Home Would you leave your 18 mo. old child for 12 days?

[Mara]

Date: 3/26/2010 1:09:06 PM
Author: dreamer_d

Date: 3/26/2010 12:43:13 PM
Author: D&T

Date: 3/26/2010 12:21:33 PM
Author: Sha
I don''t see a problem with it, especially since your DH will be there.

agreed. I would just write down things to help your DH a little take care of your little one Just in case he forgets ( I do it now even still when DH is home with the kids for a day )

I agree.

I don''t know how close your DH is to your daughter, but research suggests that most children are no closer to their fathers than they are to acquaintances

. In many ways, the opportunity for him to spend so long as a primary caregiver is a gift to him and your daughter, I am sure it will make their relationship so much stronger. That is what my friend who travels for work has said about her daughter and husband''s relationship anyways. Sure it will be hard, but it is not a bad thing for your child.

Plus then Dad will never think you have an easy job EVER AGAIN after 12 days. hehee.

 

[jill_s]

Date: 3/26/2010 1:36:31 PM
Author: Mara

Date: 3/26/2010 1:09:06 PM

Author: dreamer_d

Date: 3/26/2010 12:43:13 PM

Author: D&T

Date: 3/26/2010 12:21:33 PM

Author: Sha

I don''t see a problem with it, especially since your DH will be there.

agreed. I would just write down things to help your DH a little take care of your little one Just in case he forgets ( I do it now even still when DH is home with the kids for a day )

I agree.


I don''t know how close your DH is to your daughter, but research suggests that most children are no closer to their fathers than they are to acquaintances

. In many ways, the opportunity for him to spend so long as a primary caregiver is a gift to him and your daughter, I am sure it will make their relationship so much stronger. That is what my friend who travels for work has said about her daughter and husband''s relationship anyways. Sure it will be hard, but it is not a bad thing for your child.

Plus then Dad will never think you have an easy job EVER AGAIN after 12 days. hehee.

This is a great suggestion, and DH would definitely reconsider how much I am able to get done in a day!

 

[jill_s]

Thanks for everyone's responses. It seems like it's pretty split down the middle. Unfortunately, the option to take DD really isn't an option. This isn't going to be a trip that's conducive to nap times and the needs of an 18 month old. We're planning to see as much family as possible, and we'll be on the go every day to fit it all in.

CasaBlanca, I appreciate your suggestion about cutting the trip a little shorter than 12 days. That might be an option. I will check into that.

For what it's worth, DH is planning to take a few days off work to be at home with her, so there will probably only be 5 days (of the 12) that she's with someone else (i.e. grandparents). And DH would be home with her at night every night like normal.

I do think that I'll miss her like crazy, but I also feel like this could be a once in a lifetime thing with my dad. I realize that he's not getting any younger (and he's had a couple of health things come up recently), and I know this trip would be something I'd treasure for a lifetime. Well, it seems as though I've made up my mind, huh?

 

[swingirl]

If you have the child care under control. As long as you have husband at night and care during the day--your child won't be traumatized any more that if you needed a hospital stay or had some other emergency that took you away for 12 days. If you can stay in touch with Skype that'd be great. But as long as she is cared for you should be able to take a once-in-a-life-time trip. I say GO! But you have to make sure DH is on board for the challenge.

And I guarantee in a few years DD won't remember you ever left.

 

[steph72276]

Date: 3/26/2010 1:36:31 PM
Author: Mara

Date: 3/26/2010 1:09:06 PM

Author: dreamer_d

Date: 3/26/2010 12:43:13 PM

Author: D&T

Date: 3/26/2010 12:21:33 PM

Author: Sha

I don''t see a problem with it, especially since your DH will be there.

agreed. I would just write down things to help your DH a little take care of your little one Just in case he forgets ( I do it now even still when DH is home with the kids for a day )

I agree.


I don''t know how close your DH is to your daughter, but research suggests that most children are no closer to their fathers than they are to acquaintances

. In many ways, the opportunity for him to spend so long as a primary caregiver is a gift to him and your daughter, I am sure it will make their relationship so much stronger. That is what my friend who travels for work has said about her daughter and husband''s relationship anyways. Sure it will be hard, but it is not a bad thing for your child.

Plus then Dad will never think you have an easy job EVER AGAIN after 12 days. hehee.

So true Mara. DH thinks I''m superwoman after just a couple of hours!

 

[neatfreak]

I would certainly do it if the kids would be with their dad and grandparents. Of course I would miss them tons but I don''t see the big deal with it. I trust my husband completely with my twins and they are 15 mos.

 

[NovemberBride]

I wouldn''t, just because I think I personally think I would miss DD too much to enjoy myself for that long. However, if I thought I would be happy leaving her, I would gladly leave her with DH. I have complete confidence in his abilities -he''s a wonderful father and takes as good care of her as I do.

That statistic about relationships between dads and daughters being only as close as acquaintances makes me sad. I am extremely close to my dad and I hope DD and DH have a similar relationship as she grows up.

 

[luvmyhalo]

I would in a heartbeat!

 

[hmr_mama]

My DH and I took a trip to Hawaii when DD was 20 months old. We were gone for 7 days--and it was really hard on us. The first couple days we had a great time--reconnecting and such--but on the third day we really started missing her. Of course...this was when I was still working outside of the home--so now I think it might be a little different for me--now that I spend every waking minute with her and DS. I think 12 days is going to be hard on you....not her....but I think it would be worth it. Go to Malaysia. Spend good quality (no kid screaming in your ear) time with your dad. Feel what it''s like to be alone...so that you appreciate (more) being her full time mommy when you get home! And the other girls are so right--what better way to show your DH how hard your job really is!?!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Nope, I wouldn''t feel comfortable. I wouldn''t even leave my 7 and 9 year olds for that many days!

 

[MMMD]

I''m with MC - I don''t leave my daughters at all. But that doesn''t mean anyone else shouldn''t. I just don''t feel comfortable.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 3/26/2010 1:09:06 PM
Author: dreamer_d

Date: 3/26/2010 12:43:13 PM
Author: D&T

Date: 3/26/2010 12:21:33 PM
Author: Sha
I don't see a problem with it, especially since your DH will be there.

agreed. I would just write down things to help your DH a little take care of your little one Just in case he forgets ( I do it now even still when DH is home with the kids for a day )

I agree.

I don't know how close your DH is to your daughter, but research suggests that most children are no closer to their fathers than they are to acquaintances

. In many ways, the opportunity for him to spend so long as a primary caregiver is a gift to him and your daughter, I am sure it will make their relationship so much stronger. That is what my friend who travels for work has said about her daughter and husband's relationship anyways. Sure it will be hard, but it is not a bad thing for your child.

My dh worked mostly from home when I went on a girls' trip away to another state (CA) for 5 days and even with DH spending a lot of time with the boys, he still didn't have the same kind of parenting. They played video games and ate take out food the whole time! Normally the kids only play video games on Fri and Sat nights and eat organic meals.

One thing you could do is prepare some healthy meals that can be frozen and thawed so your DH doesn't have to worry about dinners and instead could focus on your daughter.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 3/26/2010 6:14:16 PM
Author: MC
My dh worked mostly from home when I went on a girls' trip away to another state (CA) for 5 days and even with DH spending a lot of time with the boys, he still didn't have the same kind of parenting. They played video games and ate take out food the whole time! Normally the kids only play video games on Fri and Sat nights and eat organic meals.


One thing you could do is prepare some healthy meals that can be frozen and thawed so your DH doesn't have to worry about dinners and instead could focus on your daughter.

Maybe I am in the minority here but is it really that big of a deal if they don't eat healthy meals for a few days? I certainly wouldn't let that keep me from going away!

 

[PumpkinPie]

I don''t have children, so my opinion doesn''t really matter that much, but thinking ahead, I don''t think that I could do it. But I wouldn''t judge anyone who does - and she will be in good hands with people she knows and loves

Is there a reason you can''t take her along?

 

[D2B]

Yes, this is a special holdiday with your Dad.

You are leaving your daughter with her father and grandparents - they are family, maybey your DH can take a few days off as well to help look after her. I would introudce grandparents to her for larger chunks of time so she gets used to it, she will be fine, you are talking about leaving her with family, not babysitters and not strangers - her dad should be fine to be the primary caregiver if you are not around. Enjoy the special and precious time with your dad.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Date: 3/26/2010 1:09:06 PM
Author: dreamer_d

Date: 3/26/2010 12:43:13 PM
Author: D&T

Date: 3/26/2010 12:21:33 PM
Author: Sha
I don't see a problem with it, especially since your DH will be there.

agreed. I would just write down things to help your DH a little take care of your little one Just in case he forgets ( I do it now even still when DH is home with the kids for a day )

I agree.

I don't know how close your DH is to your daughter, but research suggests that most children are no closer to their fathers than they are to acquaintances

. In many ways, the opportunity for him to spend so long as a primary caregiver is a gift to him and your daughter, I am sure it will make their relationship so much stronger. That is what my friend who travels for work has said about her daughter and husband's relationship anyways. Sure it will be hard, but it is not a bad thing for your child.

OMG. Is that true, Dreamer? I would be interested in reading the research, if you could point me in the right direction. DH is as close to A as I am, possibly closer, since he spends more time with her, and I was as close to my father as I was to my mother growing up (ie not very lol).

I wonder if it's the same in most cultures?

Sorry - threadjack, but I was a little shocked at this. If I wrote DH a list of things for taking care of Amelia, he'd likely smack me with it (or correct it, possibly)

 

[hmr_mama]

Date: 3/27/2010 1:57:38 PM
Author: Mrs Mitchell

Date: 3/26/2010 1:09:06 PM
Author: dreamer_d

Date: 3/26/2010 12:43:13 PM
Author: D&T

Date: 3/26/2010 12:21:33 PM
Author: Sha
I don''t see a problem with it, especially since your DH will be there.

agreed. I would just write down things to help your DH a little take care of your little one Just in case he forgets ( I do it now even still when DH is home with the kids for a day )

I agree.

I don''t know how close your DH is to your daughter, but research suggests that most children are no closer to their fathers than they are to acquaintances

. In many ways, the opportunity for him to spend so long as a primary caregiver is a gift to him and your daughter, I am sure it will make their relationship so much stronger. That is what my friend who travels for work has said about her daughter and husband''s relationship anyways. Sure it will be hard, but it is not a bad thing for your child.

OMG. Is that true, Dreamer? I would be interested in reading the research, if you could point me in the right direction. DH is as close to A as I am, possibly closer, since he spends more time with her, and I was as close to my father as I was to my mother growing up (ie not very lol).

I wonder if it''s the same in most cultures?

Sorry - threadjack, but I was a little shocked at this. If I wrote DH a list of things for taking care of Amelia, he''d likely smack me with it (or correct it, possibly)

My DH is as close (if not closer) to DD as I am....and I''m a SAHM. She has ALWAYS (since the day she came home from the hospital) preferred him over me. I got lucky with #2 though....he prefers me. I think it depends on the kid and the Dad. I would also like to read the research. I know many Dads that don''t get involved until the child is "older", say 8-9.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 3/26/2010 7:48:58 PM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 3/26/2010 6:14:16 PM
Author: MC
My dh worked mostly from home when I went on a girls'' trip away to another state (CA) for 5 days and even with DH spending a lot of time with the boys, he still didn''t have the same kind of parenting. They played video games and ate take out food the whole time! Normally the kids only play video games on Fri and Sat nights and eat organic meals.


One thing you could do is prepare some healthy meals that can be frozen and thawed so your DH doesn''t have to worry about dinners and instead could focus on your daughter.

Maybe I am in the minority here but is it really that big of a deal if they don''t eat healthy meals for a few days? I certainly wouldn''t let that keep me from going away!

I don''t think it''s a big deal. . .my point was just that is how DH and the kids spent their days while I was gone. That wouldn''t keep me away, either, but the amount of time - 12 days, would!

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Date: 3/27/2010 8:34:52 PM
Author: hmr_mama

Date: 3/27/2010 1:57:38 PM
Author: Mrs Mitchell

Date: 3/26/2010 1:09:06 PM
Author: dreamer_d

Date: 3/26/2010 12:43:13 PM
Author: D&T

Date: 3/26/2010 12:21:33 PM
Author: Sha
I don''t see a problem with it, especially since your DH will be there.

agreed. I would just write down things to help your DH a little take care of your little one Just in case he forgets ( I do it now even still when DH is home with the kids for a day )

I agree.

I don''t know how close your DH is to your daughter, but research suggests that most children are no closer to their fathers than they are to acquaintances

. In many ways, the opportunity for him to spend so long as a primary caregiver is a gift to him and your daughter, I am sure it will make their relationship so much stronger. That is what my friend who travels for work has said about her daughter and husband''s relationship anyways. Sure it will be hard, but it is not a bad thing for your child.

OMG. Is that true, Dreamer? I would be interested in reading the research, if you could point me in the right direction. DH is as close to A as I am, possibly closer, since he spends more time with her, and I was as close to my father as I was to my mother growing up (ie not very lol).

I wonder if it''s the same in most cultures?

Sorry - threadjack, but I was a little shocked at this. If I wrote DH a list of things for taking care of Amelia, he''d likely smack me with it (or correct it, possibly)

My DH is as close (if not closer) to DD as I am....and I''m a SAHM. She has ALWAYS (since the day she came home from the hospital) preferred him over me. I got lucky with #2 though....he prefers me. I think it depends on the kid and the Dad. I would also like to read the research. I know many Dads that don''t get involved until the child is ''older'', say 8-9.

One of my friends said this too -her first child turned to her most often, her second turned to her DH in perference. Interesting.
I only have one, and she treats us as interchangeable at the moment (she''s nearly two) and calls us daddymummy or mummydaddy. I don''t know if that''s a good thing or not, but it amuses our friends...

DH was pretty offended yesterday - he was out with DD and bumped into a friend who commented on how nice it was that he was "helping me out." Is that how people see it? He was hurt by the inference that it wasn''t his job. One of the staff at daycare commented that he must have dressed her on Friday because her sweater was inside out. He dresses her most days and made just that one mistake, which I could have made just as easily. Again, was hurt at the inference that he couldn''t really cut it when it comes to caring for his own child. There seems to be a lot of expectations / barriers to men taking an equal part in caring for their children and I''d be really interested to read the study Dreamer-d referred to. I''m very interested in this topic because it''s a whole aspect of gender discrimination that I''d never noticed before I had a child. Sorry to threadjack - maybe I should start a new thread.

Bottom line is that if either of us went away for 10 days, nothing practical would change for DD, but neither of us would care to do it - not saying noone else should do it, just that neither DH or I would unless we really had to.

 

[vespergirl]

Date: 3/28/2010 5:05:34 AM
Author: Mrs Mitchell

One of my friends said this too -her first child turned to her most often, her second turned to her DH in perference. Interesting.
I only have one, and she treats us as interchangeable at the moment (she''s nearly two) and calls us daddymummy or mummydaddy. I don''t know if that''s a good thing or not, but it amuses our friends...

DH was pretty offended yesterday - he was out with DD and bumped into a friend who commented on how nice it was that he was ''helping me out.'' Is that how people see it? He was hurt by the inference that it wasn''t his job. One of the staff at daycare commented that he must have dressed her on Friday because her sweater was inside out. He dresses her most days and made just that one mistake, which I could have made just as easily. Again, was hurt at the inference that he couldn''t really cut it when it comes to caring for his own child. There seems to be a lot of expectations / barriers to men taking an equal part in caring for their children and I''d be really interested to read the study Dreamer-d referred to. I''m very interested in this topic because it''s a whole aspect of gender discrimination that I''d never noticed before I had a child. Sorry to threadjack - maybe I should start a new thread.

Bottom line is that if either of us went away for 10 days, nothing practical would change for DD, but neither of us would care to do it - not saying noone else should do it, just that neither DH or I would unless we really had to.

This attitude always irritates me too. Even though DH is the breadwinner, and I am a SAHM, we are both DS''s parents, and we both spend time raising him.

One of DH''s friends came over to watch a game, and I was leaving to get a haircut. DH''s friend made the stupid comment to DH, "So, are you stuck babysitting?" I shot back to him, "No, when it''s your own child, it''s called "parenting."

 

[Dreamer_D]

I will try to find the research for you! It is one of those social psychological findings that sticks in my mind, but I can''t recall the source right now.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Thanks Dreamer, I''d be really interested.

Vespergirl, good response and very restrained of you! I find that attitude utterly infuriating, but DH finds it really quite hurtful.

 

[Hest88]

Date: 3/28/2010 11:00:32 AM
Author: vespergirl
This attitude always irritates me too. Even though DH is the breadwinner, and I am a SAHM, we are both DS''s parents, and we both spend time raising him.

I remember reading an article about this recently. It''s certainly also an attitude mothers can foster. The article was around advice for moms around truly treating their husbands like co-parents and not just another kid that needed to be told what to do. It had to do with trusting that even if dad didn''t do things the way mom did it was just as valid, and to curb the impulse to tell the dad how he should parent.