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Would you feel hurt?

Imdanny

Ideal_Rock
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Jan 21, 2008
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6,186
I'd love to have someone like you help me choose something like that. I just don't understand people sometimes.
 

Cehrabehra

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You are a better person than me, I'd have a hard time not telling the hard truth to them - especially when asked for it. I might not tell them the whole truth, but I would probably say something like, "Oh, I'd rather decline from critiquing this diamond. You love it and that's all that matters."
 

junebug17

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I would definitely feel "something" over the incident - maybe not hurt, but annoyed and confused probably.

Try your best not to take it personally jewelerman - I really don't think they were intentionally trying to hurt or insult you - sounds like your friend got caught up in the moment, wasn't thinking clearly and made the really bad decision to turn buying a very important, expensive piece of jewelry into some kind of lark. A very foolish move, and just kind of weird. What a shame your friend didn't take advantage of your knowledge and expertise. I'm really sorry you're feeling badly about the whole thing.
 

Hera

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Jul 12, 2007
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I'm sorry, my feelings would be hurt also. One thing to remember that I tell myself from time to time: You can't make people have taste.
 

mayerling

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Cehrabehra|1308024362|2945326 said:
You are a better person than me, I'd have a hard time not telling the hard truth to them - especially when asked for it. I might not tell them the whole truth, but I would probably say something like, "Oh, I'd rather decline from critiquing this diamond. You love it and that's all that matters."

Well said.
 

TooPatient

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Cehrabehra|1308024362|2945326 said:
You are a better person than me, I'd have a hard time not telling the hard truth to them - especially when asked for it. I might not tell them the whole truth, but I would probably say something like, "Oh, I'd rather decline from critiquing this diamond. You love it and that's all that matters."

Ditto.

It sounds like it was the MIL and not the bride who did this. One way to deal with this touchy subject might be to help the bride get insurance for it -- making sure that part of the process is using an appraiser you know and trust so that THEY can let her know about the serious issues. (falling apart especially!)
 

jewelerman

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Sep 30, 2007
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Thank you!I really appreciate the SUPPORT AND KIND WORDS in the responses to my question.I knew that i could count on this forum for some great insight and advise.There were a few questions from posters i would like to clarify.
1-The son has been working in another state for a few years and our communication has been through the girl friend of my friend about any wedding plans. I thought that the plan was to go shopping for style choices and to educate the fiance on rings and when he returned home he would buy the ring after consulting with the fiance and me.
2- The couple are young. both are 21 years old.
3-My friend paid for the ring against her husbands advise.He wanted the son to deal with it and for the parents to let me handle the consulting.
4- it was the girlfriend who asked me to help with the ring.
After reading all the posts i believe that my friend did get caught up in the plans and wanted to be a part of ALL the wedding plans so much that she over stepped the boundaries. I'm sure the future daughter in law felt like she had to allow it to happen to keep peace in the family because she is very much a peace keeper personality.Also the young lady's parents are refusing to help pay for the wedding and im sure she is stressing out about money.
Again, thank you to everyone for posting.I have been struggling with un-employment again for the last 6 months due to a company reduction of force and some heath issues. These 2 issues and the rejection in job interviews have probably affected my self esteem and so im sure you can see why an experience like this with close friends can be hard to deal with and not take it to heart.This forum is the best!
 

Tacori E-ring

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20,041
My SIL did a similar thing. Asked for my help but in the end got a maul ring. I was hurt but knew at the end of the say it is none of my business. If she loved this ring, that was all that mattered. Can't let your ego get in the way.
 

Haven

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Feb 15, 2007
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13,166
Awww, Jewelerman, you really sound like you are a WONDERFUL friend, and I'm sorry that this situation hurt you.

In my original response to this thread I wrote that I wouldn't be hurt, but after reading your last post I can completely understand why you took this to heart, and I would probably have done the same in the same situation. That being said, YOU know that you're wonderful and you're the person that anyone buying a ring should consult, (WE know it, too!) and I hope you're feeling better about the whole thing soon.
 

merilenda

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It sounds like your friend WAY overstepped here. I feel even worse for the girl now. I'm not sure this is a situation you can fix, but it still stinks. I'm wondering how the son feels about his mom stepping in and buying a ring for his girlfriend. Just...wow.
 

jewelerman

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Haven,
actually after reading and re-reading the posts this morning i feel 10 times better and don't feel so beat up today ! its amazing what positive support can do for a person!I have to remember that even friends and family are going to disappoint sometimes and forgiving and forgetting in a case like this is the best avenue to take.
 

Pandora II

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If it was me and this was a close friend and if the ring was still within its return period, I would send her an email saying that I was a little hurt but that comes below my professional thoughts towards the ring. I would then spell out all the issues that are wrong with it and that you are worried that she has been ripped off.

No problem with the mother knowing what she's paid for. Problem for the girl if she knows so I wouldn't say anything to her.

I've had plenty of people ask for my help. I've done sessions with them where they can see my personal collection - I've lent out stones of different colours so they can decide if they like red or blue or green best etc. Then I find that they popped into some jewellers and just got carried away by the 'perfect' ring...

Then I loupe the thing and find chips on the facets, french-doors rather than windows and poor colour... ;(
 

jewelerman

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Pandora,
The place they bought from advertises their store as a wholesale to the public diamond importer.They say that because of their low prices that there is a no return policy.i see from a few posts that im not the only one that has had this experience from family and close friends.I only wish these people knew to what extent i was preparing to find them the best ring!I had genuine wholesale sources looking for stones plus 2 pawn shop owners and a major antique jewelry dealer looking out for antique cut stones(if she wanted) and white gold halo settings.I even had a diamond from my personal collection(.47 vvs2-G brilliant) ready in case we couldn't find a stone in their budget!
 

Pandora II

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Aug 3, 2006
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I'm so sorry - you are a truly good person and your friend is a fool!

I wish you lots of luck in the job hunt (my husband has been unemployed since last October and has come 2nd for 6 positions - after 4+ interviews for each - since January so I know exactly how demoralising and hard it can be) and for your health issues to resolve.

:wavey:
 

AGBF

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Jan 26, 2003
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22,148
jewelerman|1308073913|2945724 said:
Haven,
actually after reading and re-reading the posts this morning i feel 10 times better and don't feel so beat up today ! its amazing what positive support can do for a person!I have to remember that even friends and family are going to disappoint sometimes and forgiving and forgetting in a case like this is the best avenue to take.

I'm so glad that people's responses were of help to you, jewelerman. I know that I was really hoping that they would be. Of all people who could have given great assistance to someone who needed techncal help/guidance on finding a good gem, you would be an ideal adviser. So many of us who recognize your abilities and expertise from our games and threads on esoteric pieces of jewelry and know that you are one in a million would never pass up a chance to get your opinion. That some novice, who probably knows less than we do would pass up up your expertise, seems positively criminal!!!

But that's why she would pass up your expertise...because she hasn't got a clue!

Hugs,
Deb
:read:
 

tyty333

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Dec 17, 2008
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27,422
jewelerman|1308094486|2946047 said:
Pandora,
The place they bought from advertises their store as a wholesale to the public diamond importer.They say that because of their low prices that there is a no return policy.i see from a few posts that im not the only one that has had this experience from family and close friends.I only wish these people knew to what extent i was preparing to find them the best ring!I had genuine wholesale sources looking for stones plus 2 pawn shop owners and a major antique jewelry dealer looking out for antique cut stones(if she wanted) and white gold halo settings.I even had a diamond from my personal collection(.47 vvs2-G brilliant) ready in case we couldn't find a stone in their budget!

Sounds like you had lots of good options for her...its a shame that your friend (the future MIL?) jumped in and took over. Picking
out a ring and having your In-laws pay for it just sounds like a really uncomfortable situation to me. Its a shame. I would have
loved some expert help back when I got me e-ring (pre-pricescope).
 

movie zombie

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Jan 20, 2005
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11,879
love to know what the son thought of all this. if i were him i'd be pissed on so many different levels.
 

HopeDream

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 14, 2009
Messages
2,146
I'm sorry this happened! It sounds like you were really looking forward to helping her find the perfect stone! I guess they followed the standard PS advice of "Avoid diamond deals offered by family or close friends".

If the bride-to-be has second thoughts about her ring you could mention to her that many people upgrade their rings, and if she ever wanted to, you'd be more than happy to help her find a better diamond. If a quality diamond is important to her, then I'm sure she'll take you up on the offer.

I hope your work and health situations improve! Don't doubt yourself - you're a highly skilled expert!
 

jewelerman

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Sep 30, 2007
Messages
3,107
Deb and Tyty,
Thanks for the posts and comments.
Deb,I really miss those threads in the jewelry forum that test our knowledge of jewelry history.I think we should start those up again!I have always loved the hunt for jewelry and when I found that people would pay me to search out the best quality jewelry and make the deal then it was a perfect match!I live in a very conservative place and most people don't get the advantage to paying an independent consultant to buy/find/design their jewelry for them.
 

Kimmy

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Trade
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Feb 2, 2009
Messages
125
MC|1308021912|2945283 said:
Circe|1308005225|2945069 said:
I wouldn't be hurt by the fact that my friend/friend's son got the ring elsewhere. I would be hurt if my friend didn't give me a heads-up before I actually saw the ring, though, just because I don't like to have surprises sprung on me, and if I was expecting it and looking forward to it, I'd probably be a little crestfallen to have the anticipation yanked out from under me.

That said, something here sounds dysfunctional to me. Look, I love my MIL. I think she's awesome. However, if shopping for my engagement ring turned into a girls day out[/i], it would either imply, a) an Oedipal complex of gargantuan proportions, or, b) an illicit love affair with the mother-in-law. Where the heck was the groom-to-be in all this?
I think either somebody's leaving something out of the telling (the son-in-law wanted privacy, as Haven speculates, perhaps), and your friend is trying to spare your feelings, or your friend is getting a leetle too involved in her son's love life ....


Totally. Girls-day-out is going getting nails done and possibly light shopping, not getting an eng. ring! Kind of weird. Another reason to not be hurt over it all. If the future husband wasn't there, then there is something else going on! I can't imagine going ring shopping with my MIL! hahaha


That was my first thought. Engagement ring shopping is something a bride and groom should be doing together, not a bride and future MIL. I feel bad for this girl. Not only did she get stuck with a poor quality ring, but if her future MIL is already running the show before the wedding even happens...

I love my ex's mother and we have very similar taste (I haven't talked to him in a year, but I still shop/lunch with her). When the ex and I were talking about marriage I could have seen myself going browsing with her. It could be a fun activity to go try on rings with a future MIL in order to get an idea of what you want and then she could go back with her son and show him the things you like. However, I can't see actually purchasing a ring on a "girls day." I do know people with arranged marriages and in those situations I could see something like this occurring. If it's a "love match" I would really want my SO involved in buying my ring.
 

AGBF

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Jan 26, 2003
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22,148
jewelerman|1308159431|2946709 said:
Deb,I really miss those threads in the jewelry forum that test our knowledge of jewelry history.I think we should start those up again!I have always loved the hunt for jewelry and when I found that people would pay me to search out the best quality jewelry and make the deal then it was a perfect match!I live in a very conservative place and most people don't get the advantage to paying an independent consultant to buy/find/design their jewelry for them.

At the risk of a threadjack, I agree with you that we should start them again! I, also, miss them, although I absolutely never could solve one of them! You and Harriet and oldmancoyote and glitterata used to solve most of them! Maybe I can post a new puzzle, though!

Deb/AGBF
:read:
 
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