WWYD if your husband...

[Shana2009]

held the door for another woman (whom you were behind) and then cut in front of you rather than continue to hold the door open?

is there anything that makes this ok...too slow to come up behind woman while door being opened, just made a mistake,etc.

I''m just curious how others would react to this general scenario..

 

[Shoopy]

So I wanted to answer that I would just let it go but I would be lying. I''d be upset. I don''t know if I would be fuming to a point where I would cause a scene or be upset for a few days, but I wouldn''t be happy about it.

 

[ckrickett]

I would say something, because that shows you how he values you.

 

[meresal]

I would definitely let him know what he did, and ask him to please pay more attention next time.

ETA: Is there anyway that he thought this other woman was you, and just wasn't paying attention? Or was it obvious that he was enamored by this woman? As long as he didn't follow her and get her number, then I would jsut shrug it off and laugh at him.

 

[D&T]

I'd be upset, and let DH hear about it, or at least express my feelings. I also know that my DH sometimes is oblivious to some things, he's gotten better though, but DH has never once let the door go on me, unless its running after our toddler which in this case would understand but for another woman!

.

 

[Lauren8211]

I''d call him out, probably tease him about it, act annoyed for about 2 minutes and then get over it.

Something like "Oh, now that we''re engaged, I have to get my own door, but you open it for her?"

He''d say "Oh! I''m sorry. I didn''t mean to do that"

I''d smile and roll my eyes and say "Uh huh" and probably bump into him or something, playfully.

FI normally holds the door open for me, so if he accidentally didn''t one time, I''d view it as a slip-up and not some sort of disrespect towards me. If it was a habit of him opening doors for others, and not me, I might be more upset.

 

[dragonfly411]

it would depend on the situation. Woman is my age, I''d call him out on it. If it''s a little old granny, I''d let it slide. We both tend to hold the door for each other, sometimes we don''t think to at all. He''s generally a chivalrous person (opens car door for me etc) but we are at a comfort level where we don''t have to do such things. but if she were my age.... I''d tease him over it.

 

[CNOS128]

I''d probably give him the stinkeye and say something sarcastic.

But I couldn''t picture him doing this intentionally, so I''d have to assume he''d just forgotten where he was for a moment...

 

[Bia]

Date: 6/24/2009 10:36:22 AM
Author: TheBigT
I'd probably give him the stinkeye and say something sarcastic.

But I couldn't picture him doing this intentionally, so I'd have to assume he'd just forgotten where he was for a moment...

same.

UNLESS she was super hot, then I'd reel into him!

 

[Phoenix]

I wouln''t be too happy!

My DH always opens the door for me and for others too, but if he ever opened the door for another woman but not for me, I''d def tell him off!

 

[atroop711]

I don''t care if it were a man or women in front of me...if my dh held the door for someone and then didn''t hold it for me, I would be annoyed at his rudeness and would say in a sarcastic tone..THANKS FOR HOLDING THE DOOR

 

[Shana2009]

Agree it is probably not intentional and also agree that forgetting to hold a door open is not a big deal.

But it's the opeing for another woman which is respectful and giving attention to her--but then not doing the same for your wife/significant other that is a little tougher to let go. Because even if it was a forgetful moment, what does that say? And again this is assuming the wife/significant other was right behind the woman who the door was being held open for.

Oh, and yes the woman is attractive.

 

[Shana2009]

Date: 6/24/2009 10:45:37 AM
Author: atroop711
I don't care if it were a man or women in front of me...if my dh held the door for someone and then didn't hold it for me, I would be annoyed at his rudeness and would say in a sarcastic tone..THANKS FOR HOLDING THE DOOR

Ok, well taking this further, what if you said that and he said something like "you were too slow"..i.e. did not apologize, did not act sheepish,etc.

 

[Shoopy]

Date: 6/24/2009 10:45:38 AM
Author: Shana2009
Agree it is probably not intentional and also agree that forgetting to hold a door open is not a big deal.

But it''s the opeing for another woman which is respectful and giving attention to her--but then not doing the same for your wife/significant other that is a little tougher to let go. Because even if it was a forgetful moment, what does that say? And again this is assuming the wife/significant other was right behind the woman who the door was being held open for.

Oh, and yes the woman is attractive.

I don''t see how he could have forgotten. I mean he was holding the door open and the wife was right behind the woman so that''s kind of weird.

Maybe the wife hesitated a little and he thought that was a signal for him to walk through? Or maybe in doing everything quickly he thought for a moment that the woman that walked through was his wife...kind of like brain fart?

 

[jas]

Date: 6/24/2009 10:46:38 AM
Author: Shana2009

Date: 6/24/2009 10:45:37 AM
Author: atroop711
I don''t care if it were a man or women in front of me...if my dh held the door for someone and then didn''t hold it for me, I would be annoyed at his rudeness and would say in a sarcastic tone..THANKS FOR HOLDING THE DOOR

Ok, well taking this further, what if you said that and he said something like ''you were too slow''..i.e. did not apologize, act sheepish,etc.

Depends on my mood...if I were feeling gracious, I might assume he was embarrassed he was "caught" being ill-mannered and let it go.

If I weren''t feeling gracious, I might say, "I''m too slow for manners?"

 

[soocool]

My DH

knows better! When I am upset, I get quiet, very quiet. My DH says my being quiet is much much worse than me yelling so he knows not to upset me if he can.

 

[Lauren8211]

I''ve learned not to read into FI''s actions too much.

He shows me he loves me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 a year. I''ve never felt more loved or respected. You can read a whole buttload into the door mishap, but... man.. I trust my FI. He is not disrespectful. It was a mistake. End of story.

And to be fair, if it was a hot really hot chick and he got distracted and forgot me... so be it. I''m the one he''s marrying. Hot only gets ya so far.

 

[tigian]

Date: 6/24/2009 10:46:38 AM
Author: Shana2009

Date: 6/24/2009 10:45:37 AM

Author: atroop711

I don't care if it were a man or women in front of me...if my dh held the door for someone and then didn't hold it for me, I would be annoyed at his rudeness and would say in a sarcastic tone..THANKS FOR HOLDING THE DOOR

Ok, well taking this further, what if you said that and he said something like 'you were too slow'..i.e. did not apologize, did not act sheepish,etc.

Was he being passive aggressive by letting the door go? Was he already upset about something beforehand? I would definitely say something because if he let the door go intentionally, he is being very childish.

 

[purrfectpear]

I would pick my battles and look for something more significant to get upset over. If that''s the worst he''s done, get over it. If it''s one more thing in an already rocky relationship then discuss the real issues, not the door.

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 6/24/2009 10:57:07 AM
Author: elledizzy5
I''ve learned not to read into FI''s actions too much.

He shows me he loves me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 a year. I''ve never felt more loved or respected. You can read a whole buttload into the door mishap, but... man.. I trust my FI. He is not disrespectful. It was a mistake. End of story.

And to be fair, if it was a hot really hot chick and he got distracted and forgot me... so be it. I''m the one he''s marrying. Hot only gets ya so far.

Precisely. And this would be my husband''s response to me if I pressed the issue. He''s literally said to me "I show you I love you all day, every day." It''s true.

 

[AdiS]

Date: 6/24/2009 10:36:19 AM
Author: dragonfly411
it would depend on the situation. Woman is my age, I''d call him out on it. If it''s a little old granny, I''d let it slide. We both tend to hold the door for each other, sometimes we don''t think to at all. He''s generally a chivalrous person (opens car door for me etc) but we are at a comfort level where we don''t have to do such things. but if she were my age.... I''d tease him over it.

Ditto!
DH always opens the doors for me, holds my coat to help me put it on, helps me with my chair when I sit down etc. But sometimes he''d just shut the door in front of my face on purpose or pulls away the sleeves of my jacket right before I put my arms in them or something like that.

lol Boys will be boys, huh? I find it funny actually. He''s usually so serious and mature that I kinda like these little glimpses of childish mischief.
But if he shut the door in front of me because he was busy staring at some other chick... well, let''s just say I wouldn''t find it that funny any more.

 

[LilyKat]

Date: 6/24/2009 10:33:10 AM
Author: elledizzy5
I''d call him out, probably tease him about it, act annoyed for about 2 minutes and then get over it.


Something like ''Oh, now that we''re engaged, I have to get my own door, but you open it for her?''


He''d say ''Oh! I''m sorry. I didn''t mean to do that''


I''d smile and roll my eyes and say ''Uh huh'' and probably bump into him or something, playfully.


FI normally holds the door open for me, so if he accidentally didn''t one time, I''d view it as a slip-up and not some sort of disrespect towards me. If it was a habit of him opening doors for others, and not me, I might be more upset.

Ditto. I''d call him on it, jokingly at first. Honest mistake = ok. Pattern of disrespectful behaviour = not ok.

 

[somethingshiny]

Well, I''d be PO''d if DH DIDN''T hold the door open for the lady, but I''d be MUCH worse if he deemed it appropriate to hold the door for her and not for me. After time, husbands and wives both forget to do the little things for each other. I firmly believe it should be addressed and rectified. You fell in love with a guy who hold the door open for you (amongst other things), so when he starts failing at that, I just wonder what he loses next, ya know?

 

[geckodani]

Date: 6/24/2009 10:33:10 AM
Author: elledizzy5
I''d call him out, probably tease him about it, act annoyed for about 2 minutes and then get over it.

Something like ''Oh, now that we''re engaged, I have to get my own door, but you open it for her?''

He''d say ''Oh! I''m sorry. I didn''t mean to do that''

I''d smile and roll my eyes and say ''Uh huh'' and probably bump into him or something, playfully.

FI normally holds the door open for me, so if he accidentally didn''t one time, I''d view it as a slip-up and not some sort of disrespect towards me. If it was a habit of him opening doors for others, and not me, I might be more upset.

This would basically be my reaction. I''d smack him playfully and make some smartass comment.

 

[Shana2009]

Ok. Guess I''m having a hard time getting my head around how it can be an honest mistake though. Door is open, attractive woman let through, then husband proceeds to smoosh himself through door and cut off wife. Just forgot the wife was there? Didn''t cross his mind to be as gracious to the wife? Too much effort to keep door open for more than one person?

I know I''m overanalyzing, but it just strikes me as disrespectful and indicative of how the husband views the wife (lesser than attractive woman). Made worse by not immediately apologizing.

 

[oneandahalfrock]

I''m impossibly independent and prefer to open my own doors. It drives DH nuts.
If that happened, I''d probably have the WTH moment and get over it- why over analyze 10 second of your life...? He still paid for your dinner, not hers I''m assuming (I guess this is assuming it was at a restaurant because most businesses seem to have automatic doors these days. )

 

[LilyKat]

Deleted post as I've just read more information on the scenario, and realised it doesn't apply here.

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 6/24/2009 11:11:47 AM
Author: Shana2009
Ok. Guess I''m having a hard time getting my head around how it can be an honest mistake though. Door is open, attractive woman let through, then husband proceeds to smoosh himself through door and cut off wife. Just forgot the wife was there? Didn''t cross his mind to be as gracious to the wife? Too much effort to keep door open for more than one person?

I know I''m overanalyzing, but it just strikes me as disrespectful and indicative of how the husband views the wife (lesser than attractive woman). Made worse by not immediately apologizing.

It think it would be viewed that way if you already felt that way on some level. I agree with PP... if you''re that upset about a slight mishap with a door, maybe there''s more to it than just the door.

Did you ask your husband why he didn''t hold the door for you?

 

[Shana2009]

Well, at first I made the sarcastic comment "thanks for the door!" He was already halfway down the stairs. So no acknowledgement.

Then later, couldn't hold it in so expressed that I was upset.

Told I am too slow, always 5 steps behind.

I'm still stewing today. It could be that there's more there, sure--but also could be that I'm overreacting (I tend to get upset easily).

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 6/24/2009 11:11:47 AM
Author: Shana2009
Ok. Guess I''m having a hard time getting my head around how it can be an honest mistake though. Door is open, attractive woman let through, then husband proceeds to smoosh himself through door and cut off wife. Just forgot the wife was there? Didn''t cross his mind to be as gracious to the wife? Too much effort to keep door open for more than one person?


I know I''m overanalyzing, but it just strikes me as disrespectful and indicative of how the husband views the wife (lesser than attractive woman). Made worse by not immediately apologizing.

Honestly if you are that worked up about this happening *once* then there are bigger issues than the door!

Mistakes happen, people space out. Let him off the hook for this one!