Would you call your SO your "best friend"?

[LilyKat]

I''ve noticed that there seems to be a fairly even distribution of people who talk about their boyfriend/fiance/husband as being their best friend, and those who give this "title" to another close friend. It got me thinking whether there is a difference between those relationships. Do you call your SO your best friend, and if so, what does this actually mean in practice?

Conversely, would it bother you if your SO referred to someone else as being their best friend, rather than you? Would it make a difference if that person was of the opposite sex?

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Yup.

I have other best friends, but I always refer to them as "my best friend from college", or "my best friend from high school." BF is the only one who gets "best friend" status

 

[fatafelice]

I have several ladies whom I call "best friend," but I consider DH my best friend of all since there is no one else in the world because I can tell him anything and I never get tired of being with him.

 

[princesss]

I have lots of best friends, so maybe I'm not the right person to answer this, but I'll give it a shot.

My BF is my best friend, and one of two people I can be around for long stretches of time without them getting on my nerves. I have two other best friends that I love dearly and are closer to me than anybody in the world (excluding BF). What it comes down to, though, is BF is who I go to for the majority of things in my life. But some things he just doesn't get, and my two female best friends do. I think it's important to have a close support network outside of your SO, but I think your SO should be the closest person to you, and the person you share the majority of your time/energy/etc. with.

It would not bother me at all to hear BF call somebody else his best friend, though I would have an issue with it if his best friend was female. Had he come into the relationship with a close female friend that he'd grown up with/bonded with enormously in HS or something like that, it'd be a different story. But for him to make a close female friend that he would consider a best friend now, after 4.5 years together, would upset me. Likewise, while I have male friends, I do not have a male best friend and would not become very close friends with any guy now that I'm with BF.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Absolutely. He''s my BFF.

 

[fatafelice]

Date: 7/6/2009 10:55:18 AM
Author: princesss
I have lots of best friends, so maybe I''m not the right person to answer this, but I''ll give it a shot.

My BF is my best friend, and one of two people I can be around for long stretches of time without them getting on my nerves. I have two other best friends that I love dearly and are closer to me than anybody in the world (excluding BF). What it comes down to, though, is BF is who I go to for the majority of things in my life. But some things he just doesn''t get, and my two female best friends do. I think it''s important to have a close support network outside of your SO, but I think your SO should be the closest person to you, and the person you share the majority of your time/energy/etc. with.

It would not bother me at all to hear BF call somebody else his best friend, though I would have an issue with it if his best friend was female. Had he come into the relationship with a close female friend that he''d grown up with/bonded with enormously in HS or something like that, it''d be a different story. But for him to make a close female friend that he would consider a best friend now, after 4.5 years together, would upset me. Likewise, while I have male friends, I do not have a male best friend and would not become very close friends with any guy now that I''m with BF.

Ditto this!

 

[elrohwen]

Yep, FI is definitely my best friend. I have a few other friends who I will refer to as "best friends" just so people get the relationship there, but we don''t even talk once a week and live far away from each other. So while they''re some of the best friends I can ever hope to have, FI is my daily support system, entertainment, and buddy. Can''t beat that!

 

[KatyWI]

I do call him my best friend, because he really is!

We were friends for years before we kissed one day and realized what we''d been missing.

(He actually was the first person I went to when I broke up with my ex to say "John and I broke up, I really need a hug right now!")

At any rate, I have a girl best friend, but it''s a different sort of best-friendship. She''s a girl - we look alike, talk alike, laugh the same way - we''re basically the same person, just born to different families So I can tell her everything, but she''s halfway across the country, so though we talk often, our relationship is not an every day thing.

With FI though, he is here EVERY SINGLE DAY. He is constantly supporting me, loving me, talking to me, and I do tell him everything, and likewise him with me. We''re best friends - someday when the passion fades and we are just going through the motions, I know that I''ll get along with the person who''s along for the ride.

 

[gemgirl]

Nope, not me. Mu husband and I are too different to be best friends. I used to call my girlfriend who I went to high school and college with my best friend, (we''ve been friends for forty years) but I don''t call anyone a best friend anymore.

 

[Maisie]

My husband is my best friend. I wouldn't like him bringing a female best friend into our lives at this stage in our marriage. If he had her before that would be different.

 

[anchor31]

Yes, definitely. I do have a girlfriend I call my best friend too, but it doesn''t mean my DH isn''t one.

 

[KimberlyH]

My spouse is absolutely my best friend. I have other friends that I am very close to, but he is the person I am closest to and rely on most.

 

[tlh]

yes. without a doubt.

 

[zoebartlett]

I have a few best friends, and my husband is definitely one of them. We tell each other pretty much everything but there are certain things my husband can''t relate to. For conversations relating to those things, I may call one of my best girl friends to chat.

 

[somethingshiny]

Date: 7/6/2009 12:06:20 PM
Author: ZoeBartlett
I have a few best friends, and my husband is definitely one of them. We tell each other pretty much everything but there are certain things my husband can''t relate to. For conversations relating to those things, I may call one of my best girl friends to chat.

ditto.

When something happens and you want to tell someone, the person you call is what I consider your best friend. Sometimes it''s DH, sometimes it''s a best friend from way back, sometimes it''s a newer best friend, sometimes it''s my mom.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I typed out a long response...computer ate it.

But yes, he is my absolute best friend.

 

[Mrs.Guz]

It took me 47 years to find my best, best friend and he is my husband. We have been married for 4 wonderful years!

 

[Haven]

I feel like my conception of "best friend" isn''t a strong enough title for my DH. Of course he is my nearest and dearest friend, but he''s also so many other things, too, that "best friend" just doesn''t cover enough. I like to tell him that he''s my secret weapon against the world--whenever things are bad, I remind myself that I have him in my corner, so nothing could ever really be that bad. And when things are good, well I just can''t wait to share them with him.

I have two "best friends." Both are female, and I''ve known one since age 6, and the other since age 21. We call each other our "best friends" and always have.

I don''t know what a better term would be for DH--I like partner, and other half.

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Nope, he is my partner, my soulmate, my equal, my confidente, my advisor, my everything.

Bestfriend doesn''t quantify what he is to me.

 

[Lilac]

My husband is absolutely my best friend, but he is also so much more to me it''s difficult to describe. I always tell him he''s my best friend, the one person I always want to be with and talk to and spend time with, someone I always know I can count on to be on my side and stand by me. I have a few really good girlfriends, but I don''t call any of them my "best friend" because that title is reserved for my husband

.

When I refer to my girlfriends, I say "one of my really good friends" or once in a while when talking to someone who doesn''t know my friends I''ll say "she''s one of my best friends" - but my husband will always be my "bestest" best friend and SO much more.

 

[Prana]

My FI and I were best friends for 4 years before we started dating. We still consider each other best friends.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

My husband is without a doubt my best friend, but I don''t call him my best friend because I think the title of husband encompasses more than just best friend. I call my childhood friend my best friend because she is. My husband is my partner in life + best friend + future father of my children, etc.

 

[LilyKat]

Thanks for all the really interesting replies! It''s great to hear your views. I guess I had always had a mental image that a "best friend" was someone who I''d talk ABOUT my SO to (you know, girl chats, confiding/gossiping about boys I liked, someone I could completely slouch around looking rubbish with, that sort of thing), and I felt the dynamic with all my boyfriends had been different, so was wondering what exactly people meant when they referred to their SO as their best friend. But reading your responses, it makes sense now.

I asked the second part because my boyfriend''s best friend is a girl who he''s known from college and they''ve been close for years. I know it''s completely irrational, but I feel just the teensiest twinge when he refers to her as his "best friend" to me - as in, shouldn''t that particular position be reserved for me? I know it''s not like that, and I feel a brat just writing it, but still

So it''s reassuring that a couple of you mentioned you wouldn''t mind if it had been a girl he''d known long before the relationship.

 

[mrscushion]

Absolutely. Nobody else comes close.

 

[HollyS]

Absolutely. No doubt about it. It is the very reason I married him. No one knows me like he does. And he likes me anyway. That, my friends, is a keeper.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 7/6/2009 2:01:07 PM
Author: LilyKat

I asked the second part because my boyfriend''s best friend is a girl who he''s known from college and they''ve been close for years. I know it''s completely irrational, but I feel just the teensiest twinge when he refers to her as his ''best friend'' to me - as in, shouldn''t that particular position be reserved for me? I know it''s not like that, and I feel a brat just writing it, but still

So it''s reassuring that a couple of you mentioned you wouldn''t mind if it had been a girl he''d known long before the relationship.

My husbands'' closest friends, besides me, are women. One he''s known his whole life, the other he met in college, some 15 years ago. He doesn''t refer to either of them as his best friends, but they are definitely his closest friends. The friend he''s known forever and I get along well and we usually see her together (dinners at our house or out). The other friend and I are as different as can be and I''ve never really integrated into their friendshgip (they go to lunch together a few times a month, I see her maybe once or twice a year); I do like her family and enjoy their company but she and I would have little to talk about if we ever spent time alone together. Neither one of them bothers me in any way, they are just part of his life and I love them for being his friend, even though I don''t relate to one of them.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Not at all. I have female friends that are very special to me in ways my husband could never be. Glad I do not have to choose.

cheers--Sharon

 

[Linda W]

Without a doubt. We were best friends, before we fell in love and were married.

 

[Elmorton]

I'm pretty liberal with the term "best friend" because throughout my childhood and even adulthood, "best friend" meant either "close friend I can always call on" or "person I'm closest to right now." So, I have about 4-5 women and one guy who I consider my BFFs.

But...best friend as in, top of the list friend by a million miles who knows me better than anyone else in this planet including my own parents, the person who knows all my dreams and aspirations, my pitfalls and the exact flavor of my breath in the morning, the person who I want to tell first about anything that happens? That's DH. No one comes even remotely close. Not an iota of close in comparison.

ETA: DH uses the term the way I do - we both know there's a difference between him calling his closest guy friend his "best friend" and calling me his best friend.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 7/6/2009 3:06:18 PM
Author: Linda W
Without a doubt. We were best friends, before we fell in love and were married.

Ditto!

I only call one other person my best friend, but she was my childhood best friend, and we are not very close anymore. (no love lost though!) I think I am just a loyalist, because I won't call anyone else my BFF. But SO knows it's him, and I have told him so. He just doesn't really need two titles...

And there are a lot of people whom I've meet IRL who are NOT Best friends with their partners... I find this very strange. SO and I have known each other for years, and at this point, our personal histories are incredibly intertwined!