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Will you have an engagement party?

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Deelight

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We will be having one when we get out backyard sorted :).

Most people here just have a backyard BBQ bash which is what we plan on doing with a little bit of extra flair - a garden party if you will :). I just want an excuse to throw a party and this one will be a good as one as any :)/
 

Dannielle

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Ours is this Saturday night.. 4 1/2 months after becoming engaged!

We are having it at a Rowing club on the water. Its just going to be a cocktail funtion with finger food, dancing, cocktails and cake!

It should be really beautful, but it sure did cost a pretty penny
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sba771

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We had one, but I didn't want it. His parents wanted to throw it but I ended up doing it all. picking the venue, invites, RSVP's and this was all on top of planning an international move. It kind of became our going away and engagement party and we moved two days later. It stunk because I had to write all the thank you notes in 1 day. My mom was really against it, which was also frustrating because she thought it was gift grabby. The whole thing, for me, was dramatic and kind of annoying, but it made my FILs happy.

I'm inspired by Musey:


To your list:

-parents meeting dinner: ours met when my mom came to visit early on

-engagement party: had one- kind of annoyed by it, but the party itself was fun

-dinner to introduce the moh/bridesmaids/etc: nah, they will meet when we dress shop since they are all local, other than 1 girl who I am on the fence about asking

-bridal shower: don't want one, not a fan of being the center of attention, but a family friend who has an AMAZING historic mansion has been planning on giving me one since I was 5, so I am going with it

-bachelorette party: Im don't a drinker so this is not too appealing to me- I would rather have a spa day, but we are considering a fun couples weekend in Las Vegas so I would be up for that

-bridesmaid's luncheon (which is done at the end to thank them for their help) : All my bridesmaids are doing is standing up at the ceremony with me, so I probably won't be doing this since I am getting them gifts and maybe even buying their dresses. While I appreciate their support, I will probably just write them all nice notes.

-rehearsal dinner: FI wants one but I am fasting and going to mikvah the night before our wedding, plus it would be during shabbat which would probably offend my family, so not doing but I told FI I would be happy to suggest places he and his family/friends could go for a fun dinner

-wedding: SO PSYCHED!

-post-wedding brunch: my mom really wants one but I am trying to convince her not to spend more money!
 

supergirl10

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Jun 21, 2008
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Yes we had one. I wasn''t originally keen on it, but his mother had her HEART set on it so we kind of just went with it.

I also have an extremely large family, we ended up having 40 people which was less than half of the family that should have been invited. It was just a buffet meal at a hall nothing flash at all. We split the bill in quarter with MIL&husband 1/4, my parents 1/4, his FIL&wife 1/4 and us 1/4. I think that was fair.
 

kat6

Rough_Rock
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I hope not. I''d rather put the money toward the wedding. I don''t think my boyfriend cares and doubt my parents (or his) would either. We might end up having a celebratory dinner with our parents or something along those lines, but nothing formal.

Of the list in the original post, I would guess that we''ll only have the hen''s (bachelorette) night and the wedding. If there is any rehearsal dinner it would just be an informal, ''maybe we should go have something to eat'' thing. I don''t really want anything else.
 

Winks_Elf

Brilliant_Rock
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I''ve never had an engagement party, and this will be my third marriage!
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Considering my family has not met his family (he has a married sister, married brother, and single brother...both parents are deceased), we''ll most likely have a family-only bbq at someone''s house. Just not sure who the someone will be, but more likely than not it will be his sister''s.
 

audball

Ideal_Rock
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Though in the very distant future, when the time comes, we will likely have no engagement party involving family. Maybe go out with a few friends for dinner or something. The end plan will be to not be engaged for very long at all and basically start planning our destination elopement for hopefully no more than 3-6 months from engagement and send out wedding announcements to inform the family of the union. Since those are sort of the plans, an engagement party would defeat the point of not involving the family for us.
 

CrookedRock

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I personally love the idea of an engagement party. I had one planned myself and then due to a falling out with my Mom I chose to cancel it. I am still bummed about that, but it was best in that situation. I will add too that ours was only 50 people and being done at my parents home and it was going to be in the $5k range. So I am in shock that you can have that many people for $7k! I agree that a lot of that has to do with your area.
But I love the idea. For me an engagement party is more fun than a wedding.
If though the $7k would significantly help you financially with something else, than I totally understand taking the cash and running! LOL
 

Definitely. Maybe

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
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582
Haven''t ever thought about it. I don''t expect to be engaged for a few years so that may be why. I am a pretty shy person also so I don''t think I''d want to add another party with the attention centered around me... I''ll be just fine with a wedding only. :)
 

xoxo

Shiny_Rock
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oh I would really love too, but maybe more like a small get together. Hmm probably like an intimate setting that would be exciting I think.
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trillionaire

Ideal_Rock
Joined
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I''ve really been enjoying reading the varied responses to e-parties and all of the other wedding celebrations. A girlfriend of mine is getting married and is stressing about her process and her costs, and I have been telling her about PS. She was really blown away by all of the ''celebrations'' surrounding weddings and was lamenting how out of control the wedding industrial complex has gotten. It IS a bit crazy when you think about it. Parties to celebrate parties reminded me of appetizers, which is food to prepare you for food, lol!
 

gryffindor

Shiny_Rock
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As far as the engagement party, I think each side is going to want to throw one. Although I would be fine with the dinner with close friends/family only (like a total of <30 people), I don't think the community situation of the parents would appreciate that. We have been to lots of engagement parties with good food and lots of fanfare at banquet halls and to not have one for us would not make us look good in our communities. I do like Dannielle's idea of finger foods, cocktails, and cake. I think I may take this event and do something creative with it rather than the usual buffet in a banquet hall with a slideshow since it will be smaller than the wedding and there are less expectations for it.

My parents, FF, and FF's extended family are also all located in the NJ/NYC areas and the thought of wedding costs up there makes me want to cry. I am determined to not get taken advantage of and to strike a bargain wherever I can, but I think everything will still end up being more than other parts of the coutry. Destination wedding is not an option for us.

FF sent me this link yesterday:http://money.cnn.com/galleries/2009/news/0902/gallery.wedding_jitters/index.html

They didn't feature any couples from the Northeast, I'm guessing because wedding costs would have skewed the figures they were using in the slideshow. I don't think you can have a party in the bowling alley for $15/person for even a child's b-day party in NJ; I bet a rehearsal dinner would be more. But this budget and event obviously works for the couple in Wylie, TX.

Bachelorette party - I have never cared for this, but I went to New Orleans for the first time in December and have been intrigued ever since. Most of my friends have never been there, and it's closer and cheaper than Vegas for us east coast people. I'm absolutely not interested in the events that involve males with strategically placed scraps of clothing, but I felt the atmosphere there is just the right level of debauchery that my friends & I would enjoy for a Friday - Sunday trip. It might be fun, but I don't know how much I feel up to planning stuff like this yet.
 

tessari

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jun 27, 2008
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166
Yes! Big engagement party abroad with all of our immediate family and some friends traveling with us from here to there and it''s mostly for our family abroad who won''t be able to make the trip to the west coast. I think it will be 100 or so people...It''s going to be on FI''s family-turf. I''m trying to keep it low-key although everyone else (mostly FI''s family) is trying to inflate the price and make it all fancy and stuff. BBQ sounds perfect to me!
 

princesss

Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Okay, here''s my dream scenario:

We get engaged. A few month or two later, we have a big engagement party. Maybe my parents could come (they live in a different country on a different continent, though, so who knows), and maybe not. But the whole point would be to have a big celebration with family and friends. Mostly his family, because I adore them and love to party with them, and my family is nowhere near as tightly knit. But it wouldn''t be anything terribly formal.

Then a few months later, we have a tiny destination wedding, with parents, siblings, and a few really close friends.

That way we get to celebrate with his HUGE extended family and lots of our friends (his family and our friends are party animals), but I still get my intimate wedding. It''s not that I want a small wedding to save $$$$ (though that would be a benefit if I didn''t have to factor in an engagement party), it''s that I feel the vows are such an intensely private, special moment that I''m not sure I want to share that moment and that vulnerability with a ton of people. I know a lot of people love having everybody there to watch them make those promises, but for some reason I feel incredibly private and protective of just how deep my feelings for him run.
 

babygirl

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 11, 2008
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120
Hahaha, I love this thread.. well, since I''m not currently engaged and am mostly just daydreaming/scheming about everything, here''s my few $.00s (should everything unfold as I secretly hope it will!)

-parents meeting dinner- Our parents met after we''d been dating for 6 or 7 months. My parents live 1000 miles away from me, bf, his parents and were in town for a weekend and we got everyone together. I totally didn''t think anything of it... until my friends were all like, ummm, are you two getting engaged soon? Hah, oops, we had no idea!


-engagement party- I''ve helped throw two of these for close friends.. We had maybe 30-40 of the couples'' friends (no family except siblings) and sort of a low-key, potluck party. I had a blast at both and sort of hope someone throws one for me


-dinner to introduce the moh/bridesmaids/etc- I don''t think I''d do this personally. Most of the friends I''d ask to be in the wedding have already met- plus they''re scattered around the country!


-bridal shower- Although I always feel awkward at these, I''ll probably have one or two.

-bachelorette party- Hopefully!! I''m not one for a big, wild weekend, but we did a relaxing girls weekend bachelorette party for a gf on Cape Cod last year and it was so much fun. I''m hoping for something like that!

-bridesmaid''s luncheon (which is done at the end to thank them for their help-I''m a big fan of these- I''d probably do this the day of the rehearsal dinner. A friend did manis/pedis for us and had lunch and champagne brought into the salon, which was a great idea.

-rehearsal dinner- Yes, and I have about a gazillion family members to invite... maybe I''ll just tell them its BYOD (bring your own dinner!)

-wedding-I hope so!

-post-wedding brunch-Possibly, but I think we may have too many people we''d "have" to invite... so I''m not sure

Shoot- sorry ladies, I wrote all this down and then realized I totally got off track from what NF originally posted. Oops, got a little too chatty, as per usual!

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trillionaire

Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Date: 2/18/2009 10:32:45 PM
Author: princesss

I feel the vows are such an intensely private, special moment that I''m not sure I want to share that moment and that vulnerability with a ton of people. I know a lot of people love having everybody there to watch them make those promises, but for some reason I feel incredibly private and protective of just how deep my feelings for him run.

I feel EXACTLY the same way, but everyone acts like this is really weird! Glad I am not the only one! I would much rather have a big engagement party than a wedding!
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4ever

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 9, 2008
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2,260
Of course! Any excuse for a party
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I just see it as more of a party then the wedding. The wedding is so formal where as an engagment party can be much more.....party-ish.

In saying that, it will probably be a big BBQ with all the extended family, lots of wine and lots and lots of yummy BBQ food
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I''m a simple kinda girl really.

I would love it to be a good opertunity for my family and his to get to know each other better but unfortunally, his family and friends are all in the UK so It would mostly be my family......all the more reason to fly to the UK and have enagment party number two in my opinion, but we''ll have to wait and see about that
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Blackpaw

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 26, 2008
Messages
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Date: 2/19/2009 1:45:14 AM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 2/18/2009 10:32:45 PM
Author: princesss

I feel the vows are such an intensely private, special moment that I''m not sure I want to share that moment and that vulnerability with a ton of people. I know a lot of people love having everybody there to watch them make those promises, but for some reason I feel incredibly private and protective of just how deep my feelings for him run.

I feel EXACTLY the same way, but everyone acts like this is really weird! Glad I am not the only one! I would much rather have a big engagement party than a wedding!
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Im the same, the thought of everyone looking at me walking alone down an aisle, then saying those things, makes me tremble with fear!! the thought of it being just the two of us though just feels really special and romantic...

sadly ill probably be stuck with a few people watching at least....maybe ill just get drunk for the ceremony
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trillionaire

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 18, 2008
Messages
3,881
Date: 2/19/2009 12:55:56 PM
Author: Blackpaw
Date: 2/19/2009 1:45:14 AM

Author: trillionaire


Date: 2/18/2009 10:32:45 PM

Author: princesss


I feel the vows are such an intensely private, special moment that I'm not sure I want to share that moment and that vulnerability with a ton of people. I know a lot of people love having everybody there to watch them make those promises, but for some reason I feel incredibly private and protective of just how deep my feelings for him run.


I feel EXACTLY the same way, but everyone acts like this is really weird! Glad I am not the only one! I would much rather have a big engagement party than a wedding!
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Im the same, the thought of everyone looking at me walking alone down an aisle, then saying those things, makes me tremble with fear!! the thought of it being just the two of us though just feels really special and romantic...


sadly ill probably be stuck with a few people watching at least....maybe ill just get drunk for the ceremony
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LOL, good plan! I will tell FF that either we elope, or he can expect a drunk Bride!!!
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How's that for a classy ultimatum?
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princesss

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 18, 2007
Messages
8,035
Date: 2/19/2009 2:14:00 PM
Author: trillionaire
Date: 2/19/2009 12:55:56 PM

Author: Blackpaw

Date: 2/19/2009 1:45:14 AM


Author: trillionaire



Date: 2/18/2009 10:32:45 PM


Author: princesss



I feel the vows are such an intensely private, special moment that I''m not sure I want to share that moment and that vulnerability with a ton of people. I know a lot of people love having everybody there to watch them make those promises, but for some reason I feel incredibly private and protective of just how deep my feelings for him run.



I feel EXACTLY the same way, but everyone acts like this is really weird! Glad I am not the only one! I would much rather have a big engagement party than a wedding!
36.gif
Im the same, the thought of everyone looking at me walking alone down an aisle, then saying those things, makes me tremble with fear!! the thought of it being just the two of us though just feels really special and romantic...



sadly ill probably be stuck with a few people watching at least....maybe ill just get drunk for the ceremony
11.gif
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LOL, good plan! I will tell FF that either we elope, or he can expect a drunk Bride!!!
31.gif
How''s that for a classy ultimatum?
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I am SO GLAD I''m not the only person who feels like this. I feel like everybody and their dog looks at me funny when I say this. But that''s a HUGE moment in a relationship, and it''s pretty intense. I''m not sure I want to share that.

As a bonus, though, a small wedding means you''re more likely to be able to go to some awesome location for it.
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trillionaire

Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Messages
3,881
BlackPaw and Princess, come down to Who's Who on Princess' thread!!! We can talk about our 'intimacy issues', lol, without taking over poor NakedFinger's thread!


Sorry Naked!
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NakedFinger

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
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Messages
690
Date: 2/17/2009 8:05:11 PM
Author: Dreamgirl


Date: 2/17/2009 5:10:31 PM
Author: NakedFinger

Haha Gwen & DreamGirl....where are you guys from? Im in nyc, and in a land of 6 figure weddings, and where $40k is considered a 'cheap' wedding, $7,000 on an engagement party doesnt seem all that bad to me!
And on a final note......this statement here is what set me off. Not even nail_polish's statment. I found THIS statment very brash and boisterous. So I got defensive. It was never intended against nail_polish.

THATS what set me off. (for the record)


WOOOOAAAWWWW....look at me, I was gone for a few days and come back to find out I started a fight. jeesh!
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Dreamgirl....Im sorry I in NOOO way was implying that NYC is better than other areas.....that I am better than anyone, and/or that places where/people who dont spend a lot of money on weddings is anything less than me/nyc. If it came off condescending, superior, and or conceited thats my bad ( and the downfall of the inability to note sarcasm and tone of voice through the internet).



On the contrary, I was actually just voicing my astonishment for how f*cked up nyc is!! lol I realized that I didnt even flinch when nail_polish said $7,000 on an e-party, meanwhile i noticed so many others saying that they could throw their wedding for that amount. I was just surprised (I guess growing up in this area, you dont realize how way off base I am) that this was possible elsewhere, and was thinking "DDDDD***MMMMNNN where do they live? Im having my wedding THERE!!!"



But again, no boisterous vibe here. As someone paying for their own wedding, I can assure you I am not that we'll off! Do I think its a lot of money to spend, yes. Will I spend it if I have it...YEESSS! lol I cant complain about expensive weddings, because as a wedding planner....they are what keep me PAID! lol



(But again, my bad if it came across that way. I was so suprised to come back and find you so upset. That wasnt my intention babe. I was actually just trying to give you props for even being able to have a wedding for 7k, I SO wish I could!
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)

And thank you to Musey for your quote: I didn't read it that way myself. It's true that new york (and therefore weddings IN new york) is quite expensive, so NakedFinger was just being honest about that. She wasn't saying that $40k is nothing, just that it generally costs a lot more to throw a wedding in that area. It's not really the same as saying "look at me, look at me, I have so much money that I wanted to throw $300k away on a wedding!"

The way that I read it, anyway.

That is correct, thank you.

 

ringless

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 31, 2008
Messages
481
Of course!
 

gwendolyn

Ideal_Rock
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NakedFinger, hey, sorry, didn''t see earlier that you asked me a question! Sorry ''bout that.
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To answer, I currently live just outside of London but am American (have only lived here for a year and a half). I''m originally from Maryland. Although, I''m not sure how much our location has to do with things--we will be paying for the wedding ourselves, we are an international couple so we''ve got lots of immigration paperwork to pay for in addition to the engagement ring and wedding we have to save up for (and a house too!). So the wedding itself can''t be that expensive even if we wanted it to be because there simply isn''t enough money (we are barely scraping by at the moment with me supporting us both for the first few months we lived together because the job market is crap).

So, yeah. My guess is that it''s not so much about where we live, but the fact that we''ve got lots of things to save for and that we''re not getting any financial help to pay for the wedding. So, the Brit equivalent of the court house and McDonald''s it may very well be!
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musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Messages
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Date: 2/20/2009 11:08:09 AM
Author: NakedFinger
And thank you to Musey for your quote: I didn''t read it that way myself. It''s true that new york (and therefore weddings IN new york) is quite expensive, so NakedFinger was just being honest about that. She wasn''t saying that $40k is nothing, just that it generally costs a lot more to throw a wedding in that area. It''s not really the same as saying ''look at me, look at me, I have so much money that I wanted to throw $300k away on a wedding!''

The way that I read it, anyway.

That is correct, thank you.
No problem, I gotya
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fieryred33143

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Joined
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Messages
6,689
When we first got engaged, we were going to have an engagement party at a restaurant that was going to cost us around $2,000. We had decided to go that route because we were *not* going to have a wedding. We were going to have a private ceremony with our immediate family, followed by a dinner. We opted out of the engagement party after everyone in my family almost lost their hair when they heard our plans. So we nixed the plans and started all over.

Then I got knocked up.

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MoonWater

Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Messages
3,158
Date: 2/19/2009 10:10:10 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 2/19/2009 2:14:00 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 2/19/2009 12:55:56 PM

Author: Blackpaw


Date: 2/19/2009 1:45:14 AM


Author: trillionaire




Date: 2/18/2009 10:32:45 PM


Author: princesss



I feel the vows are such an intensely private, special moment that I''m not sure I want to share that moment and that vulnerability with a ton of people. I know a lot of people love having everybody there to watch them make those promises, but for some reason I feel incredibly private and protective of just how deep my feelings for him run.



I feel EXACTLY the same way, but everyone acts like this is really weird! Glad I am not the only one! I would much rather have a big engagement party than a wedding!
36.gif
Im the same, the thought of everyone looking at me walking alone down an aisle, then saying those things, makes me tremble with fear!! the thought of it being just the two of us though just feels really special and romantic...



sadly ill probably be stuck with a few people watching at least....maybe ill just get drunk for the ceremony
11.gif
9.gif


LOL, good plan! I will tell FF that either we elope, or he can expect a drunk Bride!!!
31.gif
How''s that for a classy ultimatum?
9.gif

I am SO GLAD I''m not the only person who feels like this. I feel like everybody and their dog looks at me funny when I say this. But that''s a HUGE moment in a relationship, and it''s pretty intense. I''m not sure I want to share that.

As a bonus, though, a small wedding means you''re more likely to be able to go to some awesome location for it.
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Add me to this group, this is why we only had 13 guests at our wedding. I was willing to do a big party post wedding but there was no way all of those people were gonna see me get married.
 
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