Why do people procrastinate?

[caribqueen]

We''re getting married early June, and we sent our invites at the 3-month out point (followed The Knot''s checklist) versus the 2-month out point. Also, our wedding is in the states and we have guests coming from at least 3 other countries in addition to the other side of the country.

I figured we needed a little room for those people who would be late responding. So we gave them an RSVP deadline of April 15th. Our guests had a little more than a month to decide if they would attend. Not to mention the save the dates that went out SEVERAL months earlier.

Yet it is April 14th and we have 67% of our RSVPs back. I realize that maybe we''ll receive a chunk by the end of this week, but still. As for the wedding, either you''re coming or you''re not. When you open a letter or a card or an invitation, why not just take care of it and then move onto other things. I realize that people have lives and are busy, but it''s almost like they''re not respecting the process. Some of our guests could be concentrating on their taxes and working hard to get all of that in order, so I realize that. But again, why did you wait until now? Oh, and I should mention, I come from a family who are prone to say things like "oh they already know I''m coming."

In the end, I''m glad we stuck with our timeline because it gives us until the end of this month to nail things down, so that we’re hopefully not scrambling just a few weeks before the wedding.

Can anyone relate?

 

[zipzapgirl]

It''s probably stuck under a pile of opened mail that needs action, but hasn''t gotten the proper attention yet. Or the husband opened it up and didn''t realize how important it was.
The quickest replies I got were the ones from brides who had gotten married in the past couple of years. I don''t think other people really understand how important it is!

Also, i think people hate to send regrets, so they''re more likely to put off sending the response. They think maybe they will be able to make it after all, or they just hate the idea of how sad you''ll feel. Or maybe they just really have no idea if they''ll be able to come.

Just use it as an opportunity to divide and conquer. This is definitely a wedding task where the moms and bridemaids can help out. I read once that in certain hispanic circles, it is customary for a secretary or assistant to make the calls because no will tell the family no, but they will be honest with hired help. Hilarious, right? Hang in there. At least you''ve built in plenty of time!

 

[Haven]

In my experience, an April reply by date is unusually early for a June event. Perhaps people didn''t read your reply by date and they don''t think you''d expect a response so early.

I also agree with zipzapgirl that people don''t like to send regrets, so they probably put it off.

I''m the type to send a formal response the moment I get an invitation, though, so I really have no clue why people wait. Perhaps it''s because they have a lot of other things going on in their lives, so social events get moved to the bottom of the pile.

 

[caribqueen]

Date: 4/14/2010 11:32:48 AM
Author: Haven
In my experience, an April reply by date is unusually early for a June event. Perhaps people didn''t read your reply by date and they don''t think you''d expect a response so early.

I know these things vary from circles to circles. This is our first-go around (my parents and I) and we were afraid if we gave them too much time like May 1, it''d get put off even longer and for those who don''t bother to RSVP at all (which is common in my family) we''d be making calls around mid-May (2 weeks before the wedding). We didn''t want to deal with that. Our guest count will end up around 230/240 so that''s a lot of people versus a wedding with just 100 people, know what I mean?

 

[Nov2109]

Caribqueen, we have the same wedding date, and I sent my invites out about a week after you as my mother suggested it would be a good idea, but my rsvp deadline is May 1. I have received about 40% so far. FIs family has responded more than my family, his family is traditional and very "Respectful" my family is very laid back and has the "oh whats the big deal" attitude. (i''m not sure where I came from bc I am the complete opposite when it comes to being respectful and timely!)

I just wanted to let you know I feel your pain! I wish people would just send them back already. Its not that difficult, you are either going or you are not.

I''ve heard that you get the majority of your invites the few days after your deadline as people always forget. which is why i made my deadline 2 weeks before the actual numbers are due to the caterer.

 

[Haven]

Date: 4/14/2010 11:39:02 AM
Author: caribqueen

Date: 4/14/2010 11:32:48 AM
Author: Haven
In my experience, an April reply by date is unusually early for a June event. Perhaps people didn''t read your reply by date and they don''t think you''d expect a response so early.

I know these things vary from circles to circles. This is our first-go around (my parents and I) and we were afraid if we gave them too much time like May 1, it''d get put off even longer and for those who don''t bother to RSVP at all (which is common in my family) we''d be making calls around mid-May (2 weeks before the wedding). We didn''t want to deal with that. Our guest count will end up around 230/240 so that''s a lot of people versus a wedding with just 100 people, know what I mean?

I totally understand your frustration, caribqueen! I was just trying to think of any possible explanations for your guests'' tardiness. I''m the first person to lament how inconsiderate people are these days, so I definitely wasn''t trying to say anything against *you*! FWIW, I think you''re entitled to put *any* reply by date you''d like on your invites, and people should respond by then.

I really think that some people just aren''t as together as others, if that makes sense. I have friends who pile up their mail for weeks before they go through it, whereas I go through it each night to make sure I pay the bills, respond to social invitations, and take care of whatever needs taking care of ASAP. (Heck--DH used to throw his mail into shoeboxes under his bed before we were married. It was INSANE.)

Anyway, I hope you get some answers soon. I know how frustrating it can be to wait on others before you can finalize your plans.

 

[monarch64]

I procrastinate because I like to keep my options open until the very last minute. If I received an invitation with a reply by date of April 15th, personally, I''d think it was from the IRS and purposely refuse to reply. This post is completely tongue-in-cheek, by the way.

Still, I think a lot of people just don''t respond until closer to the actual date of the event. I like to deal with mail as it comes so I can check that type of thing off my to-do list, but not everyone does that and I doubt if they wait and wait to reply just to drive you crazy. Everything will work out in the end, trust me.

 

[sillyberry]

I am TERRIBLE about putting stuff in the mail. Just terrible. I''m likely to fill things out and then keep them on my counter for months past when I should have dropped them in the mail (not RSVPs, mind you, but other things that need to get somewhere eventually...although I really like when I can email an RSVP). My excuses are that the mailman won''t take stamped stuff out of my individual box, there is no outbox at my building, and I never pass a drop-box on my daily routine. Which are really bad excuses, but there you have it. So people probably know whether or not they''re attending, they''re just horrible people like me.

However, because of this thread I made sure to put an RSVP card in my purse and mail it today. Not due until May 24th, but at least it is done!

You know, if it weren''t for online bill pay I would probably have had all my utilities turned off long ago.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

I don''t think anyone sees the importance of an RSVP until they have planned a wedding themselves. I admit, I''ve always been bad about it until now. I understand how aggravating it is to not get RSVPs back. Our wedding is this weekend (invites were mailed a month ago) and I still haven''t heard from about 5-6 people (and couldn''t get in touch with them). I had to call about 15-20 others.

And also, to be honest, we were just invited to a friend''s wedding OOT. We really want to go, but at this point, we''ve got so many unknowns in life right now (graduation, moving 3 states over, both starting new jobs, taking board exams,etc.) that we don''t know if we can afford the time or money to travel for it. The RSVP date is May 1- and I haven''t mailed it back yet. We''re just trying to wait it out as long as possible to see if our schedule or finances can solidify a little. (I know not everyone is in this situation though- most do just procrastinate!)

 

[lulu]

Darn, I meant to answer this earlier! But wait, here comes another distraction...

 

[PumpkinPie]

I have no idea because I am such a control freak about getting things done!
I hardly ever procrastinate anything except for things that truly scare me (like taxes) or will be really annoying (like Pap smears) - although I don''t seriously procrastinate on either - I just put them off for a couple of weeks at most - too bad for my health (and financial health

)

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Date: 4/14/2010 11:08:25 PM
Author: lulu
Darn, I meant to answer this earlier! But wait, here comes another distraction...

very funny lulu!

I found that the bulk of our RSVP''s came in on the last day or after. Also, i think some people may have the mindset that since the RSVP date is still so far away from the wedding that you probably don''t need (even though you asked for it) their answer just yet.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I wait until the deadline to RSVP because then I am more confident in my answer. I prefer giving a solid yes or no to having to call the hostess and change my answer.


I do think it''s annoying when people don''t RSVP at all though. I just hosted a baby shower, and found the lack of responses irritating. I''ve already bought an invtiation and stamp, provided my contact information (both phone and email) and put the letter in the mail. I also have to find your email/ phone number and track you down personally? somewhat inconsiderate.

 

[RaiKai]

Okay....so....I am really not a procrastinator in anything else in life. If I need to have something done for school or work it will be done weeks beforehand. I planned my own wedding within two weeks after being engaged and we married eight weeks after that. But when it comes to making really advance plans for a social engagement (like a wedding) I tend to wait until the last possible minute to respond.

This is just my own personality and lifestyle sort of thing. I prefer social spontaneity and I have a hard time agreeing to see a movie a week in advance, never mind agreeing to attend a wedding three months in advance! It can drive my DH batty at times (though he is similar to me in this respect) as he will ask me in the morning if I want to go to a show that night....and I will still almost always automatically respond "we'll see!". It is nothing personal about not wanting to go or not wanting to spend time with him (and he knows this now as we have discussed it so many times)....but I don't know how I will FEEL about going to a show in 12 hours, so how can I say "for sure" now?

And honestly, with my work, it can be difficult to respond right away as I may have several things coming through the pipeline I have to check in on first if I am going to have go fly out of town or what have you for a few days to attend. And things in my life just generally seem to change fast! One moment I was planning to drive back home for Christmas with my immediate family along my SO, the next we are canceling as my SO is now my fiance, and we are going to get married the week following Christmas so we will just see our family at the wedding and save some travel and some money for the wedding. I mean, the family was thrilled and fine with me missing Christmas due to the circumstances, but, you see what I mean? Last year there were a few "plans" I made ahead of time...and then I decided darn it I was moving to another city and a couple months later I was gone and those plans faded into nothingness.

So if I got an invite three months in advance....I am not sure I would be responding right away. I want to be sure my answer is as true as it possibly can be at the latest possible date. I do RSVP. I just might not actually mail it until the latest date possible.

When we sent out our invites (about 6 weeks ahead for a destination wedding) we had already talked to most of our guests about whether they would attend or not (there were only about 20 invited) but none of them actually sent us responses back. Those who said they would not come didn't (four of them) and everyone else showed (some we knew for sure would show and others we only heard through the grapevine they would!). But not a single person called or responded to the actual invites.

 

[Rock_of_Love]

Date: 4/14/2010 4:03:12 PM
Author: sillyberry
I am TERRIBLE about putting stuff in the mail. Just terrible. I''m likely to fill things out and then keep them on my counter for months past when I should have dropped them in the mail (not RSVPs, mind you, but other things that need to get somewhere eventually...although I really like when I can email an RSVP). My excuses are that the mailman won''t take stamped stuff out of my individual box, there is no outbox at my building, and I never pass a drop-box on my daily routine. Which are really bad excuses, but there you have it. So people probably know whether or not they''re attending, they''re just horrible people like me.

However, because of this thread I made sure to put an RSVP card in my purse and mail it today. Not due until May 24th, but at least it is done!

You know, if it weren''t for online bill pay I would probably have had all my utilities turned off long ago.

This is me! I will often have mails stamped, ready to go, and just sitting there for NO REASON!

Another thing I think is that a lot of people don''t check the mail every day...or they bring it in, but don''t go through it for a week or two. Could be another reason why.

Honestly, it doesn''t really bother me all that much...to each their own. And, that''s why we have a "reply by" date...if they haven''t replied, you know who they are and you reach out to them and ask personally. May seem like kind of a pain, but with email...and family helping...it''s not too bad.