Why is apologizing so hard?

[curlygirl]

Date: 1/5/2010 2:06:49 PM
Author: decodelighted
An addendum to this topic -- I find it really difficult to ACCEPT apologies if I''m still fuming when one is offered. Accepting the apology comes with an expectation that ''its fixed now'' -- you''ll move on etc. I can''t instantly switch off my feelings so easily. Does anyone else feel that hesitation to ACCEPT so quickly?

+1. I can''t stand when someone apologizes while the heat is still on, so to speak. I need time to cool down and "get over it" before I can properly accept an apology.

Also, I hate when people say "I apologize". It seems so insincere to me. Why can''t you just say "I''m sorry"? Pet peeve of mine, I guess...

 

[Steel]

I don''t have any problem making mistakes or being wrong and have no issues apologising.

Interestingly though, while I acknowledge apologies made to me I do not credit them.

I prefer people to behave properly in the first place and make that my goal; I believe everybody else should too.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

I am super proud and don''t like to admit I''m wrong, so it''s hard. But if I''ve done something that hurts someone I''m the first person to recognize it and want to apologize. About 90% of the time I actually apologize. The toher 10%, I''m still working on

it''s tough, especially if someone really annoys me

 

[joflier]

Date: 1/5/2010 2:06:49 PM
Author: decodelighted
An addendum to this topic -- I find it really difficult to ACCEPT apologies if I''m still fuming when one is offered. Accepting the apology comes with an expectation that ''its fixed now'' -- you''ll move on etc. I can''t instantly switch off my feelings so easily. Does anyone else feel that hesitation to ACCEPT so quickly?

It can be hard for me sometimes. There are occasions where - in a highly emotional situation - I just want to stay mad for a little while. Why? I don''t know - people are just complicated, sometimes.

 

[somethingshiny]

I accept apologies, or even the non-apology pretty easily. I''m very quick to forgive even with no apology, so an apology just makes it easier---besides the aforementioned "I''m sorry YOU feel this way." that just irritates me.

Obviously you can be sorry for unintentionally causing hurt feelings, a fender bender, etc. I still think the words should be "I''m sorry I did such and such." This was the way that I was taught to fight and to apologize. Always use the word "I" and try to avoid the word "You." If you try it during your next argument, you''ll be amazed at the quick resolutions.

 

[marcy]

Date: 1/4/2010 10:08:12 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 1/4/2010 9:12:43 PM
Author: marcyc
I agree that it is a pride thing or lack of awareness. I also find the insincere apology even more annoying than none at all.

Ditto. Men don't like admitting they are wrong, that makes them appear weak. To them at least. I think men in gerneral need to learn from us women, we know how to communicate. I am the first to say gosh I am sorry, I didn't know what I said hurt your feelings.

Now when do you hear a man saying that??? {{{{ Crickets }}}}

Good point Lisa. ETA: I am always the first to apologzie too. I definitely try to make sure I never hurt anyone's feelings.

 

[LilyKat]

Date: 1/5/2010 9:59:43 PM
Author: somethingshiny
I accept apologies, or even the non-apology pretty easily. I'm very quick to forgive even with no apology, so an apology just makes it easier---besides the aforementioned 'I'm sorry YOU feel this way.' that just irritates me.


Obviously you can be sorry for unintentionally causing hurt feelings, a fender bender, etc. I still think the words should be 'I'm sorry I did such and such.' This was the way that I was taught to fight and to apologize. Always use the word 'I' and try to avoid the word 'You.' If you try it during your next argument, you'll be amazed at the quick resolutions.

SS, that's exactly what I meant

I would never say "I'm sorry YOU feel that way", because to me, that's just passive aggressive. What I meant was, there's nothing wrong with saying "I'm sorry I hurt you", even if you weren't directly at fault/guilty (for example, if I were to say something that I don't think is at all offensive, but it offends someone else - I'd still be genuinely sorry for the hurt and upset that I have caused them). And you're right, it always brings about a quick resolution!