Ok - I need to vent and I know this is going to sound kind of bad but here it goes. So we wrapped up the pendant we got for my mother''s 60th brithday in a larger box so when my mother got it she wouldn''t think it was jewelry. She started opening it up and made some comment about thinking she was getting jewelry - then after she opened it she was like oh how nice, thanks, etc. but there was no big reaction to it like we expected. We had this planned for about a year and thought she would be so suprised and excited.
Well, turns out she had been telling my oldest brother (whom she is closest to as she and I don''t get along) for the past 7-8 mo. (since I got engaged and got my diamond) that she DESERVES a diamond for her 60th birthday and she expected him/us to get her one. What the heck!!
If I had known that I certainly wouldn''t have chipped in my 3k to get her one. I know that sounds mean, but we hardly have a relationship at all with each other. My parents got divorced when I was in second grade and since I was the only girl and the 2nd oldest I ended up taking raising my brothers and helping them with their homework/cooking supper/making lunches/staying home with them when they were sick while she went to grief/divorce meetings and back to night school to get her masters degree. She basically left us to fend for ourselves and I really did have 80% of the responsibility of raising my then 4 year old and 6 year old brothers. It''s funny cause she was a home ec teacher and our house was always dirty, clothes never cleaned or sewn up, and she never did any cooking. Finally at 15 I couldn''t take not being a kid anymore and went to live with my father. My mother thought I would come back and live with her after a week with my dad but I never did and our relationship has been horrible ever since then. It got even worse when my younger brother decided to live with my father as well. There was a big custody battle over that - cause how would it look to people f not one, but two of her 4 kids left her. Finally, my dad did get custody, but when my mother realized she was losing the court battle she was like fine, you can have him if you still pay me the same amount of child support!! All she cared about was the money!!
Anyway, it''s been acrimonious ever since. Really in her eyes it''s my two brothers who remained with her against me and my other brother who left. She has this preconceived notion in her head of how things should go and if they don''t go that way or we don''t listen to her advice then its a bad decision and it ruins everything. If fact since I''ve moved to CA 3 months ago I have only talked to her twice (because I called her). She loved SF when she was here 20 years ago, but since I''m here she hasn''t asked me a single thing about it. My dad and brothers think she''s jealous that I am having the life she wanted. But aren''t you supposed to want better for your children that you had as a parent - sometimes I think she wants me to fail. She has never been thrilled with me being an attorney or working at a big firm making big firm money. She says part of it is that she wanted me to be a stay at home mom and not work. Well, my response was if she worked and made enough money to not leave us in rags going to school and having teachers call me into the office cause my brothers school uniforms were dirty and not pressed, and have other kids make fun of my brothers (sorry wasn''t old enough to use an iron when I was in the 2nd grade) then maybe I wouldn''t feel such a need to make lots of money so I could provide for my children.
Still, I decided to be nice and get her this present because it was such a special occasion and thought it would be a nice gesture hopefully opening up some lines of communication. However, for her to just expect a 6k diamond pendant after all of our previous history is ridiculous. Part of me wants to better connect with my mother, but there are so many things that she does that cause a commotion/unpleasantness in my life that for the past 5-10 years I''ve really made a conscious decision to live without her and have as little contact as possible. I guess I will continue to do so, which is sad, I always wanted a mother like my other friends who you could talk to and do things with be close too. Oh well, it really looks like that will never happen. Hopefully, when I have kids, my daughter and I will have a closer relationship.
Sorry, I just needed to vent. I didn''t expect this pendant to change the world, but I did expect some appreciation. Not just a yeah, thanks, I expected it. Should I just let it go and move on? There is so much more to our lifelong saga that I don''t know if we will ever be close - I guess just chalk it up to another lesson learned right?
Thanks everyone for letting me vent. I really shouldn''t let her get to me but it does.