Why do men hang onto the ring??

[iheartscience]

Date: 12/29/2009 11:54:45 PM
Author: dreamer_dachsie
I guess to me, there is no legitimate reason to wait in a situation like they are in.

She wants to be engaged so badly, as do many women who are LIWs for a long time I suspect, and he knows that. I think she would not care one little bit about a big special thing, and knowing him that isn''t going to happen anyways. Yet he waits. I guess it puzzles me because it seems *mean*. It is a power trip to me. Maybe not in his conscious thoughts -- ''Oh now I have power Muahahaha'' -- but in actual fact. She wants something from him, he has the power to grant it or not, and chooses not. They live together, he bought the ring, the jig is up. They are committed! To wait just seems so cruel.

I suppose the saving grace here is that she does not know he has the ring. He actually purchased a diamond from us, a lovely little .60ct F that I had for a short time as a pendant. He picked a lovely setting for it with my DH''s help. We will never mention ever that the diamond was ours, not that she would mind but it should feel more special. Anyways, that is the only reason we know he has it at all. He is very secretive.

Oh, and my DH didn''t wait 1 hour from the time he got the ring until the time be proposed and I bless his eager heart every day for it!

I think it''s a total power trip, too. My husband proposed to me the day he picked up the ring-about 5 minutes after I walked in the door from work. I''m not saying that''s the only way to do it, but when a couple has been together for years and talked about getting married over and over again, to buy the ring and then hold on to it for months or even a year is just nasty.

 

[Amber St. Clare]

Hi! I''m still a newbie but I love this site and its many thread and topics.

The first thing I thought when i read the op was: someone with control issues. Sorry, I don''t mean to be mean, but you would think with all the time that has elapsed he would have either found or made an appropriate occasion. my other thought is that he really doesn''t want to get married. After nine years one would think they would have made the committment already, no?

 

[kenny]

Maybe he likes to wear it.

Tell him to get his own.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 12/30/2009 7:37:18 AM
Author: MakingTheGrade
Part of me wishes we had chosen the ring together, but there''s also a part of me that knows that I probably would have been too cheap about it since at that time I really wasn''t comfortable spending that much money on a diamond ring. So I guess in the end things worked out well (I get a gorgeous diamond, he gets to beam with pride, and I get no guilt!).

I''m just curious, does BIL''s gf know he''s going to propose? I ask because even though my ring and proposal were a complete surprise, I definitely 100% knew we were going to be engaged and married in the relatively near future. We had all the talks and we both knew it was coming soon. I think if she knows it''s going to happen in the next few months, it''s not so bad? It seems like if that''s the case then he might just be waiting for a perfect moment for a proposal as opposed to keeping her in the dark about the engagement itself.

I have not talked to her about it in over a year. The last time we spoke was 18 months ago when she was itchng for it, and I asked her why he was waiting. She said HE said that he thinks they will settle down and have kids once they are married and he is not ready for that. *shrug* maybe true, maybe not. Anyways, at that time she said she was fine with waiting because they talked about marriage and it was for sure and she said she felt confident in him.

But doesn`t that make it worseÉ To talk about it all the time and say, `Baby it is for sure, we will get married!`and then NOT

What is ÉÉÉ when I try to make a question markÉÉ

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 12/31/2009 10:09:52 AM
Author: bee*
My DH had the ring for almost three months before he proposed, reason being that he was planning a trip to Barcelona for us as a surprise and he wanted to propose there. It was perfect and I wouldn''t change anything (we were also together for 8 years when we got engaged). Hopefully that''s what''s happening in your BIL''s situation.

I hope so too, Bee. This is possible since they do like to travel.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 1/2/2010 8:21:55 PM
Author: kenny
Maybe he likes to wear it.

Tell him to get his own.

hahaha... Now THAT I would like to see!