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Would you do it all over again/was it worth it?

We had a fairly traditional wedding (wedding venue, DJ, sit down dinner, dancing, etc) for 80 people and it was 100% worth it. We went cheap on everything that we could, and we did a lot of things that were unique to us - my dress was tea length, we had pub trivia during the reception, our favors were pint glasses with our names in the form of the Guiness logo. I am really not a wedding person and planning it was like pulling teeth, but getting to plan this specific fun details made it more interesting to me. At the end of the day I only had the wedding because I knew I would regret not having a big party to get all of my friends together in one place. I'm very glad I did!
 
I got married a little over a year ago. My husband and I considered eloping, but in the end, we ended up having a smallish (80 person) wedding, and it was absolutely the best decision for us. There was so, so much laughter and joy that day...not just ours, but the family and friends we got to celebrate with, that it made the time and money we put into planning well worth it. I was very fortunate, though, because I found planning fairly easy and relatively stress-free. I attribute this to an easy going husband/family, and being open to alternatives if certain ideas/visions didn't work out.

My sister, on the other hand, got married in Vegas with only immediate family members present. It was a blast, and suited her so perfectly.

Much luck to you in figuring out what works best for you and your future husband! I'm sure it'll be beautiful, whatever you decide.
 
Thanks for the additional replies. We are having problems figuring out what our gut feelings are...aren't we supposed to have some sort of gut feeling deep down inside telling us what we should do?? Its weird to feel totally indifferent to a final decision. One day we are thinking oh hell, lets just go ahead with our plan for 65 people so that we can celebrate with everyone in one place. Then we will think....meh, even though we *could* spend the money on all that, its a lot of money to spend all at once. So maybe a small affair with just immediate family, 18 ppl or so, should do the trick. But then we'll start thinking....oh but how will our aunts/uncles/cousins feel to not get invited? That'll lead us to go back to the idea of eloping thinking "screw all the planning, stress, decisions over who to invite....let's just truly elope". Then we come almost full circle thinking that our immediate family would be disappointed if we eloped, not to mention our best friends. And the possibility that eloping could lead us to wish we would have invited some people is a bit scary. When we think about why we are hesitating about the 65 person shebang, it usually comes down to stress and money. We've made a good list of how to make things stress free. So that leaves money....and is not wanting to spend a whack of money a good enough reason to *not* have an event for 65 ppl? Part of it sounds reasonable and part of it sounds lame (cheap?). Sigh.

/rant :)
 
Do the bigger wedding so you can invite your nearest and dearest but do it as affordably as possible. Honestly I think DH and I regret eloping - not that we would do it differently now, but it did cause drama, despite us ok-ing it with his family. They were pi$$ed with us in the end.

So it seems that money is your big concern? Get out the drawing board and see how cheap you two are prepared to go - backyard wedding, Aunt makes the cake, buffet reception (!) whatever, etc, so that you can invite the guests you want to be there.

Have a look at young house love dot com. They did a backyard wedding at their home - you will have to look for the entry - it was a while back. Looks like they had a blast.
 
DH and I had a traditional wedding with all the traditional stops....full dinner, full bar, appetizers, two photogs, BM/GM, etc. and although we had MUCH drama/BS to deal with, I'd 150% do it again, knowing what I know now. I may have removed some people from certain roles, but I'd definitely do the whole shebang, giant huge traditional wedding again. It cost us around $25K for everything, but to us, it was worth every penny. Our wedding day was the most wonderfully beautiful magical day of our lives, and I wouldn't have traded it for anything in the world. When I was dealing with hell from certain family members, my mom AND DH suggested we elope (on mom's dollar) and we would just eat what we had put out financially, but we knew deep down we did not want that, and we'd regret every minute of it (except marrying of course). Granted, it was expensive, stressful and annoying at times, but I'd gladly do it over again to relive that day.

All in all, you have to decide where your heart is. Of course you are marrying your FI which is really all that matters, but you guys should definitely do what's in your heart. I've known quite a few people who planned elopements or DW's just to avoid these kinds of decisions, but came to regret it because they really wanted the traditional wedding. Of course, they were married, and that's all that really mattered to them, but their hearts were not in their wedding planning.
 
sirbenson said:
Thanks for the additional replies. We are having problems figuring out what our gut feelings are...aren't we supposed to have some sort of gut feeling deep down inside telling us what we should do?? Its weird to feel totally indifferent to a final decision. One day we are thinking oh hell, lets just go ahead with our plan for 65 people so that we can celebrate with everyone in one place. Then we will think....meh, even though we *could* spend the money on all that, its a lot of money to spend all at once. So maybe a small affair with just immediate family, 18 ppl or so, should do the trick. But then we'll start thinking....oh but how will our aunts/uncles/cousins feel to not get invited? That'll lead us to go back to the idea of eloping thinking "screw all the planning, stress, decisions over who to invite....let's just truly elope". Then we come almost full circle thinking that our immediate family would be disappointed if we eloped, not to mention our best friends. And the possibility that eloping could lead us to wish we would have invited some people is a bit scary. When we think about why we are hesitating about the 65 person shebang, it usually comes down to stress and money. We've made a good list of how to make things stress free. So that leaves money....and is not wanting to spend a whack of money a good enough reason to *not* have an event for 65 ppl? Part of it sounds reasonable and part of it sounds lame (cheap?). Sigh.

/rant :)

First off...you're letting what other people would think color your decisions, so you're not giving yourself the chance to truly hone in on what you really want.

Second...if money really IS the only thing holding you back, then I would take a good hard look at what you're willing to spend and figure out how to get the best bang for that buck.
 
Thanks again. Hopefully all this advice will be the kick in the butt we need to just decide already!

When it comes to the money issue....the stupid thing is that we *have* money to spend and it won't put us into debt but we're just the frugal type. And we'd rather plunk that money into our new home buying furniture, painting, etc. or into our honeymoon. We are the type of people that out of princple think its silly to spend so much money on a wedding.

As for the deciding of what to do based on how others feel....you're right...we HAVE to do what makes us feel right.
 
sirbenson said:
We are the type of people that out of princple think its silly to spend so much money on a wedding.

My boyfriend and I went to a wedding this past weekend. The groom, who is really good friends with my bf, had mentioned a while back that the wedding was about $40k. And while the wedding was nice, it wasn't anything amazing...it was a pretty standard setup (although it was right on the ocean, hence the hefty price tag). We started discussing the things we'd rather spend $40k on than a wedding...and the list was extensive. We've always known that we don't want a big/traditional wedding, but this sort of put the stamp on it.

When our time comes, we will have a similar discussion. Right now we are leaning towards a destination wedding, but that brings its own challenges (mainly having to pay for people we want there but wouldn't be able to afford it).
 
sirbenson said:
Thanks again. Hopefully all this advice will be the kick in the butt we need to just decide already!

When it comes to the money issue....the stupid thing is that we *have* money to spend and it won't put us into debt but we're just the frugal type. And we'd rather plunk that money into our new home buying furniture, painting, etc. or into our honeymoon. We are the type of people that out of princple think its silly to spend so much money on a wedding.

As for the deciding of what to do based on how others feel....you're right...we HAVE to do what makes us feel right.

sirbenson, we are similarly frugal (or cheap!) and had the same debate about what to do for our wedding. We decided to go for a 75ish person wedding because we decided that it was something that we wanted for ourselves. When it came down to it for us, we figured - what's the point of having money if we're not going to spend it one of the most important days of our lives/ most important people in our lives.
 
sirbenson said:
Thanks again. Hopefully all this advice will be the kick in the butt we need to just decide already!

When it comes to the money issue....the stupid thing is that we *have* money to spend and it won't put us into debt but we're just the frugal type. And we'd rather plunk that money into our new home buying furniture, painting, etc. or into our honeymoon. We are the type of people that out of princple think its silly to spend so much money on a wedding.

As for the deciding of what to do based on how others feel....you're right...we HAVE to do what makes us feel right.

Sirbenson....I am of the same mindset as you...very frugal. The wedding actually wasn't that hard for us to decide to spend the money on because I did have a dream wedding in my mind which was on a tropical beach with our closest family and friends. We spent $25K (including travel expenses for some family) which we saved up for in a year. The reason it was easy to decide was because I wanted those memories and now I do have them and so do all our close family and friends. I would do it over again and even pay more in a heartbeat.

Do you have a dream wedding? What sounds like a really cool way to commemorate your union with your family and friends? It really doesn't have to be a typical wedding in a hall with an officiant...you can be as creative as you want. Our back up plan if we weren't going to do a destination wedding was to reserve a space in Golden Gate park (in SF) and get married there and have a BBQ. I actually saw a couple getting married in front of a beautiful museum there and they had pizza delivered for the reception after. I would love to go to a wedding like that. I heard of another bride and groom that rented a taco truck for their wedding dinner. My friends said it was the best wedding food they have ever had.

One thing I do recommend is not to listen to your family and friends too much. I had my mom buzzing in my ear about stuff and it sounds like a lot of people on here did and now they wished they eloped. You could elope with just your best family and friends and pay for all or part of their trip and that would cost just as much as the wedding.

Also, I was pretty frugal about a lot of the wedding expenses. My dress was $1100 including alterations and our rings were $600 total because those things weren't important to us. We luckily had a friend design our invite and we printed them ourselves at a copy store for $1/invite. There are definitely some really important things that we splurged on though.

Good luck with whatever you decide. If you are worried you will regret it, think about it for a while and go with your gut. I bet deep down you know what you really want and some things you are thinking are excuses or something your family members complained about and doesn't really matter to you. There is no way to make everyone happy and you are the one paying for it and it's your wedding.
 
Our wedding...

100 guest list. 70 (68) attended.
At a local (and beautiful) winery (we love wine and wanted something very 'northern California' because we had a lot of OOT guests)
Wine, beer and soft drinks.
VERY personalized ceremony (we wrote the ceremony and the vows and DH's uncle married us)
Fabulous dinner by a 5 star steakhouse caterer
Dancing and DJ

Went all out for the makeup, hair and photography and flowers. Downsized paper (no menus, budget invites, and kinkos for escort cards), went for a very nice affordable cake with a basic (and easy) design (to save money, bought a budget gown from Netbride and altered it to look like 'dream gown' (which was 4K). Cheap veil, re-sold earrings.

Would I do it again?

ABSOLUTELY. Just a wonderful day. BUT... best part of the day was our ceremony. It was the best 'moment' of my life.. pledging my life to my husband in my own words, hearing his in return. The sky was... so gorgeous and we were married outside on a day where the blue sky stretched into eternity. My grandfather (who passed away a year later) walked me down the aisle. My best friend stood up with me. My nephew was the best man. It was just... priceless.

And now I have the pictures and the memories.

Planning was a complete and total pain. But the wedding wiped out the bad and replaced it with wonderful memories that made all the pain worthwhile. We did not go into debt. And I sincerely believe that is why I look back with such happiness. I'm not paying for it still.
 
I married 6 years ago, and we had a very small wedding (29 including hub and myself), and I would do the precise same thing again.

Having the people I feel closest to share our celebration just brought an overwhelming warmth and magic to that day for me. We found options that let us keep it simple and inexpensive ($7K total?), and while that's still a lot of $$ to me for a single day event, there has never been another day for me like my wedding day....before nor since. We never wanted a huge affair; that's just not us, but we did still try to make smart choices to keep things reasonable. I can say it was worth every penny we spent.
 
lucyandroger said:
sirbenson said:
Thanks again. Hopefully all this advice will be the kick in the butt we need to just decide already!

When it comes to the money issue....the stupid thing is that we *have* money to spend and it won't put us into debt but we're just the frugal type. And we'd rather plunk that money into our new home buying furniture, painting, etc. or into our honeymoon. We are the type of people that out of princple think its silly to spend so much money on a wedding.

As for the deciding of what to do based on how others feel....you're right...we HAVE to do what makes us feel right.

sirbenson, we are similarly frugal (or cheap!) and had the same debate about what to do for our wedding. We decided to go for a 75ish person wedding because we decided that it was something that we wanted for ourselves. When it came down to it for us, we figured - what's the point of having money if we're not going to spend it one of the most important days of our lives/ most important people in our lives.

lucyandroger...I think you just managed to say extraordinarily eloquently what I was trying to put into words: if you want it for yourselves, then it IS worth the money.

sirbenson...you'll notice in these and other threads, many of the brides (not all, but many) who wouldn't do it the exact same way again, are the ones who didn't plan the affair they wanted in the first place. It seems to me that every bride who has done her wedding her way would do it all again (even the nasty nitty gritty of planning) in a heartbeat. So why don't you take some time to tune out all the other voices in your head, and listen to your own heart on this. It will know what to do, and you won't regret your decision.
 
vc10um said:
you'll notice in these and other threads, many of the brides (not all, but many) who wouldn't do it the exact same way again, are the ones who didn't plan the affair they wanted in the first place. It seems to me that every bride who has done her wedding her way would do it all again (even the nasty nitty gritty of planning) in a heartbeat.

I couldn't agree with this more......right on the money.
 
How much money do you want to spend on the wedding? If that's $30 (marriage license only) or $300,000, go with it. Here's a blog (http://2000dollarwedding.com/) about a couple who spent $2000 on their wedding weekend, and I think they had around 60 or so guests. That included the cost of a welcome dinner + the wedding reception. So if you want your aunts/cousins/immediately family and friends to come, it can be done. But if you'd really prefer to have a more intimate group of 18 or so (immediate family & closest friends) then do that. Or if you just want the two of you and your officiant, more power to you. But don't let your budget be your deciding factor, because you can make your budget work for any of the numbers of guests that you're considering.
 
lucyandroger: you bring up a good point that a good friend of mine brought up....you can't take the money when you're dead so why not spend it on your wedding?!? True....but I'd almost rather spend $15-20K travelling or decorating my house. FI and I usually backback when we travel which we love but it would be nice to splurge a little on the honeymoon.

nkarma: Good points. No I don't really have a dream wedding. Its not just the type of thing I grew up dreaming about. I dream about travelling more than anything else. Not necessarily a destination wedding but travelling in general. My dream would be to quit my job and travel the world for a few years :) I guess if I HAD to pick a dream wedding it would be something that took place in Bora Bora or he Seychelles or the Maldives. But I'm not willing to spend the money to see out that dream....yet.

Gypsy: A winery sounds great! I'm looking into the option for a small wedding of about 18 people in Niagara on the Lake.

Allsion D: 29 sounds perfect :) For us it seems that it'll either be JUST us, 18 people including us or 65 people. The 18 people option doesn't seem as daunting but I'd worry that uninvited family members would be disappointed....

vc10um: you're absolutely right about doing exactly what we want....as of yet, that gut feeling hasn't hit us and i think that's why we are frustrated. we don't feel strongly enough either way about having few or many people. if we have a little voice that shouted at us telling us what our guts feelings were this would be easier. it seems that my favourite idea is the one i'm researchign at the moment. which for now is the 65 person idea. but maybe tomorrow i'll go back to researing an 18 person affair and that will be my new (temporary?) favourite.

AustenNut: I'll check out the blog link, thanks. We would love to spend 15K all in. But since the venue, and caterer is coming in at around 10K (not including booze we can buy ourself, decor, officiant, outfits, invites, music, favours,e tc.) I'm not sure that will be doable.
 
I got married in 2001 on a super, super low budget- $500 maybe? More or less. About two dozen people, which was about a dozen more than I'd wanted, lol. We got married in FIL's back yard- they have a gorgeous home that has it's own private beach and we were married on the cliff overlooking the beach. I got a fairly untraditional dress that made me very happy and was very "me"- a designer evening gown I'd found at the Nordstrom's Rack for $80, that my mom and I altered to fit exactly.

My mom, my step MIL and I did the food ourselves, mostly finger foods. My MIL decided I *had* to have flowers (I really didn't care one way or another and wouldn't have gotten any if it was up to me) and bought some gorgeous flowers for us.

My sister is very into photography, as is my FIL, and they both took some pics- they came out quite nice actually. My mom also put out a bunch of disposable cameras for people to play with, which was cool.

The only thing I would have changed in hind sight was to get a professional photographer.

That was about it. Super super casual. No bridesmaids, no music, no catered food, no venue rental, no super expensive gifts or gift registry (we'd been living together for 7 years already so we pretty much had everything we needed for our home anyway.) . Same way my mom got married both times, and two of my best friends. And my FIL when he remarried in 2000ish.

I wouldn't have changed a single thing. I had my closest family and friends there, no clutter of extra acquaintances and it was actually a heck of a lot of fun. People mostly hung around my FIL's lovely home, had some food, had some wine, chatted- definitely, I wouldn't have changed a thing. It was very us!

I think you have to just stop worrying about what everyone else expects. (I know, easy to say right? :wink2:) Then maybe the thing you really want to do will become clear. I tend to think anyone who has a happy marriage and goes about their wedding the way they truly want, isn't going to regret anything. Oh and BTW some courthouses have some absolutely beautiful outdoor locations for ceremonies. For example the Olympia WA courthouse is in this beautiful place overlooking the water, surrounded by evergreens in a very parklike area. They do some courthouse ceremonies outside there if the couple requests it, and it's just a gorgeous place, amazingly enough.
 
Sirbenson, if you choose to do 18 people at NOTL, look into Peller Estates. They have a wonderful intimate dining room fir small private events, with delicious food. And your guests can even do a wine tour while you take pics. Plus ceremony at the gazebo (we paid 150$ to book it) and you're all set!

Let me know if you have any questions, or if I could help you in any way.
 
It sounds like travelling is more important to you and I can definitely understand why as that is my greatest passion as well.

We had a wedding for the experience and memories.

Sounds like you did think of some good ideas for a small wedding. Those could be lovely! If there isn't a compelling reason for the two of you to spend the money, I can see how it would be more well spent and better appreciated by the two of you travelling. I agree with others that when you hopefully can figure out what you want and not worry about others, that's when you won't regret it. If you really just don't want to have a wedding, then don't. Do keep that money in the bank and take a few years off when you can. You keep saying that the reason you are considering the 65 person wedding is because you are worried people will feel excluded. To me it doesn't sound like what you want. If they do care about you, they will understand if you have a really small affair.

One thing I realized actually through the wedding process is how quickly we can save up money and now our next financial goal is to take 6-8 months off in 2.5 years (when we both turn 30 and have saved for it completely) to travel southeast Asia and maybe Central or South America too.
 
stephb0lt said:
violet3 said:
I would do it again in a heartbeat! We had months where the planning process was overwhelming, and we definitely thought - "why didn't we elope?" But the truth was that many people we love couldn't have come, and the day was so special and fun, the memories of it are so worth the money.

This. When DH first started talking about our priorities for our wedding, one of them was being able to have our closest family and friends there with us. We ended up having 115 people attend. Was it the most money we've ever spent in one day? Yes. But it was an unforgettable celebration, and I'm so glad we did it the way we did.

We're the same. We had over 120 people at our wedding but it was the best day of our lives. It was so amazing having all our family and friends together to celebrate with us and I'd do it again in a second. I absolutely adored it.
 
We eloped. It was perfect. I don't regret it in the least, and would do it again 1,000x over.

It was a lot of drama to elope, including hurt feelings and disappointments. My parents offered to host a reception for us, but my dad was so upset about not being part of the wedding that he cancelled the reception 2 months before it was supposed to happen. You really have to be sure that eloping is what you want, because people don't tend to hold back their criticism of the decision. If you are going to elope, I'd almost say just do it, and tell people after. You can look up some of my old threads to see how it all played out, including my recent posts of our elopement pictures. It was a perfect, peaceful, wonderful morning (we got married at sunrise) and I love our photos and the memories.

We did a small reception of 35-40 people a week after we got married, and that was lovely as well, and a lot of fun. I enjoyed it, but felt very much like it was something that we were doing for other people, rather than ourselves. DH wanted to do a reception though, and it was great to celebrate with our friends and family. It was very memorable. I don't regret either, but I am so happy that we got married privately and enjoyed our time together as a couple. My only other advice is go on a great honeymoon ASAP! I'm so overworked right now, I really wish we had done a honeymoon and had a week to just spend together.
 
Allison D. said:
vc10um said:
you'll notice in these and other threads, many of the brides (not all, but many) who wouldn't do it the exact same way again, are the ones who didn't plan the affair they wanted in the first place. It seems to me that every bride who has done her wedding her way would do it all again (even the nasty nitty gritty of planning) in a heartbeat.

I couldn't agree with this more......right on the money.


I couldn't agree with this more. I honestly would have regretted greatly compromising on our private ceremony (ie, just the two of us, no guests whatsoever). I felt like the reception was performance art, but our wedding was an awesome intimate moment. I could imagine feeling strongly in the other direction if a traditional wedding had been important to us as well. It's really about creating and executing YOUR vision for the day.
 
vc10um said:
sirbenson...you'll notice in these and other threads, many of the brides (not all, but many) who wouldn't do it the exact same way again, are the ones who didn't plan the affair they wanted in the first place. It seems to me that every bride who has done her wedding her way would do it all again (even the nasty nitty gritty of planning) in a heartbeat. So why don't you take some time to tune out all the other voices in your head, and listen to your own heart on this. It will know what to do, and you won't regret your decision.


I'd just like to chime in and say this little piece of advice, these specific words and way you've explained the situation is purrrfect!

FI and I are in the same position as sirbenson and you've really helped make the decision to actually make the decision. So thanks heaps!!

Lots of love, Halo and Mr Halo
 
Our wedding was the perfect size (35 people) and if I would change anything I would probably try to make things even less expensive (we spent about $5K).

Keep things in perspective. It's just one day, it doesn't have to be *the* most amazing day in your life (don't you want to have lots of amazing days?)

We knew we wanted to keep level heads and had other things we'd rather spend our money on. I think we probably could have done without the professional photographer, especially if we let our guests know we're relying on them for our photos. Other than that, about half the budget was food and drinks for two meals, and we don't mind feeding people. So glad we didn't spend money on flowers and other things that cost a fortune and then just get tossed.
 
UnderBlue said:
Our wedding was the perfect size (35 people) and if I would change anything I would probably try to make things even less expensive (we spent about $5K).

Keep things in perspective. It's just one day, it doesn't have to be *the* most amazing day in your life (don't you want to have lots of amazing days?)

We knew we wanted to keep level heads and had other things we'd rather spend our money on. I think we probably could have done without the professional photographer, especially if we let our guests know we're relying on them for our photos. Other than that, about half the budget was food and drinks for two meals, and we don't mind feeding people. So glad we didn't spend money on flowers and other things that cost a fortune and then just get tossed.

I agree, keep things in perspective, and know what you value. We did pay for small flower centerpieces, which inexplicably were not there. We didn't miss them. We did rely on friends for photos, and they are fun and wonderful, but I do regret not springing for a Pro photog for our reception (we had one for our elopement). I wish I had more family shots in professional quality, and shots of us as a couple.

I also had planned to order personalized Jones Soda bottles for wedding favors. I wish we had. I had no idea people would be so excited about wedding favors, people were HOARDING them! HAHA :cheeky:
 
Thanks for the additional advice. We STILL have not made up our minds.

I was talking to a friend of mine who is of the same mindset as myself and she offered the advice that maybe I'm thinking of the planning all wrong....she meant that maybe I should think of it less as a wedding and more of a party. She said I should pretend I'm planning a party for 65 people and pretend its not exactly a wedding. Then maybe I will worry less about all the details associated with a wedding that in the back of my mind I might feel like I need to provide for people. And I can focus more on what constitutes a great party for us, friends and family. For example, if I see it as a wedding I'll be thinking decor, ceremony, longer event, favours, etc. But if I see it as a celebratory party, it can be less formal, I'll have less expectations, it can be a shorter event, etc. I don't know if that makes any sense in the way I've explained it. It sort of makes sense in my mind but I don't know how to apply the idea.

FH and I would love to host the party at our house but our house is small and we could not have that many people in the house at one time, not enough area to park, sit, washrooms, kitchen too small for food/drinks, no fenced in backyard, etc. SO if we could figure out a casual venue like a house setting we think we'd really like it because it would feel less formal and more like we invited our favourite people over to mix and mingle for a few hours. We woulnd't have to worry about things like DJ, dancing, etc.

In our deep heart of hearts we know we would be disappointed in the end if we eloped and our parents, siblings, grandparents, and best friends were not there. It would be bittersweet. And the other wierd part would be to not invite aunts and uncles that we see all the time. If we didn't see them all the time that would be one thing but for those that we see often....I think they'd be hurt to not be invited and I would agree with their feelings.

OK, now I'm just rambling on and re-stating everything... :? We have our wedding rings, I've picked out a dress, pretty set on a caterer, I'm researching photographers. Not particular about the date. Now all I need is a more solid venue idea/gut feeling about where??
 
sirbenson said:
Thanks for the additional advice. We STILL have not made up our minds.

I was talking to a friend of mine who is of the same mindset as myself and she offered the advice that maybe I'm thinking of the planning all wrong....she meant that maybe I should think of it less as a wedding and more of a party. She said I should pretend I'm planning a party for 65 people and pretend its not exactly a wedding. Then maybe I will worry less about all the details associated with a wedding that in the back of my mind I might feel like I need to provide for people. And I can focus more on what constitutes a great party for us, friends and family. For example, if I see it as a wedding I'll be thinking decor, ceremony, longer event, favours, etc. But if I see it as a celebratory party, it can be less formal, I'll have less expectations, it can be a shorter event, etc. I don't know if that makes any sense in the way I've explained it. It sort of makes sense in my mind but I don't know how to apply the idea.

FH and I would love to host the party at our house but our house is small and we could not have that many people in the house at one time, not enough area to park, sit, washrooms, kitchen too small for food/drinks, no fenced in backyard, etc. SO if we could figure out a casual venue like a house setting we think we'd really like it because it would feel less formal and more like we invited our favourite people over to mix and mingle for a few hours. We woulnd't have to worry about things like DJ, dancing, etc.

In our deep heart of hearts we know we would be disappointed in the end if we eloped and our parents, siblings, grandparents, and best friends were not there. It would be bittersweet. And the other wierd part would be to not invite aunts and uncles that we see all the time. If we didn't see them all the time that would be one thing but for those that we see often....I think they'd be hurt to not be invited and I would agree with their feelings.

OK, now I'm just rambling on and re-stating everything... :? We have our wedding rings, I've picked out a dress, pretty set on a caterer, I'm researching photographers. Not particular about the date. Now all I need is a more solid venue idea/gut feeling about where??


I think this is fantastic advice - thinking first about what you and your loved ones would most enjoy would certainly prevent getting hung up on napkins and centrepieces :appl:
 
I know it's hard to decide to go with your gut, especially when you're not clear if you should spend the money or hold a more private affair, but I would take a look at how you live your lives together, and let that guide you.

I was raised in Las Vegas, so although my husband and I had to get married in a hurry and Las Vegas was the logical choice, my elopement turned into a very small wedding of 25 people. However, my Mother is the oldest of 10 children (who all have families), so I left a lot of family out of the invite because we were paying for this ourselves with ~6 weeks notice and I simply couldn't afford a $20k+ affair with less than 2 months to plan for it.

I DIY'd everything that I could, bought a dress from a two dress bride, and used miles and points for our travel. We stayed at The Bellagio, which is where we got married, and the room was a huge bargain because of that.

Would I do it again? Absolutely. Including my week-long vacation to Las Vegas plus the dress and wedding rings, we spent under $5k total.

Sure, we could have eloped elsewhere, and I would have been open to that, as well. But, Las Vegas feels like home to me, and I was able to have so many of the important people in our lives present because of the location.
 
sirbenson said:
I was talking to a friend of mine who is of the same mindset as myself and she offered the advice that maybe I'm thinking of the planning all wrong....she meant that maybe I should think of it less as a wedding and more of a party.

This is great advice. It's probably what I'll end up doing- small destination wedding/elopement with a "celebration" at home. Not a reception. No favors, no dancing. I'll have my brother's band play and I'll get it catered by somewhere casual (taco truck? BBQ?) and fun. We'll probably be living in a new place so it will be an open-house type housewarming with a bit of "hey we got married" mixed in.
 
hey there! i'm in the same spot that you are right now. i'm torn between whether to have a small immediate family only wedding in march-ish then have a reception later or wait another year or so to throw a big (65 people or so...) shindig. i'm not super passionate about either idea. so i'm just stuck. have you found some clarity?
 
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