Would you call your SO your "best friend"?

[musey]

Definitely. I also feel as though anyone I've called my "best friend" in the past wasn't really, now that I know how deep friendship can be. But as others have said, I don't call him that, or think that it covers all that he is to me.

I have some friends that have a LOT of "best friends." Like, upwards of 10. I use "close friend" or "good friend" in the way they use "best friend." The "best friend" is the BEST one, *the* best *one,* to me. I don't have just a "best friend."

 

[diamondringlover]

In the early years I would say yes he was my best friend.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I think he is BF. He knows everything about me and is there for me more than anyone else. He considers me his best friend.

 

[snlee]

Yes, definitely.

 

[LilyKat]

Date: 7/6/2009 4:54:12 PM
Author: trillionaire

And there are a lot of people whom I''ve meet IRL who are NOT Best friends with their partners... I find this very strange.

Trillionaire, would you mind explaining about the people you''ve met who aren''t best friends with their partners? As in, what makes them different to you and your SO? This difference between people who are and those who aren''t is what is most intriguing to me. Do you mean they don''t like each other or have bad relationships, or is it just a different dynamic?

 

[Squirrly]

BF is my best friend, but i rarely call him that. i have best guy and girl friends from different parts of my life who are like brothers and sisters to me, and i talk to them about most everything, but BF''s the one who gets to hear anything and everything.

it would depend on the circumstance if i would be upset if he called a girl his best friend. i generally get along better with guys than girls, and he is protective of his good female friends, almost like they''re his little sisters

it would take a very strong gut feeling for me not to be comfortable with him having a female best friend, but if i ever have that feeling i know i could tell him and he''d hang out with the girl less.

M would most likely consider me his closest and best friend, but just like me, he rarely will call me that. he has a couple best friends, all guys, and i''ve met all but one i believe.

 

[April20]

DH is my best friend. I've got other friends that I consider really, really close friends, but DH is definitely my best friend. I think if I lived in the same city as these friends it might be different. I don't have any super close personal friends where we live now. I met DH shortly after I moved here and never formed those relationships. There are lots of people that we call "our" friends- both couples and single friends, but none of these are either one of our "best" friends.

I would be fine with DH having someone that he called his "best" friend. It's a different relationship than what we have and I don't confuse the two, though I will admit I would have a HUGE problem is this best friend was a woman. He would have the same issue if I had a best friend that was a male. I'll be honest, I don't think it's appropriate. I know a gal whose best friend is a married male. He has marital issues, has had them for a while, and I think their friendship only makes things worse. To be fair, there is NOTHING going on between them, but it does not make things any better between him and his wife.

ETA: I just read the other responses regarding not calling their SO/FI/DH their best friend as it doesn't encompass the extent of the relationship and I completely agree. To futher solidif this point in my mind, DH just told me he misses me because I'm in the chair and 8' away from him rather than next to him on the couch. It's so much more than being best friends, yet we still are......

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 7/6/2009 6:16:55 PM
Author: LilyKat

Date: 7/6/2009 4:54:12 PM
Author: trillionaire

And there are a lot of people whom I've meet IRL who are NOT Best friends with their partners... I find this very strange.

Trillionaire, would you mind explaining about the people you've met who aren't best friends with their partners? As in, what makes them different to you and your SO? This difference between people who are and those who aren't is what is most intriguing to me. Do you mean they don't like each other or have bad relationships, or is it just a different dynamic?

I know quite a few people who make the idea of hanging out or spending time with their SO sound like a chore. SO and I are constantly on the phone with one another (LDR) and we've had a lot of our friends say that the idea of spending hours on the phone with their SO was tantamount to torture. (SO is not at all a phone person, and I have to BEG him to call non-family members!) We have a friend who will stay up to the wee hours of the night talking to me on the phone or AIM (a former roomie of my SO), and he tells me the lengths that he goes to in order to avoid having to talk to his GF. He finds it draining. Other guys will describe their girls of being 'the total package', except for communication issues, and by that the guy means that he and the girl have nothing to talk about. I also have girlfriends that 'love' their guys, but don't trust them, and therefore they can't be fully vulnerable with them.

My brother is another example. He has dated women who he loves to talk to and spend time with, and others whom he can 'take in doses', then 'disappears' for a few days to have time to himself. This of course makes the woman frantically try to contact him, which annoys him, and it is a horrible cycle.

I'm not suggesting that these are perfect relationships, but no one's relationship is. I just know quite a few people and situations where the other party is NOT their best friend, in spite of spending years together. They do not turn to each other to 'unwind or relax'.

 

[Haven]

Trillionaire--Those examples sound like doomed relationships to me. Or, in the very least, extremely unfulfilling ones.

I don''t know any happily married couples who don''t enjoy spending a lot of time together, etc. What''s the point?

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 7/6/2009 7:59:25 PM
Author: Haven
Trillionaire--Those examples sound like doomed relationships to me. Or, in the very least, extremely unfulfilling ones.

I don't know any happily married couples who don't enjoy spending a lot of time together, etc. What's the point?

I agree, but I learned long ago to MMOB! LOL. Who am I to judge? Relationships grow and change. My parents are closer today than they ever were when I was growing up. They love doing shared activities and hanging out on the weekends, and chasing and teasing each other in the store... my parents never did this growing up, so it's totally new and exciting for me to see! (it's been that way for about 9 years now, but they have been married for 30!) There were many years that I doubt that they would have said that they were best friends. There were probably times where they did not feel like friends at all... but relationships are enduring, and people grow, change and mature. I honestly think that they are a great example, and I had a basically perfect childhood, so whatever distance that they endured together was 100% the best thing for my siblings and I. They never seemed tense or strained, but just not necessarily 'close'. And I recognize this now, but at the time, it seemed normal. Everyone has their own journey, you know. I just prefer my journey with my BFF by my side...

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 7/6/2009 5:02:02 PM
Author: diamondrnglover
In the early years I would say yes he was my best friend.

I''d love to hear more if you wouldn''t mind sharing...

 

[Kelli]

I would definitely consider my FI my best friend. Nobody is closer to me, and we rarely tire of each other.

 

[Dannielle]

Yes, but at the same time he is so much more. I feel that I can never find a title that truely refelcts what he means to me.. he is my everything.

 

[musey]

Date: 7/7/2009 1:55:35 AM
Author: Dannielle
Yes, but at the same time he is so much more. I feel that I can never find a title that truely refelcts what he means to me.. he is my everything.

How about "husband" ?

 

[lyra]

I have two people who get the best friend title, my husband and my best girl friend. I think I share different things with each of them, so together they make up two parts of a whole, if that makes sense.

 

[AdiS]

No. I have a girlfriend that I call my best friend. DH is the love of my life. To me that just doesn’t go together with being best friends. Lord Byron says that “Friendship may, and often does, grow into love, but love never subsides into friendship." I was in love with my husband long before we were close enough to really be friends. I guess that may explain why I cannot see him as a best friend now. As I’ve often said, he’s my lover in every possible meaning and sense of this word. He’s also my soul mate, my tower of strength and my universe, but not a friend. And I know he feels the same.

Maybe we''re just weird.

 

[SeaStar]

Yes, I absolutely consider him to be my best friend. I can talk to him about anything, he''s always there for me, we have so much fun together, and he doesn''t hold a grudge when we fight. He''s the person I want to run to with any kind of news, and I know we could weather anything together.

 

[arjunajane]

yup, Fi is for sure.
Being that he was my best male friend for most of our
HS years, that trust and relationship was already there - these days we have progressed to "best friends with benefits"

lol..

 

[LadyBlue]

Date: 7/6/2009 2:01:07 PM
Author: LilyKat

I asked the second part because my boyfriend''s best friend is a girl who he''s known from college and they''ve been close for years. I know it''s completely irrational, but I feel just the teensiest twinge when he refers to her as his ''best friend'' to me - as in, shouldn''t that particular position be reserved for me? I know it''s not like that, and I feel a brat just writing it, but still

So it''s reassuring that a couple of you mentioned you wouldn''t mind if it had been a girl he''d known long before the relationship.

I think that if she has been his friend or several years, it''s normal that he would consider her his BF, but after a few years of relationship he should feel more comfortable, trust, support, understood and happy with the partner.

I wouldn''t understand if my husband call BF another girl than me, because if that''s the case why he is not with her. Of course he can have female friends. really close friends. But nobody can be closer that me.

In the first months of our relationship, I did call another guy my best friend. But now, my DH is my best friend. there is nobody else I want to share every single thing that is in my mind. He is my other half.

 

[Laila619]

Yes, DH is my best and truest friend. He totally ''gets'' me.

 

[litebrite]

We are best friends and lovers. We were friends first, and then started dating. By now he knows me so well, he''ll know if I''m keeping things like a jewelry purchase from him

But then I tell him and he does''t mind or get angry.

 

[Laila619]

Date: 7/7/2009 2:48:55 AM
Author: AdiS
No. I have a girlfriend that I call my best friend. DH is the love of my life. To me that just doesn’t go together with being best friends. Lord Byron says that “Friendship may, and often does, grow into love, but love never subsides into friendship.'' I was in love with my husband long before we were close enough to really be friends. I guess that may explain why I cannot see him as a best friend now. As I’ve often said, he’s my lover in every possible meaning and sense of this word. He’s also my soul mate, my tower of strength and my universe, but not a friend. And I know he feels the same.

Maybe we''re just weird.

Interesting Adi!

I was in love with my DH before we were close enough to be friends. So when we were just dating, no, my DH was NOT my best friend. But now after we''ve been married for 8 months, I would say he is. He evolved into that because we became so close.

The well-known Jewish Rabbi Boteach writes in his books that it is inappropriate for lovers/spouses to call each other best friends. He seems to agree with Lord Byron.

 

[Aloros]

I call my FI my best friend, and also my sister my best friend. For me, "best friend" implies a permanence you don''t have with other friends. Friends come and go. Best friends are there forever, to the end.

I grew up with my sister, and we were always very close.

I''ve noticed my relationship with my FI has acquired a similar feel to the relationship I have with my sister. We can fight or bicker, but we know one another so well that it never lasts for long, and we both know how to defuse the situation quickly. He''s there for me through thick and thin, and I for him.

 

[diamondringlover]

Date: 7/6/2009 8:30:36 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 7/6/2009 5:02:02 PM
Author: diamondrnglover
In the early years I would say yes he was my best friend.

I''d love to hear more if you wouldn''t mind sharing...

Maybe one day, right now things are kinda to painful to talk about

 

[radiantquest]

Yes he is my best friend. I also have a female best friend.

The one thing that sucks about my husband being my best friend is that when I am getting ready to go out I will ask him if an outfit looks right, he looks at me like a deer in headlights and then I remember he is a man-best friend.

 

[Skippy123]

My hubby is my best friend; we are there for each other through thick and thin, no matter what. I feel so blessed to have him in my life.

 

[jjc]

Yes, absolutely. We were best friends for the six years before we got together. Plus, we were pretty much each other's best friends when we met 16 years ago. Although, I would love to find a female best friend as well, it's just hard because most women already have a 'best friend' by now. I feel very grateful just to have found women friends that are 'good peoples' - finally - though.

 

[tigian]

My DH is my best friend and I am so lucky to be married to him. I have a best friend from High School and a best friend from college, but he is my best best friend.

 

[Pandora II]

DH is definitely my best friend.

We both get bored with people quite fast and yet we are never bored with each other or run out of things to talk to or even annoy each other.

I know I''m his best friend - he said he''d have asked me to be his ''Bestman'' if he wasn''t already marrying me...

 

[trillionaire]

I got engaged last week, and therefore have been getting lots of unsolicited advice on marriage, and several people have mentioned that being married will be easier since we are ''best friends''. We are, and were before we started dating, but it is interesting to hear people talk of their spouses more as life partners, or marriage co-managers, rather than intimate companions, confidantes, or buddies. Anyone else experience or notice this?