Would you say something???

[squeaksluv]

I need advice on what I should do, if anything.

One of my good friends got engaged over the holidays. She''s a sweetheart but her fiance'' is a complete jerk. He''s miserly, selfish and totally arrogant, always bragging about this and that. He has the social graces of a mule and the personality of a twig. To his credit though he is very obvious in his love for my friend and he really seems to treat her well but because he is so miserly we were all more than shocked when he got her a 4.5 carat diamond cushion for her ering. It was absolutely gorgeous! She never saw the appraisal or specs but said he told her it was an ideal F VVS1 stone so it was obviously expensive. She was so excited and happy we thought maybe he isn''t so bad after all LOL!!! She loves to stare at it and constantly says how amazed she is that he would get something so beautiful and large and how she is ashamed to think how much he probably spent on it. She said he told her he had made some pretty good investments in the market so he could afford it.

So the other day she came with me to a jewelery store where I was having a ring designed for my mother. One of the jewelers spotted her ring (it''s hard not too!) and immediately came over to ask if she would like it cleaned. She was hesitant but then allowed him to saying she hated to have it leave her finger even for a moment! After she got it back she couldn''t stop staring at it and commenting how sparkly it was!!! I couldn''t stop staring at it either thinking if only!!!! LOL!!!

Today, I went back to pick up my mothers ring and the same jeweler was there and got the ring for me. He asked me if my friend with the cushion was around that he wanted to show her a setting she was interested in. I joked that he just wanted to take another look at the rock and he said it was beautiful even if it was only cubic zirconia. I was totally shocked and didnt know what to say. He got really embarassed and said he thought she knew and felt really awful that he told me.

Now that in itself I don''t care about it but what concerns me is that I seriously don''t think she knows. I''m almost positive he has not told her and I know she would really care about it if she knew. Her and I once spoke about what we wanted in our engagement rings (before she was engaged) and I told her that I would take a cz if that''s all my bf could afford, that we could later replace it with a diamond but she said that she specifiically wanted a diamond even if that meant it had to be a tiny diamond chip....she felt that the diamond is symbolic of what she feels the marriage should be, durable, everlasting, strong, etc. Now unless she changed her mind since then I''m almost positive she thinks it''s real. And I think that if she were going to tell anyone she would certainly tell me. I also know she thinks its real because another friend of ours has a cz engagement ring which her fiance is going to replace with a diamond as soon as he gets his bonus and my friend said she would of rather waited for a real diamond ering if that was her situation. She''s not snobby or anything because I know she would of been just as happy with a diamond chip!

I feel she has a right to know but my bf says I shouldn''t say a word. I just don''t think it''s right she is going around thinking it''s real. What if she went to another jeweler and they said something. She would be very upset. I''m thinking I should say something to her fiance'' and give him the chance to come clean. My bf says absolutely not that it''s none of my business.

What would you do????

 

[caligal]

Ohhh- this is a tough one! First off- shame on him if he is really deceiving her.

I think if it were my friend, I would hint around and ask her more about the ring (certification anyone?) to see if she really thinks it is a diamond. Then, I would tell her exactly what the jeweler said. She has the right to know! And what does this say about the guy in addition to the other details you mentioned? Wouldn''t you want to know?

 

[Rhapsody]

I''m completely torn. I know I would want to know but if i was in your situation I would feel like it wasn''t my place to say anything.

If it is fake, shes going to find out eventually. Another jeweler or an appraiser (and who owning a 4.5 ct diamond wouldnt appraise it?) is going to say something. I would rather have a friend tell me than a stranger, because if I heard it from a jeweler I would feel like a complete idiot.

I guess I would talk to the boyfriend first, tell him that the jeweler could tell it was a CZ, that she will find out eventually and she should hear it from him and not a stranger.

Good luck and I hope things work out

 

[gracie007]

oh my, that is insane. IF it is fake, then that guy must be pretty brave...anything that huge is gonna bring lots of attention and scrutiny. How about when she gets it insured...don''t they have to appraise it anyway?? won''t she know then?? i dont know if i would say anything...she might end up angry at you - crazy, but it happens. that is pretty werid..I can tell you if I got a diamond that big, I would seriously question my BF....I know all about his money and i would assume she does his....WHAT A TOUGH CALL...let us knwo what you decide

 

[aphisiglovessae]

When I got my e-ring we immediately took it to get appraised for insurance purposes. Maybe you should hint to her that since it''s such a substantial ring, she might want to do that to protect it from theft, damage, loss, etc. Then when she goes to get it appraised, she''ll find out the truth.

 

[onedrop]

My first thought was not to say anything because I just don''t think it''s my place to butt in. But then I thought that I''d want her to know because I wouldn''t want her looking like a fool. Although I am torn I don''t think I''d say anything to her. Mainly because it may seem like you are trying to make the guy look foolish. If it''s known that you don''t like her fiance, she may take the revelation as you trying to make him look bad. So as much as I''d feel bad in the knowledge that her stone may be a CZ, I just don''t think I would mention it.

If anything, I''d probably approach her fiance. Obviously he was trying to impress her and maybe could not afford what she really wanted in an engagement ring. Just my $.02.

 

[freckles127]

What a tough situation. I think to protect yourself (since some people may just get embarrassed and angry at the messenger), I agree with aphisiglovessae to hint first and have her find out through a professional appraiser. If she still doesn''t find out, she has the right to know that her fiance is deceiving her and you should break the news to her. I would rather find out from someone that cared about me than to find out when I''m in a marriage that started with lies. Let us know what you decide to do.

 

[PurplePassion]

This is a tough one, but your bf is right and you shouldn''t tell her. As much as you love your friend and feel she has a right to know, the fact is, she''s HAPPY!! First of all, it was unprofessional for the jeweler to say anything to you. Secondly, who knows what your friend''s fiance''s planning, especially if his love for her is genuine. If it''s meant for her to find out, she''ll find out.

Keep us posted!

 

[moon river]

I''d have to say something. I believe in being blunt and to the point but I would rather her hear it from a friend than and appraiser or insurance guy. And it''s better she find out what a lier he is now than after she''s married with kids. Plus, if he''s lying about this, imagine what else he could be lying about or cabable of lying about. If it were me, and my friend knew and didn''t tell me, I would be very hurt and betrayed(twice).

 

[bstraszheim]

Yikes, what a tough situation. I do think that she should know. There are two ways to approach the engagement situation if funds are an issue. There is such a vast difference between knowing that you can''t have the huge diamond and either buying the small one and upgrading until you get what you want, or choosing a cz, knowing it''s a cz and will be replaced when the funds become available. Both are honourable and he has chosen neither. What he is doing is dishonest. I was so floored about this topic that I was exclaiming enough that my husband asked what was up. I told him about this and his comment was, well if he''ll lie about the engagement ring, why wouldn''t he lie about other things (like fidelity or something just as important.) BUT, I am not sure that it would not be detrimental to your relationship with her, if you said something. I would suggest the "take it to have it appraised for insurance purposes, just to be safe" route. That way she knows, but you haven''t been the one to be the bearer.

Please let us know how it turns out. I really am interested.

I wish you, and her well,

Bridget

 

[aphisiglovessae]

Does she know that you aren''t fond of her fiance? That would be the hardest part to me. If she knows and you tell her, there''s a chance she might not believe you and will get mad thinking that you''re trying to discredit him. It sucks to think that she would believe him over you, but unfortunately that''s how it happens sometimes when people are in love.

 

[ladykemma]

maybe boyfriend got scammed by the person he bought it from.

yet another reason to get an appraisal.

 

[Dancing Fire]

yes,tell her the truth !!! that this guy is a "FAKE" so is the ring.how embarassing

 

[moon river]

Date: 1/10/2006 9:06:07 PM
Author: ladykemma
maybe boyfriend got scammed by the person he bought it from.

yet another reason to get an appraisal.

In that case, I would LOVE to be the one to tell him that!!!! Maybe you should approach him,tell him that if he don''t tell her you will, that way it would not only bring him off his high horse, but possibly give him an ''out'' of the situation and a very expensive chance to make things right!

 

[widget]

I wouldn't tell her. The only reason you know this is because some jeweler made a serious faux pas. You really shouldn't have this information.

Maybe she already knows. If not, she'll probably find out eventually anyway...perhaps the next time she has it cleaned or checked.

I'd stay out of it...

widget

ETA: Well, I hadn't thought of the possibility that he'd been scammed....I guess I'd tell him what the jeweler said...

 

[ladykemma]

"honey, i need the ring for a few days to get it appraised and insured...."

 

[kimberlina13]

Oh I am so sorry for the position that you are in! IMHO, I think that you should let your friend know that there is a possibility that her ring might be fake. She might be mad at first, but she''ll probably realize that you were just being a good friend by wanting her to know the truth.

You could say something along the lines of when you went back to the jewelers, the jeweler that cleaned itsaid something that was disturbing to you, and that she might want to have checked out, in case her boyfriend/fiance got ripped off. Which allows you to clue her in about her ring, while not seeming like you''re trying to break up her relationship.

Good luck!

 

[moon river]

Date: 1/10/2006 9:14:59 PM
Author: ladykemma
''honey, i need the ring for a few days to get it appraised and insured....''

Oh wouldn''t you like to be a fly on the wall. With a camera!!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 1/10/2006 9:06:07 PM
Author: ladykemma
maybe boyfriend got scammed by the person he bought it from.

yet another reason to get an appraisal.

SCAM MY A$$

ROFLMAO.....who would lay down $100,000 w/o proper appraisal or paper works? lab report..etc,etc..

 

[princessv]

I agree that you should tell her!

Besides if she can''t tell the difference b/w CZ and a real diamond at first after a few months/years of wear she''ll realize it.

By then she would have already made the mistake of marrying Mr. Fake (that is if he wasn''t scammed and knew what he was buying).

 

[Erin]

I'd offer to go with her back to the jewelry store and have her ask questions about it being remounted into the setting she likes. If in fact the jeweler was correct in calling it a cz, he'll tell her the scoop concerning the remount. That way you don't have to be the one to tell her and you'll be there when she finds out - for moral support. I wouldn't give that jerk a chance to lie his way out of a lie. Otherwise I'm with widget - don't be the one to tell her.

 

[ladykemma]

I think she needs to know. I like kimberly''s idea. I would want to know.

she needs to know (now) if he''s CHEAP or a LIAR or STOOPId. before there are three kids and a mortgage.

opinionated? naaaah....

 

[widget]

Author: Dancing Fire
SCAM MY A$$

ROFLMAO.....who would lay down $100,000 w/o proper appraisal or paper works? lab report..etc,etc..

LOL...excellent point, DF!

widget

 

[WTNLVR]

I agree with all of the above. If he lied to her outright she has a right to know before the wedding. She may be fully aware and trying to pass off the ring as a diamond (so be it). So, I would just say that the jeweler made some comment that indicated she should have it appraised for insurance purposes indicating that perhaps the girdle is too thin or whatever. And since she is in possession of the ring she should be the one who does it, not the fiance. But as an aside, who really thinks their fiance can afford a 4.5 ct diamond? Come on- that it huge money. Now, I know there are many here that can, but the majority?? Does she know what that would really cost or is she clueless?? Totally possible. I know people who think all square cuts are the same! GASP

I think some serious diamond education is in order. Mind you, I hope it is real and he is just generally misely- like my multi- millionare uncle was, but even he didn''t buy a 4.5 ct diamond- he settled for a 1.85 ct pear for my aunt!

 

[ladykemma]

curious - how old is your friend?

 

[ello]

That''s so sad...poor girl! I feel that it''s best to keep it from her - she will be very mad/embarrass. It''s never good to be in the middle of situation like this. Even though he''s not a super nice guy she made the choice when she said yes at the proposal so you should never feel that you will be responsible for a potentially bad outcome.

Keep the secret - secretly laugh at the bragging.....
A rock even if it''s fake is not worth loosing a friend over. The truth will come out eventually and she will need a friend like you, to depend on.

 

[SoonIHope]

OHMYGOD that is CRAZY!!!!

I agree with whoever said that you should talk to the fiance first. Even if you don''t get along with him, I think you should give him a chance to respond to what you say, because if he did get scammed or tell your friend that it was CZ, then there''s no reason for you to create a rift between you and your friend when there was no malice on his part. If he IS lying to her, which it certainly sounds like to me, then you should give him the chance to talk to her himself. Again, just so you don''t get in the middle! If he refuses to talk to her because he doesn''t think you have the nerve or something, then I think you should try encouraging her to get it appraised and insured, and if she hesitates THEN maybe say something indicating the jeweler thought it was worth getting looked out.

I definitely think you owe it to your friend not to keep quiet about it (I would feel so betrayed if a friend kept something like that from me), but you should also try as hard as you can not to get in the middle of it. And give the fiance the benefit of the doubt to begin with, just in case he is telling the truth. You really don''t want to be responsible, because I think there is a very good chance that she would get mad at the messenger!

Good luck, and let us know how this plays out!!!

 

[Mara]

Date: 1/10/2006 9:23:58 PM
Author: Starset Princess
I'd offer to go with her back to the jewelry store and have her ask questions about it being remounted into the setting she likes. If in fact the jeweler was correct in calling it a cz, he'll tell her the scoop concerning the remount. That way you don't have to be the one to tell her and you'll be there when she finds out - for moral support. I wouldn't give that jerk a chance to lie his way out of a lie. Otherwise I'm with widget - don't be the one to tell her.

This is what I thought...

I would take her back with you to the jewelry store and have the jeweler take it to clean it again and come back and tell her or something like that. Don't be the one to break the news, what if she freaks out and it gets ugly or HE says you are lying or something...too risky!! People have alot of emotions invested in rings relating to their 'relationships'....I'd have an expert like an appraiser or the jeweler you trust tell her and then she can get it appraised if she feels it's necessary for a 2nd opinion. Poor thing, gosh how horrible!! Definitely be there for her for moral support after she finds out but I would have a professional do it. If she does know it's fake and doesn't want others to know, she will lie and say he is lying. If she didn't know and is shocked, she may be genuinely upset. But at least you as a friend have done your 'duty' so that you feel like you were true to yourself and SHE can do whatever she wants with the knowledge...and it's out of your hands.

 

[aljdewey]

I wouldn't say anything.

What if she knows? They may have had a discussion about his inability to fund a honking stone and despite her public proclamations about a chip, figured no one would know. You may ruin it and embarass her.

Second, it's really between him and her. The jeweler could suffer adversely for having slipped such sensitive information inappropriately.

Here's another potential problem with telling her:

"One of the jewelers spotted her ring (it's hard not too!) and immediately came over to ask if she would like it cleaned. She was hesitant but then allowed him to saying she hated to have it leave her finger even for a moment! After she got it back she couldn't stop staring at it and commenting how sparkly it was!!!"

If you tell her, have you considered the possibility that she might accuse your jeweler of swapping it out? You mentioned the ring was off her finger, but was it out of her sight? Did he clean it in front of her, or out back? Was her setting a fairly unique enough one, or would it be a fairly typical solitaire setting?

We all know a stone couldn't be unset and set reasonably in the 2 minutes it takes to clean a ring, but you have to realize that she is going to look to place blame anywhere else rather than believe her BF did it.

I wouldn't do it. If he's a lying snake, there will be plenty of opportunity for discovery subsequently.

 

[ello]

I agree with Mara - leave it to the professionals...even if you approach her fiancé - you will probably get the evil eye. To avoid bad vibes I would ask the jeweler to approach her (if possible). Jeeez - what a strange situation.