Will anything change?

[Chewbacca]

In the spirit of stirring up some activity, I've stolen this question antiquesparkler raised in the Updates, anyone? thread.

Are you anticipating any changes when you and your SO marry?



SO and I live together. Our banking and names will remain the same! I do think there will be a shift, though. Biggest one: babies will become a real possibility. Perhaps we'll do a little more joint planning ahead? In years to come we will buy a house with a shared mortgage? I think emotionally we will feel more of a team. Its an interesting question to think about!

 

[sonnyjane]

I realize that this was posted as a hypothetical question, but since I'm already married, I can answer regarding my actual experience.

For us, not much changed at all. We lived together for a year before getting married so finances have pretty much remained the same. The only thing that has fiscally changed is that large purchases are now discussed in more detail (our rule is anything more than $300). It's not necessarily asking for approval, just keeping the other posted on said purchases.

As far as the relationship goes, again, not TOO much has changed, but there is a huge sense of finality and permanence that obviously wasn't there when we were just dating. When we have a disagreement (which luckily isn't too often), there's no such thing as daydreaming about what should have/could have/would have been if we went our separate ways. We have no choice but to discuss issues and solve them together.

 

[LoveLikeCrazy]

Not much should be changing here. We have lived together 1 yr, 8 mo. We already share finances (to an extent). He will get on my stellar health coverage and lose his crap one with a high deductible. I will change my last name, I tried to get him to change his but no go lol! I know it's gonna be a PITA to change all of my professional licenses!

By the time we get married we will have lived together 2 years 9 months - hopefully we will be looking for a house not too long after that!

 

[MBKRH]

As I said in the updates thread...

Like LLC said, I don't see many changes, either. We too have been living together for 1 yr 8 months (oh, and we just had our 2 yr anniversary on the 11th ). Just the usual name-change and other things that go along with that. Also I'll probably hop on his health insurance, as I'm sure mine (when I get a job again, that is...) will be pretty lousy, if it's offered at all.

Other than that- I think things will feel exactly how they do currently. Only I'll be Mrs. K*** instead of Ms. K****.

I also think that once we're married, we will consult each other before making big purchases.
Although, now that I think about it- he consulted me before buying his car and our 55" t.v.

Hmmmm.... well, I honestly don't know what would change, then! Except maybe getting joint bank accounts. He's talked about doing that already, but I've refused to do so until marriage.

It's like we're married now, except it's not on paper. And our state is not a common-law marriage recognizing state (even if it were, we haven't been together long enough for it yet).

 

[antiquesparkler]

Thanks for posting this! I had been thinking about it all weekend. Not too much will change for us. We have been living together for almost a year and a half and we share all the expenses.

We actually just opened a joint checking and savings account this past weekend to pay all our bills and groceries from but we will both maintain seperate accounts as well.

I think emotionally our relationship may change in that he will then be my daughter's step-dad and there will be a sense of more security and permanence.

Cant wait to change my name too!

 

[madelise]

Yes.

Um, I'll have to live with his family. That's going to be a big thing for me to adjust to. Worse, it's a bajillion miles away (an hour) from civilization, my friends and family, all the good restaurants and shopping scenes… Sigh. That's the part I don't look forward to. But I miss sleeping next to him so much that I also can't wait for it to happen.

 

[princesss]

We'll probably be living together for a little while before we get married, but not long, so I assume we'll still be getting adjusted to things. Finances would change big time, and eventually my citizenship would change (not entirely, more like I plan on aquiring a new one).

 

[Chewbacca]

As far as the relationship goes, again, not TOO much has changed, but there is a huge sense of finality and permanence that obviously wasn't there when we were just dating. When we have a disagreement (which luckily isn't too often), there's no such thing as daydreaming about what should have/could have/would have been if we went our separate ways. We have no choice but to discuss issues and solve them together.

This is part is exciting! Obviously in a LT relationship headed for marriage there is already a sense of 'this is it', but I'm looking forward to feeling 'this is REALLY REALLY it' for the first time!

mad, I didn't know you were going to live with SO's family! ..forever? If/when you move alone, will you be shifting closer to town?

princesss, are you going to move to him, or are you both planning to move somewhere new?

 

[MayFlowers]

I don't think much will change in terms of our relationship. We've already been living together for 8 months now. We make joint decisions together about big purchases, though we maintain separate accounts. Once we get married, I do expect us to have a joint savings account that we can work on building up together as an emergency fund or whatever. I do plan to keep separate checking accounts though as our "spending" money. We have already purchased a home together and make decisions together for decorating and remodeling.

I do plan to change my last name and I think there will be that new sense of security/permanence like antiquesparkler said. There is also the possibility of having children. Though I don't plan to have any children for a few more years, it's something that I would only consider once we are married.

 

[misscuppycake]

I don't really think anything will change at all which is probably why I wasn't all that convinced about the official process of getting married in the first place. We already live together and we do not plan on combining our finances (in a joint account) even after we tie the knot. The difference will be having a diamond and a piece of paper

 

[madelise]

mad, I didn't know you were going to live with SO's family! ..forever? If/when you move alone, will you be shifting closer to town?

Yep. Possibly forever. It's culturally something that is usually done, though I'm not exactly a big fan of having to walk on eggshells about our relationship (fights or whatever) as a show for them. Ugh. His father already said that, if myself and his mom don't get along, we will move out and get our own place. But to at least try it out. They want us to remain close to their family, and this would also provide us with an opportunity to save up money for our own place or whatever else. Also--- free childcare! Actually, SO owns that house right now that they all live in together. It's a huge house. But huge feels small when tension is there. I'd be more than happy for us 2 to move to their first house, which is less than 1/3 the size of this one, and only half an hour away rather than 1 hour away. But SO works with his parents in the far away land city. I don't know. Circumstances can change within the next 2-3 years while I'm in grad school, where I'll be working, etc., so there's always room for change. Then enter the children picture. We have to figure out where to live based on school districts, too! So moving in with them might not be a bad thing. It gives us a chance to let everything ride out before we buy a house where we will settle down permanently (or semipermanently).

 

[Jumpin_Jacks]

Not much change although we don't "technically" live together, I'm at his place every night for almost the last 5 years. The place I "live" now includes my mom recently.

I guess the whole feeling this is for real, no easy way out. Then really hunker down and make a decision on kids (we say we'll try, if it doesn't happen, it's ok - I've had a laparotomy for a pretty big ovarian cyst back in college and probably will need some fertility assistance).

Madelise: I hope your Mother in Law is easy to deal with. I've heard it's hard for the wife to come in on her hubby's mom's turf and easier when it's the hubby moving in with the wife's family. Free childcare is nice, and in a lot of cultures everyone lives under one roof and helps out, sounds nice

 

[princesss]

princesss, are you going to move to him, or are you both planning to move somewhere new?

Well, that's the question! It all depends on how things go after graduation. His current city doesn't have a lot of opportunity for me, and both of us are willing to move. However, staying in the UK for a few years makes the most sense. Once we get my citizenship sorted we will have a lot more freedom to figure out what is best for us.

 

[jennredsox]

Not much with us either. We've been living together for about 1 1/2 years and are recognised as a de facto couple for my visa. I should get Aussie citizenship a bit quicker once we're officially married. Just can't wait to be a Mrs!

 

[pandabee]

We haven't lived together long enough to say if things will change or not...hopefully like many of you it won't change our relationship necessarily, but just having that bond even more solidified will be good. I also will have to go through the hassle of changing my name on my professional licenses and etc. Haven't yet decided how we will want to do our finances once we're married, I've brought up joint accounts but I don't feel that strongly about them at the moment (it just seemed like it made the most sense) but we make roughly the same amount annually so maybe it won't be an issue at first. There is a thread in hangout that made me think about if I ever wanted to go to part time when we have kids then it might be more beneficial to go to joint accounts at that point so that we have more of a pool of money or something like that.

 

[rochelle]

There wouldn't be a significant difference since we've been living together over 3 years now. We started joint checking and savings accounts last year to start socking away emergency/wedding money, and we've gone through car buying and house hunting together. Home ownership has been a blessing and a headache all wrapped in one

I look forward to calling him my husband (ahem, needs to make me his fiancée first ) because it feels unbefitting to call him my boyfriend (it feels almost juvenile?) at this point in the relationship. I usually introduce him as my boyfriend for simplicity's sake, but sometimes I'll say "partner."
Logistically, it'll be much easier being added to his insurance and I cannot wait to change my last name My maiden name is as generic as they come where I've lived, and SO's is as unique as they come, so I will save sooo much time waiting for medical offices, stores, etc etc to pull up my records! SO always cracks up each time

Madelise, I admire that you're moving in with SO's family. It's also common with my background (at least with the previous generations). I'm sure it'll take a lot of patience, and adjusting to the new neighborhood will be difficult. But hopefully the experience will really enrich your lives.