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Home Would you leave your 18 mo. old child for 12 days?

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jill_s

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So I''m considering taking a trip with my parents this fall to Malaysia which is where my dad grew up. I haven''t been there since I was 4 years old, and I want to take this trip with him before he gets too old to travel comfortably (my dad''s in his mid-60s). Here''s the issue - I''m a SAHM and would be gone for 12 days from my then 18-month old daughter. My DH would stay here, and his parents would probably come into town to help during the days while DH is working. Am I completely nuts for wanting to take this trip and leave my DD for almost 2 weeks? She''d still have her dad and grandparents with her, but is that too long to be gone from her mother since I stay home with her all the time? Up until now, I''ve only been gone from her for one night and she did fine. What do you think?
 
only you know your relationship with her, would she be comfortable with other caretakers in that time? you have a fair amt of time to 'wean' her off your constant companionship if you are worried about that since you won't be going til fall. would YOU be comfortable leaving her for that long?

i personally would do it. then again, we are leaving our then 3 month old boy for a 4 day trip in May...he will be with my Mom and i know he will be fine and will probably hardly miss me (if at all!). we also plan to travel again in fall just the two of us. we'll do family trips in the future, but i relish the thought of 'alone time' as well.
 
Is there a reason why you can''t take your daughter with you?

My parents travelled all over the world with us when we were tiny (we grew up in one of the British Colonies) and found it really easy. If my current career plan works out then I''m likely to be travelling extensively to developing countries and until DD starts school she will come with me. It''s very easy to arrange baby-sitters if you need x number of hours a day sans bebe.

I wouldn''t personally leave my daughter unless it was a life or death situation. She''s 10 months and the longest we''ve been apart is 5 hours.
 
Personally, I wouldn''t and probably couldn''t leave DD for 12 days. I would probably take her with me. But then, I had never even left her for 1 night.

I think it''s very different leaving her for a night than 12 days. A night is just that, one night. You were there with her during the day, and then you came back the next day. 12 days would mean that you won''t be there during the day at all. So it''ll depend on your DD. Will she be ok with Daddy and Grandparents? Or do you think she might have separation anxiety? Maybe you can try paging puffy since she went on a few days trip without Brady when he was around, I think, 19 months. I remember her saying that even though he did extremely well and had a lot of fun with the grandparents, he really missed her and told her not to leave him anymore.

I don''t know, but I think it would be easy to leave a 3 months old at home than a 18 months old. At 18 months, the kid is aware and can remember that mommy is gone. The baby might be aware that mommy is gone at 3 months, but he wouldn''t remember it.
 
I would do it for sure as long as I knew she was with her dad and grandparents!
 
I did it with Amelia when she was a little shy of 18 months (we did 8 or 9 days in Australia for a wedding. Not quite 12 days, but still, a decent chunk of time.

I had a little anxiety beforehand, but once I left the house, I didn''t look back. Sure, I missed her, but it was niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice. I''m probably a freak though. I didn''t think of her as often as I thought I would.

She was with my mom, who knows how to take care of her well, so I wasn''t worried. I had been away from her for business trips before that so I know she''d do fine without me.

Leaving tomorrow for 3 days, as a matter of fact. Woo hoo!
 
I probably would not do it, but I wouldn''t judge you if you did!
 
I would start weaning her off of the 24/7 dose of mommy''s attention. This could be very good for the child, and good for the grandparents and dad to spend time bonding in a way that can''t fully happen while you are always taking care of her.
 
I don''t think I could do it, but I''m an overprotective, neurotic worrier! I left my older son when he was 3 1/2 for a week, but I was only a couple of hours by car from home. We went on our first ''get on a plane'' trip without the kids last fall and I refused to go any farther than a 2 hour plane ride away. The youngest was 18 months and we were gone for 4 days. I hope to someday be able to take a real vacation with just my dh but I think for me to be comfortable being a long way away for more than a few days, the kids are going to have to be older. I just woulnd''t be able to relax and enjoy it yet. The kids would be just fine!

I understand your reasoning in wanting to go though- if you feel like you can do it, then go for it.
 
I could do it if I really, really had to and if DH stayed home with her. I wouldn''t do it through choice.
 
I think you are not crazy to consider it--I'm assuming this is a once in a lifetime trip and I am also assuming you have reasons for not wanting to bring her. The fact that she is with the DH and g/parents is the main reason why I think it's do-able. I did it for 9 days and left my 10month old with my mother who is a main caretaker as it is. I missed my baby like crazy but she didn't seem to even notice I'd left. I do admit the last few days of the trip dragged...so 12 days seems like it would be tough, but that piece is personal. Maybe shave off a few days if you are willing.
 
I couldn''t/wouldn''t do it.
 
I left my 18 month old son at home with his grandparents for 10 days to be the MOH in a destination wedding. After 5 days, I was dying to come home because I missed him so much, but he was fine with his grandparents. He doesn''t get to see them that often, so it was a really nice bonding time for them.

Still, though, I would have preferred to come home after 5 days. But, I am a SAHM, and spend 99% of my time with him, so 10 days away in the past 3 and a half years really isn''t that much in the grand scheme of things
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I am sure that your child will be fine if you go, but consider that YOU might end up really missing her.
 
I can only speak for myself, but absolutely not. I would be a nervous wreck the whole time, and I wouldn''t want to upset her routine.

Yes, there are going to be times when we might have to be apart for a day or two, but not nearly 2 weeks and not when she''s so young.
 
It depends on the child, I think. When my youngest was 18 months, my husband and I took a 2-week trip to Greece. My parents came to stay with the kids. They adore their grandparents, and they had a great time.
 
To be honest, probably not. Only if I had to, otherwise I'd fight to take him along or reschedule to a later date (closer to three, maybe?).

I agree that it depends on the child and who s/he'd be staying with.
 
If my DH were home with my son i''d consider it, but otherwise, no.

I went away for 4 days when my son was just over a year and i enjoyed myself only 2 of the 4 days. So for me, 2 days is enough to get a break, and not worry away the time. 12 days would be too difficult for me, but i think it''s always worse for the parent. The kids usually love the time with grams or dad and probably don''t notice the time mom is gone.

This is a personal thing, i wish i could relax more in the absence of my child. So if you think you''ll cope fine, do it. Sounds like a very good reason to travel.
 
I shouldn''t be posting as the only children I have are canine. But I want to share with you in your delimma. (for the record, I cant even leave them now, so I can''t comprehend how hard this decision is for you...)

This is what you have before you...You have an opportunity to see your father''s homeland, and share with your "first" family great moments and make memories of a lifetime, blending history and heritage sounds so appealing. It is a magnificent country and a trip of a lifetime. Not attending will SOMEDAY* be a regret for a lost opportunity with your father, I am sure. (I shoulda, woulda, and coulda...sort of thing.) I was a daddies girl...so I completely understand.

I know planning for a trip usually has a leave date and a return date...and you try to cram so much into your itinerary to get to everything you desire...but as Janine Girly suggested, why not make your leg of the trip shorter? I would think staying the entire duration would be an IMMEDIATE* regret, NOW with perhaps stronger consequences in your daughters life (trust, bonding, etc.) After all even a 5 year old can''t comprehend calendars, by weeks days or hours. A little tike her age is also going to have a hard time believing you are returning. No matter who is her care giver in your absence, only her mother can convey true comfort. She trusts now so few, right?

If you go, I would go with your parents on their arrival date...experience the newness and excitement upon arrival. Spend a few days eating and sharing with them...the sights and sounds...and come back home within 5 days to a week. Yeah, it is not a perfect solution...surely YOU WANT A VACATION...and yeah, it may cost you more money to get another return flight...and yeah odds are you are going to miss key parts of the trip...coming home alone will be uncomfortable...but it is worth considering and checking into.

And, as much as your daughter will ache to want you home, it is possible that your parents may also benefit in their "alone" time together...to experience part of their trip as a couple. (hard to believe parents are still couples...but they are!) So cutting your trip short can be beneficial to all members of your family!

What ever you decide to do, it is as Mara says...only you know your child. But I think HER comfort in YOUR leaving should be the main focus. You can call home, look at photos, smell a toy of hers...but she won''t have those comfort items nor the assurance in comprehending that you are returning.

So, to answer your question, if I had a kidlet (without a wet nose), if my daughter didn''t currently have separation issues, I would consider going, but only if I could manage a smaller bite sized duration than two weeks.

By the way I so love your ring set. You can leave them with me for safe keeping, during your absence. (if you do entrust me, you can stay as long as you would like!)

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I think it is so true that it depends on who the child is going to stay with--if it is with someone she sees daily/regularly and very accustomed to, than being away will probably have more of an effect on you than the child. You will miss her, but she will be fine! There is the question of how long is *too* long, but I think most of us can only really speak for ourselves. What you're considering in itself however is not nuts or selfish...I guess that's what I wanted to convey.

From my own experience and what I'm reading here..I think it's common to start missing pretty much constantly around 5 days..so just keep in mind that you might not be able to enjoy yourself as much as you'd like around that point.
 
I would definitely do it, especially considering the fact that she''ll be with your DH and in-laws. I travel for business quite a bit so I left my first one for 4 days when she was only 3.5 months old. I missed her but I knew she was in good hands so it was fine. It will be tough for you and you''ll miss her but I would take advantage of the opportunity and the fact that she will be with immediate family.
 
I maybe could''ve for a couple days when my kids were that age, but I''m not sure, and I think by 12 days I''d be a nervous wreck..but that''s just me. London was 3 before she spent a night w/my parents, and when she was 3 1/2 she spent a week w/them when Trapper was born-but they brought her to town every day, sometimes twice a day so I could spend a bit of time with her. I''ve never been away from the kids for more than 2 days.

I''m sure the trip is important to your parents, especially your dad, too, so..boy that''s a toughie. Jeez, I''m no help, I''m sorry! In the grand scheme of things, it''s not *that* long, she''ll adjust quickly I''m sure, and she''s so young, she won''t even remember it anyway. I think it''s just..can *mommy* handle being away that long?
 
While I have no problems at all having alone time without the child (we go out on dates, I go to the gym, shopping alone, etc) the only time I''ve left our son is to go on a 3 night cruise with my husband''s company. He was with the grandparents and I knew he was in good hands, but after about the first day or two, I was SO ready to get back to him. 12 days is a really long time to go when you are not used to being apart. I''m sure the baby would be fine, but would you? Is there a way to only go for a week instead?
 
I would. 12 days will be long, and I''m sure you''ll miss her. At 18 months she won''t remember it in the long run, but you''ll remember the trip the rest of your life.
 
I don''t see a problem with it, especially since your DH will be there.
 
In your situation I would. Sounds like a once in a lifetime experience for you and your dad and something you may regret if you don''t do years down the road. Both of my parents are very ill, and I cherish the time that we spend together now more than I ever have.
 
I''d absolutely do it. You''re leaving her with her father and grandparents. She''ll be fine.
 
I don't have kids yet, so I may be DQ'ed, but I'd go in a heartbeat. What a great opportunity to go spend time with your family and do some exploring into your roots!

I understand the concerns about twelve days away from your child, but barring a situation where she had health needs or concerns, and appropriate care is in place, I don't see a reason to not go. Children are only a barrier to doing things in life if we make them a barrier.
 
Date: 3/26/2010 12:21:33 PM
Author: Sha
I don''t see a problem with it, especially since your DH will be there.
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agreed. I would just write down things to help your DH a little take care of your little one Just in case he forgets ( I do it now even still when DH is home with the kids for a day )
 
I don''t think you''re crazy for considering it, especially when your DH and in-laws will be watching her. DH and I left our 12 month old son for 6 days and it was really hard. We honestly really didn''t enjoy the trip much because we missed our son so much. The first few days were nice but then we were dying to go home. My son was fine. My parents watched him, who usually watch him during the day, so he was comfortable with them and I knew he was in good hands so I wasn''t worried. My son just turned 18 months old today and right now I don''t think I''d be able to leave him for 12 days. I think it would be hard on an 18 month old because they understand more, especially if you are a SAHM. Of course only you know what''s right for your family so you''ll have to decide. I will say that if you think you can cope well and handle it, go for it. I''m sure it''s a much needed break and a good reason to travel. I certainly wouldn''t judge you for going.
 
Date: 3/26/2010 12:43:13 PM
Author: D&T

Date: 3/26/2010 12:21:33 PM
Author: Sha
I don''t see a problem with it, especially since your DH will be there.
Click to expand...
agreed. I would just write down things to help your DH a little take care of your little one Just in case he forgets ( I do it now even still when DH is home with the kids for a day )
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I agree.

I don''t know how close your DH is to your daughter, but research suggests that most children are no closer to their fathers than they are to acquaintances
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. In many ways, the opportunity for him to spend so long as a primary caregiver is a gift to him and your daughter, I am sure it will make their relationship so much stronger. That is what my friend who travels for work has said about her daughter and husband''s relationship anyways. Sure it will be hard, but it is not a bad thing for your child.
 
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