WHY do people think someone else''s pregnancy is THEIR story to tell?

[Mandarine]

It bothers me too when people feel it''s ok to share these type of news. People should know better!

My "best friend" (for the last 20 YEARS!) was the first person I wanted to tell after family. Well, turns out she thought it was ok to share with her cousin (whom I also know) who then decided it was ok to share with a bunch of people I barely know (but that are friends with my friends).

Anyway, when I confornted her, SHE got mad at me. She said for me everything was a "big deal" and basically told me to go to hell.

Can you believe it?.....needless to say we don''t speak anymore. It''s too bad because I feel she was almost family, but at the same time a friendship is a two way street and this girl definitely didn''t understand that!.

Anywho...I think people with common sense know to keep this type of news quiet!

 

[Allison D.]

I can understand why you feel upset for her, TG. If I were expecting, I''d want the privilege of sharing the news myself, and if I entrusted that information to someone early on, I''d fully expect him/her to keep his trap shut.

When my best friend from childhood was pregnant with each of her three children, I was literally the first to know besides her husband. I knew about each pregnancy in the *super* early days - 3.5 to 4 weeks. I felt honored that she trusted me to share the information, and for me that became as significant as a damn national security secret. If it was anything more than "name, rank and serial number", I wouldn''t have a comment.

Over the years, I''ve been blessed enough to learn about several of my friends'' pregnancies very early and I can''t even fathom being careless with that information. If I get too excited and can''t contain it, I have a quick sit down with my DOG and tell him. He''s the only "secure" channel I know that won''t blab! LOL

 

[puffy]

i feel bad for your friend just cause she''s been waiting so long to have this type of news to share. yes people love to talk, but i also think that some things should be kept quiet also until the time is right.

this happened to me with our pregnancy this time around. we told our family way early on just because i am so close to my mom, i would have liked her support if anything was going to happen, and DH was pushing to tell his parents since we told mine. i tried to fight him on it cause i knew MIL would tell everyone and anyone. and the minute we told her, she was making calls to people before we had the chance to tell her that it was so early on, we didn''t really want people to know. the next day i must have received 50 calls from distant family members from DH''s side and friends of their family to congratulate us. i get it, she was happy, but seriously distant family and family friends?? we have never even met these people. strange! i was upset about it but i got over it....just have to pick my battles with her.

anyways, i hope your friend still gets the warm congratulations and reactions that she''s been waiting so long for.

 

[trillionaire]

I understand your point TGal, especially for families that have trouble conceiving, but I guess I think that there are far worse things that people prattling with excitement about your pregnancy. It sounds like your friend will be happily supported by TWENTY PEOPLE surrounding her, and that is such a blessing! Many people don't have nearly such a social network, and some people don't have one ounce of support. No one seems to be spreading this information out of malice, after all, especially not her CLEARLY thrilled hubby! (aw!) She gets to feel the first movement, the first kick, the hiccups, the position changes... so the dad beat her to the punch on this one, maybe it balances out? The only real concern in this situation, IMO, is sticky beans. Sure, she might be a bit crestfallen to not be the one to break the news to each of her friends, but that doesn't change the fact that she is going to be a mom, and that it is an incredibly exciting time!

So congrats to her! She is very, very blessed, and I hope that she knows it!

***Lotsa Sticky dust***



ETA: I will say that if someone had entrusted me with the info, I would not have told. I try to respect my friends' right to privacy, but if my friend was upset about a situation like this, I would try to put it in a positive light and perspective, not feed into her being upset. Preggo ladies should NOT be upset.

Get that woman a cupcake!

 

[LadyBlue]

Date: 7/9/2009 5:29:28 PM
Author: luckystar112
My opinion:


I think that it is wrong for him to betray his wife by keeping her in the dark about who he told.


However, I DON''T think that it is ''her'' story to tell just because she is carrying the child. He''s been trying to have a kid for six years too!


ETA: Okay, okay, I see what you''re talking about. The couples going on to spread the news is not okay. I agree with you there.

I agree that the people that know should not been telling more people.

But, if her DH is already telling people, well, what would you expect for other friends.

In the other side, between my DH and I there are not secrets, I would not blame the guys telling their wifes I will blame her Husband telling the guys.

 

[TravelingGal]

thanks for taking the time out to post everyone!

She did find out that he told and she was understanding. She was only bummed that one of the guys that he told didn''t know they were doing IVF (and obviously his wife didn''t know). They openly say they don''t keep secrets from each other, so she didn''t get a chance to the tell the girl firsthand.

I don''t have secrets with my husband either. But I think this is different. This isn''t a secret I have to keep forever...just a couple of weeks and then he finds out in a much more fun way. I think if you have to run and blab it to your mate right away, knowing that you only have to wait 14 days until the news is annouced...well, you''re just really too much of a big mouth, IMHO.

 

[hlmr]

Hi TGal! Has she had her ultrasound yet?

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 7/13/2009 10:24:55 PM
Author: hlmr
Hi TGal! Has she had her ultrasound yet?

Friday is the day!

 

[dianne]

Date: 7/9/2009 4:20:01 PM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 7/9/2009 4:02:23 PM
Author:TravelingGal
I was going to vent on my friend's IVF thread, but figured you ladies might have stories or possible answers to share.

My friend, who is now pregnant after 6 years of trying is keeping it pretty mum. She did tell family and a few close friends. She's just trying to hang on until her ultrasound next week and will let the cat out of the bag then even though it is early because everyone is apparently dying to know if the IVF worked.

We have a group of 20 friends (10 couples). Word spreads like wildfire in this group. I go to lunch with my other girlfriend (another one of the 3 girls that got the news directly from the pregnant friend) and she tells me that pregnant friend's DH did tell a few of the guys, who are no doubtedly now telling their wives and the news is possibly spreading. Pregnant friend is still under the impression that her DH didn't tell anyone.

This angers me on behalf of my friend. She has waited six long years to have news like this...I think it is her story to tell! I feel like people who are spreading the news are robbing my friend of the joy and reaction she deserves when she breaks the news herself. She's waited a lifetime to have news like this and it could easily be a once in a lifetime bit of news to tell.

I know people get so excited that they can't restrain themselves, but I wonder if people really realize how much they are talking away from the person who deserves to tell the exciting news. Especially since many of these people have children and got to tell others of their pregnancy on their own terms and enjoy people's reactions back then?

I agree....

I agree, as well.

This is not a pregnancy story but: I remember when I got engaged I told "L" only because I always promised she would be one of the first ones I would tell. She knew my coworkers and I said I didn't want to tell anyone at work because I wanted to see how long it would take for them to notice. I really didn't care if it took weeks but I wanted to see just how long it would take. I kept getting emails from her all day asking if anyone had noticed, they had not. Towards the end of the day one of my coworkers came over and grabbed my hand because she had been contacted by "L" who, I guess, just couldn't stand it anymore. I really, really wanted to see how long it would take under normal circumstances....really I did....(sigh)

My story is a far cry from something as important as what your friend is going thru but I still, to this day, have resentment that "L" just couldn't let me do it my way. I hope everything works out for your friend and she has a healthy baby and is able to share the joyful news in her own time and all the joy isn't taken away from her.

 

[hlmr]

Date: 7/13/2009 10:37:52 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 7/13/2009 10:24:55 PM
Author: hlmr
Hi TGal! Has she had her ultrasound yet?

Friday is the day!

I am really hoping she gets the best news possible. I will be thinking of her on Friday, and waiting to see when you will be able to update us.

 

[TravelingGal]

Thank you all again for sharing your opinions and your stories.

hlmr, thank you, that is sweet of you. I''m just so nervous about this pregnancy. I have books I am buying her (she was interested in some preggo books so I thought I''d get her "girlfriend''s guide to pregnancy" for fun) and I''m wondering if I should get them for her now or wait until she is in her second trimester.

She called me before I left on vacation to ask me about some indigestion she was having. She started off the conversation with "Oh my god, TGal (OK, that''s not my real name, but you get what I mean)" and my heart just started beating so fast and the hair on the back of my neck rose. She just was nervous about some symptons and wanted to ask me, but boy, I am just on the edge of my seat through this thing!

Everyone''s hoping for one or twins, but the possibility for triplets is there.

 

[hlmr]

Hey TGal, I would give her the books if all goes well on Friday. I understand you being so nervous for her, it is a precarious time for your friend and no matter what, she will appreciate her close friends during this exciting/scary few months. You will help her through whatever lies ahead, of that I have no doubt.

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 7/9/2009 8:09:44 PM
Author: swingirl
The only real secret is one you don't tell to anyone. There is no such thing as, 'Don't tell anyone but...' But unless she tried to keep it private how would anyone know they were supposed to keep quiet? It is such exciting news.

I have to agree. I love my sister dearly but I know she can't keep a secret to save her life so I don't tell her anything that I don't want the world to know.

I wouldn't blame my DH if I were in the same situation because I know that after trying for so long there's NO WAY he could keep it to himself. He's more broody than me

I hope eveything goes o.k with your friend. I'll keep my fingers crossed for her

 

[partgypsy]

With my second kid when I found out I was pregnant I told my husband not to tell anyone for 8 weeks, and I didn''t tell anyone, so no one knew for the first couple months, not my parents, my sister, anyone. We decided to try as a spur of the moment thing. Even though I was 39 naturally I got pregnant that very first month, the same month found out devastating news about my boss, news that impacted my job and would have dissuaded me from trying to get pregnant if I knew. Also my father was facing surgery for what they thought was cancer where they would have to remove his kidney (turned out to be a benign tumor). So I needed some time to process it, and to be happy for myself which at first not sure what to think. I am very glad my husband was on board and I had that time.

 

[partgypsy]

Although it is humorous in retrospect to give you an example, probably a couple weeks after I do the home test and find out I''m pregnant, it''s New Years eve. I''m in a good mood, we''re all dolled up to go to a New Year''s eve party where a whole bunch of our friends would be. As we are driving there I play out in my mind that I am going to have to continually decline the champagne at midnight and times beforehand, someone''s going to think that''s strange, connect the dots and .... oh crap.

I yell at my husband Turn around turn around, I can''t go to the party! He thought I was nuts, but I know myself, I''m just not a very good liar. At least we saved a little money on the sitter

.

 

[TravelingGal]

So word has gotten out and even blabbermouth friend knows. I know this because we went on a double date and at the end of the night when she was giddy from a bit of booze, she blurted out "(insert friend''s name here) is pregnant!"

Ah well. My friend as well as another friend hung out today and preggo friend heard this was the case already.

However, now friend #2 is pregnant. She told me today. Oh my god, I have no idea what is in the water but I am not drinking it. It''s a huge group of friends, but I only consistently hang out with 3 of the girls. Friend 1 who is preggo with triplets. Friend 2 who is only 2 weeks behind her with (hopefully) a singleton and friend #3 who is trying for her 2nd child starting next month.

I told them NO WAY was I getting pregnant because 4 fat preggo friends walking in somewhere was something worthy of a comedy sketch. Plus I''m not giving up all these designated drivers!!!

 

[natalina]

TGal- oooh...what a crap situation! I feel really badly for your friend. Not only because she thinks it''s still a secret that she and her DH will get to share together when the time is right, but most of all because her DH has betrayed her. Of course, this is assuming that he is aware and okay with her having told a few of the girls, but still agreed to keep mum from the boys.

Mandarine- I was totally thinking of you when I read TGal''s original post! I remember being disgusted for you that your friend spilled your news.

 

[Allison D.]

Date: 7/29/2009 12:18:03 AM
Author: TravelingGal

However, now friend #2 is pregnant. She told me today. Oh my god, I have no idea what is in the water but I am not drinking it.

LOLOL - that's how I feel, too.

Two of my friends are now expecting - within days of each other, it turns out! I learned about both during the same week, too! Since then, I've had two overwhelming thoughts.....1) gee, I hope it's not contagious! LOL, and 2) HOLY COW - it's time to start shopping for the bambinos!

Isn't it funny how spurts happen like that?

 

[Mara]

"I told them NO WAY was I getting pregnant because 4 fat preggo friends walking in somewhere was something worthy of a comedy sketch. Plus I''m not giving up all these designated drivers!!!"
_______

Ummm it could be like Sex in the City. But more like..Bellies in the Suburbs? HAHA.

And yeah... people better watch out!! I was watching ''I didn''t even know I was pregnant'' or whatever that show is the other day and some chick who had been married for a long time and thought she couldn''t get preggo and had all these reproductive system issues, basically someone who like NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS THOUGHT.... uhh YEP got preggo. And didn''t know til....uhh she gave birth in the toilet.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 7/29/2009 1:30:30 PM
Author: Mara
''I told them NO WAY was I getting pregnant because 4 fat preggo friends walking in somewhere was something worthy of a comedy sketch. Plus I''m not giving up all these designated drivers!!!''
______

Ummm it could be like Sex in the City. But more like..Bellies in the Suburbs? HAHA.

And yeah... people better watch out!! I was watching ''I didn''t even know I was pregnant'' or whatever that show is the other day and some chick who had been married for a long time and thought she couldn''t get preggo and had all these reproductive system issues, basically someone who like NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS THOUGHT.... uhh YEP got preggo. And didn''t know til....uhh she gave birth in the toilet.

Ewww I saw that show, too. I will never understand how they didn''t feel a single kick!

TGal, stay away from the water, but have fun with all these babies coming - the best part is you can give them back!

I hope your friend has a good pregnancy all the way through. How can she not, with you to help?

 

[ChinaCat]

"I told them NO WAY was I getting pregnant because 4 fat preggo friends walking in somewhere was something worthy of a comedy sketch. Plus I''m not giving up all these designated drivers!!!"




TGAL- Ha! 3 fat preggo friends does it as well- my 2 BFF''s and I were preggo at the same time, and we spend a weekend together. They were HUGE and I was definitely showing, we got the funniest looks and comments. We would walk down the street and people would do a double-take, honk, slow down and yell stuff. People at the grocery store got a big kick out of it.

But 4 definitely sounds like the beginning of a joke...

Good thing that have you and all of your wisdom to help them out!

 

[QueenB29]

You sound like a great friend TGal! I feel so bad that your friend won''t get to see the joy on people''s faces when she announces/ed her pregnancy, but hopefully she''s just so happy to finally have a baby that she won''t care.

I know what you mean. A coworker and friend of mine recently bought her first condo and she was so proud. Well another of our coworkers (a gossipy old man who feels important by telling everything to everyone) told a lot of people in the office who J. doesn''t really even know. Boy was she pissed. And it wasn''t anything close to a pregnancy. Once I get pregnant, if L. even for a second suspects, the entire office will know in under an hour.

My SIL just got pregnant and, and I got so sick of hearing about her trying that earlier this week, I said to DH, ''When we start trying, we aren''t telling anyone! And then when it happens, we''re only telling our parents for the first three months.'' Well he didn''t even want to tell them, which is funny b/c he would be like your friend''s husband (DH can''t keep a secret for anything and even tells me about presents weeks before the occasion to open them). I was like, ''I couldn''t possibly keep that from my mom.'' ''Well, we can''t tell my mom, because she''ll tell everyone.'' Which is true. My MIL would tell the world.

People today have just no concept of privacy and minding their own business.