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Would you be mad if........

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tlh

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Your maid of honor wore white to your rehearsal dinner, and AGAIN to your day after brunch?
 

Definitely. Maybe

Brilliant_Rock
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It depends if it was all/mostly white. If so, then yes! I know I do not own that many solid white dresses/outfits. I would have to intentionally be thinking of wear all/mostly white to wear it. On the other hand, maybe (hopefully) it wasn''t intentional and she didn''t realize?
 

chrono

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Did you talk to her about it if it bothers you that much? Some ladies are a bit dense about such things.
 

bee*

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I''d think that she probably didn''t realise. So long as she didn''t wear white on the day, it wouldn''t bother me.
 

sunnyd

Ideal_Rock
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If she came up to me before and it was a "can''t afford another dress, this is all I have" kinda deal, then no, I wouldn''t really be mad. I mean those are smaller parties where everyone should KNOW that YOU were the bride. Right? The wedding would be a much different story however.
 

Bia

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Nope, wouldn't care.
 

tlh

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Hm, I guess I am a little uppety.

1) It was an all white dress, with no other colors designs or patterns.

2) She wore a bridesmaids dress day of, so I wasn''t offended day of...

I guess why this bothers me... is I think she did so intentionally. She was LATE to the rehearsal, my shower, and didnt attend my bachellorette party. Then she talked about how bored she was at my shower to other people who weren''t involved.. and posted pictures of her "yawning" during my shower on the internet. (Um, she got the pictures from me. mind you.) It was like she was jealous that I was getting married first. Her man even asked her father for her hand during my wedding reception... and then he and the father told everyone about it, including my maid of honor. Then she left immediately after the bridal party dance, before the party had ended.

While I was on my honeymoon, he flew her to the beach to propose. She never once asked about my honeymoon, and planned her entire wedding in 3 weeks. I should disclose that I had been a LIW for 3 years, and she met her current fiancee 6 months before my wedding.

I guess it really is more than just the dress... but part of me wonders if she did so like subconsiously. I don''t know how to bring it up, because I just feel like it was her little green monster coming up throughout the entire event. I guess I just wished my friend would have been more supportive, and I wonder if the dress was something she did intentionally or what.... I wondered what you ladies thought....
 

sunnyd

Ideal_Rock
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Oy! With the added info, I''d be mad for sure. Some people just have no brains, you know?
 

fieryred33143

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Given all of those details, I would have been annoyed. Not so much that it was an all white dress (that was a tacky thing for her to do) but that she wore it coupled with everything else (being late, being bored, acting as if she had no interest, etc.).
 

Lauren8211

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Date: 2/2/2009 12:42:57 PM
Author: tlh
Hm, I guess I am a little uppety.

1) It was an all white dress, with no other colors designs or patterns.

2) She wore a bridesmaids dress day of, so I wasn''t offended day of...

I guess why this bothers me... is I think she did so intentionally. She was LATE to the rehearsal, my shower, and didnt attend my bachellorette party. Then she talked about how bored she was at my shower to other people who weren''t involved.. and posted pictures of her ''yawning'' during my shower on the internet. (Um, she got the pictures from me. mind you.) It was like she was jealous that I was getting married first. Her man even asked her father for her hand during my wedding reception... and then he and the father told everyone about it, including my maid of honor. Then she left immediately after the bridal party dance, before the party had ended.

While I was on my honeymoon, he flew her to the beach to propose. She never once asked about my honeymoon, and planned her entire wedding in 3 weeks. I should disclose that I had been a LIW for 3 years, and she met her current fiancee 6 months before my wedding.

I guess it really is more than just the dress... but part of me wonders if she did so like subconsiously. I don''t know how to bring it up, because I just feel like it was her little green monster coming up throughout the entire event. I guess I just wished my friend would have been more supportive, and I wonder if the dress was something she did intentionally or what.... I wondered what you ladies thought....
I''m not a BWWer (YET!!) but I just wanted to chime in and tell you I know how you feel.

I have a "friend" that I''ve known 20 years, and I swear she does the most subtle things passive aggressively just to drive me crazy. My FF thinks I''m nuts when I tell him i think she did something on purpose.

If it was that friend of mine that did to me what you your friend did to you, yes, I''d absolutely be POed. If it was an otherwise innocent and supportive friend, I would not care in the least.
 

Clairitek

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Date: 2/2/2009 12:49:00 PM
Author: fieryred33143
Given all of those details, I would have been annoyed. Not so much that it was an all white dress (that was a tacky thing for her to do) but that she wore it coupled with everything else (being late, being bored, acting as if she had no interest, etc.).
I agree. The white dresses coupled with all the rest just makes for a weird and catty big picture. I''m sorry she found her own little way to taint your big day. Out of everything that she did I would say telling everyone at your reception about their engagement bring just around the corner is the tackiest.
 

tlh

Ideal_Rock
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Date: 2/2/2009 12:54:05 PM
Author: Clairitek

Date: 2/2/2009 12:49:00 PM
Author: fieryred33143
Given all of those details, I would have been annoyed. Not so much that it was an all white dress (that was a tacky thing for her to do) but that she wore it coupled with everything else (being late, being bored, acting as if she had no interest, etc.).
I agree. The white dresses coupled with all the rest just makes for a weird and catty big picture. I''m sorry she found her own little way to taint your big day. Out of everything that she did I would say telling everyone at your reception about their engagement bring just around the corner is the tackiest.
I know, he asked permission DURING the dinner at the reception... then they couldn''t wait to leave because they were going ring shopping in the moring. I was just really hurt and annoyed.
 

tlh

Ideal_Rock
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Date: 2/2/2009 12:49:55 PM
Author: elledizzy5

I''m not a BWWer (YET!!) but I just wanted to chime in and tell you I know how you feel.

I have a ''friend'' that I''ve known 20 years, and I swear she does the most subtle things passive aggressively just to drive me crazy. My FF thinks I''m nuts when I tell him i think she did something on purpose.

If it was that friend of mine that did to me what you your friend did to you, yes, I''d absolutely be POed. If it was an otherwise innocent and supportive friend, I would not care in the least.
Thank you. We''ve been friends almost that long too. I just really thought she''d be a little happier for me, and instead it was like she was angry it was happening to me first. Broke my heart.
 

tlh

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Date: 2/2/2009 10:27:34 AM
Author:tlh
Your maid of honor wore white to your rehearsal dinner, and AGAIN to your day after brunch?
Ok, to clarify, these were two DIFFERENT white dresses. Not the same one.
And no, she has NEVER worn all-white before. And no, she has not worn these dresses since.
 

mtjoya

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 1, 2008
Messages
722
yes, I don''t think that''s right. Umm...hello, bride should be the one wearing white. I would be upset too. Sorry, honey.
 

Fleur_de_Lis

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114
I can understand being upset about a lot of the stuff she did, however, you getting angry because she wore white before and after your wedding day, I truly see no point. I'm sure everyone at the rehearsal dinner and brunch knew you were the bride, so what does it matter if the girl wore an all white dress on both occasions? Me personally, I couldn't care less if she wore all white on my wedding day, so I sure as heck wouldn't care about the day before and especially not about the day after.
 

sunnyd

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Date: 2/2/2009 1:07:01 PM
Author: tlh

Date: 2/2/2009 10:27:34 AM
Author:tlh
Your maid of honor wore white to your rehearsal dinner, and AGAIN to your day after brunch?
Ok, to clarify, these were two DIFFERENT white dresses. Not the same one.
And no, she has NEVER worn all-white before. And no, she has not worn these dresses since.
That seems just plain mean. Like she was trying to take the focus. Sorry tlh.
 

tlh

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Date: 2/2/2009 1:38:13 PM
Author: .Jenevieve.
I can understand being upset about a lot of the stuff she did, however, you getting angry because she wore white before and after your wedding day, I truly see no point. I''m sure everyone at the rehearsal dinner and brunch knew you were the bride, so what does it matter if the girl wore an all white dress on both occasions? Me personally, I couldn''t care less if she wore all white on my wedding day, so I sure as heck wouldn''t care about the day before and especially not about the day after.
I know, and honestly I wouldnt care. It is just strange... I guess... but I could just be projecting intentions onto her that weren''t there. It was just this paired with everything else... it just seemed strange.

At the time I just thought, maybe she thought white = weddings, and bought the dresses because she thought it would be appropriate... .it was not until much later paired w/ everything else, that I just thought anything else about it. Like a delayed reaction.
 

violet3

Ideal_Rock
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Date: 2/2/2009 12:42:57 PM
Author: tlh
Hm, I guess I am a little uppety.

1) It was an all white dress, with no other colors designs or patterns.

2) She wore a bridesmaids dress day of, so I wasn't offended day of...

I guess why this bothers me... is I think she did so intentionally. She was LATE to the rehearsal, my shower, and didnt attend my bachellorette party. Then she talked about how bored she was at my shower to other people who weren't involved.. and posted pictures of her 'yawning' during my shower on the internet. (Um, she got the pictures from me. mind you.) It was like she was jealous that I was getting married first. Her man even asked her father for her hand during my wedding reception... and then he and the father told everyone about it, including my maid of honor. Then she left immediately after the bridal party dance, before the party had ended.

While I was on my honeymoon, he flew her to the beach to propose. She never once asked about my honeymoon, and planned her entire wedding in 3 weeks. I should disclose that I had been a LIW for 3 years, and she met her current fiancee 6 months before my wedding.

I guess it really is more than just the dress... but part of me wonders if she did so like subconsiously. I don't know how to bring it up, because I just feel like it was her little green monster coming up throughout the entire event. I guess I just wished my friend would have been more supportive, and I wonder if the dress was something she did intentionally or what.... I wondered what you ladies thought....
I wouldn't care that much about the white dress wearing (although i can see how it's annoying if intentional), but these other things WOULD bother me - she doesn't sound like a particularly nice person.
So sorry to hear you are sad about all this - don't let it ruin the beautiful memories of your special day! (hugs)
 

havernell

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 10, 2006
Messages
571
I wouldn''t be mad at your friend. Rather, I''d truly feel sorry for her because she is obviously not fulfilled in her own life. And that''s a tragedy.

In the case of someone wearing white to wedding events in general (not just this friend, but anyone), I personally wouldn''t be mad, but I''d be embarrassed FOR the person who wore white because they are making themselves look silly in front of all of the other guests who have an understanding of wedding etiquette and know that''s a faux pas.
 

violet3

Ideal_Rock
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Date: 2/2/2009 3:06:08 PM
Author: havernell
I wouldn''t be mad at your friend. Rather, I''d truly feel sorry for her because she is obviously not fulfilled in her own life. And that''s a tragedy.

In the case of someone wearing white to wedding events in general (not just this friend, but anyone), I personally wouldn''t be mad, but I''d be embarrassed FOR the person who wore white because they are making themselves look silly in front of all of the other guests who have an understanding of wedding etiquette and know that''s a faux pas.
Both of these are excellent points havernell - ditto to all of the above!
 

FrekeChild

Super_Ideal_Rock
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19,456
I probably wouldn''t care, but most of that is because I''m not wearing white to my own wedding.

However, if I were you, yes I would be angry. That was completely passive aggressive.
 

Definitely. Maybe

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
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Messages
582
I am honestly really not sure what you should do about it. She is just being passive aggressive. I am not a very aggressive person, so I wouldn't be able to bring up something like that and say I was made. Just not worth it in my opinion. Sorry she did that to you, I think she was just jealous you were having your big day before her.

You could always do nothing now and find a fabulous white dress for her wedding.
I mean it is normal, right?
 

tlh

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Ladies, thanks so much. I am not one to hold onto grudges, I was just thinking about it all. Actually a LIW question made me think about it. I thought that I was crazy, and maybe just being a grouch... but now looking back, it just really feels like she was jealous.

Thanks for giving me your feedback. I don''t feel so crazy now!
 

honey22

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 28, 2007
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4,458
Wow, some people have no respect for others do they? How could he ask her father at your day? That''s just tacky and rude.

Don''t let her bother you sweetie, just enjoy being happily married to your DH. Friends like that are poison, they will just bring you down if you let them.

On the whole white dress thing, I knew a bride, whose father''s new wife wore a white dress on her wedding day. Here she is in all the professional photos wearing white? WTH? I am sure some people don''t mean to do stuff like this, but rather that they just don''t think.

That said, in your friends case (I use this term loosly) she knew exactly what she was doing, and people will remember her for her bad behavior, not because she ''outshone the bride''.
 

tlh

Ideal_Rock
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Date: 2/2/2009 4:02:36 PM
Author: Definitely, Maybe
I am honestly really not sure what you should do about it. She is just being passive aggressive. I am not a very aggressive person, so I wouldn''t be able to bring up something like that and say I was made. Just not worth it in my opinion. Sorry she did that to you, I think she was just jealous you were having your big day before her.

You could always do nothing now and find a fabulous white dress for her wedding.
I mean it is normal, right?
I''d be just WICKED to do that... and the strange thing... she''d probably tell me to go home and change! haha!
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Messages
12,170
After reading your following post, then I would be pissed! It does sound very passive aggressive of her and it would annoy me.
 

tlh

Ideal_Rock
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Actually wouldnt it be funny if I wore my wedding dress AGAIN!!! haha! To her rehearsal dinner? Ok, now I am just being ridiculous.

Actually my DH made me laugh soo loud about it... he said to get preggers... and announce it during the toasts! haha!
"Here''s to the bride and groom... but I can''t drink, because I''m pregnant!"


Of COURSE I am kidding, but it is just like my DH to say something soo ridiculously funny to cheer me up!
 

Italiahaircolor

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Traditionally, only the bride should wear white to wedding related events...however, speaking in a ''modern'' tone...as a bride, you get one day to shine--no more, no less.

It could go either way...but remembering where my mind was at around my wedding, honestly, probably not...I had much bigger fish to fry.
 
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