Would you say you are obsessed?

[Dreamgirl]

So I posted in the LIW update thread about how my boyfriend now knows about PS. Long story short, I left the page open on my computer, he saw. Oops! I spoke with him about it and he said he wasn't mad at me. He told me "If it helps you, do what you've got to do." Full story here:
https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/ladies-on-the-list-want-to-share-an-update.83351/

Well anyway I guess he still thinks Im "obsessed" about the whole engagement/ring/wedding stuff because he told me this last night. I tried to assure him that this is NOT the case and I've been working on that, PS has helped me SO MUCH. But last night he more less told me by posting here, I am obsessed. He said "Just do it, and say you did it, and be done with it" I asked him what he was talking about and he said "Getting married" I told him that in the end I only want him and if Im lucky enough to get a beautiful ring, then that's just added joy to my life. He jokingly replied "Yeah right!" But I was very serious. I can't get him to understand, Im telling the full truth. I said "What did I tell you the other day?" (I told himIm realizing I trust him and everything will be ok one day (meaning my future e-ring) and that I am really enjoying our lives together right now. He was very happy to hear me say that. He said "Good, Im glad you see that now!" (I posted this in the above thread) So I thought that let him know that Im not obsessed. Yes, Im interested in this stuff but I don't think that make me obsessed. (I haven't even been looking at wedding related websites, magazines etc for a while..)Yes, I compliment others' rings here, yes I comment on gowns. But that's not me obsessing. I told him to come here and see what I talk about and he can see. I don't just post (I want! I want! I want!) with every post I make.

This leads me to believe, are we all overly obsessed and don't realize it? Is it normal that we talk here like this to each other? This place has helped me a lot. And I have even helped others. I think it had become an obsession based on the idea of marrying this guy one day and fantasizing about my future (grew into what it had become), but after joining PS, I feel that it has more become an "interest" of mine and not so much an obsession. I don't worry so much about all the future details like I did before. I think he just doesn't realize this.

And, HOW do I get it in his head that Im not obsessed? I had been trying so hard not to talk about this stuff, and I've been really good about that. I don't want him thinking that! By the way, he isn't mad or upset at me, it's nothing like that. I just want him to understand.

Thanks for listening ladies!

 

[Dreamgirl]

Interesting.

 

[choro72]

I think your BF understands how you feel about the whole situation so I wouldn''t worry about it.

As for the obsession part, IMHO, I AM obsessed. I won''t deny it. I don''t think average girls (at least in my circle) will come here to drool on rings. They won''t come to forums talking about how they wish their BF will propose soon. They won''t take fire pictures, pictures with flowers, or profile shots (My sister snickered and shook her head when she saw my pictures). Girls usually can''t even tell the names of the settings or even name the 4Cs.

Also, the average girls don''t know how to get the best quality jewelry for there money. They don''t know what quality is. But most of all, the average girls don''t have YOU ladies. They don''t have the support group we have here. I''m already engaged, but who else care to listen to my "obsession"? It''s not just the jewelry. I''m posting things about dresses, shoes, thoughts, worries, anxiety...Anything. Do my average friends listen? Noooooo. Not that they are worse then what I get here, but I feel so much more comfortable spilling issues and asking opinions here. I also feel like my opinion counts. I can give advice or have something constructive to say because I an relate with people here.

So...If you want my opinion (

), then I would admit that I am obsessed, and forget about it. I don''t need to explain myself to anyone, and my BF completely understands. It''s doing me so much good by being here, and it''s not as if I''m shutting myself from the outside world either. I talk to my physical friends just as much, I go out hiking, I go out shopping, I watch TV, I eat, and I live. I have a healthy life, so leave me in peace with PS!

 

[pumpkin81]

Well said Choro! I too am obsessed and proud of it!

 

[Bia]

Date: 5/7/2008 3:32:39 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
Interesting.

lmao!!!!! I was coming for you! So many posts and so little time!!!

Okay, so here is what I think:

Firstly, why is he upset that you''re doing this privately? I mean, not be totally on your side (which I am!), doesn''t he do things that do not appeal to you in the slightest, but you let him go on his merry way? I think you probably aren''t obsessed but this is obviously increasingly important to you, and maybe that is freaking him out. Maybe BF is saying, "Damn, she really wants this to happen soon and I am just not ready!" What are the reasons he has given you for waiting? Is it money? If it is, it might be pressure he is feeling from you to get the ball rolling. My boy hasn''t "caught" me online doing this because mostly I do it while I am supposed to be working (If you all can''t tell, I have a very easygoing job and I love it!) and when I get home, I don''t spend much time online.

Do I think I am obsessed? Hmmmm...well if an outsider were to read all my posts they would probably agree that I was. I think I am just mentally preparing myself for something MAJOR in my life (how was that? lol). I am happy, nervous, anxious and excited all rolled into one and it makes me feel better to know I am not alone. So maybe I am obsessed, but thats okay. As long as my engagement happens because he and I are both ready for it, and thrilled as a result, that''s all I really care about.

Tell BF to mind his own business!

 

[Bia]

Ok fine, I lied to make you feel better. You are obsessed! But so are the rest of us, so its okay!!!

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

I would think that to someone who isn’t involved in the community that we all seem a bit obsessed. If PS is helping to curb your desire to talk you boyfriend’s ear off about a proposal then I’d say this forum is doing its job.

It seems that he really thinks your fixation is on the ring, specifically the Tiffany ring, and that you aren’t thinking about anything else (e.g. - "if I’m lucky enough to get a beautiful ring, then that''s just added joy to my life. He jokingly replied "Yeah right!" But I was very serious. I can''t get him to understand, I’m telling the full truth…(I told him I’m realizing I trust him and everything will be ok one day (meaning my future e-ring) and that I am really enjoying our lives together right now. He was very happy to hear me say that. He said "Good, I’m glad you see that now!”). this could also be causing him a little stress because he may be feeling like all you are zoning in on are two things: 1) Tiffany’s and 2) the ring instead of the relationship, it’s strength and where you are headed as a couple.

So yeah, I’d have to agree with your SO that you are obsessed; more specifically with Tiffany’s than anything else (look at your signature for a dead give away as to how I came to that conclusion) but I’m obsessed with halos and my other friend is obsessed with emerald cuts and there are many other PSers who are into their own jewelry designs etc. It seems we all have our own thing going on here but that’s what makes this place so great!

If he isn’t mad at you, then let the topic drop. Completely. Keep posting and reading and ogling and enjoy your time here. I am sure he has a hobby or interest that you don’t completely understand so you are entitled to yours as well.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Finally!

Ok, but my obsession I think has lessened since joining PS. I swear! I don''t really think he is upset, he just thinks this is all I think about. Im sure it is freaking him out. But God, I can''t win! I talk to him about it, he doesn''t want to hear it. So I join here, and he still thinks Im nuts! ha! We are both on the same boat as far as still waiting a while, so Im not "making" him do anything. Im not "ready" yet and either is he. I just happen to love the topic, so I like to discuss it! It''s like a good tv show, you like the show so you watch it!

I don''t spend much time on the computer when I get home from work either because Im on a computer all day! It was the weekend though, I had been here posting about my new purse and ended up over in another thread where I was giving advice. That''s what he saw.

 

[Bia]

Date: 5/7/2008 3:59:59 PM
Author: Keepingthefaith21

I would think that to someone who isn’t involved in the community that we all seem a bit obsessed. If PS is helping to curb your desire to talk you boyfriend’s ear off about a proposal then I’d say this forum is doing its job.

If he isn’t mad at you, then let the topic drop. Completely. Keep posting and reading and ogling and enjoy your time here. I am sure he has a hobby or interest that you don’t completely understand so you are entitled to yours as well.

Very well put! Leave it to KeepingtheFaith to keep us from seeing RED!

That''s why we love you!

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 5/7/2008 3:59:59 PM
Author: Keepingthefaith21
I am sure he has a hobby or interest that you don’t completely understand so you are entitled to yours as well.

This is exactly how J sees it. Sometimes he talks to me about sci-fi or computer stuff or historical information which I would love to be smart enough to fully understand but I'm not and that's ok. But those are his hobbies!! One of mine is diamonds, and although sometimes he just gives me that blank stare and smiles at me like, "Holy cow you are such a lunatic," he will also say, "Hey, I have interests that you don't totally get, so it's fine."

He's so good.

 

[ringless]

Yes, i''m obsessed... i''ll admit it! lol
I enjoy looking at pictures, going to barnes and noble by myself to look at bridal magazines, logging on to this site, blah blah blah.. so much! lol I enjoy it though. I am definietly preparing myself for the future... I already know the colors I want, the bridal parties, how many guests (about), and the photographer. I''ll wait for my FF to help me choose the venue and other details of course, but I just like knowing what to expect sorta.. I am really trying to enjoy our time together and trying not to obsess so much on the topic... but geesh it''s hard. I haven''t brought it up in a couple months now... i''m doing great!

 

[Dreamgirl]

Oh dear. The signature is from the Breakfast at Tiffany's movie. Ok, so if HE thinks Im so fixated on that, how do I let him know that it isn't THAT important to me? (yes, its important but it isn't everything.) I haven't been talking about it. I thought that would take care of the concern.

I could let the topic drop, but I don't want his thoughts of me to be "this is all she thinks about..."

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 5/7/2008 4:21:42 PM
Author: ringless
Yes, i'm obsessed... i'll admit it! lol

I enjoy looking at pictures, going to barnes and noble by myself to look at bridal magazines, logging on to this site, blah blah blah.. so much! lol I enjoy it though. I am definietly preparing myself for the future... I already know the colors I want, the bridal parties, how many guests (about), and the photographer. I'll wait for my FF to help me choose the venue and other details of course, but I just like knowing what to expect sorta.. I am really trying to enjoy our time together and trying not to obsess so much on the topic... but geesh it's hard. I haven't brought it up in a couple months now... i'm doing great!

Sounds just like me. But, I have been so good since I told him I wouldn't discuss it with him until the time comes. (& like I said, Im less concerned now about all that stuff.) He's been so happy about that!

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 5/7/2008 3:59:59 PM
Author: Keepingthefaith21
I would think that to someone who isn’t involved in the community that we all seem a bit obsessed. If PS is helping to curb your desire to talk you boyfriend’s ear off about a proposal then I’d say this forum is doing its job.

KTF, I'd like to say that I am somewhat involved in this community and I see a lot of what I'd call "obsession" in the LIW area. And I'm not sure that coming to a place like this is "doing its job" in a healthy manner. To me, many posts come off as almost feeding the frenzy, enabling the crazy, as it were. I dont know, maybe I'm just older and way different than most LIWs are because I would never have started doing things like planning weddings before becoming engaged, or insisting on time lines, etc.

Just my personal opinion though...Carry on...

ETA: To the OP, your continued comments about a really nice ring are probably really bugging your man. You might want to stop bringing up the ring, even during engagement-related discussion because you seem to always throw in something about "hoping it's really nice" and that seems to be bugging him. Just let it go. If you're really being honest that any ring from him will be wonderful, then really let it go and dont bring it up again. That's my advice. You can only control so much.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 5/7/2008 4:25:43 PM
Author: surfgirl
ETA: To the OP, your continued comments about a really nice ring are probably really bugging your man. You might want to stop bringing up the ring, even during engagement-related discussion because you seem to always throw in something about 'hoping it's really nice' and that seems to be bugging him. Just let it go. If you're really being honest that any ring from him will be wonderful, then really let it go and dont bring it up again. That's my advice. You can only control so much.

Thank you. I had stopped talking about it with him over a month ago and the topic only came up when HE brought it up. It was going great! I plan on still leaving it that way because I realize its nothing to worry myself with. Yes, I have hopes but its nothing to go crazy over. Im pretty much ok with that now. (and of course, this is my place to talk when I have slip ups)

I guess when he saw the forum, something went off in him and made him think I was still "obsessed" with the whole subject even though I haven't been talking about it that much. I guess I'll just let it go.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 5/7/2008 4:25:43 PM
Author: surfgirl
KTF, I''d like to say that I am somewhat involved in this community and I see a lot of what I''d call ''obsession'' in the LIW area. And I''m not sure that coming to a place like this is ''doing its job'' in a healthy manner. To me, many posts come off as almost feeding the frenzy, enabling the crazy, as it were. I dont know, maybe I''m just older and way different than most LIWs are because I would never have started doing things like planning weddings before becoming engaged, or insisting on time lines, etc.


Just my personal opinion though...Carry on...

I can certainly see how you could see that, because I think sometimes it does seem that way, especially if you tend to read posts from new members who show up very excited and unsure of how to channel that excitement in a more productive way. But my impression (coming from the viewpoint of someone a little older than many in here but also in a different place because *I''m* the one who''s not ready to be married yet) tends to be that, after getting a few of the "OMGOMGITSHAPPENINGIJUSTDONTKNOWWHENNNN!" posts (ok, that''s an exaggeration meant in the nicest way, but some ladies really do show up mega-excited!

), they settle down and do, in my opinion, deal with the waiting much more constructively. Now and then we all have moments of wanting things to progress a little faster because we''re excited about that next stage in our lives, but I think overall this forum really does do more to help than to feed the frenzy. Overall, anyway. I''m sure we don''t have a 100% success rate

but I do think the majority of posters try to settle people down and be rational and focus on what''s important: the relationship and the commitment. Not the ring.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 5/7/2008 4:43:39 PM
Author: gwendolyn
but I do think the majority of posters try to settle people down and be rational and focus on what's important: the relationship and the commitment. Not the ring.

I agree. I had always loved rings, etc. But sometime last summer I went on this crazy idea that "I needed to gather all this info together so that Im ready when it happens" type thoughts. Being here has helped me remember whats most important! (and obviously I always knew what was most important) But sometimes a girl can't help but get caught up in the ideas of wedding chaos. This is why I say, since joining it has helped tame my behavior to the boyfriend.

 

[smiles]

I think the only way to explain it to him is by saying that there is more to PS than drooling over expensive diamond rings. This is a community of people who share good and bad times and a real supportive group. People talk about more than diamonds but the discussions about diamonds are meant to educational - so it is like a hobby. My BF thinks its just plain wierd that I like to hear about peoples lives that I don''t know but I feel like I do know you all and you could all easily be my friends IRL.
Maybe he''s scared the more you know the harder you will be to please when it comes time to give you the ring so I''d just shower him with some love and make sure he knows that if anything PS has allowed you to stop fixating on the ring but given you an opportunity to really love/enjoy your relationship (which i think it has since you joined based on following your story)

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 5/7/2008 4:36:36 PM
Author: Dreamgirl

Date: 5/7/2008 4:25:43 PM

Author: surfgirl

ETA: To the OP, your continued comments about a really nice ring are probably really bugging your man. You might want to stop bringing up the ring, even during engagement-related discussion because you seem to always throw in something about ''hoping it''s really nice'' and that seems to be bugging him. Just let it go. If you''re really being honest that any ring from him will be wonderful, then really let it go and dont bring it up again. That''s my advice. You can only control so much.

Thank you. I had stopped talking about it with him over a month ago and the topic only came up when HE brought it up. It was going great! I plan on still leaving it that way because I realize its nothing to worry myself with. Yes, I have hopes but its nothing to go crazy over. Im pretty much ok with that now. (and of course, this is my place to talk when I have slip ups)


I guess when he saw the forum, something went off in him and made him think I was still ''obsessed'' with the whole subject even though I haven''t been talking about it that much. I guess I''ll just let it go.

It sounds like you''re on a good track now...Even if he baits you, just dont say anything...it''ll probably surprise him but honestly, can you imagine what most guys would think if they were not quite ready to take that next step and they saw their ladies on PS? This place is probably a "not yet ready to be engaged" guy''s worst nightmare!

 

[Dreamgirl]

Thank you. I can see that making someone freak out. But he knows that I am not ready just yet either, so he shouldn''t be so threatened by it. He knows how I feel about all of this, so I guess I shouldn''t have to point it out to him. I just hope he realizes it isnt everything to me, just an interest. (I could see how he would come to that conclusion, but since I haven''t been speaking much about the topic anymore, I guess I thought he would get it.)

 

[FrekeChild]

Hee hee hee...Can you imagine the look on his face is he were trying to bait you into talking about the ring, and you pulled a "What ring? Oh that ring. Eh. Whatever."? I''d want to get a picture.

I think that most LIW aren''t obsessed with the ring, perhaps just caught up in the excitement of it all? I know I don''t give two patooties about the ring-he asked me to be specific about one, so I was. But I''d be happy with a string or just a plain ol'' band. But he won''t be happy with that, and neither would most of our family, so that''s all him.

I just want the man dangit! (But not for a while because I need to get out of school first...)

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

I am obsessed. And it''s scary. Sometimes I wonder if I just use this site for procrastination - other times I think that this site has fed into my obsession and made me a green eyed monster! Anyway - I fully plan on posting pics when I get my ring - and G-D knows I probably will keep reading LIW posts even after I am engaged...

This website - although I clearly LOVE IT - spreads like a bad disease!!!

 

[Lauren8211]

I think most every woman who''s in a serious relationship for a while starts to get weddings on the brain. Even if we know we arent ready yet, or it''s not a good time, it''s really hard not to get swept up in the princess-for-a-day and diamonds ideas. So checking out venues, wedding dresses, or diamonds online is not a big deal. It''s something to look forward to in life. Would you be "obsessed" if you were looking at hotels and things to do at places you want to travel in the future? No.

What makes you obsessed is when erings and weddings are more important than a happy healthy relationship with your SO. If you''re more concerned about that stuff than working on your relationship, or you''re throwing temper tantrums about not being engaged, then you are OBSESSED!

There''s nothing wrong with fantasizing a bit!

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 5/7/2008 9:03:40 PM
Author: FrekeChild
I think that most LIW aren''t obsessed with the ring, perhaps just caught up in the excitement of it all?

I just want the man dangit!

I think this is more me than the other....

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 5/8/2008 11:29:05 AM
Author: Lauren8211
I think most every woman who''s in a serious relationship for a while starts to get weddings on the brain. Even if we know we arent ready yet, or it''s not a good time, it''s really hard not to get swept up in the princess-for-a-day and diamonds ideas. So checking out venues, wedding dresses, or diamonds online is not a big deal. It''s something to look forward to in life. Would you be ''obsessed'' if you were looking at hotels and things to do at places you want to travel in the future? No.


What makes you obsessed is when erings and weddings are more important than a happy healthy relationship with your SO. If you''re more concerned about that stuff than working on your relationship, or you''re throwing temper tantrums about not being engaged, then you are OBSESSED!


There''s nothing wrong with fantasizing a bit!

I really like what you had to say about this. Of course, if we love the guy we are with then I guess we dream about these things! I cant help but imagine our future together and it looks soooooooo good!

And your definition of obsessed is good and by your definition, Im not obsessed. What is most important is my guy and our relationship. This was kind of my point. And I have NEVER thrown a temper tantrum about not being engaged, and I don''t picture myself ever doing that! (Im not ready to be engaged yet anyway, but I would still never do that.) I should point this out to him. Thanks for your help!

 

[Bliss]

Awww, I don''t think you are obsessed! I think it''s pretty normal... like waiting for Christmas Day or something.

I think this site helps keep us from getting obsessed!

And so what? It''s not like we''re obsessing about something harmful to ourselves!

 

[Dreamgirl]

Thank you! Hey, it is like waiting for Christmas day. I love Christmas, even at my age! You are all so helpful!

 

[Babyblue033]

I think I have an obsessive compulsive personality

Whenever I get into something I tend to completely drown myself in it until it is "resolved". I''ve done it with my cats, parrots, cerebella hypoplasia in cats (I have a heart cat with this condition), nutrients, you name it. And my current obsession is the engagement ring and I''m sure I''ll be moving onto wedding stuff as soon as I receive the ring from my BF

I''m first to admit that I''m obsessed and my BF has learned to accept all my annoying traits that come with it

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 5/8/2008 2:44:10 PM
Author: Babyblue033
I think I have an obsessive compulsive personality

Whenever I get into something I tend to completely drown myself in it until it is ''resolved''. I''ve done it with my cats, parrots, cerebella hypoplasia in cats (I have a heart cat with this condition), nutrients, you name it. And my current obsession is the engagement ring and I''m sure I''ll be moving onto wedding stuff as soon as I receive the ring from my BF

I''m first to admit that I''m obsessed and my BF has learned to accept all my annoying traits that come with it

Ditto. I am a very obsessive person. Anything I do tends to become an all consuming project.

It''s one of the things FI loves about me... mad, crazy man (he''s pretty much the same though).

He''s absolutely over the moon that I found PS as it gave me the kick up the backside to sign up for my FGA. He also thinks its good for me to communicate with other people - even if it is by electronic means!

So yes, I was obsessed with the ring 150% - but that was after the engagement and purely because I''m an OCD, detail orientated control freak. It had nothing to do with my relationship - I''d be the same if I was having a table made...

Sensible man proposed without the ring, so the proposal and engagement were about us and not the bling!

 

[pickles]

I''m new here, and will admit fully that I am obsessed about the whole idea of marriage. I think it began years ago, when my oldest sister got engaged, and as other close family and friends became engaged and eventually married, I ended up with every single detail about my engagement and wedding planned out in my head.

I only recently became more obsessed with actual diamonds when my FF asked what type of rings I liked, and this was a huge surprise because he had always told me that he would pick out the ring, without any help from me. He''s pretty decent at picking out jewellery, but come on!! I was having horrible nightmares about getting some weird nasty gem in a tacky setting for a ring!
Needless to say I had a lot of research to do in a very short period of time.

ps. I also totally love pouring over bridal magazines, and honestly I have two dresses already purchased for my big day. Now isn''t that embarrassing? - And yes, my FF knows that.