Why do so many want more than they can afford?

[Christa]

Date: 8/18/2006 4:34:53 PM
Author: kristy_lyn

Oh yeah, I forgot to add - when most people come here, they''re used to looking at mall stores, where they can get a really crappy 1-carat stone that has seemingly ''better'' specs - the common ones, color, clarity, etc.... for the same price or cheaper.

And, then, they find out that''s not true. Must have ideal cut. So, they try to get an ideal cut in the size range they thought they could afford, and the color grade and clarity seem really low to them. And then they go through the period of ''Well, I *Swore* to myself that I wouldn''t go below an F! And, I must have double ''V''s!'' - so, they have self doubt of whether the super ideal they''re being shown is really better than the other crap they saw... so, they try to bump it back up to ''acceptable,'' and thus, out of their price range/budget.

You know, you may be on to something there. Sometimes I think it might be better to be blissfully ignorant so you can be content with your icky mall diamond.

Unfortunately, though, there''s no going back once you''ve been exposed to decent diamonds.

Always wanting the next thing really kills your enjoyment of what you have, though. I made a deliberate decision to enjoy and be content with my .35 . . . even though lots of PSers reading this are already feeling sorry for me.

 

[AdaBeta27]

Not happy with what you can afford? Well, that''s just ambition, LOL.

What''s wrong with upgrading a ring? I know countless men who trade vehicles every two to three years just to get something new and different. I know men who upgrade tools whenever a new and improved version hits the market. I know men who spend $3000 - $4000 annually on hunting and fishing trips and related gear. Hey, $3000 spent on guy stuff every year for 10 years is $30 grand. That should buy a pretty nice diamond, no? Seems fair to me that the wife gets some major diamond upgrades. Don''t forget that women have careers now, too, so they don''t want to be successful and still wearing a .25ct. The era of the woman who bows to husband is long gone in white bread USA.

 

[MarciaB]

When we got married in the early 70''s, I didn''t want a diamond! (So traditional!) We had custom gold bands made, unique and simple. I kind of remember shopping for diamonds, and thinking I would so much rather spend the money on something else.

After almost 20 years... I decided it was time for a diamond... for my 40th birthday we did our homework and bought my first diamond ring, a 1ct radiant with 6 side stones.

During the course of the next ten years we went on a few cruises.. It’s so much fun jewelry shopping in the Caribbean!! I started to really appreciate fine jewelry(But, I have purchased all my good jewelry from a trusted independent local jeweler) For my 50th we upgraded once more to a 3ct F rectangular radiant with 3+ carets of emerald cut baguettes. It’s spectacular.

At 50, I love and appreciate the beauty of my ring every day. It cost almost as much as our first home. I feel my upgraded rings represent different times in our lives. All wonderful and different. I’m having the 1ct diamond set into a necklace and still wear my original band if I go out for a walk or exercise.

Luckily for us, I seem to want what we can afford at the time. I have seen many of our kids friends purchasing big ticket items, be it diamonds, cars.. etc then not being able buy a home. Not so long ago a 1ct was a big deal.. now it seems to be the norm in engagement rings, at least in our area.

Besides all the nice jewelry… the best part is having a husband your still crazy about after all these years!

 

[devientdrow]

Date: 8/18/2006 10:30:18 PM
Author: AdaBeta27
Not happy with what you can afford? Well, that''s just ambition, LOL.

What''s wrong with upgrading a ring? I know countless men who trade vehicles every two to three years just to get something new and different. I know men who upgrade tools whenever a new and improved version hits the market. I know men who spend $3000 - $4000 annually on hunting and fishing trips and related gear. Hey, $3000 spent on guy stuff every year for 10 years is $30 grand. That should buy a pretty nice diamond, no? Seems fair to me that the wife gets some major diamond upgrades. Don''t forget that women have careers now, too, so they don''t want to be successful and still wearing a .25ct. The era of the woman who bows to husband is long gone in white bread USA.

Umm I don''t think anyone was saying there was anything wrong with upgrading a ring. Nor do I think anyone was saying that women can''t pay for their own upgrades. I think the whole point of the thread was not being able to afford something. If your successful or have the cash for it, well hell get whatever you want. I think you''ll find thats the vast majority in belief here. I''ve never seen anyone critisized over how many times they upgrade or how big their ring is.

 

[ladykemma]

Date: 8/18/2006 6:44:26 PM
Author: idealseeker

Call me retarded, but I think that proposals should be made w/o the ring present. Get down on one knee, express your love in your own words, and propose. When she says yes, then break out the ring to 'seal the deal.' I wonder how many men have proposed showing the ring and the women looked at the ring while saying yes? Hmm, I wonder what could be running through her mind? Maybe something like this, 'Damn, I can't wait for so and so to see this rock!' Come on now, are you agreeing to marry the ring or the man? The guy just opened his heart out to you, the least you can do is look him in the eyes as you say yes!!!!

Hopefully my views aren't too radical.

this is how my hubby did it, and no, your views aren't too radical.

i have taken an lot of sh*t over the years from various people about how small my engagement ring is. i say he bought us a house instead, and now it's paid for. (usually the criticism comes from people who live in mcmansions, all drive new new cars, and are up to their eyeballs in debt)

i disagree with your statement thay you shouldn't take the lady with you. I think if you have a tight budget,then she should have "buy-in" so there is complete understanding of the siituation and to ensure satisfaction with the choice.

when we got engaged, my husband opened his checkbook, said this is how much money i have, said 5k has to be held back to purchase a house. This left about 500-600 bucks for a ring and some extra for wedding bands.

we went shopping togther and selected the very best 0.25 carat stone that we could afford, without pedigree. it is colorless and SI, from a top notch jeweler.

my hubby eyes light up when he looks at the stone we (he) bought.

 

[Bluehammer]

I have included my girlfriend in the process of finding her ring. She neither uses guilt or other means to make me do something I do not want to do. I appreciate her opinion and think that it does not reduce the emotional aspect of the ring. I know people are different. It is good to hear other opinions. It helps people to see a different mindset. I think she knows when I involve her in the process it makes it more special for us both.

 

[ladykemma]

i think part of the problem is if you look at the bridal magazines, all the models are sporting these 2 -3 carat honkers. so the little 20 somethings demand, want, or think it's normal, to buy a huge stone.

i am of the old school that i think you should be older to wear huge diamonds.

 

[Sundial]

Date: 8/18/2006 11:51:31 PM
Author: MarciaB

When we got married in the early 70''s, I didn''t want a diamond! (So traditional!) We had custom gold bands made, unique and simple. I kind of remember shopping for diamonds, and thinking I would so much rather spend the money on something else.

After almost 20 years... I decided it was time for a diamond... for my 40th birthday we did our homework and bought my first diamond ring, a 1ct radiant with 6 side stones.

During the course of the next ten years we went on a few cruises.. It’s so much fun jewelry shopping in the Caribbean!! I started to really appreciate fine jewelry<G>(But, I have purchased all my good jewelry from a trusted independent local jeweler) For my 50th we upgraded once more to a 3ct F rectangular radiant with 3+ carets of emerald cut baguettes. It’s spectacular.

At 50, I love and appreciate the beauty of my ring every day. It cost almost as much as our first home. I feel my upgraded rings represent different times in our lives. All wonderful and different. I’m having the 1ct diamond set into a necklace and still wear my original band if I go out for a walk or exercise.

Luckily for us, I seem to want what we can afford at the time. I have seen many of our kids friends purchasing big ticket items, be it diamonds, cars.. etc then not being able buy a home. Not so long ago a 1ct was a big deal.. now it seems to be the norm in engagement rings, at least in our area.

Besides all the nice jewelry… the best part is having a husband your still crazy about after all these years!

I am 51 and can really appreciate what you are saying Marcia. We started out with just matching gold bands as well. Over the years since I have acquired a lot of jewelry, but only what we could afford at the time.

Now let''s see a picture of that beautiful new ring of yours!!!

 

[Bluehammer]

Date: 8/19/2006 10:13:17 AM
Author: ladykemma
i think part of the problem is if you look at the bridal magazines, all the models are sporting these 2 -3 carat honkers. so the little 20 somethings demand, want, or think it''s normal, to buy a huge stone.


i am of the old school that i think you should be older to wear huge diamonds.

If I was in the diamond business I would encourage it too. It helps the bottom line!!!

From a reality standpoint it is nice to look at them, but keep the ol'' pocketbook in mind. These are models who are paid to wear these rings by the people selling the stones. Could be crystal, glass, or computer generated. It is a picture.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I am much like Marcia. I did have a 1 ct. when we got married and was satisfied with it for 29 years. As a matter of fact, I really just wanted to change to a white metal, but my husband was a little hesitant for me to change my original settings and I was, too. So he said to just pick out a new ring for our next anniversary. Being on the modest side and living in a small town, I was originally looking at the 1.4 range. But after being on PS for a few months I decided on a 1.63! We can pay cash for this one, but he did borrow the money for the first one from his parents because we were still in college at that time. He paid them back monthly until it was paid off. It really didn''t matter how much it was because he would have had to borrow it regardless. At that age, we certainly couldn''t have paid cash for cars either, and I consider an engagement ring a much more worthy thing to borrow money for! I still have that ring and we definitely don''t have any cars left from that era! I wouldn''t borrow money for a luxury item now because we enjoy being debt-free. I''ve gotten a few nice pieces over the years as well. But there is nothing I wear everyday but the rings that go on that left hand ring finger, so they are the pieces most enjoyed.

But to really answer the question, I think houses and cars reflect to a greater degree the tendency for young couples to over-extend themselves financially. I hear of 40 year mortgages and 6 year car loans and I think that is sickening.

 

[ladykemma]

Date: 8/19/2006 10:37:48 AM
Author: diamondseeker2006

But to really answer the question, I think houses and cars reflect to a greater degree the tendency for young couples to over-extend themselves financially. I hear of 40 year mortgages and 6 year car loans and I think that is sickening.

... and large stones. to each her own...

 

[fire&ice]

Am I missing something about this thread? It''s usually the exception where people don''t have a budget and stick to it.

Usually the posters that come on and demand xyz stone or else get tarred and feathered.

 

[ladykemma]

well , i see people on this forum who are still in school , or heavily in debt, or have student loans, or living in apartments or with their parents, or just starting career, who are sporting large stones. i wonder when young people overextend themselves and expect to start married life where their parents are now.

my wish is for everyone to be in a paid for house and living debt free with a healthy retirement account.

i applaud blenhein, anchor 31, kayla (? the lady with the quarter carat), and a few others for choosing within their means. and being proud of their rings.

 

[devientdrow]

You have to keep in mind, I have also seen people on here that have flat out said they don''t want to upgrade. Ever. So maybe they overextend themselves on this one aspect to have something for the rest of their lives that they love and will not want to change. I really don''t see anything wrong with that. I also think just because someone is young doesn''t mean that they are financially challenged. I have been on here long enough to see some young folks that must come from a very wealthy family or have an awesome job, because their budgets are insane. In a good way that is! I would never sit around and think I know everyones finances on here. In my opinion any time i''ve seen someone ask about finances like i''m in school......should we start out with this modest solitaire or take out a loan and get this awesome setting to go with it, everyone usually advices to get the solitaire now and save up for the setting later.

 

[Mara]

well honestly i don''t support doing a loan for something like an e-ring. sure it''s a nice romantic idea to not want to upgrade later or whatever but if you just flat out can''t afford what you want, the borrowing for what ULTIMATELY is a luxury item just doesn''t seem right. many women would get married or engaged with a piece of string if it was the man that she loved, we see this on here all the time, so if men could just get past either the ''no future upgrade'' or similar then we''d probably see less Q''s like that and less people who want to overextend themselves to get that one big great piece that will last forever. forever is a mighty long time and while it''s a great ''ideal'' to say well i never want to upgrade, it doesn''t mean in 10 or 20 years you won''t be in a financial position to get an entirely new ring, keeping your old one intact, and making it a right hand ring or something....so there are always ways to get around overextending right away just to have the ''dream ring''.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Date: 8/19/2006 11:37:24 AM
Author: Mara
well honestly i don''t support doing a loan for something like an e-ring. sure it''s a nice romantic idea to not want to upgrade later or whatever but if you just flat out can''t afford what you want, the borrowing for what ULTIMATELY is a luxury item just doesn''t seem right. many women would get married or engaged with a piece of string if it was the man that she loved, we see this on here all the time, so if men could just get past either the ''no future upgrade'' or similar then we''d probably see less Q''s like that and less people who want to overextend themselves to get that one big great piece that will last forever. forever is a mighty long time and while it''s a great ''ideal'' to say well i never want to upgrade, it doesn''t mean in 10 or 20 years you won''t be in a financial position to get an entirely new ring, keeping your old one intact, and making it a right hand ring or something....so there are always ways to get around overextending right away just to have the ''dream ring''.

Mara, many people who could pay cash for a $3000 car instead get a loan to buy a $30,000 car. This is a luxury as well. And it is a luxury that will one day end up in the dump. That''s why I think an engagement ring is far more worthy of borrowing for than a car. I am very thankful that my husband borrowed the money for my e-ring (which he paid off before ever getting a new car).

 

[Odilia]

Only read the question and not the responses, but I thought the question was kind of funny, because I have noticed that sometimes when a newbie posts a question and says, "my budget it $x000", it often seems like folks will reply with "if you could spend just a little bit more you could get ... for (few hundreds/thousand) more." I have a friend who might get engaged soon, and I was temped to tell him that if he went on here, lowball his budget just a bit (

) so that if folks say "if you could spend just a little bit more you could get ... " he will still be in budget.

I don''t know how common this really is, but it just seems like my perception.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 8/17/2006 11:11:12 PM
Author:kenny
It doesn''t seem to matter what the budget or stone size is.
Many posters don''t seem to be happy with what they can afford.

So many come here struggling to bump it up in size, clarity, or color, beyond whatever their budget is.

How can one woman be delighted with her .45 carat J SI2, yet the next woman is crying her eyes out over her 2.5 carat because she really wanted 3?

I''m guilty of it too.

I wasn''t happy with what we could afford when we got married... because we had a budget of like $100 and looking back we really NEEDED that $100 to live! LOL I bought my dh a comfort fit gold band 4mm and had won a $50 gift cert at work so it cost me I think $130 and I got it to last a lifetime... that''s all he wanted... I got married with my great grandmother''s wedding band knowing I''d get something *someday* (but didn''t think it''d take THIS long lol) I''m pretty happy with the budget I have now... I''m tempted to pad it with a few more thousand, but I know I don''t need to and the symbolism fits with 1k per year... though if this search goes on to next june I won''t feel guilty if it''s 16 k

Whatever I choose will have no regrets. I''m certain of that.

 

[MarciaB]

I am 51 and can really appreciate what you are saying Marcia. We started out with just matching gold bands as well. Over the years since I have acquired a lot of jewelry, but only what we could afford at the time.

Now let''s see a picture of that beautiful new ring of yours!!!

I have been trying to figure out how to insert a picture, and it just isn''t working~ would be happy to email one!

 

[Sundial]

Marcia we are not allowed to post our email addresses, but you can send a picture to the forum administrator at pricescope who can post your picture for you. We REALLY need to see your ring!!!

 

[MarciaB]

ok, I went and read how to upload.. I had my ring named ring, guess someone else had that name taken. Ha!

Am not the best photographer.. but pic should be attached.

 

[KristyDarling]

I''m guilty too!

I think it''s genetic. I think you''re either born with the "diamond ho" gene or you''re not. It may take some people years to realize that they have the gene, and others are born knowing they have it. I think it''s hard-wired into your brain -- there are poor, middle-class, and rich people who LOVE big rocks. Just as there are poor, middle-class, and rich people who could not care less! Hence my theory that you''re just genetically programmed to love big diamonds.......or not.

Many of the people who are hard-wired to love diamonds are the ones who hang out Pricescope, and here we fuel each other''s obssessions with the constant parade of upgrades and re-sets. I came back from my San Diego vacation yesterday and saw a whole slew of gorgeous new rings in SMTR....I was in heaven! Of course, a little jealous, but overall just happy to be amongst all the eye candy. I love my rings and although I totally covet about two dozen PSer''s rings, I''m thrilled with mine and have NO desire to go into debt to acquire more. I''m hoping, though, that in about 5 years for my 10th wedding anniversary, we''ll be financially comfortable enough to splurge on a gorgeous 2-3 carat OEC, cushion, or asscher!

 

[Bluehammer]

I think PS is the ultimate forum to get diamond education and truely test the "limits" of a budget. A result is increased diamond purchases. A win-win for consumer and vendor. People do smart and crazy things with their cash. I think "afford" is relative to the perception of:

Cash up front/paid in full

Put it on the card, it will be paid in a month

Life is about payments, I can afford it if I can keep living with payments

I think each person here as their own idea of affordable.

 

[Sundial]

Date: 8/20/2006 12:29:51 PM
Author: MarciaB
ok, I went and read how to upload.. I had my ring named ring, guess someone else had that name taken. Ha!

Am not the best photographer.. but pic should be attached.

Oh Marcia it looks just gorgeous!!! Just a thought, you might try using your photo software to size the picture a little larger (say 500 pixels) and posting this beauty in the Show Me the Ring section of the forum. The photo does need to have a unique name each time you post it.

 

[diamondfan]

I think I read that used to be an average size e ring for a girl was a carat, now it is like three nationally. I am a total gem freak, literally from childhood. I will not sit in judgement of someone loving jewels. To me, ultimately the ring is a symbol. You are with the person because you love them, not for what they can spend on you. A lot of the upgrades come after years together. I also do not think it is a bad thing to know, hey, this is what we can afford now, and someday if things improve, I would like to invest in something bigger. Unlike technology with planned obsolescence, there is no intrinsic need to replace a diamond, unlike a car or computer or cell phone. My hubby will come home with a smaller newer cell phone and a bunch of reasons why it is fine to have bought a new one 6 months after the last one, no one can come home with a diamond and logically say I need a new one because the newer models have more features...so, it is purely emotional. I never judge anyone wanting more. I do find that if you are so focused on the ring and not what it means, and are so busy counting the minutes to the upgrade you might be losing focus on the really vital aspects. Get a bigger one if you want and can afford it. It is just the competitive angle, the fact that some women think a smaller ring is less special, or people really making poor financial decisions to own a bigger diamond that seem silly to me.

 

[JT]

I was one of the few luckY enough to have a great job waiting for me out of High School. I knew a year ago I wanted to get engaged. I decided on 1 months salary (4000) and saved for several months. Then I bought a CD @5.5% with that money. Next I took a 1 yr 4000 loan from the bank. I did this to build my credit so my mortg. rate would be lower.

I have the money on hand to pay off the ring at any moment I choose.

I work very hard for my money and save almost all of it. (no new vehicles, 90% of my clothes come from target, eat out once a month)

Now, I regret passing up college. I pull double duty: work 7-5; school 6-930. I just want something to fall back on.

However, Just because I'm young and a few years out of school doesn't mean I'm careless.

I want the best for what I can afford and I have stuck very close to my budget....maybe a little under.

 

[lumpkin]

I can only speak for myself. When we got engaged all I wanted was to marry my husband. I noticed my diamond was pretty small compared to my coworkers'' and sometimes I felt I maybe didn''t put enough emphasis on the ring. But we were just really practical -- we had a small wedding, no honeymoon (but we did spend the weekend in a luxury hotel in our area, which was really nice). We wanted to invest our money in fixing up our first home. When we got our wedding pictures we were both really taken aback by the close up shot of our hands and the rings because you literally had to look hard for the center stone in my ring, so we agreed to get a bit larger diamond in it. After that upgrading was not really a serious idea, but by then I had been bitten by the bug and always lusted after a BIG diamond. They''re just mesmerizing.

I suppose most people have at least one vain thing they just love, that isn''t practical and is definitely unnecessary. I think my upgrade was so important because it is such a personal item -- no one else can wear it, borrow it and lose it, use it and mess it up or damage it irretreivably. I did notice that after the kids came even sleep was a luxury, time to myself was unheard of. I gave up so much freedom, so much of myself, even my vehicle and home belongs to the "family" (illustrated by all the times they''ve gotten sick in the car or spilled drinks or had an accident on the furniture, etc.) and I have to consider everyone else in every single other decision, right down to every hour of my time. Maybe my diamond was MINE!!!! MINE!!!!! MINE!!!! and no one else gets to have it, LOL! Sort of an infantile response to always having to be the grown-up, LOL!

I won''t lie, it was a major stretch for us to get my upgrade, and it became very important to me. Vain and yes, a waste of resources. However, I''m pretty non-demanding in other arenas, and generally not that status conscious. (And frankly, no one I care about could really care less about diamonds, LOL. It''s my thing, my friends and family don''t get it.) There''s always something bigger, whiter, better cut, etc., but I''m very happy with it. It''s more than I ever realistically thought I''d have, and it''s my last diamond.

I don''t reallly know why other people want more than they can afford. Maybe it''s a "fake it until you make it" kind of thing. If they don''t get it now they''re afraid they won''t be able to later? Maybe they''re afraid others will think the ring is a measure of how much love the man has for his fiance or how well the woman can marry financially -- what she''s worth, so to speak (and actually I had someone tell me right after I got engaged that her fiance would never have considered getting her less than a carat -- after seeing my little original diamond -- so there is some snobbery over diamonds in certain circles). Or maybe there is family pressure to keep up appearances. There could be all kinds of reasons but it does seem that the subjects of engagement rings and weddings can become quite contentious. Which is a shame really, because it is truly all pomp and circumstance.