Debate: Who should pay for college?

[Cehrabehra]

Do you think parents should pay for college or do you think educations are better appreciated when self earned.

 

[diamondbuggy]

Do you think parents should pay for college or do you think educations are better appreciated when self earned.

I think if the parents can afford to pay for it then they should. I see education as a way to prepare for the 'real world'. Isn't that the role of a parent? To help your children prepare for the day they have to go out on their own? I don't know. I'm not a parent. But I just finished studying and my parents paid my way through university. It's nice knowing that when I start working I don't have to worry about paying off student loans like some of my friends.

Some of my friends' parents can afford to but refuse to because they feel it is more appreciated when paid for with your own money. I don't feel like I appreciate anything less just because my parents paid for it.

 

[kateydid05]

My parents were unable to help me pay for school. I think that having to do it myself has taught me many things. I learned about the loan process and it encouraged me to continue to work hard because I am paying my own way. I think it has helped prepare me for the real world, but then again I've never really relied on my parents for much. I paid for my undergrad and now I'm doing the same for my graduate school. I hated to see parents that paid for for their childs education only to see that child barely attend, go to class drunk, get arrested, or what have you (that doesn't happen often but it bugs me when it does). Meh.

 

[Sabine]

I think the child should be responsible for a small portion of the cost, as well as for paying for things like going out during college, etc.

I paid for my entire education myself, and I agree that going through the loan process and being responsible for the money helped me learn important things and made me appreciate my education more, but at the same time I'll be paying my loans off for at least 20 more years. I also feel as if I missed off on some important college experiences because I couldn't afford to go along when my friends all had SOME financial support from their families that allowed them to spend a bit more.

I also had a friend whose parents paid for the biggest meal plan upfront each year, and I distinctly remember her offering to buy free meals for others who had the limited plans near the end of each semester (if she didn't use her money, it didn't roll over). It was such a nice thing for her to do, and I appreciated a few free meals, but I'd like my kids to be the ones offering free meals instead of receiving them.

 

[Trekkie]

I think the last time my parents paid any of my expenses was probably around when I was 13. That's the year I was awarded a prestigious scholarship to attend a snooty private school 14 hours away from home. I paid my own university fees too.

Yes, I would have liked more help from my parents, but for various reasons it was not forthcoming. I managed anyway.

I have friends who have parents who pay for everything, friends who have parents who pay for some and friends who have parents who pay for nothing. I've learnt that this does not always predict how well one does at university.

 

[purselover]

If I had children I would definitely pay for college just like my parents did for all of us. I see so many of my friends struggling to pay back loans and I see no point in making my child do the same. I want them to have the luxury of studying what they'd like without worrying if it will make enough to pay back the 6 figures school can easily cost.

ETA: even though I didn't pay for anything in college I still greatly appreciate my education and having it taken care of, and the older I get the more grateful I am that my parents paid for it. Honestly if they weren't paying for it I'm not sure I would've even when to college and/or finished it -it is such a huge expense especially when I had no idea what I wanted to do for a living at 18.

 

[oranges]

I think that if the parents are able to, they should at least chip in. If the kid isn't putting in the work and getting poor grades, then I would not pay for their college.

 

[diamondbuggy]

My parents were unable to help me pay for school. I think that having to do it myself has taught me many things. I learned about the loan process and it encouraged me to continue to work hard because I am paying my own way. I think it has helped prepare me for the real world, but then again I've never really relied on my parents for much. I paid for my undergrad and now I'm doing the same for my graduate school. I hated to see parents that paid for for their childs education only to see that child barely attend, go to class drunk, get arrested, or what have you (that doesn't happen often but it bugs me when it does). Meh.

kateydid05, that part of your post has made me rethink my previous post. My parents paid for my education, but I am a very hard worker (most of the time ) and passed all my classes so they feel it was worth it. My brother is now starting university and he never attends classes, fails just about everything and my parents have now told him if he fails this year, he's on his own with regard to payment.

I also know someone who had a terrible attitude about their parents paying. If she failed something her response would be "who cares, my parents can just pay for me to redo the course". She eventually had to study for 2 extra years which her parents just paid for.

So, I guess it also depends on the individual. But yes, I agree that if you pay for it yourself you probably wouldn't mess around as much.
Having said all that I still believe that if the parent can afford to they should pay, but let it be known that if the child doesn't work hard and pass, they won't continue paying.

 

[Trekkie]

My parents were unable to help me pay for school. I think that having to do it myself has taught me many things. I learned about the loan process and it encouraged me to continue to work hard because I am paying my own way. I think it has helped prepare me for the real world, but then again I've never really relied on my parents for much. I paid for my undergrad and now I'm doing the same for my graduate school. I hated to see parents that paid for for their childs education only to see that child barely attend, go to class drunk, get arrested, or what have you (that doesn't happen often but it bugs me when it does). Meh.

kateydid05, that part of your post has made me rethink my previous post. My parents paid for my education, but I am a very hard worker (most of the time ) and passed all my classes so they feel it was worth it. My brother is now starting university and he never attends classes, fails just about everything and my parents have now told him if he fails this year, he's on his own with regard to payment.

I also know someone who had a terrible attitude about their parents paying. If she failed something her response would be "who cares, my parents can just pay for me to redo the course". She eventually had to study for 2 extra years which her parents just paid for.

So, I guess it also depends on the individual. But yes, I agree that if you pay for it yourself you probably wouldn't mess around as much.
Having said all that I still believe that if the parent can afford to they should pay, but let it be known that if the child doesn't work hard and pass, they won't continue paying.

That attitude drives me nuts. I'm studying at Rhodes, which as you probably know, is the most expensive university in the country. I'm a conscientious student (well, sometimes) and I take really good notes. You wouldn't believe how often bratty Sandton kids offer me thousands for my notes. It makes me wonder where they learn the lesson that everything can be fixed with money.

My baby brother is 16 now and will be going to university in 2012. I have made it clear to him that I'm only prepared to pay for 4 years of university. If he wants to do first year 4 times, that's up to him, but I'm only paying for 4 years.

I've also told him that if he gets a bursary then the money I'm saving can be used to buy him a small car... But if he doesn't get a bursary, he doesn't get a car.

Some people might think that's harsh but I think it's fair. It's nice to be able to help but there's a difference between helping and spoiling.

 

[JSM]

I think it depends on the individual for sure. Some students will work hard regardless of who pays; others will take the opportunity for granted.

My parents were not able to help pay for college - a combination of scholarships and loans got me through undergrad and grad school. Yes, I will be paying these loans for well over a decade, and yes we are unable to buy a home yet because of the debt burden of these loans. Part of me regrets it, but the other part of me knows that without my education I wouldn't have the job I have today (can't do cancer research without a degree or two!).

I used to say that parents had no obligation to pay for school and that anyone who had help was spoiled. Plain and simple, that was the green-eyed monster talking! My parents would have LOVED to help with education expenses. DH and I WILL start a college fund for our kids if/when we have them. We know that we are behind in the game of life because of the lack of help we have, and we don't want our children to go through this, so we will help as much as we can.

 

[Nashville]

My parents paid for college, I paid for my room, board and books. If they hadn't, I would not have been able to attend the school I wanted. I am forever grateful that they gave me that opportunity and started my college fund young.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

My parents could not financially help me with school, so I tried to get as many scholarships as I could. My scholarships paid for about half of my education, but I went to a private college, so the other half was very expensive.

I don't think parents are obligated to help their kids with college expenses, but I would like to help our future kids. I sort of feel like starting my life out in so much debt was a serious barrier for me. I would get jealous of my friends who didn't have to worry about debt--they could go out for dinner, go shopping, etc. while I lived on rice and beans to try to get my loans paid off.

I took my education pretty seriously--I didn't skip class, I didn't go to a bar even once through my college years, I worked full time my sophomore - senior years to pay the bills--but I don't necessarily think it was because I was paying for my own education.

DH and I plan to pay for our kids' educations, but because we both grew up without money we definitely won't have any issue teaching them the value of a dollar.

 

[fieryred33143]

I think the answer to the question is going to depend on your own experiences.

My mother couldn't afford to send me to college. She just couldn't. I understood this and worked my tail off to get enough funding as well as to save with after school and summer jobs. Then my mom "surprised" me with $10k that she had saved up from money that was given to her by the Veteran's (my father was a veteran so we got benefits) as a graduation gift. I appreciated that I worked hard to get into school and as a reward for all of my hard work, I got some starting money.

My brothers, having learned from my experience, knew that my mom had money for them. One of them still worked really hard in school (mainly because he wanted to compete with me ) while the other completely slacked off. He calculated what the amount would be and decided he wouldn't need to do any more to get into school or survive in school.

Three kids, one parent, one method, different results.

I decided that with my daughter, I will do the same. I will save money for her education (I have a 529 account) but I fully expect her to bust her tail in school to get scholarships. She won't get the money if she decides to slack off and depend entirely on what we have saved for her.

 

[stephbolt]

I'm lucky that my parents and grandparents paid for my college education. They made it clear that they were giving me four years of money, and if, through my own decisions, it ended up taking longer the rest of my education became my own responsibility. I'm grateful they were able to do that and plan to do the same for my children barring any financial crisis.

 

[elrohwen]

I think parents should pay if they can. I think starting adult life out with staggering loans is so difficult and if they can be avoided or minimized, they should. Of course this isn't always possible, but I don't see why a parent wouldn't pay for college if they could afford it, just to teach their kid a life lesson. I do think kids should have to do their part by getting as many scholarships as possible, working a summer job (minimum), etc.

 

[zoebartlett]

When I went to college, my parents paid for most of my tuition and other expenses (but they took out loans for part of it). I also babysat and worked as a summer nanny to help out and earn fun money. When I graduated, I had student loans to pay off. I took college seriously because it was expected of me, but I got more out of grad school when I enrolled 4 years later because I paid for it myself. Well, I took out loans, but my parents had nothing to do with helping to finance my grad school education. I got more out of grad school because I knew that I was studying something that had become my passion, but also because I was completely on my own financially.

I have friends whose parents paid for college 100% because they felt it was their job. I also have friends whose parents couldn't afford to help out much, so these friends worked full time and went to school full time, just to make ends meet. I think this latter group of friends probably took it more seriously.

If we have kids, we'll probably do what my parents did. We'll pay for what we can and our child(ren) will also be responsible for paying student loans when the time comes. I'd definitely want to pay as much as possible, but I'd have no problem sharing the expenses either.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

I don't think there is a one-solution-fits-all answer to this.

In my family, slacking off was never an option. We also knew that if we chose to go to one of the excellent private universities, our parents would pay. Scholarships are, unfortunately, almost unheard of here. Although there are some programs that help pay for tuition for low income students, they would not cover 20% of tuition at the good universities and student loans are both rare and rather unafordable because of high interest rates.

In the end, I got into one of the excellent public universities and tuition was never a problem. My sister chose a private university, got a partial scholarship and my parents paid the rest of her tuition. They prefered that we focused on studying and on getting relevant internships, instead of working any job we could to pay the bill. We are very lucky.

 

[diamondbuggy]

My parents were unable to help me pay for school. I think that having to do it myself has taught me many things. I learned about the loan process and it encouraged me to continue to work hard because I am paying my own way. I think it has helped prepare me for the real world, but then again I've never really relied on my parents for much. I paid for my undergrad and now I'm doing the same for my graduate school. I hated to see parents that paid for for their childs education only to see that child barely attend, go to class drunk, get arrested, or what have you (that doesn't happen often but it bugs me when it does). Meh.

kateydid05, that part of your post has made me rethink my previous post. My parents paid for my education, but I am a very hard worker (most of the time ) and passed all my classes so they feel it was worth it. My brother is now starting university and he never attends classes, fails just about everything and my parents have now told him if he fails this year, he's on his own with regard to payment.

I also know someone who had a terrible attitude about their parents paying. If she failed something her response would be "who cares, my parents can just pay for me to redo the course". She eventually had to study for 2 extra years which her parents just paid for.

So, I guess it also depends on the individual. But yes, I agree that if you pay for it yourself you probably wouldn't mess around as much.
Having said all that I still believe that if the parent can afford to they should pay, but let it be known that if the child doesn't work hard and pass, they won't continue paying.

That attitude drives me nuts. I'm studying at Rhodes, which as you probably know, is the most expensive university in the country. I'm a conscientious student (well, sometimes) and I take really good notes. You wouldn't believe how often bratty Sandton kids offer me thousands for my notes. It makes me wonder where they learn the lesson that everything can be fixed with money.

My baby brother is 16 now and will be going to university in 2012. I have made it clear to him that I'm only prepared to pay for 4 years of university. If he wants to do first year 4 times, that's up to him, but I'm only paying for 4 years.

I've also told him that if he gets a bursary then the money I'm saving can be used to buy him a small car... But if he doesn't get a bursary, he doesn't get a car.

Some people might think that's harsh but I think it's fair. It's nice to be able to help but there's a difference between helping and spoiling.

Wow, did people really offer you thousands for your notes? I've never heard of people doing that before. It's disgusting. But yes, it would be the Sandton kids.

It's really nice of you to put your brother through university/buy him a car. I hope he works really hard. I'm so disappointed in my brother. This is now his 4th year as a first year. He's changed his study course 3 times now. He's completely wasting his life and my parent's money. It's not fair but my parents are too soft on him because he's the baby. He can literally get away with anything. But I honestly think it has to do with his friends. They're all dropouts and living off their parents. Having a bad influence around you can make a big difference.

 

[steph72276]

I think if the parents are encouraging the child to go, they should help out if they have the means to do so. But, I do feel like the student should at the very least get a summer job to help pay for some of the expenses. I was lucky in that I received a full scholarship all 4 years because of my grades as well as some other academic scholarships that helped with expenses. I did work 2 jobs in the summers so I could stash away some $$ for extra things though.

 

[Fly Girl]

We paid for kids' college. DS has graduated, and DD has one year remaining. Both kids have stories of friends with huge student loans and having problems finding a good enough job to pay them off. Others had to drop out of college because their parents could no longer afford it when the economic downturn hit. Both are extremely grateful for the choices they now have because they are not burdened down with debt.

My parents helped pay for college for all of their children. My younger sister married a man with a college-age son, and he and his ex never saved a dime for their son's education. They never thought about it, I suppose. Anyhow, my sister has helped out her step-son substantially with his college expenses, even though she never met the kid until he was 18. She was raised in a family where education is a priority, and is rather baffled by this blind spot in her new spouse. His ex was a teacher, too, so it's not like they didn't think it was important. More likely reason, they were not good about saving for much of anything.

Saving for our children's college education was a priority for us, and I'm glad we were able to do this for them. We love our kids dearly and want the best for them, and I'm happy to help out with their education. I think this is some of the best money we have ever spent.

 

[radiantquest]

I think everyone should have student loan debt when they get out of college. I dont think it should be $60k. If these kids know they have a looming $5-10K debt they are going to get their butts out there and find a job to pay it off. I had zero help from my parents and really resent them for it. Having student loans is a life lesson. It teaches them that nothing is a free ride and that everything they want in life comes with a price tag. I think having a small amount of debt teaches this lesson without burdening them.

 

[Cehrabehra]

okay before I read any posts, I'm going to post my response...

This has long been a mild debate between my husband and I. He grew up knowing that there would never be a college fund and he didn't live in a district that encouraged college scholarships or even did college counseling... so he joined the military, went to school, got a masters... and is still the only person in his family with a degree. Ambition is in short supply. I shouldn't say it quite like that - the ambition is to survive and they do that, but whenever they get ahead at all they shoot themselves in the foot like it will kill their meditation for living. I digress.

I grew up knowing that there would never be a college fund, but that where there's a will there's a way. I went to a good school that had an enormous college rate, most to top rated 4 year universities. I was counseled on grants and scholarships and student loans etc. I saw my father go to college and pay for himself and started school paying for myself...

My husband has always thought pay for the kids' college 100%. Let them know it's there. I agree to an extent, but I don't see my children more motivated to go to college because they know it will be paid for. I think he is using his situation and what would have benefited *him* and applying it to his children who may need other motivation.

I guess I'm on the fence about this but I am interested to hear other answers, hopefully I can find something I really disagree with! hahaha

 

[mayerling]

I think parents should (at least for undergrad) and should keep it in mind when managing their savings.

 

[dragonfly411]

I think if parents are able and willing they should. I do not think that it should be expected that parents pay for college. My parents can't afford it. Until I can qualify for financial aid (raising my GPA currently), I pay for it myself. Whether this will bring a greater appreciation I am not sure. I do think that I will feel more accomplished with myself at the end.

 

[Cehrabehra]

I'm lucky that my parents and grandparents paid for my college education. They made it clear that they were giving me four years of money, and if, through my own decisions, it ended up taking longer the rest of my education became my own responsibility. I'm grateful they were able to do that and plan to do the same for my children barring any financial crisis.

I've seen something similar in a couple other posts and I have to say I really like this idea!! I'm going to bring it up with dh.

Now what encompasses "education"? The full deal? Living at home? Pay your own rent?

 

[kama_s]

Neither my husband nor I got help from parents for our education. We both were very studious throughout high school, and securing higher education was very important to us and did not come as any surprise to our parents. I didn't get any help because my mother is a horrible person and essentially 'ate up' all the money that was meant for me for school. My husband's father, while very well-to-do, is rather selfish. His mum and dad got into a huge row before he left for university because his mum wanted to help the kids with tution fees and his dad did not. Apparently, his reasoning was that he had to put himself through school, so why must he help his sons?! Ironically, he blew away all his money (unwisely) and now has to "borrow" from my husband.

Anyways, while we were both very enterprising, putting ourself through undergrad and grad was not a walk to the park. I used to work 20+ hours a week in a ridiculously intensive program where the course average was 40%. My day would begin at 6am and end at 2pm. For four years straight. I remember eating plain pasta (no sauce) for nights in a row because that was all I could afford after rent, tution, books etc. I would definitely want my kids to have it easier than I did. Under no circumstances would I ever tell my kids that I wouldn't support them financially to further their education. I don't care if it's medicine after an MBA. They want to study, I want to pay for it. Now, mind you, I don't want it to be a free ride for them either. For undergrad, I WILL pay ALL of the tution and res fees (+basic food etc), but anything over that is for them to cover. Want to eat out? Sure. Pay for it. Want to go to the movies with your friends? Have fun, but earn your ticket.

So in short, I will be more than happy to be Mummy Money-Banks when it comes to higher education. Anything above basic fees etc, it's on them.

 

[stephbolt]

I'm lucky that my parents and grandparents paid for my college education. They made it clear that they were giving me four years of money, and if, through my own decisions, it ended up taking longer the rest of my education became my own responsibility. I'm grateful they were able to do that and plan to do the same for my children barring any financial crisis.

I've seen something similar in a couple other posts and I have to say I really like this idea!! I'm going to bring it up with dh.

Now what encompasses "education"? The full deal? Living at home? Pay your own rent?

My grandparents actually used the same model with my father and aunts. My father failed out of his first college and had to bust his butt to make up for that, and ended up paying for his fifth year of school on his own. I think that experience really affected him, because his work ethic as an adult is amazing.

"Education" for our family, was tuition, room and board while we lived on campus, or an amount equal to room and board fees if we chose to move off campus. I had to earn all my own spending money, which I did working a summer job full time and part time during the the semester as a lab assistant. Another funny story about my dad - he got a job at the cafeteria that included free meals, so he was able to use his meal money (these were the days before meal plans) for beer. I guess it's no wonder that first college didn't go so well...

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

My parents didn't help me pay for college and neither did my husband's parents help him. We have about $120k in school loans between two BS degrees and one MS and pay about 1K per month in student loans.

It sucks but it was the only way we could have ever made anything with our lives. Thankfully I have a pretty well paying job now but DH is still at entry level, makes it pretty hard to make those payments! That and they did away with being able to get a consolidation loan for all of your student loans so I'm stuck making about 5 different payments every month.

I really wish our parents had helped us out but that's life. At least I feel like I have real ownership over my education, well, at least I will once I pay it off!

 

[slg47]

I will share my own experiences...

My mom and her ex-bf (who is really like my dad) both had to work through college. My mom specifically had three jobs when she was 16, her dad was in the military and were stationed in Berlin, so she had to pay her way back to the US/pay her way through school/etc. She ended up attending a few different colleges but graduated and then later on got her master's degree. Since mom had to work so hard she really wanted me to not have to do that so I could focus on school.

My parents divorced at an early age, and the divorce contract said that my dad had to pay for college. Fast forward...he says he will not pay for it. My dad is very very well off (mom is not...but she would have done anything to send me to school, and so would her ex-BF). We ended up going to a lawyer, and after my dad received a letter from the lawyer, he agreed to pay. I feel that it was the right thing for him to do, and I am thankful that I was able to attend college debt-free.

I went to one of those fancy Ivy League schools in the NE, and there were a lot of spoiled kids there. I don't advocate spoiling your kid. But I do think that parents should help their children out, especially when they have the means to do so. It just doesn't sit well with me that my dad can spend 10 weeks out of the year in a suite in the Four Seasons because where he lives is too hot at certain times of year but then he didn't want to pay for me to go to college.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

slg47 - Shame on your father! He always that stipulation was there and tried to weasel out of it. If it had been something sprung on him at the last minute, I might have some compassion, but he had known about it and agreed to it for years!

In my family, it was understood that you could have room and board at home, for free, and money for books, lab fees and relevant additional courses (ex. summer school or a night course at a different college) until you graduated college (with perhaps a few months of grace until you got your first job, but that was not necessary so we didn't discuss the details).