is that veggie neapolians (spelling) are generally quite nasty... and most people won't choose to eat them. But pasta and rissoto are always great.



I would reccomend against vegan however. Pasta with ricotta, or a cream sauce, or a pink sauce is not something I would rule out.


ETA; THeir pasta is not average pasta BTW... not something like lasagna or spagetti. I think they were trying to decide between home made cannoloni with a ricotta and mascapone filling with a basil pesto cream sauce and a linguini primavera with (their wedding is in april) fresh peas and baby veggies in a light cream sauce flavored with some kind of tofu pancetta (her mother or someone found some and gave it the restuarant to try it out... and they liked it) . Her DF who is a a big guy with a large appetite was happy with both choices. Oh... and they are having passed tasty treats at the cocktail reception ... extra heavy on the servings of those to fill people up before hand.

Oh I just remembered something she told me. They decided against a vegetarian caterer... and just called up the best itallian restuarant in town and are having the reception there... so its food that's really vegetarian by origin not be design.
 

ladykemma

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oooh gypsy - good thought.

ricotta filled manicotti. easy portion control too.

this thread is making me hungry....

how about indian food - veggie samosas, naan, tamarind chutney, chickpea masala, sag paneer, aloo gobi, and a chicken tikka masala for the carnivores?
 

cara

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Just to be clear, I think you should still host your wedding and NOT serve meat. Its a completely valid position not to actively support something you disagree with so strongly, no one will be deprived, and, after another discussion with your FI, in which you explain how you know you had agreed but are now really uncomfortable with it, I would hope he would support you in this.

Thanks for your explanation of your beliefs - its always interesting to hear. By other carnivores, I did mean true carnivores, ie. lions and tigers and bears! Oh, OK, bears are omnivores. Anyway, best of luck.
 

biblobaggins23

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Date: 3/7/2007 7:22:06 PM
Author: jazmine
kinda don't see how he can be '100% supportive of you' but still insist that you serve meat.
sorry, i should have said would like me to serve meat or at least have some selection. i'm not disturbed seeing people eat meat, people can do their on thing and i don't mind not having meat at my wedding, i just cannot pay for meat...

anyways, i hope i get this figured out before menu tasting...
 

Scooba

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yes I think you made the right decision, you are hosting and accommodating your guests, I would not be happy if I had to eat a vegetarian meal
 

Scooba

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or I like the pasta idea, but not something that is obviously vegetarian or vegetable heavy, I hate vegetables and just wouldn''t eat
 

gailrmv

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I don''t think that you are in the wrong, or have violated your principles, by serving meat.
If it bothers you though, I think you have gotten some great ideas for vegetarian cuisine. Wouldn''t it be fun to serve a world vegetarian cuisine? Not sure if your family/friends would be up for it, but I love that kind of thing. Many people like pasta/Italian cuisine.
No matter what you serve, someone won''t like it. Some people don''t like fish, some don''t like chicken, some don''t like vegetables - you can''t please everyone unless you have a buffet, and even then, you can be sure there is still someone who is unhappy. So I wouldn''t worry if you decided to go vegetarian. People are coming to celebrate with you and the meal is secondary.
 

ladykemma

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Date: 3/7/2007 10:47:55 PM
Author: Diamonds are Hot!
or I like the pasta idea, but not something that is obviously vegetarian or vegetable heavy, I hate vegetables and just wouldn''t eat
vegetarians eat a lot more than just vegetables. i bet you have had many vegetarian meals and not known it...spaghetti marinara, cheese ravioli, manicotti, most of the stuff in an indian buffet

i was just sitting here laughing because i had this image in my head of someone who eats only carrot sticks.


now, i would not be happy with, nor would i endorse a vegan meal.
 

cara

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Oh, I dont know that I agree ladykemma! if the point is that its OK to follow you sincere moral beliefs on food politics when you are hosting, then I see no reason to compel a vegan to violate their beliefs any more than a vegetarian. I realize its not a common American religion, but if you were Russian orthodox there are more than 100 "fast" days a year in which all animal products (meat and dairy) are forbidden. OK, you probably wouldn''t have a wedding on a fast day but point is that no one need starve. Key, as a host, is to try to please your guests in what you offer them as much as possible given your constraints. Dont serve them tofu squares and brussel sprouts only. But even if you have to resort to french fries, chips and guac, salted cashews, bread and olive oil, veggie chili, apple pie and lots of liquor, you can serve people reasonably palettable food and not violate your principles.
 

Jas12

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bilbo--discuss this with fiance for sure, b/c i just get the sense (could be totally wrong) that you are not quite sure on your stance, maybe you just worded it wrong, but you state that you "get so disturbed seeing people eat meat" but then later say " I am not disturbed seeing people eat meat"
--it''s your wedding so don''t worry about others, only you and your FI need to be 100% happy with your choice. As long as there is food people will be happy.
 

Pandora II

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I''m a big meat eater, but I try to be more ethical in my menu choices by trying to buy meat that is either free-range, rare breeds or organic.

I believe in supporting small farmers, and in encouraging people to keep animals in humane and happy conditions. My parents had a small farm for a while and we ate quite a number of the animals (sadly, male sheep and goats are not particularly useful in large numbers.) - however they all had very happy outdoor lives before becoming lunch.

Could your caterer source freerange meat for you? Maybe you''d feel happier knowing that the animals were well cared for.
 

monarch64

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I''m vegetarian, DH is not. We had a vegetarian wedding, although we didn''t "advertise" the fact. Our wedding was on a Sunday, ceremony and reception on same site in the afternoon. We served a pasta/vodka sauce dish, salad, etc. We actually received a lot of compliments on the food, and no one mentioned anything about it being "vegetarian." It was honestly that big of a deal.
 

San Diego Bride

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i''m confused.

in your first post you say, "i get so disturbed seeing people eat meat. just a lot of angst and anxiety."
in a more recent post you say, "i''m not disturbed seeing people eat meat, people can do their own thing and i don''t mind having meat at my wedding, i just cannot pay for meat"

hmmm. which is it?

this one seems easy to me. if you''re worried about having "angst and anxiety" then mealtimes may not be so pleasant for the rest of your marriage if your husband-to-be is a carnivore. your wedding day meal should be the least of your worries. if you just can''t pay for it then have your husband pay for it. or have a vegetarian wedding.

i am a vegetarian. my husband is not. our wedding day, just like our marriage, was about both of us. we offered both options and each person chose his/her meal. the last thing i paid attention to on that day was what people were putting in their mouths.

i''m curious as to how you plan to handle your finances and grocery shopping after you''re married. if you can''t purchase meat then you will have to keep your finances separate in order to ensure that you don''t contribute to the slaying of innocent animals. he will also have to do all of his own grocery shopping... for the rest of your marriage. it could be complicated.
 

jaz464

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Date: 3/8/2007 9:01:40 PM
Author: novia

i''m confused.

in your first post you say, ''i get so disturbed seeing people eat meat. just a lot of angst and anxiety.''
in a more recent post you say, ''i''m not disturbed seeing people eat meat, people can do their own thing and i don''t mind having meat at my wedding, i just cannot pay for meat''

hmmm. which is it?
This is just what I was thinking. If it doesn''t bother you to see others eat meat, than why not serve it? Obviously you don''t have to eat it. You can always have a special meal prepared for you.
 

Fancy605

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Date: 3/7/2007 7:57:14 PM

i have always loved animals and felt sad that they are innocent victims of maltreatment, abuse, and death because they don''t have a voice to defend themselves against this cruelty. for me, being a carnivore kept my mind from being at peace because i was being a hypocrite by eating an animal yet feeling sad they were being killed and victimized.
I think it is VERY respectable that you want to provide your guests with an option despite your own wishes. I am sure meat-lovers would be happy to provide vegie options at their weddings, and so I think it is very nice that you are willing to accept providing a meat option at yours for the sake of your guests. So, to address you initial concern over whether you made the right decision, I think that serving meat is very kind of you.

But I also think that if you change your mind and go back on that decision, you are justified as well. It is YOUR day after all, and it should be exactly how you want it. Respecting how your family/guests feel is really sweet, but if it''s going to make you miserable... well.... it may not be worth it. Besides, all the organic/vegie stuff is very "in," and people may find it nice and trendy and be perfectly satisfied sans meat.Even if they don''t leave full, at least it will have been something different, right?

Hey, if you end up serving meat, maybe some of us fellow PSers can do like Joey did for Phoebes on FRINEDS when she had to eat meat, and he ate just vegitables so she could have "his" alotted meat. That way no extra animals had to die.
 
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