Will I EVER stop wanting things?

[Snowdrop13]

Another Clarice collector? In all the years I’ve been collecting I’ve never actually seen in person (or at auction) any May Avenue. What I did see was two pieces once from the Jazz collection. I went to the auction, the estimate on each piece was $2k / $3k. Ha. They went, each, closer to $20k. My favourite pattern is Gibraltar.

Yes! I have a favourite seller and he occasionally gets nice May Avenue in, I have never felt able to cough up the money so far but I will when I see what I want (a vase or plate with the whole pattern visible). I looked up Gibraltar- wow, so so pretty! I love the stylised patterns, my favourite is Sunray.

 

[diamondyes]

Ok, so I’m just sitting here on a Sunday morning, musing on life, as you do, reading the Ban Island thread. Like many people on here I’ve been collecting jewellery for years, probably 25 or more. I have a sizeable collection and am beginning to realise that I don’t have enough years left to wear it all! And yet I still crave and covet. I’ve bought 4 pieces this year so far and still “want” another thing (an automatic watch). I’d love more VCA, a bigger diamond, some nice sapphires, etc etc. When will it end? Or how best to manage my expectations?

Sounds like hedonic adaptation. I have it too!

 

[Snowdrop13]

There’s nothing wrong wanting things.
I had “a list” from my mid teens of material items I wanted to have. A part of my liked the “wanting” because it gave me impetus to earn money / save to acquire those things. I felt proud of myself for my achievements. Later my wants got more sophisticated, it had to be challenging, not just “splash the cash”.
These days there’s nothing on the want list and no more desire for acquisition challenges.
These days I try and understand what it is I’m wanting and why. When younger I wanted the latest fashion to be fashionable, I went the gym to be fit and slim, I liked expensive things because to me they meant “work and success”. Fortunately those days are behind me.
Just so long as your desires arent masking other issues (why you need to understand WHY you want) like boredom, unhappiness, stress etc, then wanting and getting isn’t bad. It’s bad if you’re trying to fill or cover other things.

I think this is my worry, that I’m spending too much time planning purchases and using them as a destressor AND boredom reliever. My job (healthcare) has been so utterly consuming there isn’t much left. I need to expand my interests.

 

[Snowdrop13]

Sounds like hedonic adaptation. I have it too!

That is a good description, I can use it to explain it to my husband! Makes it sound like an illness!

 

[Snowdrop13]

I love sparkly things always have, but I find as I get older I don't want or need new things, since COVID hit I have quit wearing my rings, I sometimes will throw a ring on but it is rare, I wear a bracelet once in awhile but they are a pain to put on and take off so most times I don't even do that...the only staple that I seldom take off is my apple watch....so you might get to a point where you don't want or need new things, but that doesn't keep you from looking at them and thinking dang I would like to have that...I will also admit that I have a powerful motivator, lack of money, now that hubby is retired we are barley above poverty level (lower middle class), we didn't plan for retirement very well....so maybe if we had money I might feel different, not sure.

I wish I had planned many things better, you are not alone. But I agree, I can’t see me wearing loads of jewellery in the future either, which makes it all the more ridiculous!

 

[Snowdrop13]

Hi @Mreader and @Snowdrop13, I think it was a combination of factors. I love my collection and feel satiated.
Completely satiated in terms of bling. I really want (and definitely do not need but when was that ever a factor for any of us lol) for nothing jewelry wise.

To answer your question @Snowdrop13, I suppose also reaching the age I am has put a perspective on things as well.

But truly, in my heart, I have always been a minimalist and the jewelry obsession (for lack of a better word) was an enjoyable hobby and I am happy admiring and enjoying what I have.
I never wore much jewelry at a time. At most two rings (ER and WB) and earrings with an occasional necklace or bracelet but for the most part I wear one or two things at max.

I don't even browse IG jewelry sites anymore. For the most part. It no longer draws me in.
I have many passions and interests and I still consider jewelry one of them. Occasionally I will check out a few of my favorite sites online but my interests have shifted.

I always say to my husband that the one precious resource we can never have enough of (IMO) is time. There are a limited number of hours in the day so we must choose our priorities. In my opinion, the most important choices we can ever make are how we use our time. And I am well aware of time speeding by but then again that is because I enjoy each moment of the day and am fully engaged in whatever I'm doing at the moment. Time is free but it is also priceless.

Every hour of the waking day is busy and I feel fully engaged in life and activities and am happy and content.
I suppose the jewelry hobby was a part of my daily enjoyable life for many years as is Pricescope still to this day. But my passions have shifted and while I still love jewelry and enjoy PS and PSers other activities have taken front and center and I enjoy them more than browsing, searching and yearning for more bling. I have enough and what I have is perfect for me.

At least for now. No one can predict the future so I take life one day at a time and go with my heart.

The weird thing is, I am also a minimalist with OCD tendencies. I would love to have 5 or 6 solid expensive pieces, instead of which I have 25 lesser pieces. Trouble is, if you wait to save up you’d never buy anything until it was too late!

I saw a couple of very elegant French ladies of a certain age on a TGV train once- they were both simply dressed in shift dresses and flat pumps. One had the most gorgeous diamond Cartier Trinity ring, the other a solid diamond studded bangle. They looked amazing. That’s how I’d like it. If only!

 

[siamese3]

I love this thread because it's a question I revisit from time to time, even though as I get older, I continue to understand myself and my motivations better than I ever did. I really love reading the responses and the insights that people post. Some of them are really thought provoking. I have enjoyed reading everyone's perspective on this topic. I recently found myself ready to jump back down the rabbit hole, and really got myself worked up over finally finding and acquiring "the one" ring, stone that would be the HG, but in a few weeks' time, I have let go of it. While I have enjoyed pricescope for many years, I often find that I have to take "breaks" because it simply exposes me to too many beautiful things. I will always be a person who appreciates and loves all sorts of lovely jewelry, but in reality, for me I have learned that although beautiful, they are only things. There have been many reasons that I have sought out items beyond just that they brought me joy, and most of those reasons I now understand were pretty unhealthy. Or at least trying to fill holes, or solve problems that they never could, or to distract me from things I didn't wish to experience or face. I think I am in the camp of @missy in just truly wanting health and happiness for those I love most of all. There will always be things that I think are lovely and I would enjoy owning, but I also feel like it's helpful to think of all the pieces I already own and don't really wear very often. I've actually been thinking it may be time to do a big clean out so someone else could enjoy things I rarely wear. It's so curious to me how we spend so much of our lives acquiring things and then get to a point where all you want to do is unclutter your life and live simply. Humans ‍

 

[dk168]

This is part of it for me- get older, more disposable income, bigger items possible. But where to stop? No point in having this endless pile….. Clearing out my Ma in law’s home has really made me think about “stuff” in general.

I get that, however, the other side of the coin for me is to enjoy myself while I still can.

DK

 

[stracci2000]

I never stop wanting jewelry.
I think about jewelry day and night. No lie.
OCD, you know........
But I let the jewelry find me. I love pawn shops. If I am out and about, and I stop into one, chances are that I will see something I like. But not always.
If it speaks to me and the price is negotiable, I might buy it.
A great deal of my collection is also from thrift stores, antique malls, yard sales, etc.
I love the hunt, and I always want more.

 

[DutchJackie]

I guess I will never stop wanting things. I try to differentiate between wanting and buying. I love looking at bracelets but I know I won’t wear them. Same for large rings and heavy necklaces. I’m allowed to look and admire and occasionally also want. But anything I buy needs to be part of my wardrobe so to speak. Otherwise it’s of no use.

 

[SparklieBug]

It's so curious to me how we spend so much of our lives acquiring things and then get to a point where all you want to do is unclutter your life and live simply. Humans ‍

+1. I'm looking at all things from the perspective of whether an object is something I'm happy to release to the wild. I have some sentimental things that are still in boxes, and if I'm really honest, I could just let them go. Going through my parents' and my inlaws' things gave me a better view—one's person's treasure doesn't equate to that being a treasure for anyone else. That goes for jewelry and anything else in our household. But...I procrastinate a bit. So, not quite ready to let it go.

Re always wanting more, like others have mentioned, if I'm on PS, IG or Etsy, my sparklie-hunting urges kick in. If I stay off these sites, in particular, then I'm very happy with what I have. I will also go through stages of lo-o-o-onging for something, then suddenly I'm over it. And the next thing appears. So I've learned to wait a while to see if I'm still interested. Plus, I get stuck in analysis paralysis, so by the time I might make up my mind, said item is long since sold.

 

[nala]

Lots of good insight shared here already.
As for me, I don’t want to stop wanting things. Amid all of the must do’s and obligations, it’s fun to look forward to something that I WANT to do—like shop for unnecessary frivolities, and then spend hours gazing at them—and reliving the enjoyment each time I wear them. Not doing anyone any harm and they don’t take up a lot of space, are easy to get rid of, and many times I can get my money back and then some!
I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again—if I’m still enjoying wanting jewelry—it’s because all is well in my life. My loved ones are well, I am healthy and I have zero other worries. I’ve been through some dark times and there was no desire for jewelry—so dead did I feel inside.
That said, I have separate budgets for all the priorities in life and I don’t go into debt for this luxury.
The least of my worries Is spending my DD’s inheritance. I gave that young lady all of me and she has been financially independent since she turned 22. She turned 24 today. I will happily spend what I earn on myself moving forward because my job is done. The idea of dying rich doesn’t appeal to me. The idea of leaving a huge legacy to anyone—amassing a lifetime of wealth for others to squander ungratefully—doesn’t sway me to save all of my disposable income. Yes, I’m preparing to take care of myself in the long term as I age, but in order to get there, I have to enjoy the little things in life.

 

[siamese3]

+1. I'm looking at all things from the perspective of whether an object is something I'm happy to release to the wild. I have some sentimental things that are still in boxes, and if I'm really honest, I could just let them go. Going through my parents' and my inlaws' things gave me a better view—one's person's treasure doesn't equate to that being a treasure for anyone else. That goes for jewelry and anything else in our household. But...I procrastinate a bit. So, not quite ready to let it go.

Re always wanting more, like others have mentioned, if I'm on PS, IG or Etsy, my sparklie-hunting urges kick in. If I stay off these sites, in particular, then I'm very happy with what I have. I will also go through stages of lo-o-o-onging for something, then suddenly I'm over it. And the next thing appears. So I've learned to wait a while to see if I'm still interested. Plus, I get stuck in analysis paralysis, so by the time I might make up my mind, said item is long since sold.

Agree with so much of this as well!! The last sentence, lol.. happens to me most of the time, and I am generally pretty happy about it. I have tried to resist anything kind of purchase that requires an immediate impulse- like decision. I also have many things I could part with, although I have had occasion to fall back in love with a piece I had had tucked away for years. The beauty of having too much stuff

 

[TooPatient]

I don't think you will stop wanting so much as change focus. I lost a beautiful custom pendant and quit wearing most things. Now with having ducks and chickens, I can't wear much and find myself taking everything off as soon as I get home. I spend almost no time looking at the beautiful sparklies and wanting them (don't get me wrong, I love to see the amazing photos everyone here shares!) and more time browsing various breeds of ducks, chickens, geese, bees, and other such stuff. Plus all the cool things I could have for them to play with! That and the ever growing wish list at the nursery for fruits and berries I want to add....
I also find myself spending more time just sitting in the yard and enjoying where we are right now.

 

[Autumn in New England]

Ok, so I’m just sitting here on a Sunday morning, musing on life, as you do, reading the Ban Island thread. Like many people on here I’ve been collecting jewellery for years, probably 25 or more. I have a sizeable collection and am beginning to realise that I don’t have enough years left to wear it all! And yet I still crave and covet. I’ve bought 4 pieces this year so far and still “want” another thing (an automatic watch). I’d love more VCA, a bigger diamond, some nice sapphires, etc etc. When will it end? Or how best to manage my expectations?

I think we can all relate, my friend! Do you know what I finally did to combat this very problem? When my "collecting" started to get out of hand, I made a deal with myself. I sold all of the pieces I was going to upgrade, didn't truly love, or those of which I had duplicates. I then limited myself to one gem in every color. So I bought my favorite of each. Granted, that includes lots of intermediate shades like peach, lavender, and mint, but so far it's kept me from going too crazy. So, now, to justify a new purchase, it has to be a color I do not already own. This may be too restrictive for some, but it's working for me. Perhaps you could come up with something similar that may curb your longings a bit!

 

[Petalouda]

I used to want more, much more. Jewelry, purses etc. I would acquire them and not use them and realized they are more of a liability than anything. More things to worry about getting stolen (and since I didn’t use them, there wasn’t much joy to offset this con).

Now when I buy anything, I think hard and rationally if I would wear the piece enough to justify the cost. That has made me lose a lot of interest in once coveted jewelry pieces. I’m happy with my studs. Wouldn’t mind maybe one more pair of nice earrings from VCA that I can switch out. I would like another ring and 1-2 more bracelets to stack with my Cartier (my only bracelet) or be able to switch out.

Disclaimer: this is all subjected to change

 

[Mrs_Strizzle]

Lots of good insight shared here already.
As for me, I don’t want to stop wanting things. Amid all of the must do’s and obligations, it’s fun to look forward to something that I WANT to do—like shop for unnecessary frivolities, and then spend hours gazing at them—and reliving the enjoyment each time I wear them. Not doing anyone any harm and they don’t take up a lot of space, are easy to get rid of, and many times I can get my money back and then some!
I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again—if I’m still enjoying wanting jewelry—it’s because all is well in my life. My loved ones are well, I am healthy and I have zero other worries. I’ve been through some dark times and there was no desire for jewelry—so dead did I feel inside.
That said, I have separate budgets for all the priorities in life and I don’t go into debt for this luxury.
The least of my worries Is spending my DD’s inheritance. I gave that young lady all of me and she has been financially independent since she turned 22. She turned 24 today. I will happily spend what I earn on myself moving forward because my job is done. The idea of dying rich doesn’t appeal to me. The idea of leaving a huge legacy to anyone—amassing a lifetime of wealth for others to squander ungratefully—doesn’t sway me to save all of my disposable income. Yes, I’m preparing to take care of myself in the long term as I age, but in order to get there, I have to enjoy the little things in life.

I so agree with you. Hubby and I have 5 children between us, my 3, his 2, though we raise them together as primary custodial parents of them all (2 are adults now.) I have told them not to expect an inheritance from us. I will have spent 30 years full time parenting by the time my youngest has graduated, plus working full time and building our business. The most important thing I can give them I have. An example of how to love hard, work hard, and enjoy life. Our trust says if something happens to us together they don't get what we've built until the youngest is 40 anyway (he is 10 years younger than the oldest), as I've seen lots of sqandered inheritance by the young.

 

[Snowdrop13]

It's so curious to me how we spend so much of our lives acquiring things and then get to a point where all you want to do is unclutter your life and live simply. Humans ‍

This. Why do we do this? Is it that we tire of the chase? Or realise it’s a pointless task?

 

[Snowdrop13]

I so agree with you. Hubby and I have 5 children between us, my 3, his 2, though we raise them together as primary custodial parents of them all (2 are adults now.) I have told them not to expect an inheritance from us. I will have spent 30 years full time parenting by the time my youngest has graduated, plus working full time and building our business. The most important thing I can give them I have. An example of how to love hard, work hard, and enjoy life. Our trust says if something happens to us together they don't get what we've built until the youngest is 40 anyway (he is 10 years younger than the oldest), as I've seen lots of sqandered inheritance by the young.

This could be a whole other thread, I think! My plan is to give my kids money as we go along, for education and housing purposes only, though. I wouldn’t want my hard work and careful saving to be for no reason.

 

[Pomelo]

For me, one thing I’m learning to do is to separate my real wants from purchases that are ego-driven.

The Minimalists (they have a podcast and several books) talk about how our modern day consumerist society means a lot of us are buying things we don’t need, with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t like.

Am I buying it because I truly admire it and it will bring me joy even if I can’t wear it to social gatherings / show it off / say that it’s from designer so-and-so? Does an extra piece bring additional value to my life and happiness?

I really like Autumn in New England’s idea about having only one of everything; it’s a good rule to follow but harder to put into practice!

 

[Snowdrop13]

For me, one thing I’m learning to do is to separate my real wants from purchases that are ego-driven.

The Minimalists (they have a podcast and several books) talk about how our modern day consumerist society means a lot of us are buying things we don’t need, with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t like.

Am I buying it because I truly admire it and it will bring me joy even if I can’t wear it to social gatherings / show it off / say that it’s from designer so-and-so? Does an extra piece bring additional value to my life and happiness?

I really like Autumn in New England’s idea about having only one of everything; it’s a good rule to follow but harder to put into practice!

Totally agree with all of this! I started the thread because I had this terrible compulsion to buy an automatic watch. I really want a Rolex but it would be slightly out of budget, I was trying to persuade myself to buy a “lesser” brand costing about half. Having reflected properly, and this thread has really helped, I’m going to put a pause on buying anything and consider whether to save up for a few months. This will mean me having my “ultimate” watch and not still be looking around for more. Hopefully.

 

[siamese3]

This. Why do we do this? Is it that we tire of the chase? Or realise it’s a pointless task?

In my case, I just find all of the stuff overwhelming. Just more stuff to take care, organize, store, worry about. I honestly have an overwhelming amount of "have to's" in my life, and I get annoyed with myself for creating more. Also, I have plenty of real worries, or concerns, so when I find myself obsessing and getting all in a tizzy about a purchase, I remind myself that it is self-generated, and just an unhealthy habit that I need to reign in. Unhealthy in that it causes me anxiety. Ten I spend some time thinking about what's really going on. As I get older, I definitely have leaned towards the ideology that less is more and it's interesting to me, because I have always been a person who needs options.

 

[MissGotRocks]

This. Why do we do this? Is it that we tire of the chase? Or realise it’s a pointless task?

I think it is a part of growing and aging. You begin to look at things with different eyes and in different context. There is also a 'been there, done that' process that takes over as well. You start to revisit other purchases to see how they made you feel, for how long the feeling lasted and are they things that you truly treasure? At that point in life, I am quite sure many will agree that having a bazillion pieces of so-so stuff that doesn't really excite or get worn very much is rather foolish. That in turn colors future purchases. I am not a collector and only want those signature pieces that I wear all the time. I have focused on quality over quantity and for myself, this has been a winning combo. I have learned to never say never to something new or upgraded, but I sleep on something quite a while before deciding to purchase. I have found that I might see something and thinking of it a few days later, realize that in the ensuing days it hasn't even crossed my mind. Important? I think not!

 

[Snowdrop13]

In my case, I just find all of the stuff overwhelming. Just more stuff to take care, organize, store, worry about. I honestly have an overwhelming amount of "have to's" in my life, and I get annoyed with myself for creating more. Also, I have plenty of real worries, or concerns, so when I find myself obsessing and getting all in a tizzy about a purchase, I remind myself that it is self-generated, and just an unhealthy habit that I need to reign in. Unhealthy in that it causes me anxiety. Ten I spend some time thinking about what's really going on. As I get older, I definitely have leaned towards the ideology that less is more and it's interesting to me, because I have always been a person who needs options.

I definitely recognise that overwhelmed, panicky feeling. I felt it a lot while clearing out the Ma in law’s house. I just could not believe that anyone could have so much stuff, including jewellery. And she was not particularly well off either. Although she was of the generation who never threw anything out.

 

[Snowdrop13]

I think it is a part of growing and aging. You begin to look at things with different eyes and in different context. There is also a 'been there, done that' process that takes over as well. You start to revisit other purchases to see how they made you feel, for how long the feeling lasted and are they things that you truly treasure? At that point in life, I am quite sure many will agree that having a bazillion pieces of so-so stuff that doesn't really excite or get worn very much is rather foolish. That in turn colors future purchases. I am not a collector and only want those signature pieces that I wear all the time. I have focused on quality over quantity and for myself, this has been a winning combo. I have learned to never say never to something new or upgraded, but I sleep on something quite a while before deciding to purchase. I have found that I might see something and thinking of it a few days later, realize that in the ensuing days it hasn't even crossed my mind. Important? I think not!

You have been very sensible! One thing that made me pause and post here was that I’ve finally had a custom piece of jewellery made. It is beautiful and I will definitely wear it but I wasn’t excited at all by the process and haven’t felt the urge to show it off here or anywhere else. I think I was expecting to feel more? That made me wonder if I had a problem. I need to stop doing things on a whim and do what you do, spending more time in consideration.

 

[SouthPhillySparkle]

For me, it is the creative outlet of choosing a diamond and a setting, or changing a piece of jewelry that is so satisfying, and that I don’t want to give up. If I could do it for other people that would probably satisfy me, but alas, I am my only customer (I don’t move in circles where people wear much fine jewelry). It’s an expensive hobby but such an enjoyable one for me. I try to pace myself and take breaks from it now and then so it doesn’t get out of hand.

 

[smitcompton]

You may not ever stop wanting things, but it could end when you stop spending time on it and stop being okay with it.

What I mean is, if you (generic "you") are regularly searching / looking / reading about jewelry, you have assigned it attention and priority in your life and your mind.

Speaking generally, first you hunt, then you choose, then you consume ... that's an instinctive process. If you don't hunt, then you significantly reduce the likelihood of choosing and consuming (in this case, buying).

Yes, this is something I am trying myself. I have definitely noticed when I reduce the time I spend daily "looking" and "browsing," it strongly correlates to reduced choosing and buying. And, because I am focussing less time on the whole thing (and am using that time for other productive/enjoyable/nonconsumable things), I don't feel like I am missing out. In fact, I feel more balanced. YMMV

Hi.

I found these comments to be very significant. It not only applies to jewelry but to many aspects of life. Yes, what we prioritize becomes what the mind concentrates on. I actually did think about this. i hope what I say will not cause a deep, sigh from some of you. I do not expect a reply, I just saw this from Maryanns post.

In the last decade guns are being purchased at rates inconceivable in years past. Groups have begun accumulating these things so that they have stockpiles. We have a gun culture now. Why are we so surprised that guns have killed children and now Civil War is being talked about. Those gun buyers want to use their guns. They are itching to. It will only get worse.

I do think we will always want things, but we must have the resilience to stay away from what tempts us. A recovering alcoholic does not spend time in a bar. Take a rest from jewelry sites for a while.

Annette
A very wise post Marynn

 

[MillieLou]

I think this is my worry, that I’m spending too much time planning purchases and using them as a destressor AND boredom reliever. My job (healthcare) has been so utterly consuming there isn’t much left. I need to expand my interests.

Totally agree with all of this! I started the thread because I had this terrible compulsion to buy an automatic watch. I really want a Rolex but it would be slightly out of budget, I was trying to persuade myself to buy a “lesser” brand costing about half. Having reflected properly, and this thread has really helped, I’m going to put a pause on buying anything and consider whether to save up for a few months. This will mean me having my “ultimate” watch and not still be looking around for more. Hopefully.

I think we may be the same person

Come on - which Rolex? Which Tudor?

 

[lulu_ma]

Ummm. I just joined PS 2 years ago and discovered antique diamonds then. Hunting for old cuts is now my expensive hobby. However, I am somewhat disciplined and strategic with my purchases. I will only buy something that I will wear often. So I guess my answer is that I will always want, but I plan to buy strategically.

 

[Snowdrop13]

I think we may be the same person

Come on - which Rolex? Which Tudor?

Are you one of my colleagues? That would be hilarious!

But great minds do think alike- I decided against a Tudor, the date is way, way too teeny, can’t see it!

I like this Rolex combo, what do you think?