Yes/No...should parents reward their kids for...

[Dancing Fire]

academic achievements?

offtentimes I hear this statement from Chinese parents...If you kids get straight A's in school and/or get accepted into a big name college then we'll reward you with a brand new car.

 

[Niel]

Yes!

When i was in, i think about......4th grade, I asked for a game boy color. they said no, but for every A i got on my report card, id get 20 bucks. So if i got all A's i could afford one. I tried really hard and got all A's. My game boy was sweet, and i LOVED having 100 dollars. Now, i know that seems like a lot, but we never got an allowance or anything like that. So instead of getting 5 dollars a week or something for the chores we did, we had this deal. It was my only real chance to earn money. Sense it worked the first time, they kept doing it. At at the beginning it was the only reason i tried hard. But, then I was expected to continue it, with my parents and with myself. I ended up being Valedictorian

 

[kenny]

If there is more than one kid ... one might be much smarter and not have to work nearly as hard as the other.

Is it okay that the smart one gets a new car without much hard work, but the other doesn't after working much harder?

Maybe treating your kids 'fairly' when they are not equal is wrong.
I don't know.

Childhood might be a good time to learn that we are not all equally capable and those more capable, attractive, tall, naturally extroverted etc., will likely do better.
Should children be protected from this, or taught this, by their parents?

 

[amc80]

I don't have a problem with it. My grandparents would give me $5 for an A and $4 for a B. My mom, starting in 4th grade, said she would give me $100 for straight As. That lasted all of one year when I got As the whole time. Didn't impact my grades at all, I was just that type of kid.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Kenny makes a good point...not all kids are created equal. Luckily both my kids get good grades, so the only real issue is one is more motivated than the other. My older comes home and does his work. My younger comes homes and complains or makes excuses and it requires more time of mine to keep him on task. The end result, though is both have good report cards.

My kids do not get money for grades. I take them to the book store and they each get a budgeted amount to spend on books and I've also bought them video games. We have a rather strict video game rule - only on Fri & Sat nights or when they have friends over, so they getting games is a big deal to them. I also let them pick out scholastic books as treats for doing well in school.

I do not think it's normal to be good in every subject but effort is what counts and I've tried to teach my kids that.

I don't know if I'd give them a car or something if they got into a great college... That is a bit down the road. But, if both worked their butts off, had straight As, and were accepted into a university with scholarships, I'd be pretty damn proud of them and would be willing to consider a nice car for both, but probably not brand new.

 

[ForteKitty]

HA, only rich Chinese folks can say that. For kids who grew up poor, it's more like, "you better get good grades and go to a good college. You want a prize? Buy it yourself when you get a good job."

 

[armywife13]

My family wasn't rolling in money when I was growing up, but my parents did do small rewards for us. Each much like Neil and amc80, my brother and I would get $5 for each A we got on our quarter grade report. Then we would get $4 for Bs, and nothing for Cs or below. I do not see anything wrong with it, we always worked hard to keep our grades up, regardless of the money, but when we were too young to work it was nice to "earn" a little bit of money to use for a toy, game, book, ect, that we wanted.

 

[Jennifer W]

If the reward is financial or otherwise material, then no, I won't personally do this. While I want to celebrate with her and help her value her efforts when she achieves things, I don't want to be her 'external ' motivation. I want the achievement to be the reward and I want her to get used to that feeling early. I don't want her to struggle to motivate herself when she's older and I'm not overseeing academic performance.

My parents did give me money for good results in certain subjects (of their choosing). I do remember planning study time around that, to maximise my short term financial gain for the minimum of effort, rather than to push myself to achieve in areas where with hindsight, I may have found more rewarding, because they didn't come so easily. End result? I gave up my well paid but ultimately unsuitable job to go back to university as an adult and train for what really interested me.

If she wants a car, we can come to an arrangement that is all about the car. I don't like hanging things on other contingencies.

I have no strong views about how other people do it. Parents can do what they think is best, knowing their own children. There's no should about it.

 

[Jennifer W]

HA, only rich Chinese folks can say that. For kids who grew up poor, it's more like, "you better get good grades and go to a good college. You want a prize? Buy it yourself when you get a good job."

This made me smile. It's so true. My dad's family were survival-level poor until my grandparents' generation. For my dad, staying at school until he was 15, rather than leaving at 12 to find work so he could eat was a huge luxury. How quickly we forget!

 

[ksinger]

HA, only rich Chinese folks can say that. For kids who grew up poor, it's more like, "you better get good grades and go to a good college. You want a prize? Buy it yourself when you get a good job."

This made me smile. It's so true. My dad's family were survival-level poor until my grandparents' generation. For my dad, staying at school until he was 15, rather than leaving at 12 to find work so he could eat was a huge luxury. How quickly we forget!

Me too. My mom sat me down when I got my license, and said, "OK, you can drive my car some, but understand, this is the only car we have, and if you wreck it, I'll probably lose my job." No pressure there, huh? Other friends got their own cars that they promptly wrecked, or lots of tickets, but not me. I was creeping around in a state of hyper-vigilance lest one stupid move trash our lives.

I didn't get a car of my own until my junior year of college, when my mom scraped together $1700 and bought me a used Ford Fiesta. God, what a fiasco THAT was. A fiesta is was NOT, although I'm sure the fire that burned it up was enough to get some people energetic. But it made for some amusing stories later.

As for parental "shoulds", well, this one is truly a quandry of the upper classes who have the time and luxury to worry about such trifles. The rest of the world and a great swath of the US is just trying to survive, and keep their kid fed. I know every time I read one of these discussions, the mindset that drives them is so far outside of my experience, I can't really relate on any level. My mother gave me 3 squares, a bed, clothing, and lots of love and direction. How much "stuff" I got or how to get it, or whether I deserved it, wasn't even part of the equation.

 

[justginger]

My parents definitely did this for me. But I ONLY got paid for As - anything else wasn't good enough. Thankfully good grades came fairly easily for me, so I managed to keep myself in cash. I didn't get an 'allowance,' I only got paid for my grades so if I didn't deliver, I didn't have frivolous things.

It continued through college as well. Dad and I agreed that for every semester I maintained a 4.0 GPA, I didn't have to pay $X towards the car they bought me when I was 17. Got through all 8 semesters with a 4.0, never had to pay them back for the car.

 

[Missy]

My parents did not do this. They only asked that we do the best we could in school (and in everything we tried). That was their only requirement of us so to speak. That we did the best we could. They didn't say we had to get A's, they didn't put that kind of pressure on us and I am thankful for that. It just so happened that my sister and I did get straight A's and we went to an ivy league college and went on to graduate school etc but that was not required of us and we were not rewarded in a material way. My parents were always proud of us no matter what as long as we tried our best. I'm not saying it wouldn't have been great to get a car lol and other things but we didn't. My parents did pay for our education and for that I am forever grateful because of that we did not have debt when we graduated. That was very generous on their part because my parents were not/are not rich and my mom went back to work to pay for our education.

I'm not judging in any way though regarding parents who did reward their children with material things. Hey, whatever works because I see far too much in terms of kids not caring about their education and parents who are indifferent. Mainly because of the way they themselves were raised so it is a vicious cycle and one that needs to be broken. Whenever I get the opportunity to talk to children who do not value education about the importance of their education I do but it is sadly a huge problem that really has to be worked on from the parents on. A child usually learns what is valued from their parents and if their parents don't care or don't value education it is a difficult cycle to break.

 

[packrat]

Mom did it like..twice. Standard $5/A type deal. I don't think there's anything wrong w/it.

They weren't/aren't big into rewards for things you're expected to do. We got an allowance but it was minimal, and it was for doing more than the expected chores. Making the bed every morning, picking up bedrooms, picking up after yourself in the house, taking care of the animals, those things didn't count towards the allowance, but they did count towards *not* getting it if you didn't do it. At 16 we each were expected to get jobs, we each got a junker car (79 Colt for me), they paid the first 6 mo insurance and filled the gas tank and then we were on our own. No tickets, good grades, above and beyond chores and working full time (back in the day before there were regulations about how much school kids could work), plus going to school, and they would pay for 1/2 the insurance.

 

[AGBF]

My younger brother and I got paid for bad grades to console us. The desire to achieve had been inculcated in us. When we were in elementary school getting a "D" or an "E" (there were "E"'s, not "F"'s) really upset us. I remember my brother crying over bad grades when he was very little. (My mother was an elementary school teacher who had been educated at Columbia University's "New College".)

It didn't act as negative reinforcement on our desire to learn in school. I was the better reader and the person who really liked to go to school, but my brother was probably the better academic achiever. Although he couldn't read when he was little, he graduated from college with honors and Phi Beta Kappa and went on to become a lawyer.

AGBF

 

[iLander]

We did this for our kids, each was offered a car for college scholarship. Son ignored it, daughter worked a bit harder and got good $$. It was a profit deal for us, the car was less than the scholarship. DS acted all jeolous that he didn't get a car, then we reminded him that we had, indeed, offered him the same deal. Apparently, he had forgotten. He shut up after that but his wife still looked pissed. We did pay $8000 (over half, his payments were below $200 after that) into a new car for him when he graduated college, before he met her, but it's getting old now and DIL wants a new car. They bought one for her, but they don't drive it, she wants to keep the miles low. Meanwhile, he's got 130K miles in 5 years. They'll be stuck somewhere soon.

Both DS and DD were given $$ for A's.

I never got $$ for A's, just yelled at and occasionally hit for B's, even in PE. That is the low-budget version but also very effective.

 

[marymm]

I myself do not believe in monetary rewards for academic performance - but I and my 6 brothers and sisters were brought up by parents who expected our best efforts at school - by high school level, all but one of us also participated in after-school sports so had to maintain I believe a B average anyway.

One of my sisters would study study study each afternoon after school only to receive mostly Cs and some Bs, others of us did not have to put in much time and earned As and Bs...

Besides the fact my parents did not have the money to put into paying us to get As, this would not have been their chosen strategy to motivate us. They always praised us for doing the best we could - and if one of us was slacking in terms of effort, even if that student was basically an A-student, it was made known to us that this was not acceptable. My parents expected to receive excellent reports from our teachers (attendance, participation, performance, meeting potential etc.) and when school progress reports indicated we had room for improvement, my parents made clear improvement was expected.

Really, though, the best motivator for us kids was my parents - they each worked so hard for our family, and sacrificed their own interests and inclinations in order to best foster our growth and to maximize our opportunities - honestly we would have been ashamed to not do to our best in the face of all that they did for us.

But basically I agree with JenniferW -

I have no strong views about how other people do it. Parents can do what they think is best, knowing their own children. There's no should about it.

 

[vc10um]

I have no strong views about how other people do it. Parents can do what they think is best, knowing their own children. There's no should about it.

I think that says it all. Each parent knows what motivates their children, be it money, praise, a new book, a trip to the zoo...whatever. I know as a child I was motivated by praise and recognition (and frankly, I still am), so to know my mom/my teachers/my boss was or is proud of me is certainly a prime motivator.

...but money's good too!

 

[momhappy]

I don't think that this is one of those "should" or "shouldn't" sorts of things. I think if a reward system works for a family, then who am I to judge?

 

[SB621]

I think the concept is if you work hard you get rewarded so I have no problem with taking that and implying it with my children. It won't be a new car by any means, and it also means I won't reward them for straight A's. I always had trouble in school and never got a perfect straight A's though I tried all the time. I will reward my children for the level of effort they put in to their studies or just about anything in their life.

Today I rewarded my 2 year old. Today he did a great job of sharing toys with his sister and just be a caring older brother in general. I praised him and told him how proud I was but then we also took him out for frozen yogurt because he has really been struggling with his younger sister lately. He showed a much improved level of understanding and patience with her today- so to me that is cause for a reward.

 

[Polished]

I'd never done particularly well at school but once I got to uni suddenly a switch seemed to turn on and I began to do really well. My father was delighted by this and once results came out I'd come home to find a mango sitting on my pillow. He'd made a trip to the fruit market and got me my favourite fruit. Apparently the amount went up for High Distinctions - I would come home and discover two mangos on my bed. It was really touching and somehow so within his character to do this. He also took an interest in the work and was always up for discussions.

 

[AGBF]

I'd never done particularly well at school but once I got to uni suddenly a switch seemed to turn on and I began to do really well. My father was delighted by this and once results came out I'd come home to find a mango sitting on my pillow. He'd made a trip to the fruit market and got me my favourite fruit. Apparently the amount went up for High Distinctions - I would come home and discover two mangos on my bed. It was really touching and somehow so within his character to do this. He also took an interest in the work and was always up for discussions.

That is a really wonderful story, Polished!

Deb

 

[rosetta]

No rewards were given to me, I was taught that achievement was reward enough. I'm really glad I didn't get any external motivation, because I sure as heck needed my own self motivation when I got to medical school!!

 

[chrono]

Definitely but not a new car and only if straight A's are achieved. Once they get up to higher levels where each A counts individually as in something similar to O and A levels, then each individual A will be rewarded. At university level, I do not think any reward for grades will be given since the motivation is different. Good grades equates to higher chances of a successful future and that should be incentive enough!

 

[Polished]

That is a really wonderful story, Polished!

Thanks Deb

No rewards were given to me, I was taught that achievement was reward enough.

I remember one of my teachers telling us all how well we'd done once, before adding: "and the reward for good work is more work".

 

[TooPatient]

"A" came home from school the other day excited because she was the only one in her class to know the answer to a question the teacher asked in history. They hadn't been taught the material (first day of a new section) but she knew it because we'd already watched a couple of great movies and a documentary at home. She was clearly excited and asked if we could finish the rest of the documentary

We're still settling in, but if we can avoid it FI and I don't want to do direct monetary/stuff rewards. We'd really like for "A" to be excited about learning and knowledge so that she'll keep it up on her own as an adult.

Working okay so far. I guess we will just have to see if it keeps working over time and adjust as needed.

 

[jaysonsmom]

I think kids should be rewarded for good grades, but they should not know about it beforehand....and money should not be the only motivaton for good grades. Growing up we never expected monetary rewards for good grades, but when we did receive all A's, we would get to pick out a gift of our choice.

I recently did the same for my kids who doing equally well in school (one because he is naturally smart, the other because she works really hard to keep up with her brother). When they came home with excellent report cards, they were taken out to a restaurant of their choice (ended up costing an arm and a leg bcause they have expensive steakhouse taste), and given video game privileges.

 

[madelise]

My grandmother attempted this. $10 for every A, and -$10 for every B. If I dared get anything lower than a B on my report card, everything is null and I get in trouble.

Then she forgot she made those rules, and I never got to see any money. I also never got allowances. My Chinese New Year money was what would last me all year for spending. Back then, as a kid, the only thing kids worried about spending money on was the 50 cents or $1 to buy a soda or a popsicle at school from the student body when they were raising money. It was a "cool" thing to buy from them.



Anyway, it didn't work. I got whatever grades I was going to get anyway. I had really bad ADD. Too bad no one wanted to get me tested I almost failed the 5th grade. Back then, a teacher couldn't hold you back without your parent's consent. Phew. I did fine from 6th grade and on…… and by "fine", I mean passing. Barely. My motivation came and gone quite frequently.

 

[diamondringlover]

We have done it but for the most part they just get to choose a dinner of their choice...he never likes what we cook lol

 

[Clairitek]

In 4th grade my grades were slipping a lot. Towards the B-/C average. My parents knew I could do better but I had insanely uninspiring teachers. They bribed me with a trip to Disneyworld in 5th grade if I got straight As for any quarter in 4th grade. I managed to pull it off for the last quarter and we went to Disneyworld the following year. They only had to bribe me once to turn me into a kid who really cared about achievement in school. Sort of went too far in the other direction, crying if I received anything less than an A. That was cured in college when As in my engineering major at higher levels were much, much harder to come by and then grad school totally anhillated my desire to achieve straights As. The only thing that mattered in grad school was that I passed. And I did because I sit here with 9 years of high education and two degrees under my belt. I sometimes wonder if my parents had cared less where I would have ended up. Still in engineering school? Who knows! But I'm grateful they did what they did and I would do the same with my kid if I felt it would be effective in motivating them to do well in school.

 

[AprilBaby]

Yeah... My kids got a dollar for every A, .50 for every B, nada for a C and owed us for anything below. That was in the 90's.