Why do so many want more than they can afford?

[kenny]

It doesn't seem to matter what the budget or stone size is.
Many posters don't seem to be happy with what they can afford.

So many come here struggling to bump it up in size, clarity, or color, beyond whatever their budget is.

How can one woman be delighted with her .45 carat J SI2, yet the next woman is crying her eyes out over her 2.5 carat because she really wanted 3?

I'm guilty of it too.

 

[Shay37]

Maybe different expectations. I got the best stone we could afford at the time. It''s a beautiful diamond and it''s set off to perfection in a push up halo from WF.

I love my .76 stone. Do I expect to ever upgrade it, no. Do I sometimes fantasize about if money were no object? Sure. That''s just human nature. It''s the reason people with naturally curly hair straighten it, and people with straight hair perm it. Is one right and the other wrong? Nope, just different.

shay

 

[diamondfan]

I think it is all relative. Some people, prior to getting engaged, were not really into jewelry and cannot fathom spending that money on a ring. Then, time passes, they love their ring and get used to it, and lo, shrinkage can set in. Occasions come, they see other people''s bling, and think, hey, I would like that. Of course, life being what it is there are always people who think the grass is greener or are keeping up with the Joneses. But, it can also sort of creep up on you, and as long as it makes you happy and is within reach, I support it! Whining all the time though, and feeling gypped continually are no fun...best to be happy with what you have at that point.

 

[february2003bride]

I''m guilty of it and it started a few months after our engagment but my reality check is this: I''m very lucky that back when we got engaged in 2002, DH had the budget for my e-ring that he did. Being on PriceScope does make me want a larger, more sparkly, maybe even different shape, diamond. But I love my diamond and while I am changing my setting, it''s not because I don''t love my current one. I know for me, I was so blissed out happy that DH asked me to marry him and that I''d be getting any type of engagement ring was being estatic for me! Reality check and priorities baby

 

[Christa]

Why? Same reason so many Americans have cars and houses they can''t afford . . . I''m not sure what that reason is, exactly, but more and more young people just out of college expect to have the things their parents worked 30 years for RIGHT NOW.

It''s probably different in different geographic locations, but even 16 years ago when I got married, I didn''t know anyone who had an e-ring larger than .50, and we and most of our peers expected to live in a tiny apartment with hand-me-down furniture for the first few years of our marriage. It never occurred to us to go into debt for all the "stuff" that we didn''t have yet.

Wow, don''t I sound ancient, reminiscing about what it was like "in my day"!

 

[Christa]

Oh, and the addictive nature of Pricescope probably doesn''t help, either.

 

[devientdrow]

Hmmm I totally feel where your coming from. I like logging on here and I like looking around and what other people have but serisouly it does make me wonder at times, when people complain about not being able to let a larger size than the already large size that they have. I''m like damn.....i''m married and living in my parents house cause i''m poor.

Like everything else in my life, I conflict. I''m a jewelry person...always have been. It used to scare the crap out of my hubby, after we got engaged when I would go into jewelry stores and still look at wedding jewelry...now he knows I just appreciate it. He walks in now and comments on it with me. However i''m also a very frugal person. Technically I have upgraded my ering and not been married for even a year yet...it''ll be a year in Nov. But even after the upgrade my total cost was somewhere near 2k. Thats soooo small compared to what a lot of people spend, however I find myself feeling bad and making justifications when people ask me if my ering looks different now. I upgraded from a P.O.S from a mall chain to a very nice but modest size diamond. .83ct. I love it. It looks to the eye just as big as most of the 1ct''s B&M''s carry. People are always disbelieving that it''s not 1ct. Since it''s better quality than a lot of those stores too, I always get compliments from the jewelers on how great it looks.To be honest between all my friends I don''t know of anyone that even has a 1.5ct ring! All of them have .50ct to 1ct rings! (i''m 26) The most i''ve known of anyone to spend was my cousin in law got a 1ct assher in a yellow gold setting with sapphire side stones for about 7k. Does this mean I ever stop secretly wanting? No. But in a sort of ...wow if I ever won the lottery kind of way. Since I like jewelry I will never stop seeing new looks and thinking, wow wonder how much it would be to get my diamond reset into that! I''ve thought about what a 2 or 3ct diamond would look like on this hand of mine. But I think a reality check is great for all PS''rs. We all have some of the most gorgeous rings i''ve ever seen...and weather they are 3ct''s or .3 ct''s we should all love and adore them. Ok.....i''m announcing tomorrow as worldwide love your ring day. I''m gonna celebrate by cleaning it with the ultrasonic and taking some pics....you all should do the same!

 

[MissCongeniality]

I think that this has, in part, to do with the individual.

Take for example, my 2nd cousin. the girl he asked to marry him INSISTED on at LEAST a 1 carat marquise as the engagement ring. She came from a wealthy family in the DC area...and she wanted a ring like her mothers. Her heart was set on it. It was all due to the environment in which she was raised.

My cousin was so poor, he had to get the money from his parents to pay for the ring.



I''m the opposite. If money was an issue, I would be happy with a wedding band with just our initials and wedding date on the inside. Or not even a ring...I''d rather have a marriage than obsess over a ring.

Now, I do dream of course. I have a whole book printed out of the micro pave bands I like, basket settings I like, so I can take it to Leon Mege and tell him exactly what I want. Thanks to pricescope. (Because after all my research, I cant find a true replica of that 1922 cartier Asscher setting). But I know its a dream that will unlikely come to fruition. So I live vicariously through other people on Pricescope and drool over their baubles.

Just my $.02

 

[Christa]

Date: 8/18/2006 12:50:31 AM
Author: MissCongeniality
I think that this has, in part, to do with the individual.

Take for example, my 2nd cousin. the girl he asked to marry him INSISTED on at LEAST a 1 carat marquise as the engagement ring. She came from a wealthy family in the DC area...and she wanted a ring like her mothers. Her heart was set on it. It was all due to the environment in which she was raised.

My cousin was so poor, he had to get the money from his parents to pay for the ring.

Wow, that should have been a huge red flag for your cousin! That attitude isn''t going to disappear after the wedding . . . who is he going to borrow money from to pay for the house and the car and the country club membership and the housekeeper and all the other stuff she has to have? It''s one thing to have a preference for a certain style or even a certain size, but something else entirely to insist on your fiance getting you something he can''t afford.

 

[Christa]

Date: 8/18/2006 12:50:31 AM
Author: MissCongeniality

Now, I do dream of course. I have a whole book printed out of the micro pave bands I like, basket settings I like, so I can take it to Leon Mege and tell him exactly what I want. Thanks to pricescope. (Because after all my research, I cant find a true replica of that 1922 cartier Asscher setting). But I know its a dream that will unlikely come to fruition. So I live vicariously through other people on Pricescope and drool over their baubles.

Just my $.02

Me too--I've always loved to look at jewelry, even though I didn't ever expect to own even the very modest collection I have now. Maybe the never-satisfieds need to learn from MissCongeniality how to admire something without feeling like they have to own it.

 

[MissCongeniality]

Awww...thanks Christa!!!!! Thats sweet of you!

 

[ladykemma]

Date: 8/17/2006 11:37:02 PM
Author: diamondfan
I think it is all relative. Some people, prior to getting engaged, were not really into jewelry and cannot fathom spending that money on a ring. Then, time passes, they love their ring and get used to it, and lo, shrinkage can set in. Occasions come, they see other people''s bling, and think, hey, I would like that. Of course, life being what it is there are always people who think the grass is greener or are keeping up with the Joneses. But, it can also sort of creep up on you, and as long as it makes you happy and is within reach, I support it! Whining all the time though, and feeling gypped continually are no fun...best to be happy with what you have at that point.

i have never been unhappy or feeling gypped with my quarter carat enagagement ring...and

i don''t understand these twenty somethings who demand 2 carats.

 

[Larissa]

Date: 8/17/2006 11:37:02 PM
Author: diamondfan
I think it is all relative. Some people, prior to getting engaged, were not really into jewelry and cannot fathom spending that money on a ring. Then, time passes, they love their ring and get used to it, and lo, shrinkage can set in. Occasions come, they see other people''s bling, and think, hey, I would like that. Of course, life being what it is there are always people who think the grass is greener or are keeping up with the Joneses. But, it can also sort of creep up on you, and as long as it makes you happy and is within reach, I support it! Whining all the time though, and feeling gypped continually are no fun...best to be happy with what you have at that point.

This is exactly how it is for me! As I watched the only friend who got engaged before me get a $5,000 ring and then learn that, after marriage, she had to help pay it off (it was on an interest-free store credit card) I told myself that I''d never want that. So then we got engaged and we didn''t try on different sizes or shapes, just ordered what we could afford off the internet. And now, next friend got engaged...and I made the mistake of looking at her ring, which is twice the size of mine yet she refers to it as "small, but it shows how young and poor we were when we fell in love."

Shrinkage set in and her ring is soooo pretty. I''d like to have it!

 

[diamondfan]

Date: 8/18/2006 5:53:41 AM
Author: ladykemma

Date: 8/17/2006 11:37:02 PM

Author: diamondfan

I think it is all relative. Some people, prior to getting engaged, were not really into jewelry and cannot fathom spending that money on a ring. Then, time passes, they love their ring and get used to it, and lo, shrinkage can set in. Occasions come, they see other people''s bling, and think, hey, I would like that. Of course, life being what it is there are always people who think the grass is greener or are keeping up with the Joneses. But, it can also sort of creep up on you, and as long as it makes you happy and is within reach, I support it! Whining all the time though, and feeling gypped continually are no fun...best to be happy with what you have at that point.

i have never been unhappy or feeling gypped with my quarter carat enagagement ring...and

i don''t understand these twenty somethings who demand 2 carats.

I

I just meant that if that is all that you can have or afford, it seems to be a silly waste of emotion at that point. What ever someone else gets or has is immaterial, you have your ring now, best to enjoy it and be thrilled with what it means, rather than lamenting or wishing it were semothing else...

 

[Ellen]

Date: 8/18/2006 5:53:41 AM
Author: ladykemma

Date: 8/17/2006 11:37:02 PM
Author: diamondfan
I think it is all relative. Some people, prior to getting engaged, were not really into jewelry and cannot fathom spending that money on a ring. Then, time passes, they love their ring and get used to it, and lo, shrinkage can set in. Occasions come, they see other people's bling, and think, hey, I would like that. Of course, life being what it is there are always people who think the grass is greener or are keeping up with the Joneses. But, it can also sort of creep up on you, and as long as it makes you happy and is within reach, I support it! Whining all the time though, and feeling gypped continually are no fun...best to be happy with what you have at that point.

i have never been unhappy or feeling gypped with my quarter carat enagagement ring...and

i don't understand these twenty somethings who demand 2 carats.

I don't understand any bride who demands anything as far as the ring.

 

[Madam Bijoux]

I agree that it''s human nature to want more, bigger and better things. There''s nothing wrong with it as long as you don''t go deeply into debt or make yourself ill over it.

 

[Bluehammer]

It seems to me that most people who upgrade here have been married for years. Perhaps saved up the money. I see on PS people who want to upgrade, but do not have the money. I have not read on this forum about someone buying a ring and then starting a thread about how they need a fundraiser. I think the people on this forum are a bit different than most. They are informed consumers.

I think the real reason people buy more than they can afford is because there is a growing middle class mentality. Credit cards and banks are the key. Anyone can get a car, house, cell phone, cedit card etc. if they are willing to pay high interest and extend payments forever. Does this make sense from a financial standpoint? No. But it makes people feel good. We have become an entertainment society that wants to feel good and have things. Unfortunately for some, this also goes into the ring situation. People buy big rings because they make the person feel good. Same reason people buy super-expensive cars etc.

My point is that people need to manage their money better and not live paycheck to paycheck. They need to not give in to the 100 credit card offers they get everyday. But then again, it is the other person who is spending their money. Who am I to tell them what to do?

I extended my budget a bit for the ring I am having made. The diamond was a little over budget, as well as the setting. But I have reserves I can tap and I am a saver. I will be able to pay it off up front. On paper it sounds a little over the top, but I do not plan to upgrade and my GF does not either. I looked for the stone I wanted and was within what I could pay. The amount of ring does not equal more feeling for my GF. We both realize that. So I rationalize (justify??) the extra cost as being spread over the rest of my lifetime. It comes down to just pennies a day.

 

[Ellen]

Blue, I agree, it''s instant gratification now, no waiting, no saving, for many. What they don''t realize is, it''s much sweeter when you''ve had to wait for something a while, at least for me.

BTW, did you make a decision yet??

 

[sumbride]

I think it''s just plain human nature... The unattainable is more desirable sometimes.... that said, personal preference comes into it too. I wanted a stone that was at the top of our budget because it looked right on my hand. I didn''t go over budget, but I did do some manipulating to make it all fit.

On the subject of shrinkage... I tried to explain it to my FI and he got this horrified look on his face... said "They don''t ACTUALLY shrink, do they????" I said "No, hon, it''s a rock... it can''t actually shrink... but psychologically..." He relaxed at that point but then laughed nervously when I talked about wanting to upgrade my earrings now that I''ve had them for 8 years.

 

[fire&ice]

There are those that spend less than they can afford.

 

[devientdrow]

Date: 8/18/2006 10:10:07 AM
Author: sumbride
I think it''s just plain human nature... The unattainable is more desirable sometimes.... that said, personal preference comes into it too. I wanted a stone that was at the top of our budget because it looked right on my hand. I didn''t go over budget, but I did do some manipulating to make it all fit.

On the subject of shrinkage... I tried to explain it to my FI and he got this horrified look on his face... said ''They don''t ACTUALLY shrink, do they????'' I said ''No, hon, it''s a rock... it can''t actually shrink... but psychologically...'' He relaxed at that point but then laughed nervously when I talked about wanting to upgrade my earrings now that I''ve had them for 8 years.

Thats the best!!!! Hahaha I wonder how he would of reacted if you would of acted surprised he didn''t know and of said "Well honey, yes over time they shrink and then we have to get a whole new one......larger.....so it takes longer to shrink." hehehehe

 

[esp102]

Insecurity?

Women wear their rings as accessories. What women would wear a 2 inch pocket book.

Today, I went to the post office and the lady behind the counter had a very small diamond – probably a .25 (maybe smaller). And she was a very happy person.

 

[jayreneepea]

Date: 8/18/2006 11:05:10 AM
Author: esp102

Insecurity?

Women wear their rings as accessories. What women would wear a 2 inch pocket book.

Today, I went to the post office and the lady behind the counter had a very small diamond – probably a .25 (maybe smaller). And she was a very happy person.

Does this imply that she wouldn''t be a happy person if she had 2cts??

I realize I''m new to this forum, so maybe I missed a thread or something, but I haven''t come across any whining or crying because a diamond wasn''t big enough. I joined to get information on my upgrade, that we can afford, btw, not that I need to justify that to anyone. But after 12 years of marriage, we are in a different place than we were in 1993-1994, styles have changed, my style has changed.

Sure, there are women out there like the cousin stated above, but I sure haven''t seen one here. It seems everyone on this forum is educated in diamond buying and trying to get the best possible deal for their money, whether that be $2,000 or $30,000.

jayrenay

 

[Madam Bijoux]

Quote:

What women would wear a 2 inch pocket book.

Visit:

http://judithleiber.com/

 

[devientdrow]

Date: 8/18/2006 11:57:15 AM
Author: jayrenay9

Date: 8/18/2006 11:05:10 AM
Author: esp102

Insecurity?

Women wear their rings as accessories. What women would wear a 2 inch pocket book.

Today, I went to the post office and the lady behind the counter had a very small diamond – probably a .25 (maybe smaller). And she was a very happy person.

Does this imply that she wouldn''t be a happy person if she had 2cts??

I realize I''m new to this forum, so maybe I missed a thread or something, but I haven''t come across any whining or crying because a diamond wasn''t big enough. I joined to get information on my upgrade, that we can afford, btw, not that I need to justify that to anyone. But after 12 years of marriage, we are in a different place than we were in 1993-1994, styles have changed, my style has changed.

Sure, there are women out there like the cousin stated above, but I sure haven''t seen one here. It seems everyone on this forum is educated in diamond buying and trying to get the best possible deal for their money, whether that be $2,000 or $30,000.

jayrenay

Well it''s not like everyone is whining, but I do understand where Kenny was going with this. I have been on PS not nearly as long as a lot of these people have been.....and I can understand what he''s saying. It''s not neccesarily accusatory or negative, I mean right at the very bottom he said he was guilty of the same thing. The basic premise was there are quite a few people who get on here looking for diamonds that are out of their budget and can''t just accept what they can afford, without well...some whining. I agree with a lot of people that it''s human nature. This is an important purchase that''s worth getting the best. Every woman, and every man shopping for thier woman will of course want to get the biggest and the best for their money. I think the original poster as well as Jayrenay were musing that it''s wierd....sometimes you see women with small diamonds that are blissfully happy with them....then other times there will be someone who''s blessed enough to have a large carat ring, but they seem so discontent because it wasn''t that half carat more. Like I stated before, i''m not meaning this in a bad way nor am I saying this is the majority of people on here. But every once in a while i''ll read a thread that will make me understand where this original thought was going.

 

[Mara]

well to me asking why someone wants more than they can AFFORD is different than asking why someone is discontent with getting a 2c when they really wanted a 2.5c or whatever. to me they could be different issues or different reasons.

to me diamonds and jewelry like this is a luxury item...if i can't pay cash for it then i don't get it basically. we have kind of a different type of lifestyle as we both have older cars but i had to have my 2c+ rock. i didn't care that i had to put off getting a new car for another year. some people think that's nuts. hehe. but i do think that the mentality of wanting bigger even if you have to go into hock or really struggle to 'demand' to get something is ridiculous. i understand wanting what you want, oh trust me i do as i always have a big laundry list of 'what i want at the moment', but life and getting what you want is not always aligned. i agree i would rather have just gotten married with a wedding band (hopefully with at least a little bling just for fun) rather than an e-ring if our finances did not warrant it or we were just starting out or something. it's definitely not about the ring making the marriage.

part of why i think people tend to want more is that impatient mentality, aka the american way of life. have to have the bigger suv, the bigger house, etc. why is a bigger rock any different. but as to why people upgrade, well that's a pricescope sickness unique to itself!! pricescope makes it very hard on a daily basis to ensure you stay super happy with your diamond/ring/setting, whatever. all the pictures, and living vicariously through others upgrades or setting changes always makes you go hmmm. sure there are those gals who went 10/20/25 years with no upgrade and come to find PS with that in mind, going from a .50c to a 1.5c is a big deal. but then there is the other people (like me i freely admit) who was not quite really ever into baubles, but then got a perfectly lovely ering, continued to become obsessed with diamonds and now owns a handful of them and have upgraded my e-ring oh...3 or 4 times in the last 3+ years since receiving it.

i don't have that many other pieces of jewelry nor would i really wear them, but my e-ring was always important to me to have what i wanted to look at. and since it was doable...why not.

lastly, on the whole .... why people seem dissatisfied when they get a big rock and lament it's not bigger...well for me personally, this last upgrade, i knew it had to count. so i wanted as big as possible for my budget so i could make it last. i knew i wanted around a 2.3, i'd have gone to 2.5 if possible...but all that were coming up were 2.1's or similar. i would have taken one of those in the end if my 2.3 had not come up...it was perfect timing but i could totally see myself being that tiny bit unhappy if i had only gotten a 2.1 based on lack of inventory. because you have your hopes set on one thing but end up with another. for me it's not about being grateful or happy about what you get...(unless it's a surprise e-ring that the guy spent a year on or something, but to me upgrades are different if you do them yourself kinda thing) but rather having what you REALLY want. so to me i can understand why sometimes people on here seem not quite as 10000% jazzed as they might have been with something even just .2mm bigger. it's a mental thing.

psychology of PS and diamonds, quite fascinating. i am always telling Greg stories from on here and he said that this place is basically a psychology professor's dream...hahah. buncha crazy diamond nuts obsessing over minute details. gotta love it!

 

[kristy_lyn]

What''s your definition of "afford"? Is not paying cash equal to not being able to afford?

We took out a loan for my ring... and it''s not anywhere *near* what some people on here have got! Probably not the wisest use of $4000 at this point in our lives -we''re saving for a house, etc.
We probably should have went for something more in the .45 range, instead of the .8 range.

Why did I choose something that we couldn''t *really* afford?

-I have to look at it every minute of every day, hopefully for the rest of my life!
-I love nice jewelry and wanted to get something that I love and that my fiance is proud of, and, regardless of the size - a nice, quality diamond that my daughter/granddaughter/great-grandaughter can put into a necklace or something way down the line.
-He''d probably spend the $35 a week he''s putting towards my ring on junk food or other stuff anyway.

-and-

-The thought of spending $3-$4000 on a flat screen HDTV. or a computer would never make him flinch (no - he doesn''t have the flat screen yet...) so, why should he/we freak out over my ring?

 

[kristy_lyn]

**So many come here struggling to bump it up in size, clarity, or color, beyond whatever their budget is.**

Oh yeah, I forgot to add - when most people come here, they''re used to looking at mall stores, where they can get a really crappy 1-carat stone that has seemingly "better" specs - the common ones, color, clarity, etc.... for the same price or cheaper.

And, then, they find out that''s not true. Must have ideal cut. So, they try to get an ideal cut in the size range they thought they could afford, and the color grade and clarity seem really low to them. And then they go through the period of "Well, I *Swore* to myself that I wouldn''t go below an F! And, I must have double "V"s!" - so, they have self doubt of whether the super ideal they''re being shown is really better than the other crap they saw... so, they try to bump it back up to "acceptable," and thus, out of their price range/budget.

 

[Steel]

I found this topic heart warming, it is lovely to see the genuine side of men and women in loving relationships who just happen to like sparkle.

To me it seems that a minority of women take great pleasure in showing their diamonds not as a symbol of their love but as an object of superiority.

When I was younger I allowed myself to be on the receiving end of many snide comments about my original modest engagement ring by silly people with expensive engagement rings (and some with no ring at all!).
From this point of view I can appreciate if other women felt the same, that they might feel pressure to keep up with the Jones’s to avoid similar comment, or indeed to attract positive comment.

That said, like the men and women on PS, I later came to realise that it was not about how many upgrades you make or never make its about the love you give and feel. And of course if you are luck enough, about the sparkle reflecting on the wall on a late sunny evening.

As you say, just my 2 cents...

 

[idealseeker]

Great thread Kenny, and I love some of the fellow PSer''s responses. Here''s my take on things: I still don''t agree w/ the woman shopping for the engagement ring with her man or setting a price tag for it. The reason for that is, like some of you said, it''s human nature to want the bigger, better, more expensive thing. This could potentially "guilt" the man into getting something he necessarily can''t afford. Honestly, how many men do you know "feel bad" that they know they can''t afford something their woman wanted, yet ended up getting it for her b/c it would make her happy? Plus, if the woman has friends that recently gotten engaged, it''s a "keeping up with the Jones''" mentality that will add to what I just said. However, I do think the woman could "arm" the man with some information as to what she preferred (ie shape, setting preference, and of course, ring size). Then let the man do the research to pick out what he feels is the perfect stone. This way, when he proposes, the ring is a true symbol of his love. I believe that if the woman picked everything from the cut, color, clarity, carat, etc. etc., all the man has put into this symbol is his cash.

Call me retarded, but I think that proposals should be made w/o the ring present. Get down on one knee, express your love in your own words, and propose. When she says yes, then break out the ring to "seal the deal." I wonder how many men have proposed showing the ring and the women looked at the ring while saying yes? Hmm, I wonder what could be running through her mind? Maybe something like this, "Damn, I can''t wait for so and so to see this rock!" Come on now, are you agreeing to marry the ring or the man? The guy just opened his heart out to you, the least you can do is look him in the eyes as you say yes!!!!

Of course, there are those couples that don''t start shopping for the ring until after the proposal. I think it''s still nice, but the shopping together could potentially lead to the "guilt" purchase.

Hopefully my views aren''t too radical.