A 4th baby?

[february2003bride]

No, I''m not pregnant

but DH and I are at odds whether we should have a 4th or not. We currently have three wonderful kids- 9 year old DD, 2 year old DS and 8 month old DS#2. I thought we were done done done at 3 but I can''t shake this baby urge feeling that I really want one more. And the sound of 4 kids or being a family of SIX sounds HUGE to me! Technically we could have a 4th...we have the crib, the toys, the minivan, an extra bedroom, a nice sized home, DH and I have a great marriage, he has a stable job and for his role (Software development) there is always room for advancements I''m a SAHM so we wouldn''t have to worry about day care costs either (Northern Va where day care is expensive!). And the icing on the cake is my family lives close by.

The reasons that are holding us back? DH does not want anymore, period. He''s looking forward to the day that all three are independent, in school, basically out of the baby/toddler phase. He wants to travel, pay for only 3 college tuitions

, retire somewhat early, be able to have date night with me, and have all THREE kids sleeping through the night. For me, helping three kids with homework, cooking dinners for a family of 6, shopping for a family of 6, laundry for 4 kids, oye! Also, I still haven''t lost all of my preggo weight yet and want to finish the last 2 years of my undergraduate degree. Before these baby urges started kicking in, the plan was for me to finish my 2 years starting this fall and then start my 2nd career (first one-management consulting- I left to be a SAHM when DS#1 was born). There are other reasons but those are the main ones.

But I love seeing my three kids together. I love that they have each other the rest of their lives. Christmas in our house this year will be wonderful because my youngest will be over a year old by then. I admit I am a baby gear junkie, I love being pregnant (ok, love being a stretch

but I don''t hate it and tolerate it quite well once the nausea subsides), I love having the noise of our kids in the house (except when they are arguing, lol) and my heart just bursts with undescribable love when I think of my children.

I admit there are days when I think I''m insane to having three, lol, but those days are far and few between.

Is anyone else planning on having 3 or more kids? Or do you already? Am I nutty for possibly wanting 1 more?

Thanks so much!

Carrie

 

[Mara]

hehe well considering that we can't even decide if we want ONE...i can't even imagine four!!

but you mentioned your youngest is just about to be near one, if you will have the 4th last one, do it soon so they are all still close in age. well maybe not too soon, don't they say to have them ~2 years apart so you aren't run too ragged with the baby and the newborn? i can also see the appeal to your DH of thinking about just being DONE. kids are such a huge responsibility mentally and financially, and yes there is that 4th college tuition that could go to the retirement fund instead. the three of them do have each other already and are part of a loving family, so do you really need a 4th?

but i think it's an emotional decision rather than really practical...so good luck whatever you decide!!

 

[allycat0303]

I don''t even want one. I can''t imagine 4. All that aside though, we are 4 kids in the family, and I can''t imagine it being any other way. My sister wants 3, if they are all the same sex, then she''ll have a 4th, that''s how she''s looking at it.

I think this is a joint decision between you and your husband. Funny enough, both my father (and my boyfriend''s father) were adamant that 3 was ENOUGH. And then there was an accident (my boyfriend) and for my family (my little brother). The men always say now that they can''t imagine it any other way.

Did you and your husband have specific plans about how many children you wanted to have? Was it 3 or 4? Are you ready to put the rest of your undergrad on hold to take care of another child? It''s a hard decision, and I''ve always wondered how woman come to the conclusion that they want another child. I''m probably not much help, but this is a really intriguing topic to me.

Good luck with your decision either way!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I don''t have children yet so I am not sure how worth while my advice is but how strong are your husband''s objections? Would he resent the new baby? Kids do seem like they cost lots of $$$ and lots of time. It is sweet he wants to spend more time with you. Obviously another baby would make that harder. That being said I am one of three kids and I would have loved having another sibling. I think you both just need to be open and honest and I am sure you can agree.

 

[diamondfan]

We have three sons. I had two in my 20''s and then elected to wait. I did not feel done and we did have a lot of arguments about it, based on my DH feeling like yours, college, travel ability...we are out of the baby phase and now plunging back in etc. I have a 13 1/2 year old, an almost 11 year old and a 4 1/2 year old. We adore them all, the youngest is delicious and I know 100 percent I am done. I am now 40 and feel done. But we did fight about it a lot, and now my dh is thrilled we did it, but that is not the case for all. Three kids in this world today is a lot and four tips you over, I know a few people with four and even five...but it is so personal of a choice. I think if my dh really said no way, it would have been the end of the conversation, but he vacillated a bit. We have no regrets, but I think he just realized how much I DID want the third, versus his not wanting to. He worried about my health, and something being wrong with the baby and all of that, and he worried about how it would affect our lives...we had none of the baby stuff and had to start all over...but I think you have to weigh is your desire to have another more than his desire not to, and since you cannot compromise here (you have a baby or you do not, no half ways) it is a tough one...keep us posted!

 

[Scintillating]

Here's my family's story,
I'm the 3rd child of 4 kids. It was wonderful in lots of ways, I love my siblings dearly and could never imagine my life without them. Growing up was tough, there was never enough resources, money, or time, or attention to go around. We all went without a lot, and it was painful. (My dad has an MBA from Harvard and my Mom has a Masters from Loyola, but they ran their own small business. They are currently struggling to retire, they'll have to cash out their home to have anywhere near enough.)

Nowadays - 4 does seem like a big family doesn't it? It's tough these days with College as expensive as it is; putting four kids through college "could" be close to half a million dollars. *Wince* Life has gotten so expensive!

I'm not expressing an opinion one way or another, it's just our experience.

Scintillating...

 

[pearcrazy]

I have three and I''m all done. My DH was the one who mentioned trying for another girl to have two of each but I said HELL NO! My twins are going to be six on Memorial Day and I can''t tell you how great it is to be done with diapers, high chairs and colic. I''m getting too old to be birthin'' any more babies anyway. Also the fact that my DH is not much help at all when it comes to baby care just cinches it for me. I can''t do it again, I have no desire whatsoever, even when someone lets me hold their brand new baby. I love those sweet smelling new babies but it doesn''t stir up any desires for me anymore.

Both partners really have to be on the same page about family size. Unfortunately, it doesn''t seem fair that the partner who wants to keep the status quo is already getting exactly what they want but it''s also not fair to force someone to become a parent again when they don''t want to.

 

[DonaBella]

I am glad I saw this thread before I got offline...I know alot of you know already that I am the mom of 9 kids...7 sons and 2 daughters. No, I am NOT advocating to do as I have done, but I am here more to share some insight of a seasoned and sane mom.

I read what you said about already having 3 wonderful little ones and your consideration or possible yearning for a 4th baby. You also mentioned about your sound marriage which is EXTREMELY important...believe you me. If you will allow me, I just would like to share my points of view.

My kids are great and I love them all. My husband was finishing college and graduating when we found out baby #3 was on her way....plus we were moving out of state. Baby #4 was more of a "bonus" and on my procreation schedule, but he is so amazing and I cherish him. I won''t bore you with any more of my baby mushiness, but I will say that as hard as it has been financially--and it has been, THAT is not a stretch---I wouldn''t have it any other way. But having any child is a sacrifice...on a marriage, on the mom to divide more of herself to that little person, and to still leave something there for herself.

My DH and I all in all had 3 "bonus" or unplanned for babies and it was hard on us as a couple. Being on the same side is essential to raising kids in a healthy and sound way. For me, my DH and I have NOT always been in sync and it has been really rocky and taxing on us and me. Would I do it again if I had the chance to choose? I honestly don''t know. As much as I love my DH, he is not a cuddly, super involved, let-me-get-to-know-you-better kind of dad, but he loves them to the best of his ability and I have to make up the rest that he cannot provide emotionally...and that wears me out. If I had married someone else more doting, then maybe they would lack in what my DH has that makes him so wonderful as a provider, a good example of fortitude and solidness.

Kids with disabilities like 3 of mine have, are also challenging. Three of my sons have ADD and one of them is very severe and is always going to struggle with life. My husband has no patience for seeking ways to help with that so it falls to me. My husband is amazing in so many ways, but, like me, he has deficits.

I share this personal info with you to help you to see that first and foremost, if you do not have another, you are already immensely blessed and to appreciate that gift. It sounds like you are an amazingly loving mom and so I know you have a sea of capacity to love another little soul...if you and hubby decide to do so...but make sure and connect with your hubby and really hear each other. Compromise is part of a solid and growing marriage and adding kids to your family is major, which I am sure you already know. Should he not yield to another baby on his own, he could grow to resent the child and that would devastate you, I am sure.

Take little opportunities here and there to plant seeds of conversation. Your youngest is still quite young and you have time to talk and talk some more...I would advise you talk ALOT before doing something--either way--to make this decision permanent. Each child conceived deserves to be born into a family where he/she is loved and wanted...not just tolerated.

I love my DH more than my own life, but if I had known how difficult parenting for him was going to be from where I was hoping he would be involved, I might have reconsidered either marrying him(depending on how much I wanted kids) or having more than one child with my DH. My DH''s father--with no disrespect--was no distant physically, emotionally, and spiritually that he basically paid the bills and that was it. My DH likes to play ball, swim, go camping and backpacking with the boys whenever his schedule permits. My DH has relationships with the girls as well, but very differently.

That is another thing. Establishing relationships with each child is critical to their development and that takes time and desire. If your DH is already stretched with 3 kids--or if he thinks he is--now may not be the best time to think about adding to your brood. Give him time. Listen ALOT to his words and his body language. And also, enjoy the little ones you have. They change SO quick!

Listen, my oldest son is getting married on Monday, Memorial Day the 29th and its hard to believe he is old enough to even get married! My oldest is a girl, 24, a son, 23, a girl, 21, a son, 19, a son, 17, a son, 16, a son 14, a son, 11, and a son 9 years old. Thanks for letting me share this with you...and listen, I have been married for 25 years and am only 46 years old so I feel I am young enough to still learn alot and old enough to be experienced...

Best of luck to you!

 

[partgypsy]

I think how many children someone has is a hugely personal decision. Emotionally I can understand the urge to have an additional child, even if not feasible (I am another one of those weirdos who actually enjoys being pregnant, but stopping at 2 because not the time, energy, or money for more). The main suggestion I would say is that it should be a JOINT decision, and your husband does state valid reasons for stopping at 3. Even though you are a stay at home mom and will be doing the lions share of chld care, he will be the one having to provide financial support for an additional child, and it may seem daunting to have to provide for that many. Try to think of all the possibilities. When we were growing up in our family my father got sick and my mother was faced with the prospect of taking care of both an ill husband, 4 young kids, and holding down a job. Thankfully he recovered but you never know what life will throw you.

 

[Kaleigh]

I''m at the other end of the spectrum. I''m 44 and my kids are 18 and 16. So obviously I am done having kids. My husband and I at one point wanted a third. Having a son and a daughter we are very blessed. I guess we decided against having a third because of financial and medical reasons. Both our kids had serious health problems (which they have now over come thank god). I think it should be something you BOTH want. College tuitions are insane. Plus we put our kids through private schools and those tuitions were pretty steep as well. Good luck deciding, I guess if you have 3 what''s one more?? I can see you want another one but seems like your hubby doesn''t. Take time in thinking it over. You''ll come to the right decision for you and your precious family. You sound like a terrific mom, all the best to you!!!

 

[Small]

Well I only have 2 and they are 15 mos apart so they keep me hopping. I can''t imagine having 3 or more...I''d probably go nuts LOL!
I can sympathize with you though as my husband says absolutely no more. It''s not even open for discussion. When I had my son (baby #2) I often thought I would want one more but after watching he and my daughter together I think I''m thankful for the two healthy happy children I have and know deep down he''s right that adding anymore isn''t right for our family. I love how close in age my two are and know they will grow up with each other and always have each other to play with and depend on. I didn''t plan it this way but it''s worked out so wonderfully. Having children is a blessing...it''s miraculous and the best part of my life. I think the number you have is a very personal decision. I would start talking seriously to your husband about it to see if he will even consider the idea. I can''t imagine going back to the infant stage...waking at night, bottles (although my 15 mo old still takes one before bed), formula, baby food, frequent spitting up, crying as the only way of communication. It was so worth it with both of my kids but two of my neighbors are getting some nights 30 minutes of sleep with their newborns, and I personally can''t imagine how I''d deal with my two toddlers on 30 minutes of sleep per day

Good luck with whatever you decide. I often get that nagging baby syndrome and wish for a little one (I''d love to bottle my son up at his age now and keep him small and cute forever

) but then I come back to reality and think that I''m happy at 32 to be done and want to enjoy each stage my little ones are going to get to next.

 

[DonaBella]

I think pretty much everyone''s sentiment is the same...this is extremely personal and being in sync and making such a decision is between you and your hubby. No one person can tell you if its right or wrong because its your business...not theirs...and its your life.

I have confidence that you will be fine with whatever you decide...What overwhelms one person, is a joy and a treasure and worth the work. Not everyone is meant to be a mom...you obviously are. Your children are blessed to have parents you love them so much, but do remember that being a SAHM--and you are at the beginning of it---is hard and long.

Just something to think about...There is no way of telling what life will throw at you with costs...whether it be helping to fund college tuition(hey--not all your kids will go to college, just a reality check...I know cuz I''m there), and some will need more than others in the way of help financially and/or emotionally from both of you. Of course, the smaller the amount of kids you have, the easier it is to deal with, but there is no guarantees about any of it.

Please consider all those factors that pertain to your family and the two of you. Do not allow anything shared here to sway you one way or the other entirely...we all have our own viewpoints and that is what makes this thread helpful hopefully to you.

I hope that you will gain insight from all of the responses here...

 

[innerkitten]

Well I have a five month old and she''s a lot of work but I''m just crazy about her! I don''t know if we''ll have anymore though we both only wanted one.
However if I had three like you do then I would probably figure whats one more? right?

 

[pebbles]

I agree with all the other posters - this has to be something you and your husband are 1000% on agreement on. It sounds like to me he is firm in his decision and his reasons for not wanting more are all valid.

It is very easy to have that "I want more" feeling when you see your little ones growing up. My youngest is now 2 and I so want another one right now. It is something we kick around but hubby is afraid of the added stress on me (not to mention our relationship). We haven't been out together since forever and I know he is looking forward to things like baseball practice or teaching them to ride a bike. I personally would love at least one more, maybe 2.

There is no right or wrong answer here.

And Deanna is right -- there is no telling what life is going to throw you. A classmate of mine from high school lost her husband when her son was an infant and all the dreams she had hoped for her family were literally gone one afternoon.

You are very blessed right now and don't ever look back and say "if we had only had one more..." You're very lucky to have such an awesome marriage with your husband and it sounds like you are a great mom.

 

[february2003bride]

Thank you everyone for such heartfelt responses and great advice.

I''ve got to run and put my three kiddos to bed (DH is out with old college friends tonight

) so I''m on my own for the bedtime shift. After tonight I may come back and say anyone here can come take a kid or two off my hands!

I kid, I kid!

But I will be respond to everyone tonight.

Thanks again!!

 

[Odilia]

I didn''t have time to read your whole thread, just your question, but I don''t think you''re nutty at all! I''m one of 6, and I''m all for larger families, and actually 4 doesn''t sound large to me. (I know that to many today it does.) My DH and I would take all the children God wants to send us, but alas, we married later in life, and after 3 years it looks like He might not send us any. Anyway, each of my siblings is a treasure I wouldn''t trade for any amount of material stuff. Lastly, I loved reading your paragraph "But I love seeing my three kids together."

 

[sunkist]

I grew up in a family of 5 children. I loved having 3 sisters and 1 brother. I know it was hard sometimes on my mom, but of course she loved all of us and we got through the hard times. She''s told us about how she decided not to have anymore kids after the 5th one. I won''t tell the whole story (it was a typical stressful day for a mother). But she realized that 5 children was all she could emotionally handle. Some women can raise 10 kids, some can raise 1. It doesn''t matter how many kids you can raise, but how many you can raise well. We all have our own emotional limits and you don''t want to spread yourself too thin. Of course there are economical limits too, you need to be able to financially raise and support them. But I won''t get into that, though that''s what the men seem to focus on Spend time thinking about it and talking with your husband. Do you feel like there is a member of your family missing or does it feel complete? Are you going to be there to raise them, or do you want to go back to work? From what you said, it sounds like your husband is longing for alone time with you now and in the future. I think this is worth great consideration

 

[asscherisme]

I have 4 and could not imagine my life and family any other way. Our 4th was not a choice we made. She was our little surprise! I was on birth control pills and my 3rd was just 8 months old when I found out I was pregnant. So she is not 2 and my 3rd is 3! And I have a 6 and 9 year old. Some days are so crazy busy I feel like I am going nuts. And yes it is a big leap from 3 to 4. I could not drive a "normal" car anymore. Nope, minivan for me. And eating out is a major event that is rare and infrequent. And forget about privacy. But I look at my 4th and she just blows me away. I love her so much and feel so blessed to have her.

A 4th was something we never discussed, it just happened. We had decided on 3 and had our 3 when she came along.

People think we are NUTS to have 4. I had some family members tell me that I should have an abortion when I was pregnant. I''m not close to them anymore because that offeneded me so much. Funny thing is that I am prochoice but when I found out I was pregnant the 4th time it was never a question of if we would have the baby. She was ours and she was our gift.

The responses I get to having 4 are everything from, I am a saint to I must be crazy to better you than me.

If however, it was a choice and she did not just happen, I would never plan a pregnacy without my husband being 100% onboard. If you do talk him into it he may resent you if its not what he wants.

Going from 3 to 4 was the hardest of all the transitions except from zero to 1. With 3 I found my life still under control. But with 4, it is really tough some days.

I totally get what you are saying with your 3 playing together. My 4 kids do that and it is just amazing. having had 4 kids in 6 1/2 years I think made them closer together.

Sometimes I am so tired I can barely see straight but I would not change a thing.

And the college thing does scare us too. We however are on a good clip for saving and think we will be fine with that.

Everything is more expensive with 4.

So, bottom line, NO you are not nutty for wanting 4. But that from a VERY happy mom of 4

One day I will tell my 4th child that she was our gift. Thats how I view her, she is our surprise gift. And the other 3 kids get so much pleasure from her. She shares a room with her 6 year old sister and my 6 year old worships the ground she walks on. She LOVES having a baby sister. And so do my 2 boys.

 

[diamondfan]

I cannot imagine someone telling me to abort my child just because I had three already! Unless my health was in jeopardy or there was some major extenuating issue, I would have the baby, too. And I would likely consider that last baby as a gift too. People are so uncooth! I admire any mother who can manage, it is tough being a mom. Three to me might be like five to someone else, it is really hard to judge it simply on a number. The world is so costly but that does not matter to some people...in homes where money is tight, but where there is a lot of love and happiness, as long as no one goes hungry, I think it all turns out okay in the long run...I know it is easy to think that kids want to have tons of stuff, but I think, when they look back on their lives and childhoods, it is the love and time spent together that is special. But, the most important element is being in agreement. One can go without certain extras, and what have you, but both people should be in agreement about the addition of another child into the house. I am sure it will all work out as it should, and as someone else mentioned, even if you both decide not to have any more, you have been truly blessed and I am sure that you know it!

 

[upgrading mama]

Wow, what a topic!

Totally a personal decision and I totally agree that both partners need to be in agreement about it.

We have 2 little boys ( 15 months apart- now 2 yrs and almost 10 months) and they were both "surprises", in terms of not being planned.

This July, we will be married 3 yrs. We got pregnant 2 months after we got married (we were 23 then) and it is crazy sometimes. Now that the baby is almost walking and they are playing together, it is so awesome. Whichever wakes first, looks for the other.

I couldn''t imagine having just one. I really think it is important for a kid to have a sibling, or more than one!! Ideally I would like 1 more, in a couple of years, but we will see what the Lord brings. Hubby, at this point, says he is done. We will see...

I think you guys definately need to think about this with heart and mind alike, and see if a 4th is really what you want.. Or maybe you could offer to babysit for a friend or nanny for someone?? That way you could have your time with a baby, but it wouldn''t be yours..

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I went through this, too, although my situation was a little different. We have three children, ages 23, 20, and 10. I''ll bet you are thinking the last one was a big surprise! No, she was the most planned of the three! We adopted her from China when the other two were 13 and 10. Thinking back, it was a miracle that my husband let me even get information on adoption! But each little step in the process brought us closer to the eventual outcome, and he never said no along the way! I can describe how wonderful the experience was. We adore her and know she was a gift straight from God (as were the others, of course). We were not home from China long when I had an overwhelming desire to adopt again (you feel an urgency about rescuing babies in those orphanages), even though by that time we were 40. I''d bring it up often, but my husband kept saying, three is enough. As much as I knew I could manipulate him to get my way, I KNEW that if it was really meant to be, that he would develop the desire for another child. Well, he never did, and I had to be extremely thankful for the three children I am blessed to have. I have realized that the needs of the three children more than fill my time. And we have tried to help others adopt on occasion, so we can still in a small way help the children left behind.

So like the others, I would advise you to not have another unless your husband comes to a place where he truly has a desire for another child.

 

[tawn]

We''re at the end of our journey (liken it to climbing Mt. Everest) after trying 10yrs+ to have a second baby! We had given up once for several years, and then finally discovered why it wasn''t happening, and have been trying again for the last couple of years! I''m 37 and our son is 12...and my husband said that this is our last year...period. We''ll be doing IVF as our last ditch effort in the next few months, and hopefully (crossing my fingers) it will happen for us.

I was a little panicked when he put a firm timeline on it, and said that he could be happy with just one but he would try because he would love to have a little girl and he knows how extremely important it is to me to leave no rock unturned, so I don''t have any regret. Funny thing, as the last 2 years have gone by, I''ve come to agree with him and the timeline and realize that I was the one thinking with my emotions and hormones and he''s thinking more practically.

I still feel like part of our family is missing, and desperately want to get pregnant...but if it doesn''t happen after trying everything, I''ll be able to make peace with it! Sorry for highjacking your thread...but I guess my point was that I know how it feels when you have such an overwhelming desire for a child, and it can be hard when your husband isn''t exactly on the same page as you.

But, I think 4 is a great number! My mom came from a family with 14 kids! Oddly enough, none of them have had more than 3 children each!!

 

[cutes814]

I currently have one little girl. She''s 2.5 yrs old. Sam and I talk about how many kids we want all the time. We both want 4, but don''t know how our finances will be when the time comes around. We are planning to try for baby #2 as soon as the wedding is over.

I don''t think you''re crazy for wanting 4 at all. I think I know how you feel. You''re last kid is starting to grow up and knowing you''ll be having no more is kinda scary. Call me crazy but those hormones sometimes really kick in! If financially you can do it, sit down and have a serious chat with your DH. If he is firm, but not dead firm against it, you guys might end up with a 4th child soon!

Whatever the case, please do tell us what happened. Good luck!

 

[blodthecat]

Obviously this is a very personal decision.

The most important thing in this situation is that you BOTH come to the decision together. I wouldn''t embark on having another baby if DH was 100% in agreement. I think it is very important, especially for your relationship too.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

Blod

 

[dbgaap]

There are so many emotional and practical reasons to choose either way.
I just wanted to add my experience, too.
I had one child and was unable to conceive again after that. My sorrow was is surely one of the (many) strains that ended my first marriage, so, seriously- it was tragic for me at the time.

Eventually, I came to accept my situation. After more time, I came to appreciate my circumstances.

Like what Tawn said about "thinking with your hormones" I look back and feel that was part of what was going on with me, too. Thankfully, that sense of loss did not last beyond that phase in my life.

Now, much later in life, I am happily remarried and I have 2 stepchildren who add so much to my life.
My daughter and they are becoming friends and it is such a joy to have this unexpected family come together.

I guess I am just saying that if you and your husband choose not to have another child, you will survive the disappointment and many happy days are yet to come.

But no, you are not all nuts to want more children! Both DH & I love children and we will make SWELL grandparents someday!!

 

[moremoremore]

Think "College Tuition"...does that help to decrease the urge?

 

[galeteia]

My mother told me a story of a client of hers (she''s a health practioner) who had 2 children and had always planned for a third. Unfortunately, it was impossible to concieve (or bring to term, I can''t remember, but for her sake, I hope it was the former) the 3rd child and it broke her heart.

She was scolded by many people for being so ''unreasonable'' for missing that third child and that she was lucky enough to have 2, was she crazy to not appreciate that and mope around because she wanted another?!

But my mother said that in her heart, there was a spot for a 3rd child, so when she didn''t have it, it was a loss she felt as keenly as if she''d had the child and lost it.

It really put things in perspective for me.

That being said, I am not likely to have any of my own. I am saddened that a woman as remarkable as my mother will end her genetic line with me, but I detest children (and I''m staring down the barrel of 26) and am completely in love with my career, which will regularly take me away from home for weeks at a time. Moreover, I have so many health problems that would endanger my life and the life of my child were I try to carry and give birth, that even an attempt BEFORE age 30 would be dangerous, and afterwards, suicide.

So if you feel that not having the forth will break your heart, and your husband is supportive, then do what your heart tells you.

 

[ephemery1]

I don''t have children yet, but I have always loved big families... I was a nanny for a family with 6 children, and then eventually for another family with 5 children. Fortunately, both were financially very stable, and the parents (especially mom) were deeply involved in their child''s lives. Sometimes people would ask me "if she''s a stay at home mom, why does she need a nanny??" They had NO idea the amount of sports practices, concerts, meetings, playdates, parties, school activities, etc these moms juggled... not to mention trying to find some alone-time once in a while too... to truly give each of their children the individual attention they wanted to provide, most of the time they NEEDED an extra set of hands!

One consideration: if you are an older mom (over 40), your odds increase dramatically of having multiples. In the case of BOTH those families I worked for, the parents decided to try for 1 more... and ended up with twins!! Just something to think about.

Either way, sounds like you have been blessed with a great family... have fun deciding on the next path your life will take!

 

[glitterata]

I just think about the billions of people on the planet. There are way, way, way too many people as it is, and the more we reproduce, the more we use resources and destroy ecosystems. We need to leave a little room for the plants and animals and microbes. They have just as much right to be here as we do.

My husband and I are doing our bit for the planet by not having kids.

 

[cutes814]

Date: 5/26/2006 3:28:06 PM
Author: glitterata
I just think about the billions of people on the planet. There are way, way, way too many people as it is, and the more we reproduce, the more we use resources and destroy ecosystems. We need to leave a little room for the plants and animals and microbes. They have just as much right to be here as we do.

My husband and I are doing our bit for the planet by not having kids.

WHOA! I think that is a little extreme.