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Your husband's promotion isn't about you!

Hera

Hera

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 12, 2007
Messages
2,405
Let me preface by saying that one of my favorite phrases is telling people, "It's not all about you". My family is very self centered so the phrase sings in my head almost every single conversation. Imagine my surprise when my mom tells me that very similar phrase today. My husband was just promoted in the military and with it comes a ceremony that involves me. I will adorn his uniform and he officially becomes his new rank.

My mother asks me to take pictures so she can show everyone at her work and for some reason it irks me (probably because it's not that she wants the pics for herself but that she wants to brag to her coworkers). I tell her that I'm not sure I will be taking any and she tells me that I must! I tell her I'm not sure I want to because it's my day and I want to enjoy it and I don't want to take pictures because I have to. So, she tells me that it's not all about me. I tell her that, of course it is, it's both of our day's because it's my husband's accomplishment. She continues disagreeing saying it's not.

Then, I start wondering how she could not understand because she was married for 25 years. I know when I got married something in me starting shifting and we became more united. Certainly celebrating 13 years marriage has made us this way. His successes/failures became our successes/failures and vice versa.

Now I'm wondering if I'm being one of those "it's all about me" people.

So, now I'm curious, how do you feel in your marriage? Is your husband's successes/failures solely his or do you share them? Is anyone like us?
 
Afraid I agree with your mother...

For example I have some big exams coming up in 2 weeks time. If I do extremely well in them, my husband will regard it as my achievement not our achievement.

Currently my husband is in the middle of interviewing for a job that will involve us all having to move to the North of Scotland (from London) if he is successful. If he gets it, then it is his achievement not mine and not ours even though it will affect all of us.

He's also a pretty successful political commentator and 2 weeks ago was made 'x of the week' (won't say what as it's a big identifier but was a very good thing) in a publication. Again, his achievement not mine or ours.

I tend to like to think we have a 'H' shaped relationship - two joined individuals - rather than us morphing into one being. Doesn't mean that we're not proud of the other or that we haven't had a hand in the others achievements (DH looking after our daughter so I can revise; my proof-reading his cv and cover letter). We also share each others pain or joy.

People may see us as the sum of our individual successes or failures, but I don't think that means that they think every one of those applies to both parties.
 
When something good happens to one of us we both feel happy and when something disappointing/sad occurs it hits us both. Though we are separate individuals we are linked and I feel his successes and failures as acutely as if they were my own if that makes sense.

We are a team and when something good happens to one of us it is happening to both of us and if something bad happens again it is felt by both of us because we are a unit. Of course when my dh achieves a goal professionally or personally I am very proud of him and it is his accomplishment but makes me as happy as if it is my accomplishment as well though I give him the credit so to speak. I feel his happiness as much as I feel my own happiness when something good happens to me and I feel his sadness as it is mine too. It can be exhausting LOL.

Congrats Heraanderson on your husband's promotion and good luck Pandora on your husband's job interviews!
 
If I was in a similar situation, I'd think that my husband's accomplishments and honors were all about him. He's worked hard, he's earned it, etc. The ceremony you described would be about him, not me. If he was promoted, his new job or "status" (for lack of a better word) would affect us both financially and we'd have more opportunities. So in that sense, yes, his accomplishments would be ours, but only monetarily, if that makes sense.

As far as your mom showing off pictures to her coworkers, I understand that. She's proud of your husband and she'd like to share that with them. I don't see anything wrong with that.
 
I'm wondering if being in the military makes a difference?

In the UK, the wives of military personnel acquire their husband's rank. So the Brigadier's wife is treated differently from the wife of the Corporal.

Perhaps then a promotion of rank is something that actually affect the spouse in ways that are not just monetary or situational.

Either way, be glad your mother wants to show your husband off and take some photos for her!
 
First, I'm puzzled at why you would resent your mother's wanting to brag about her son-in-law. If you're a unit, then she is proud of you & your contribution to his success, as well. It would melt my heart for my mother to do that.

I pretty much agree with her -- and I'm sure you'll want pics of this for your own memories, no? Maybe what bothers you is the way she asked -- tone of voice or something like that? Otherwise, I can't see a problem w/taking photos of such a happy occasion.

DH & I are not "one." His achievements make me proud & vice versa, but they are each our own. He has published 6 books, gotten rave reviews on all of them, won a few awards & is considered one of the top world experts in that field. All the research & hard work is his and so is the credit, as far as I'm concerned. I edit photos for the books & I also edit his copy, since English isn't his first language -- he lists me in the book & never hesitates to mention my part in it, so we kind of share. When he wins an award I'm pleased as heck for him, but I don't feel it's mine.

Every marriage is different & suits the partners. For me, it's important to let the other one shine when deserved & be proud for him or her. That works for us -- for others, another approach might be more satisfying.

--- Laurie
 
My mom's favorite line was, "You're not the center of the universe, you know." My sister's comeback, "I don't expect to be the center of anybody else's universe, but I'm certainly the center of mine." and boy was she right.
 
As far as your mom wanting to brag... I would personally be pleased that she's proud.

As an SO... this really struck a chord with me. My SO and I are both law students, and make a lot of sacrifices, and both make a lot of effort to further each other's success. It isn't easy to be the SO of an ambitious person. This isn't my first time taking on the task, and oof, it can be draining. If your spouse has a highly demanding profession/hobby/whatever, it seems more than fair to me that you would also celebrate in your SO's successes. It doesn't automatically mean you're being a martyr, or that you're trying to attention-grab.

There's that old saying: "behind every great man is a great woman." I think the point of that is, when a person strives for greatness, their spouse is often a significant contributor.
 
Okay - I'm more with Pandora in terms of viewing achievements by one in an marriage as individual - when I earned my degrees, it was my day, not my husband's, though he certainly supported me along the way and celebrated that day - when my husband received a recent work promotion, it was his day, though I certainly supported him and celebrated with him.

I don't know if you are this way too, but I don't like to carry cameras or to take photos - for whatever reason it is not easy for me to take photos, and I find if I have to do so, it takes me outside of participating in the event and more into an observer... so I am in full agreement with the sentiment behind your reply to your mom.

All that said, when my father received rank promotion and attended the ceremony, there was an official photographer present and later we received photographs of the event... I do not know the procedure (if my mom ordered them at the time, if proofs were available to view, etc.) but we did receive various sizes and more than one pose. Perhaps finding out if an official photographer will be present at your husband's ceremony will solve the current dilemma?
 
marymm|1307016460|2936109 said:
Okay - I'm more with Pandora in terms of viewing achievements by one in an marriage as individual - when I earned my degrees, it was my day, not my husband's, though he certainly supported me along the way and celebrated that day - when my husband received a recent work promotion, it was his day, though I certainly supported him and celebrated with him.

I don't know if you are this way too, but I don't like to carry cameras or to take photos - for whatever reason it is not easy for me to take photos, and I find if I have to do so, it takes me outside of participating in the event and more into an observer... so I am in full agreement with the sentiment behind your reply to your mom.

All that said, when my father received rank promotion and attended the ceremony, there was an official photographer present and later we received photographs of the event... I do not know the procedure (if my mom ordered them at the time, if proofs were available to view, etc.) but we did receive various sizes and more than one pose. Perhaps finding out if an official photographer will be present at your husband's ceremony will solve the current dilemma?
Click to expand...

Yes to this. Any pride I feel for my husband's successes are FOR him, not for me. I gain nothing personally from them - no coattail status, no pride in ME.

That said, I too am rotten at pictures. I'd be looking for that official photographer too. Their pictures are always so much better. In any case, before I took any pictures, I'd explain the situation to my husband, and ask HIM, since it really is HIS day and not mine, what he would prefer - pics or no pics. But I wouldn't do it just for mom and especially not if my husband would prefer that pics not be taken. But I would imagine he would want a few....?
 
I just graduated law school, so I can tell you exactly how our family handles this one!

Essentially, the achievement belongs to whom ever earned it. However, with the example of law school, I don't think I could have survived without the continuous support, understanding and encouragement of my DH. So I sincerely feel my success is partly derived from his support, strength and love (I even bought him his favorite bottle of rum as a special treat when I graduated -- he deserved it!) I think he feels similarly when he gets a promotion at work -- not that we earned it together, but the other person does play a role -- kind of like a best supporting actor/actress I guess.
 
Pandora|1307008061|2936083 said:
I'm wondering if being in the military makes a difference?

In the UK, the wives of military personnel acquire their husband's rank. So the Brigadier's wife is treated differently from the wife of the Corporal.

Perhaps then a promotion of rank is something that actually affect the spouse in ways that are not just monetary or situational.

Either way, be glad your mother wants to show your husband off and take some photos for her!
Click to expand...
Yes it makes a difference!!!
The wife or husbands part in the promotion ceremony is in recognition of the part they play as the support system that allows the person to excel!
It is in recognition and is an honor!
That said some pictures should be taken I think.
Congrates to your husband and to his home team!
 
Thanks for the thoughtful replies, such mixed answers!

Pandora- I knew there would be different viewpoints so I appreciate your answer. I always like to think about these sorts of things as I gauge my relationship every so often. You bring up a very interesting note about being in the military. i do think there is a bit of that factor. We do a lot of sacrifice and support when our husbands on deployment and we are continuously recognized by the military for this support. I feel very much like I have stood with him and behind him during his career.

Missy-That's how we feel! We are very separate individuals but I think we definitely share each other's successes and failures. Of course, I also give him credit. Believe me, while I have been supportive, I did not do what he has done to be such a great soldier. We do look it as a team.

Zoe- Thanks for your feedback! I do keep an eye on myself and like I told Pandora, am constantly reevaluating how I feel in my relationship. It's interesting to hear such a different viewpoint so I guess I could cut my mom some slack on not understanding my viewpoint:)

Jewelfreak-My mom isn't part of our unit or team unfortunately. I do think it was her tone and the fact that she practically ordered me to take pics for her. While I can see that she might be proud to show her coworkers, I would much rather her just enjoy them herself. I guess it's not my first impulse to want to share with others. I agree that every marriage is different, while I am happy and I do feel like today is our day, I wouldn't say that it's really mine. I don't feel proud of myself or that it's my accomplishment or anything like that. I think I do feel really happy for him and I do feel like it's a team win so maybe that's where the grey area is.

AmeliaG- Lol! I like those phrases, the second reminds me of my family. That's why I have to do any internal checks every once in a while to make sure I don't become a person that so self absorbed. On one hand, it does seem to be human nature but I know at one point, you can become too me-centric (egocentric?).

Suchende- I wish my relationship with my mom is different so that I could really see it that way. My relationship with her is very complex and quite negative if I'm being honest. I spent years in therapy trying to find a way to have a relationship with her and I can barely spend 10 minutes on the phone with her. I'd like to say that I would try harder to get along and not see her so negatively but I can't imagine it would work:( Thank you for understanding that I'm not trying to attention grab etc. Our SO's are in very demanding fields and there is a ton of sacrifice and support we have to do in order for them to be successful.

Karl- Thank you for your response. Having my husband in the military is not really a job or a career, it's a lifestyle in a way. It is absolutely an honor to present him and be such a close part of his promotion. I am also lucky that the military honors the spouses so much. Still, I want to keep myself in check a little bit. I sure don't remember being in Afghanistan with him.

Thanks Everyone for your input, If anything I am cutting my mom some slack by seeing that not everyone shares the same viewpoint towards successes and failures.
 
This is a topic that makes me think, I like it. Hera, your relationship w/your mom surely affects how you feel; it's totally understandable. In that case I can see why you react as you do to her "command." That considered, I'd tend to go with my gut.

The military angle isn't something I'd thought about -- it does make a difference. Military wives are in the line of a different sort of fire than their husbands (or vice versa w/female military). It's not less important & not a heck of a lot less demanding. A promotion is a tribute to both of your dedication.

Also hadn't thought of an official photographer -- bound to be one, which takes you off the hook & lets you enjoy the moment completely. Whether or not to order copies for your mother is DH & your decision together.

Congratulations, BTW!

--- Laurie
 
Karl_K|1307017755|2936122 said:
Pandora|1307008061|2936083 said:
I'm wondering if being in the military makes a difference?

In the UK, the wives of military personnel acquire their husband's rank. So the Brigadier's wife is treated differently from the wife of the Corporal.

Perhaps then a promotion of rank is something that actually affect the spouse in ways that are not just monetary or situational.

Either way, be glad your mother wants to show your husband off and take some photos for her!
Click to expand...
Yes it makes a difference!!!
The wife or husbands part in the promotion ceremony is in recognition of the part they play as the support system that allows the person to excel!
It is in recognition and is an honor!
That said some pictures should be taken I think.
Congrates to your husband and to his home team!
Click to expand...


I have to agree with Pandora and Karl. Being in the military does make a difference. Yes, it is mostly about your husband but
military families sacrafice so much (moving constantly, being without their spouses for long periods of time, possibly dealing
with a spouse in a combat zone). Your continued support helps to make it possible for your husband to do his job and do it
well. Congratulations on the promotion. Usually they have someone there taking pictures and obviously you wont be able to
take pictures if you are doing the pinning part...but definitly take a camera and get in a shot when you feel like it.

Ignore Mom and enjoy the day!
 
My thoughts regarding achievements are pretty much the same as megumic's. I think in this situation, you should not worry about taking pictures during the ceremony, particularly because you are participating and might not even be able to. But taking a couple photos of your DH and the two of you together before and after the ceremony might be nice. You don't have to go overboard. An definitely leave the ceremony shots to the pro!
 
Just stopping by really quick to acknowledge I missed a couple of people in my responses. Sorry about that! I'll be back in while to respond.
 
It *is* your day, IMO, as much as it is his.

I have seen the sacrifices my SIL makes so that her husband can pursue and pay off his military dreams: seen her raise two kids solo for stretches of several months at a time, heard her say that "they never give you bad news at night anyway, so there's no point in worrying" when BIL was assigned to a particularly volatile place, and witnessed the utter relief when his next assignment was in a friendly country - that it is across the world in a foreign country w/ a foreign language didn't matter one bit by comparison! it is such a difficult life for the entire family, and everything that he's done and achieved would have been impossible without her support.

Enjoy *your* day, Hera! And many congrats to your DH :bigsmile: Do try and have someone snap a few pics anyway, to show your mother who is so sweetly proud of her son in law, and to have for yourself - you might find that you're glad to have them down the road ::)
 
I think I have slightly different take on this.

When my ex husband had his graduation ceremony it was absolutely my achievement. Yes he had done the studying but only cos I nagged and nagged and nagged and quizzed him nightly on all the topics he was studying. And if it hadnt been for me he would have never applied to the course in the first place. I also filled out his application form, supported us both financially while he was at uni and helped him write all his assignments.

He had been sacked from his previous employer and was in a major slump thinking his career was over and suffering major depression - not willing to discuss or even think about options.

I basically took over and bullied him into going to uni - and got him into doing a Masters without having any previous Bachelors qualifications but he did have 10+ years practical experience that I convinced the Uni was worth more than a BSc, and it was 100% down to me that he got accepted on the course.

If he had been single he would have probably taken a major backwards step in his career by accepting a trade role that he was thinking about. Today he is the Engineering Director of a multi national company. I'm not bragging - OK I am a little - but even he will tell you that he wouldnt be where he is today if he hadnt been married to me at the time and I hadnt supported him and helped him financially and emotionally the way I did.

My current husband will tell you similar cos I've supported him through 2 career changes and 2 college stints and he freely admits he is successful today because of the confidence boost I gave him and the financial and emotional support I gave him.

So, I would say absolutely it can be that his success is your success and you shouldnt be ashamed to say that.

In my case I worked just as hard if not harder sometimes as both my ex husband and my current husband to achieve their successes and nobody is prouder of both of them than I am. I'm also proud of myself for having been able to do that and support them the way I did and do. Unfortunately I got very negative feedback from my family, my mother in particular, especially in the case of my ex husband. She thought it was inappropriate that I took such a "forward" role in our relationship. She disapproved of the fact that I was working my job so hard and earning the amount of money I was earning - to her that wasnt feminine and she would have been happier if ex hubby had taken the trade role and supported me on a lower income rather than me support ex hubs with a high income. We had a major falling out about it and then with current hubs we stopped talking. I havent spoken to my mum for 12 years (her choice not mine) and I no longer have any expectations that I ever will.

I think you should be pleased that your mum is interested enough and proud enough that she wants to brag about your husbands achievement. I know I would love it if my mum was that way.


Congrats to your husband by the way - and to you to :)
 
MAC-W - sorry, I shouldn't laugh but I did and you've just reminded me that I actually got a First in BA Photography on behalf or my ex-boyfriend... :bigsmile:

I bought the camera, the film (pre-digital days), the paper etc
I nagged and nagged and filled in the application forms and took him to the interviews
I wrote his dissertation
I came up with every single project he did

Oh, and I did my own degree, paid the rent and bills and held down a job at the same time. Shame I didn't get a First in my own name too!

Did make a huge difference to my choice of husband - I'm married to a man who doesn't need to be nagged or kicked to get off his backside and who does everything himself. So nice...
 
Hera--Congratulations on your husband's promotion. And thank you both for your service.

As to your question, I think DH and I fall somewhere in the middle. Yes, we share in each other's successes and failures, but we don't count them as our own. When I achieve something DH is extremely happy for me, but he doesn't count it as his own achievement. I suppose you could say we share the emotions that go along with any achievement or failure, and we work through them together, but we don't have any sense of *personal* achievement or failure for what the other has done.

That being said, I think that whatever way you approach these things is the right way because it's your life and you get to make it whatever you please. If you consider this your day as well as his, then it is! Your mom may not understand or agree, but her opinion doesn't change the fact that this is the way you two will approach and experience this day.

Enjoy it. Revel in the accomplishment. And I hope someone else takes some great pictures for you!
 
I'm a fellow military wife ( :wavey: ) so I will give you my perspective. I do not wear my husband's rank- but there are many in the military who do. By that I mean, I don't associate or disassociate with people based on their husband's rank. That said, the military is a different world. I know my husband would not be where he is today without the support of his loving family making it possible. That's part of the reason family members are part of the frocking ceremonies. By me keeping the homefires burning while he is off for weeks/months at a time doing his duty- I am keeping it together at home so he can focus on his job. If he wasn't able to focus and give 100% when he was at work, lives would be at risk. So when he gets promoted, in general, yes, I am proud and feel a sense of accomplishment as well. We are a family.
 
My husband works really hard at his job. His success is based on his work. He does need family support (like me making dinner and having his work clothes prepped) so it's mostly him - he's getting up at 5:00 am. I am not!

For ceremonies, I've found that if most of the time is used up taking photos, you miss out on quite a bit, so maybe a couple quick shots so your mom is happy and then go on to enjoy the ceremony?!
 
Just get someone to take a picture. It will be a nice memory for you ALL to have.
 
I don't have time to read all the responses because I'm at lunch, but I thought I'd drop in my two cents. First, I don't think there's a right or wrong way to feel really. But I've been having the opposite problem lately. My FI accepted a job across the country and we've moving in two months.

EVERYONE keeps saying things to me like "you must be so happy!" Honestly, not really. Because of the nature of our fields, FI has a MUCH narrower scope of opportunity. We ended up deciding that he had to accept the offer, because he probably wouldn't get another one this year. Still, it's kind of a bummer for me because I have to leave a job that I enjoy and re-enter the market in a completely new part of the country. So in a way, FI's success is resulting in my (hopefully temporary) career setback.

I know people mean well, which is why I play along and say "yeah, I'm excited!" But it's still a little irritating, because I feel like I'm an individual with my own career that is separate from FI.

In a roundabout way, I guess I'm saying that I'm one of those people that has trouble sharing someone else's successes or failures, even though I share my life with FI.

Congrats on DH's promotion - I bet there will be people around who would be happy to snap some photos for you.
 
Congrats to your husband on his promotion!

I do see where you are coming from about his achievements being yours in a sense...I often feel that with very big achievements, the spouse is in the "supportive" role and that is a hard role to play. My husband is an actuary and while getting his fellowship there were months on end where I brought him dinner at his office at midnight and picked him up. Or was his shoulder to cry on when he couldn't take it anymore. Or supported him when he wanted to take 6 months off so he didn't have a mental breakdown. Was it HIS accomplishment? Absolutely, I would never say it was "our" accomplishment because HE was the one studying like a mad man for 7 years. But was he able to reach his goal because of my support? I like to think I had a helping hand.

So while I still think promotions are individual achievements, it's nice to get recognition as a spouse for the supportive role you played.

ETA: I just read the responses and saw several PPs saying the same thing about spouses being a source of support, so I'm just piling on to that theme.
 
Marymm- Thanks for your reply. I am that way about the camera situation. While it didn't help that I felt my mom was ordering me, it made me feel like I now had to find an way to get a great picture and that put pressure on me immediately. I want to enjoy the moment and while I have decided to take some pictures, I didn't want to feel like I needed to take a great picture that expresses the day.

Ksinger-I do think that my husband wants pictures without asking. I will be sure to take some even if it's for ourselves.

Megamuic- That's a great way of putting it as a best supporting actor or actress. It makes me think that it can be proportionate in that more demanding the job and the more the spouse supports, then perhaps the more the spouse feels a part of their success.

Jewel freak-I've been thinking a lot about this also. I always worry about couple who mesh together too far losing their identity and such. My husband and I are actually extremely different people but there are a few areas where things collide and we share things very strongly such as values and our successes/failures. It also makes me wonder about boundaries in one of the closest relationships we will have.

tyty333- Thank you. I have supported my husband a lot. When the military goes out into combat zones or even on 6-9 month deployments, they have to rely on us to take care of everything at home. I have 5 deployments under my belt and I am a force to be reckoned with holding the fort down!

Octavia- I will be sure to take a few pictures. Thank you for your response!

Yssie-Thank you! I do feel like it's part my day but I definitely share in this honor. I have supported him greatly as well as worried for his life (just this last deployment his ship was hit by another ship resulting in a flooding).

Mac-W- Your posting made me laugh also because of what we will do for our loved ones. I have been a driving force and I cannot lie that I remind him about what he has to do career wise. He gets so focused on the job he does at work sometimes I have to be there with his game plan for further promotions. I'm sorry your family feels that way but I see nothing wrong with it!

Pandora- While I sit here and think about my involvement in my husband's success, in your cases, I think I would have pushed them out of the way at the time of the diploma. It sounds like you met a really great man that you don't have to work so hard this time around.

Haven- I usually fall in the middle of things also. Sometimes, it seems the most balanced way to be. I think that's why I'm here questioning it. I have always heard that as long as something works in a relationship and both sides are happy, then there isn''t anything to fix. Still, I don't want to be emotionally stagnant and I don't want toxic stuff in our relationship. a little soul searching never hurt anyone even if it doesn't result in a change. I do think I feel like I am backing up a little and I am telling myself to temper myself a little bit

Nfowife-Yay, another military wife! Thanks for your perspective. Yes, they do seem to need 100% of their attention to be placed on their jobs. My husband drives hovercrafts and people's lives go directly into his hands when he's out on the water.

Mc- that's what I think about--how about all the non military wives that still do so much for their husbands? Yeah, I don't want to miss everything taking pictures. Military ceremonies are extremely interesting steeped in tradition. I don't want to be the person that's capturing the ceremony in slow motion.

Tacori- I will do that!

Merilenda-I haven't forgotten about you, but I have to run. I'll respond later.
 
I think it depends on how much you've helped. I know some couples where one has sacrificed their career or something for the other... then I think it is a joint accomplishment-- because without the sacrifices of the other person the the promoted spouse wouldn't have been as sucessful.

But my husband just got a promotion a couple of weeks ago, and I had nothing to do with it. It was all him. And that's how I treated it.

But I wouldn't have survived and graduated law school so I felt that was a joint accomplishment. He disagrees and thinks it is mine alone.

I think a military promotion-- it's different and as it is outside my experience I can't say if I think it is a joint accomplishment or a single one.
 
heraanderson|1307018491|2936131 said:
AmeliaG- Lol! I like those phrases, the second reminds me of my family. That's why I have to do any internal checks every once in a while to make sure I don't become a person that so self absorbed. On one hand, it does seem to be human nature but I know at one point, you can become too me-centric (egocentric?).
Click to expand...

Believe it or not, for my sister that was an improvement! In high school and college her attitude was 'I am the center of the universe for me and everybody around me.' She was a bit meglomaniac in her younger days. :naughty:

I think several posters here are right; the military is a whole different animal. The military expects the spouse at home to take care of everything on the home front because they can't work any other way. From what I know about my uncle's promotion to colonel, a couple of guys were passed over because there were some doubts as to how well the wife was handling the home front. This was a while back but at least in the 80s, if the Army didn't get a warm and fuzzy about the wife, her husband got passed over - at least for high ranking positions.

Its interesting though that with your husband, you chose a lifestyle with a very different attitude than you grew up in. Your family seems individualistic and the military seems anything but. It must be challenging reconciling the two attitudes.
 
Going back to the original post, I think your mother was rather rude and demanding. While it is great that she is proud of her son in law, it is not great that she thinks you should sacrifice your enjoyment of the day so her bragging needs can be met.

Photos are not required or mandated. If you want to take photos, great. If you don't, that is great as well. Personally, I hate taking pictures with my own camera at formal events. It feels as thought it is not appropriate to the time and place, but I will happily pose for a photograph by an official photographer.
 
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