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Would you be upset if your parents didn't split up their fortunes..

I would think it would be evenly split, but my brother is nearly 38 and still living in their house. Unemployed too with no motivation to get a job. He will need somewhere to live, so I would be ok if he was able to continue to live in the house. I would worry he wouldn't look after it/look after himself - he would have bills to pay, he would need to get a job etc. He needs a rocket up the butt and I hope that happens before we get to this point.
 
I am hoping my parents live it up with their money and enjoy each minute. They worked for it. What they do with their money is truly their business
 
I'm leaving my estate to charity.
A couple sentimental items (without regard to value) will be willed to individuals.

If I had kids I'd do the same and let them know, and know why?

Why?
IMO it builds character to make your own money.
 
HS4S_2 said:
I am hoping my parents live it up with their money and enjoy each minute. They worked for it. What they do with their money is truly their business
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This.
 
Nothing creates more discord, unhappiness and family feuds than an unequal distribution of assets from a Will.
I know dozens of such circumstances. Even my own mother, with her crazy list, was devastated when her mother left most her jewellery to her my mothers sister. Strangely, I received some heirloom pieces. That’s why I’m so mad she intends to do the same to her children. My brother is divorced so fair enough nothing for the ex wife but his daughter is such a lovely young woman who dearly loves her grandma and I’m devastated for her that my mother isn’t recognizing that bond. I’ve already decided that if I’m required to split it according to the “list” I’ll be “secretly” giving her some from my share and hopefully I can encourage my sister to do likewise.
 
I am the executor to my mom's estate...I know exactly what she has and how it will be split...it is to be split 3 ways evenly...now the jewelry that will between us to figure out, she only has 1 ring that is really worth anything so I am sure we will figure something out when the times come.
 
Hmmm.

First off, my parents have no fortune so this is a non-issue. It's actually more likely their retirement savings are insufficient. If they end up needing help, I will feel responsible to assist. Do I love that? No. Would I help them? Yes.

But if they did have a fortune and arbitrarily distributed it unequally among their children or grandchildren, I would not enjoy that. I would respect their decision, but I wouldn't love it. If this were to ever happen, I would prefer not to know.

Actually, something like that already happened... when each child married, my parents made a small financial gift. I am aware of some inequalities there. Again, I was happier not knowing about that.

I had a wealthy grandmother who willed certain family heirlooms only to the male cousins with the family last name. While I respect her decision, I found that patriarchal and unfair. I'm sure she didn't mean to be; I think it was more about 'old fashioned' values. Which I personally do not share.

My plan is to split my estate fairly among my children. They already have their eye on certain pieces. I routinely tease that I will spend all my money before I die and/or request to be buried wearing all my jewelry. lol

Anne
 
My parents are divorced. Mom and stepfather are dividing their money equally between all their children. I would like to have my mom’s recipes. I want them because they are all in her hand writing.

My father recently said he was leaving everything to his wife’s children.
It really bothers me that he did not include my brother.
 
Wealth belongs to its owner.
If s/he wants to leave it all to only one kid or give 50% each to two of their three kids and nothing to the other, to the Catholic Church, the Red Cross, the KKK, or to Donald Trump that's 100% their business.

There are no rules that must be followed.
Anyone who is left out just got left out.
Actually, nobody deserves or is entitled to anything.
Anything that anyone is willed is a gift, not a right.

What anyone gets or doesn't get is nobody else's business.
It's between the dying person and each individual.

When it comes to inheritance there is no such thing as fairness or entitlement.
If someone is upset he didn't get enough or "my sister got more than I did" ... fvck the greedy bastard!

I can think of few other things where a person must have 100% uncontested say than with their will.
 
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Yes Kenny, I agree with you completely.
But in my case I’ve spent the past 20 years listening to my mother bemoan and be distressed by the act of her mother unequally distributing her jewellery and yet she intends to do exactly the same !
When your parents raise you with this “be fair, be equal” mantra and then exclude one of their 3 children from a “fair and equal” distribution - it hurts.
 
Bron357 said:
Yes Kenny, I agree with you completely.
But in my case I’ve spent the past 20 years listening to my mother bemoan and be distressed by the act of her mother unequally distributing her jewellery and yet she intends to do exactly the same !
When your parents raise you with this “be fair, be equal” mantra and then exclude one of their 3 children from a “fair and equal” distribution - it hurts.
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Sorry it hurts.

But it's her stuff and she gets to do whatever she wants with it.
She also gets to be inconsistent, and nobody is owed an explanation.

She is not how you think she should be.
Sorry.
It sucks.

But as you get more information about a person you DO get to calibrate your opinion of them ... and it is healthy to vent here.

The only thing my parents left me was a phone bill, though they did die penniless.
So be it.
Perhaps I would have been miffed if they died with money.
 
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I don’t think this is necessarily about greed. I think it is unremittingly hurtful for parents to suggest that they loved one kid more than the other(s) through inequality in their wills. Because this is the clear message that this gives.
 
cmd2014 said:
I don’t think this is necessarily about greed. I think it is unremittingly hurtful for parents to suggest that they loved one kid more than the other(s) through inequality in their wills. Because this is the clear message that this gives.
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Yes that is true. It can be hurtful even if you realize it truly is none of your business what your parents do with their money. When parents do things unequally it can sting. Whether it be with money or with attention etc. And if they chose not to leave you anything in their wills or leave you less than your siblings it can hurt but really it is none of your business what they do with their money. Unless they owe you money and in that case hopefully you have it in writing. I agree with Kenny on this one.

kenny said:
Wealth belongs to its owner.
If s/he wants to leave it all to only one kid or give 50% each to two of their three kids and nothing to the other, to the Catholic Church, the Red Cross, the KKK, or to Donald Trump that's 100% their business.

There are no rules that must be followed.
Anyone who is left out just got left out.
Actually, nobody deserves or is entitled to anything.
Anything that anyone is willed is a gift, not a right.

What anyone gets or doesn't get is nobody else's business.
It's between the dying person and each individual.

When it comes to inheritance there is no such thing as fairness or entitlement.
If someone is upset he didn't get enough or "my sister got more than I did" ... fvck the greedy bastard!

I can think of few other things where a person must have 100% uncontested say than with their will.
Click to expand...


Is it how I am doing things? No. Our will leaves everything to our family split as equally as we could do it. But I still agree with Kenny. We did it that way because we wanted to do it that way. However my parents end up splitting their estate is *entirely* up to them. Period. No ands ifs or buts. Will it sting should it turn out to be "unequal" between my sister and me? Yes but again it is still their right 100% to do what they want with their estate.

Honestly I was shocked at the entitlement of a former friend who was so angry her parents were not leaving her anything in their will. They have a terrible relationship and do not even talk. So why would she think she would be getting anything in their will? Does birthright automatically convey the parents money onto the child? Not the adult child and in any case if I had such an awful relationship with my parents I wouldn't even want their money. It would be a matter of principle with me. But not being in her shoes I try not to judge. Just to say I was surprised and shocked at how strongly she felt she deserved their money despite not having any relationship with them or talking to them for so many years.

But obviously one's mileage varies with that and to each his own. But long ago I came to the conclusion that it is none of my business what my parents do with their money and as I wrote before I want them to be with us for as long as possible and let them spend ALL their money and enjoy their old age. I do not need nor want their money. I need and want them to be around and with us for as long as possible.
 
Having just lost my mother this year in January this question hits close to home. I didn't even ask my step dad. He's the executor of her estate and the reading for their estate doesn't happen until he passes. He took all her jewelry to a jeweler to have it appraised and put in individual boxes and then placed it in a safe. My guess, and I've never asked is there is a list that says what each of us (two sons, one daughter and two granddaughters) will receive. The only thing I know is the DIL would not receive any heirloom pieces. Mom always thought marriages could end and she wanted the family heirlooms to stay with family. As for the money I hope my step dad lives long enough to spend it all. I hope he meets someone fun to travel with. He loved my mom more than anything in this world. She was the center of his universe. He is a young 72 and he's worked hard his whole life and is still working. I know for sure they will leave at least 25% of the total estate to the church and a sizable or equal chunk to Children's Hospital. I think my only hope is the two granddaughters get the pieces that meant the most to her. I have my grandmother's ring she gave me (modest) and I love it. I would give up anything and everything to have her back and I spend very little time thinking about what I might or might not receive. I do believe as far as what is left it will be fair but I do hope he lives long enough to enjoy all they put away.
 
Just as a side about how wills can make people greedy & mean, I have an example of this. My brother in law split from his very pleasant wife of 14 years back in 2015. The large house was sold & he bought her a 4 bedroomed house with 3/4 of the money for her & the children, and himself a small apartment that was desperately in need of renovation with the rest.

Long story short, the divorce papers were never signed by her & she kept stalling. The day after my FIL died last New Year, as in literally the afternoon of Jan 1st, she called my bro in law to tell him how sorry she was & to advise him that she had stalled with the papers expecting FIL's death & she wanted a cut, so will be taking the divorce to court once the estate was settled. How disgusting is that??! Money makes people weird.
 
Alex T said:
Just as a side about how wills can make people greedy & mean, I have an example of this. My brother in law split from his very pleasant wife of 14 years back in 2015. The large house was sold & he bought her a 4 bedroomed house with 3/4 of the money for her & the children, and himself a small apartment that was desperately in need of renovation with the rest.

Long story short, the divorce papers were never signed by her & she kept stalling. The day after my FIL died last New Year, as in literally the afternoon of Jan 1st, she called my bro in law to tell him how sorry she was & to advise him that she had stalled with the papers expecting FIL's death & she wanted a cut, so will be taking the divorce to court once the estate was settled. How disgusting is that??! Money makes people weird.
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How awful! I’m so sorry Alex.
My thoughts re money is more like it brings out who we really are. So money doesn’t make people weird rather money brings out the true character of the person. IMO.
 
@missy I think you're right. She was always a very pleasant woman, but she never worked a single day of her life due to a disability that came about from an accident when she was 17. Brother in law had always paid for her & supported her as they were teenage sweethearts, but I think once he left her she realised she would have no more financial security & she just turned into an out & out b!tch. And she could get a job no problem - she just has a bad knee. It wouldn't stop her from sitting at a desk or a check out. But she has always felt entitled. I actually despise her for her behaviour & 2 of her 3 children will no longer have anything to do with her & live with their dad full time.
 
Maybe I don’t get it because I don’t come from money and I’m lucky enough that both my parents are alive. But I don’t understand why anyone feels entitled to anything ever. If my parents want to leave their “fortune” (hypothetical of course!) to their trash man - I don’t care. If they want to leave everything to one of their 4 children. I don’t care.

I don’t keep tabs on what my parents do for my siblings or anyone else and I don’t feel like it has to be “even”. I couldn’t care less.
 
Alex, that’s awful. I’ve got some “pleasant” people in my life. :Up_to_something2:
 
When my paternal grandmother died, she included me in her will, much to my surprised and I was grateful for it, as some of my cousins from the less favoured aunts/uncles were not included.

DK :))
 
cmd2014 said:
I don’t think this is necessarily about greed. I think it is unremittingly hurtful for parents to suggest that they loved one kid more than the other(s) through inequality in their wills. Because this is the clear message that this gives.
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Especially when one child has done everything for the parents while the others haven’t bothered.

I didn’t need or want the money per se, but to exclude the only one of their 8 grandchildren (my son) who ever bothered about them, was particularly galling, that was their idea of fair
 
I have been thinking about this a lot lately since DH and I are both getting older. We will have more to leave our heirs than I would have ever thought. I waffle back and forth somewhat. While I agree with Kenny that earning the money yourself builds character, I have personally experienced the hurt of not getting what was promised to you. It really has nothing to do with money or monetary value. It strikes at the heart of how loved you feel. It is the last act of someone who says they love you. It can be brutal. I would not want my children to believe for one second that I didn't love and value them equally in death as I did in life. It is irrational, but in the throws of grief, what they find in a will can cast doubt on everything they knew to be true in life. That makes it not worth it to me. We will divide everything equally and our children can provide for their children. There may be some items that will go to specific people but it will all be known ahead of time so there are no surprises. I want to look them in the eye and discuss it. If they have their heart set on something and it upsets them we can change it at that time. I doubt that they will care much about the 'stuff'. Our wedding rings and souvenirs from DH's career will matter to them. They are surprisingly sentimental about a few things and the rest means nothing to any of them.
 
cmd2014 said:
I don’t think this is necessarily about greed. I think it is unremittingly hurtful for parents to suggest that they loved one kid more than the other(s) through inequality in their wills. Because this is the clear message that this gives.
Click to expand...
\\

Ditto...it is not about greed...its about why they made that decision. If there is a valid reason, for example a handicapped adult child, that makes sense but
if it is for some unknown reason it just keeps you wondering why they did what they did. I agree with whoever said they'd rather not know.

@Austina...I'm very sorry they left your son out.
 
Hi,

Just a point of information. In the US an inheritance does not belong to the spouse. In fact as long as the money or perhaps property is kept in the individuals name and kept separate the spouse will not be entitled to half of the inheritance. Other countries may be different

I think that children can feel bad over uneven distributions of an inheritance. I do agree that no=one has rights to anything belonging to anyone. But, it still remains that hurt feelings occur. I do have a few sad stories to tell about sort of greedy people over inheritance, but now is not the time. I do not trust anyone to do what they promise unless its in writing.

I guess I think it is wise to make things as equal as possible. No sense in having people with hurt feelings.

Annette
 
Alex T said:
Just as a side about how wills can make people greedy & mean, I have an example of this. My brother in law split from his very pleasant wife of 14 years back in 2015. The large house was sold & he bought her a 4 bedroomed house with 3/4 of the money for her & the children, and himself a small apartment that was desperately in need of renovation with the rest.

Long story short, the divorce papers were never signed by her & she kept stalling. The day after my FIL died last New Year, as in literally the afternoon of Jan 1st, she called my bro in law to tell him how sorry she was & to advise him that she had stalled with the papers expecting FIL's death & she wanted a cut, so will be taking the divorce to court once the estate was settled. How disgusting is that??! Money makes people weird.
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She is going straight to hell.
 
Alex T said:
@missy I think you're right. She was always a very pleasant woman, but she never worked a single day of her life due to a disability that came about from an accident when she was 17. Brother in law had always paid for her & supported her as they were teenage sweethearts, but I think once he left her she realised she would have no more financial security & she just turned into an out & out b!tch. And she could get a job no problem - she just has a bad knee. It wouldn't stop her from sitting at a desk or a check out. But she has always felt entitled. I actually despise her for her behaviour & 2 of her 3 children will no longer have anything to do with her & live with their dad full time.
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Oh Alex--what a sad story. Such ugly behavior. sad :((
 
I agree with everyone who said it's about the sentiment behind the behaviour.
It's often about mind games and control.

My MIL has told me several times and in random context that she's sorry her daughter doesn't care about jewellery at all (Sil is very vocal about this), since she'll get all her jewellery pieces. Note: I never asked, nor did ever assume I'd get anything personally and told her I'd rather see her enjoy her retirement, when MIL wanted to talk inheritance with us.
After about the fifth time I took the bait and said that she has 6 granddaughters (her daughter has an only child, a son), who might like a sentimental piece. She just said that's a pity, Kids from your own daughter are different.Count more.

I truly try not to let $h!! like that get to me, but in the end it puts ME in the position to explain this to my kids. I'LL end up explaining / defending my MIL because I don't want them to think they did sth. wrong to be treated like this. So no, not OK.
 
@canuk-gal Thanks Sharon. She really has become a very vile, bitter & greedy woman. My father in law spent the last two years of his life in a home due to a massive stroke that left him completely paralysed & she never visited him once. She makes me shudder. And not only that (there's more...) she wants my bro in laws 10% of FIL's company signing over to her so that she has some security for her future. WTF??!!!!
 
Well, if we're talking about how our children have been treated, they haven't been nearly as included in anything as much as their cousins. There is one male grandchild, and when FIL died, he got some very sentimental things that he doesn't use or care for, just because he was male. I'm quite sure this will happen again when MIL passes. My girls will be excluded somehow, mostly because we live so far away--we all get forgotten, oh well.

I'm am assured that my own kids wouldn't fight over anything in an inheritance. I outright ask them if there's anything they want, and neither cares really. Plus they are very practical and would just borrow things from each other. If there's any money they will get 50-50. I will give away as much as possible to them ahead of time too.
 
Alex T said:
@canuk-gal Thanks Sharon. She really has become a very vile, bitter & greedy woman. My father in law spent the last two years of his life in a home due to a massive stroke that left him completely paralysed & she never visited him once. She makes me shudder. And not only that (there's more...) she wants my bro in laws 10% of FIL's company signing over to her so that she has some security for her future. WTF??!!!!
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Wow. Preying!;(
 
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