You MUST be joking...how do I handle this one?!

[sunnyd]

I''ve made comments about my MOH here. Basically, she gave herself the job and I have no spine so I didn''t say no.

She''s made everything difficult and about her since day one but this takes the friggin cake.

Well, she wanted to handle the bachelorette party. I gave her a list of names and addresses for her to send out invites, which she did this week. She is a terrible speller (seriously, kindergartners spell better) so I told her to make SURE she proofs the invites before sending them out. She called me a brat and said she only used words she could spell. I left it alone, knowing that some things would be misspelled.

My FSIL and BM sent me a text this morning saying that the invites were a disaster. It was addressed to a friend of my mom''s, but had FSIL''s street address on it. She invited people to a BACOLET party. Really?! Really.

So now I have no idea who got what (still haven''t gotten my own invite yet) and I''m really embarrassed that these were sent out in my name.

FSIL suggested sending out an email to everyone so they know it''s a BACHELORETTE party, in case they couldn''t infer that from BACOLET

. That makes us all look stupid. I need to tell her that I''m pissed off. How can I do so without ripping her head off?!

 

[Rock_of_Love]

OMG that is ridiculous!!! Have you mentioned this to MOH yet? I'm curious what her response would be to this!!

I would definitley do a damage control email.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

That is crazy, do people not know how to use spell check!

 

[Clairitek]

Oh dear lord. That''s pretty bad. I am not even sure what advice to give. I''m sorry about this Sunny.

 

[Porridge]

Alriiight...delicate one, she''s obviously sensitive about her spelling problems. That said, she really should be old enough by now to learn how to manage her problems - I mean we all have them, and if hers is spelling then she should know to get things proofed. No biggie.

Yeesh what a mess. One indirect way to address the issue would to see if she included RSVP info. If she hasn''t, great excuse to follow the invites with a clear e-mail to everyone.
If she has, be direct. Tell her a few people didn''t receive the invite, or found a part of it unclear, so you''re sending a follow-up e-mail. You could even ask her to "help" you with it if you want to keep her sweet.

Direct is always best I think, but this is a very sticky and sensitive situation. It may be worth trying to avoid having her blow up again!

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 9/24/2009 2:10:42 PM
Author: Rock_of_Love
OMG that is ridiculous!!! Have you mentioned this to MOH yet? I''m curious what her response would be to this!!

I would definitley do a damage control email.

Not yet. I''m still fuming though half an hour later....I don''t even know what to say. I''m just mad. And really effing humiliated that people will think this is the person I''m closest to. Sounds terrible, but it''s true.

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 9/24/2009 2:16:23 PM
Author: Porridge
Alriiight...delicate one, she''s obviously sensitive about her spelling problems. That said, she really should be old enough by now to learn how to manage her problems - I mean we all have them, and if hers is spelling then she should know to get things proofed. No biggie.

Yeesh what a mess. One indirect way to address the issue would to see if she included RSVP info. If she hasn''t, great excuse to follow the invites with a clear e-mail to everyone.
If she has, be direct. Tell her a few people didn''t receive the invite, or found a part of it unclear, so you''re sending a follow-up e-mail. You could even ask her to ''help'' you with it if you want to keep her sweet.

Direct is always best I think, but this is a very sticky and sensitive situation. It may be worth trying to avoid having her blow up again!

I wish she was, it might make me feel better! But it''s just sheer laziness. Honestly. She doesn''t care that she spells things wrong ALL THE TIME.

I like your idea for the RSVP though, I might use that. But she definitely will not be helping.

I really want her to know how annoyed I am by this. I had only one request!!! That she proof it!!

 

[tlh]

WOW. THAT SUCKS. It is a shame knowing spelling isn''t her strong point that she wouldn''t spell check or have someone proofread it, knowing it is a really important party she is organizing. That said... THAT IS FUNNY. You have to laugh about it... BACOLET party! That is priceless... seriously.. YOU CAN''T MAKE THIS STUFF UP! In years, you''ll have a great laugh about it. Cuz without errors, we''d never have any funny stories to talk about!

In the meantime huge hugs!

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 9/24/2009 2:30:50 PM
Author: tlh
WOW. THAT SUCKS. It is a shame knowing spelling isn''t her strong point that she wouldn''t spell check or have someone proofread it, knowing it is a really important party she is organizing. That said... THAT IS FUNNY. You have to laugh about it... BACOLET party! That is priceless... seriously.. YOU CAN''T MAKE THIS STUFF UP! In years, you''ll have a great laugh about it. Cuz without errors, we''d never have any funny stories to talk about!

In the meantime huge hugs!

It is pretty funny. But I''m just envisioning people opening it and thinking, I''m invited to a whosie-what-now?

 

[dani2142]

dang girlie... that is horrible. there is no excuse for your MOH... that is just tacky. you would think she would want to make everything about your bachelorette party special including the invites. i would be embarassed too. i guess if i were you, i would talk to her about it. if she is a good friend to you she will personally call everyone and apologize and verbally see if people understand the invites as well as get them to rsvp... i would do this at the least if i ever did something like this as a MOH...

good luck girlie

 

[blondebunny]

oh geez thats ridiculous!!! I dont know what I''d do... Whats so hard about using word or any word processing program and just hit the spell check button??? Im sorry that stinks.. I''d be pretty mad too! Hopefully you can send an email to inform everyone of what happened... maybe blame it on the printer??

 

[rhbgirl24]

OMG I''m so sorry. I have no advice. BUT hopefully you''ll be able to laugh about it later!

 

[marlie]

bacolet??? really. wow.

ditto on the email explaining. i''m sure if i got that invite i''d be looking up what bacolet might mean in another language or something! and i''d probably want to send an email regardless so that people knew i know how to spell bachelorette.

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 9/24/2009 2:56:15 PM
Author: marlie
bacolet??? really. wow.

ditto on the email explaining. i''m sure if i got that invite i''d be looking up what bacolet might mean in another language or something! and i''d probably want to send an email regardless so that people knew i know how to spell bachelorette.

LOL so true....I mean it''s closer to bracelet than bachelorette.

 

[princessplease]

Wow, I''m sorry sunnyd

I would definitely email everyone invited just to clarify.

 

[Morgie44]

Wow that is crazy! Is it possible that she did this on purpose to spite you for asking her to double check the spelling? Because that looks absolutely NOTHING like bachelorette... even if she tried to sound it out, not even close! No CH sound no R...

Either way, I think that you should definitely send the email, but try not to worry too much about it. I mean, these your closest girlfriends no? Most probably either know or have heard of your MOH and her abilities...

 

[LtlFirecracker]

OK, so this is coming from someone with a horrible spelling problem that has followed me from 3rd grade to my current career. Hopefully, hearing this from someone who gets scolded at for my spelling (despite a diagnosis of an LD that can't be fixed), and gets very sensitive about the issue, will help.

1) I think everyone who knows the basics of wedding planning knows that it is the bridesmaid's responsibility to plan the bachelorette party (which by the way, my spell checked picked up was wrong, but had no suggestions...so I had to copy it from you). If I got an invitation like that my first thought would be "what bridesmaid was responsible for this?????" I wouldn't think badly of the bride. I might feel sorry for her.

2) Anyone with a spelling problem has to own up to it and realize it is a problem. This is an issue that technology can help a lot with. When I was having my issues at work, my BF reminded me that my spelling became an issue because the technology was so bad at the hospital that there was no spell check in place despite the request to the software company for 2 years. Google can also help with the more technical terms that a regular dictionary does not have. I google words all the time just to figure out how to spell them.

3) When I have something really important, I always ask someone to read it. I know this is my weakness, and that I cannot write an important document without a second set of eyes seeing it. I would do that before putting out an invitation, especially if the person I was honoring asked me to.

4) That spelling of "bachelorette" is really bad. She clearly did not proof it, or ignored the fact that the spell check had no suggestions. I am wondering if she did it on purpose. I would expect word mishaps (heard vs herd) in someone with a spelling problem who didn't get a proof reader, because spell check misses that stuff, but that is not even a correct word.

5) How to handle it

What I would do is get on the phone and tell her that some of your friends have been calling about the invitation - that way she knows multiple people picked up on the problem. Ask her what happened and leave it open ended and see what kind of answer she gives you. Even if she is acting like she is blowing you off, deep down she will be embarrassed. Than in a polite tone, explain to her that poor spelling reflects badly on the whole bridal party, and express some concern for her. After all, she is going to have problems moving up in her career if she can't get a handle on this. Ask her what she did to spell check and ask her if there is any way you can help her with any correspondence for the wedding that she might do. I would also say something like "so I let you try on your own, and a pretty big error happened, I would really be more comfortable if you send anything you make to me first for proof reading before it gets mass produced"

They key is not to talk down on her or make her feel like an idiot. I know that is hard, but the only people who have really helped me are the ones who have been nice about it and have focused on reasonable solutions. The people who make me feel dumb, and tell me to "just learn to spell" are the ones I get angry at and shut down. This approach might save you a lot of pain down the line.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 9/24/2009 4:19:24 PM
Author: LtlFirecracker
OK, so this is coming from someone with a horrible spelling problem that has followed me from 3rd grade to my current career. Hopefully, hearing this from someone who gets scolded at for my spelling (despite a diagnosis of an LD that can''t be fixed), and gets very sensitive about the issue, will help.


1) I think everyone who knows the basics of wedding planning knows that it is the bridesmaid''s responsibility to plan the bachelorette party (which by the way, my spell checked picked up was wrong, but had no suggestions...so I had to copy it from you). If I got an invitation like that my first thought would be ''what bridesmaid was responsible for this?????'' I wouldn''t think badly of the bride. I might feel sorry for her.


2) Anyone with a spelling problem has to own up to it and realize it is a problem. This is an issue that technology can help a lot with. When I was having my issues at work, my BF reminded me that my spelling became an issue because the technology was so bad at the hospital that there was no spell check in place despite the request to the software company for 2 years. Google can also help with the more technical terms that a regular dictionary does not have. I google words all the time just to figure out how to spell them.


3) When I have something really important, I always ask someone to read it. I know this is my weakness, and that I cannot write an important document without a second set of eyes seeing it. I would do that before putting out an invitation, especially if the person I was honoring asked me to.


4) That spelling of ''bachelorette'' is really bad. She clearly did not proof it, or ignored the fact that the spell check had no suggestions. I am wondering if she did it on purpose. I would expect word mishaps (heard vs herd) in someone with a spelling problem who didn''t get a proof reader, because spell check misses that stuff, but that is not even a correct word.


5) How to handle it


What I would do is get on the phone and tell her that some of your friends have been calling about the invitation - that way she knows multiple people picked up on the problem. Ask her what happened and leave it open ended and see what kind of answer she gives you. Even if she is acting like she is blowing you off, deep down she will be embarrassed. Than in a polite tone, explain to her that poor spelling reflects badly on the whole bridal party, and express some concern for her. After all, she is going to have problems moving up in her career if she can''t get a handle on this. Ask her what she did to spell check and ask her if there is any way you can help her with any correspondence for the wedding that she might do. I would also say something like ''so I let you try on your own, and a pretty big error happened, I would really be more comfortable if you send anything you make to me first for proof reading before it gets mass produced''


They key is not to talk down on her or make her feel like an idiot. I know that is hard, but the only people who have really helped me are the ones who have been nice about it and have focused on reasonable solutions. The people who make me feel dumb, and tell me to ''just learn to spell'' are the ones I get angry at and shut down. This approach might save you a lot of pain down the line.

I think these are very good suggestions *starts doing the slow clap*

 

[sunnyd]

Alright, so I told her about the address mix up and told her about the bacolet. She did apologize and offered to send out an email to everyone and have her husband type it. His spelling is marginally better...I''m declining. I''m going to tell her that I''m disappointed that the only thing I asked her to do didn''t get done.

I don''t even have everyone''s emails. So now I have to do MORE work because the party is next weekend. And she''s asking me what I want to do!!! Shouldn''t she have figured that out by now?!?!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

In hindsight, it would have been best for someone ELSE to proofread the invitations, because the one with the spelling problem will often not recognize the errors. Her spelling of "bachelorette" was so off that spellcheck wouldn''t have suggested the right word.

I teach kids with dyslexia and spelling problems, so I see this all the time. They should always have someone else proof their work. My own child has a learning disability and it kills me to see how she spells things on FB sometimes!

If this involved me, I''d email everyone invited and just clarify since there was some "confusion" about the invitations.

 

[sunnyd]

Thanks for the reply LtlFire. I''ve known her for over 10 years, and I know that she''s just too lazy to care about spelling. If she had a dictionary next to her while writing the damn things, she wouldn''t use it. I''ll keep your last point in mind as I craft a response to her...

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Date: 9/24/2009 5:00:06 PM
Author: sunnyd
Thanks for the reply LtlFire. I've known her for over 10 years, and I know that she's just too lazy to care about spelling. If she had a dictionary next to her while writing the damn things, she wouldn't use it. I'll keep your last point in mind as I craft a response to her...

You know what is funny? I hate the dictionary. I have such bad memories of being in 6th grade and wanting to cry because I couldn't spell a word and the teacher would tell me to "look it up." The thing is you have to know how to spell to look a word up in the dictionary. So there were times, when I would spend 1/2 hour trying to find a word. And it didn't improve me spelling at all, it was just a waste of time.

If everyone tells you you have a problem and you need to fix it, and you can't, what happens after trying for awhile is that you give up. It is actually easier on her feelings and self esteem for you to think that she can't do this because she is not trying. Also, admitting that you can't do something that most people can do is really hard. Asking someone to proof read is basically doing that. I am very careful who I ask to proof read my stuff. I have had people sit with me and force me to proof read with them, and they shake their heads at me, and act like I am being lazy. Do you think I am going to volunteer for that when I have something that needs to be looked at in the future? No. The people I ask are the ones who simply tell me this word is wrong, here is the right spelling and move on.

I am not excusing her behavior. I still can't believe she didn't have someone look it over. I am just telling you this in hope that you can get her to listen. I would let her make the correction, but send it to you first, and you can forward it out.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Ugh Sunny - that''s really...rediculous...ridikulus...RIDICULOUS

The good news is that most people know the bride doesn''t plan her own bachelorette so you shouldn''t feel like this is a direct reflection of you. If anything, it just highlights the rather aloof side of your friend.

Want to feel better? My MOH and one of my BM''s got into a HUGE fight over my bachelorette. So huge that I got dragged into the middle of their fight. In the end my MOH never even came to the bachelorette. So...yeah...because my MOH and my BM couldn''t figure out how to put on their big girl panties, I got punished. Sigh. I am learning there will always be something!

 

[cocolaw]

nothing to add. was she trying to be funny? that''s not even phonetically close

 

[ficklefaye]

oh gosh, sunnyd, that''s just ridiculous, bacolet isn''t even close

i''m sorry that your friend has given you more work to do because of her laziness

my zany idea: i just looked up bacolet, it''s a city in the caribbean, can you do an island themed party?!

 

[supergirl10]

Poor sunny, i feel really sorry for you!

Are you sure she doesn''t have dyslexia or some other learning disability and she is either not admitting it or in denial? I just ask this because like coco said, it is not even close. Im an occupational therapist and this would make sense to me. I mean I have trouble with spelling but it is mostly just a letter or two, not the completely wrong phonetics.

No advice on how to fix it though, sorry.

 

[jcarlylew]

well, when i first saw that word, i thougth of bacon. so.. baconette party?

hopefully this is something that she will formally apologize form in the end.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Date: 9/24/2009 5:39:51 PM
Author: LtlFirecracker

Date: 9/24/2009 5:00:06 PM
Author: sunnyd
Thanks for the reply LtlFire. I''ve known her for over 10 years, and I know that she''s just too lazy to care about spelling. If she had a dictionary next to her while writing the damn things, she wouldn''t use it. I''ll keep your last point in mind as I craft a response to her...

You know what is funny? I hate the dictionary. I have such bad memories of being in 6th grade and wanting to cry because I couldn''t spell a word and the teacher would tell me to ''look it up.'' The thing is you have to know how to spell to look a word up in the dictionary. So there were times, when I would spend 1/2 hour trying to find a word. And it didn''t improve me spelling at all, it was just a waste of time.

If everyone tells you you have a problem and you need to fix it, and you can''t, what happens after trying for awhile is that you give up. It is actually easier on her feelings and self esteem for you to think that she can''t do this because she is not trying. Also, admitting that you can''t do something that most people can do is really hard. Asking someone to proof read is basically doing that. I am very careful who I ask to proof read my stuff. I have had people sit with me and force me to proof read with them, and they shake their heads at me, and act like I am being lazy. Do you think I am going to volunteer for that when I have something that needs to be looked at in the future? No. The people I ask are the ones who simply tell me this word is wrong, here is the right spelling and move on.

I am not excusing her behavior. I still can''t believe she didn''t have someone look it over. I am just telling you this in hope that you can get her to listen. I would let her make the correction, but send it to you first, and you can forward it out.

{{{{hugs}}}} Can I save and use this quote?

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Diamondseeker - yes you may

I am 30, and my spelling has just started to improve (not by very much, but people say it is better). Two things have helped me. The first is my computer underlining every misspelled word in red as I write, it forces me to stop and think, and a lot less taxing on my brain than spending a significant amount of time at the end spell checking. The other is the ability for google to find words that I misspell that spell check does not know. It eliminates the need for a dictionary. It is a big word (like a medical term), I literally copy it from google and paste it into my document to prevent transcription errors, letter reversal.

There is hope!

 

[doodle]

Okay, so I got curious and googled "bacolet" just to see what came up, and as it turns out, it''s a pretty swanky town on the island of Tobago. Being as I''m a TOTAL goof ass, if I were in your position, I''d roll with it and give my bacolet party a beach theme and call it a day. Hehehe...sorry. Couldn''t resist. Seriously though, really? I mean, being a bad speller is one thing, but that''s not even remotely close!