"Why Chinese mothers are superior"

[somethingshiny]

df~ Glad to see I'm in good company!

Haven~ It's interesting that we had opposite childhoods but you are who my parents were trying to raise me to be. As an aside, I was called fat, stupid and other lovely things for tough love. Name calling is horribly offensive to me. Years ago I gave DH a black eye when he called me a b@#$%. I had a lot of anger issues stemming from my childhood for a while. Luckily I decided I could change me into whoever I wanted to be. My parents did what they thought was best at the time. I'm very thankful they saw
some mistakes and raised my sisters a bit differently!

 

[iLander]

Put me in the line of people who were raised by strict, intolerant, pushy parents. (raised by my grandparents, actually, but not the point)

Every B was met with screaming, yelling, usually a slap. Even in PE, which I sucked at. So I didn't get B's anymore.

Until high school. I decided that I could take a some slapping and screaming. So I started getting C's.

Then when I turned 18, I hit the door running. All they saw was dust. I visited them maybe 3 times in 10 years.

External motivation doesn't work in the long term, it just breeds hatred.

Internal motivation, nurtured through praise, encouragement, and love, those work.

As for calling kids names, that doesn't work either. I was called quite a few names (it still makes me wince, and I can't repeat them) and only made me feel ugly and unattractive.

I think some people wonder about my sense of humor. Trust me, it's purely for survival.

I didn't raise my kids that way, and I thank god everyday for sending me my DH, who pulled me out of the pit of despair that they forced me into. My heart goes out to any child that is raised this way.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I think this mode of parenting makes the assumption that every child can achieve straight A's and excel at everything, and just need the motivation (and by that I mean fear/guilt) to do so. This may be true up until middle school, but I've known many asian classmates when I was in high school that just could not get A's in the AP classes they were forced into, especially the English/Social studies courses that required more than rote memorization.

The consequences of that faulty assumption of course, is that if you happen to be parenting a child who may not have the mental agility to excel at the levels expected despite their earnest and solid efforts, you end up just breaking them down. And then not only do they feel awful about themselves, they probably also hate you in the process. And since you have the role of disciplinarian, and not confidant, they won't come to you with their struggles or their feelings of weakness and you risk being cut out of their adult lives forever. I've seen this happen too. It's not pretty.

Also, while this mode of parenting might raise academically savvy individuals, it ironically leads to doom for the country. You are basically demanding that your children follow a specific road to success: get A's, go to ivy league, get established and respected careers. The problem is that most chinese parents never encourage their kids to follow their passions or take risks. By discouraging too much independence, you also discourage creativity and the drive to be an entrepreneur because kids grow up to be adults who are afraid to fail, ever. And the result is a country of students extremely skilled at understanding things already discovered or invented, but not driven to create anything new. Those that might have grown to have the next brilliant and unexpected invention or business, probably had his spirit broken by parents who yelled at them for dreaming or wanting to grow up to be anything excepting a doctor/lawyer/politician. Like one of my favorite quotes: "Well behaved women rarely make history". If you train all your kids to behave too well...nobody left to make history.

I'm Chinese-American by the way. Fairly traditional Asian parents. I excelled at school, not because of yelling or guilt but because I expected the best of myself and wanted to succeed. Believe me, I was not afraid to go against my parents in other arenas: dying my hair, going on dates, sneaking around, picking fights with my school.

 

[that_someone_special]

I read the article and was very shocked... that's all I can say about it for now.

 

[AGBF]

But what has she got against the french horn or cello?

Maria, that is a really good point! I am quite sure that Yo Yo Ma's mother was Chinese, yet she allowed him to play the cello!

Deb/AGBF

 

[Arkteia]

Interesting... I would really want to see an article written by Mrs. Chua's child (Lulu?) with her comments.

I can not say I was not allowed to get anything other than straight A, but a B would raise an honest question, "why"? At the same time, my parents (mostly mother) were always telling me that I was the smartest, the prettiest, the nicest girl with great figure and deserved the best! I was never called "fat" and if there was something wrong in my appearance, my mom would just give me advises on how to dress in a way to better hide it.

I believe you can expect (and maybe demand) a lot from your kids as long as you are positive and tell them they are the best and yes, they can do it. It would be a cut between a "Chinese" and a "Jewish" mother (another ethnic group that historically does well for themselves ).

I am really concerned when kids are called "fat", because so many of them end up battling eating disorders. Buying a joint membership to a gym works much better.

 

[kittybean]

I found this article fascinating . . . and somewhat disturbing. I think my own parents were a happy medium.

I was pushed to always, always get A's. If it wasn't an A+, my mother would really lay it on thick with the surprise and disappointment. I felt I had very little room to fail, but I also loved school and learning and wanted to succeed for myself. Those A+'s were just as important to me as they were to her, so any disappointment was really shared between us. I got one B in PE because I refused to swim--the water was so cold it would give me asthma attacks--and my mom was totally behind me there. She definitely didn't berate me for making that decision.

I started playing the piano at age 5 because I desperately wanted to. I saw my mom playing, and she would teach me sometimes, but piano lessons were actually a 5th birthday present for me, and I couldn't have been happier. Throughout elementary school, my mom pushed me (and my brother) to practice when we didn't want to, but once I became around 10-11, I started to realize that I truly, truly loved music and loved the piano. I didn't need any more pushing; I went to lessons by myself, practiced by myself, and got myself ready for performances. I competed and did well for several years, but I stopped training and competing in college and only practiced when I could on campus. I now have a piano in my house and am so thankful I have this one relaxing, yet challenging, hobby I can do when my "real job" gets to me.

My parents always taught me things both ahead of and beyond the curriculum for our respective grade levels. I leaned multiplication and long division in first or second grade, and when a lull in class occurred because I already knew what was being taught, I usually got out other books and read. Sometimes I'd read ahead in the math books and start trying to teach myself the next thing: decimals, fractions, pre-algebra, whatever I could figure out. As soon as I could, I started on the advanced math track in middle school, which got me up to College Calc II, which meant that this Liberal Arts major could focus on her Spanish Language and Literature instead of going to Calc and Bio, which weren't part of what I was trying to achieve. Having a mom at home who would sit and do my calc and physics homework (as in, teach it to me) was invaluable. Some of those nights, I hated sitting there, going over endless calc problems and trying to figure out problems with imaginary numbers and counterintuitive formulas. But I'm glad I did it. I went right back to the mindset I had on those endless calc evenings when I had to study for the bar exam after law school, and then I knew I could finish my studying and pass that all-important exam.

The thing my parents did well is to try and help us find friends who were like us (we were all good kids) and who we would have a fun time with without getting into too much trouble. Playdates were okay, but they, and sleepovers, didn't happen that often. My brothers and I watched very little TV, so we never knew which cartoons were cool or which videos were popular on MTV, but that didn't stop us from being at the "popular" tables at lunchtime. My parents liked to make sure we socialized with friends they felt comfortable with, and I think that was a great approach. Flaky parent = kids don't play over there; responsible parent, nice kids = my kids play over there.

Anyway, this is starting to become a novel about my own upbrinding, but what I am ultimately trying to say is that a "mixed method" approach might be a good thing for the typically American child. There needs to be some push, praise, expectations set up by the parents, or I think the kids misses some of his or her real opportunities to shine. The part that's often missing here is when the kid's talents clearly fall outside the normal "school-based" expertise, how does a parent properly push them to do their best in art, sports, drama, or service groups? To me, that's the big question because I'm not sure how to help that kid since I don't excel at art, sports, drama, or service.

In the end, I think a parent needs to take an approach that is both tailored to each child and can change once you learn more about your child's passions and abilities--and if those aren't academia and classical music, that is O-K-A-Y. You just need help your child develop his or her abilities to the best of your knowledge, stay involved as a parent, and seek out appropriate mentors for him or her in the things you aren't able to be his or her head coach.

Okay, end of novel!

 

[Cehrabehra]

I want to GAG. Seriously. I live in china and I think she has the right formula for *something* but based on what I see with my own eyes here, it is NOT the formula for raising well adjusted, well rounded, socially responsible humans.

 

[Cehrabehra]

this article really bothers me... REALLY bothers me. On so many levels. Not only for all of the obvious reasons but because I see how it fails on a daily basis everywhere I look.

 

[y2kitty]

this article really bothers me... REALLY bothers me. On so many levels. Not only for all of the obvious reasons but because I see how it fails on a daily basis everywhere I look.

Its an excerpt from a book. Can I assume you won't be reading it?

 

[Indylady]

My upbringing was similar, but cranked down a couple notches. I have incredibly devoted parents, that do had/still have high expectations for me, but they wouldn't ever push me towards a major or hobby I didn't want to pursue. Like Kitty's paernts, my parents were protective, and only let me play at houses that they felt were safe, etc. and rarely spend the night anywhere. Like Kitty said, I think my family and upbringing was a fair 'mix'. All in all, I'm very thankful for my upbringing and have a great relationship with both parents.

 

[dragonfly411]

My thoughts:

I wish more parents were a little tougher on their kids.
I wish more parents did expect excellence.
I wish my parents had been this way.
I do think parents should let a child develop in an area where they show the most promise. If she can't play violin but she can ride a horse, send her to the barn so long as her studies stay up.
I wish that there were higher standards for teachers.
I wish that our education system were as strong as old Europe, in which children were expected to be able to quote literature, learn several languages, play piano, and show some discipline.
I think more parents need to say no.
I think parents need to stop being afraid of their kids.
I think more kids need a good pat on the behind and a corner to sit in.

I know people who are in nursing school who cannot spell tomorrow, wouldn't, and because.... that's scary. That's what is happening to education in our nation.... and in some other parts of the world. Frightening.

 

[soocool]

I don't know if I am tough or not on my kid. DD says yes, I say not really.

DD had playdates all the time and we made sure it was a variety of kids. If for any reason, to teach her to get along. She learned at a very early age to be very tolerant of others because she got to see a variety of personalities. (My caveat: DD was never allowed in a house where there were guns. My rule and I knew which families had guns) As she got older she knew which kids to hang out with and which were "bad news". She has never hurt anyone's feelings and I am amazed at how she can turn down an invitation or a date with the utmost diplomacy and niceness (if that is a word). I guess she sits with the "popular" kids but if she sees a guy or girl sitting by themselves she will often sit with them or invite them to her table.

When it comes to classes, DD knows what she likes and what she doesn't like. It usually is not the subject matter, but they way the subject is taught. She can do math and science in her sleep. She has to work at social studies and English. She has no interest in memorizing facts, but loves to analyze things to death. Do grades matter to me, no, but DD is an A student. The only person she competes with is herself.

DD has played violin, piano, flute, guitar. She played soccer (through junior year of hs), plays tennis and volleyball and still manages to get her schoolwork done.

She also has good friends who are Chinese and Indian and has told me that their parents say anything less than an "A" is unacceptable Their parents don't want their kids hanging out with other kids, but they let them come over to our house. Their parents really like DD.

DD has such confidence in herself that I know she will be successful in life and she is the one to define the success, not me.

This article just made me feel that this mother pushes her kids to exceed in things she finds is important rather than have to child discover his/her own talent.

end of my rambling too.

 

[TravelingGal]

Well, since I don't think I'll scar Amelia by turning into a "chinese mom" for 30 minutes, I decided to do just that and conduct a little experiment. I wish I had recorded it, because it was interesting.

I'm fairly strict on many things, and believe in consistency (especially when it comes to behavioral stuff). However in areas of "learning", I've been fairly lax - letting her figure things out at her own pace. Amelia knows a lot of her letters, but doesn't seem to care for numbers, although it seems she knows a few.

She has a Melissa and Doug puzzle (the one that comes in a 4 pack and has shapes, numbers, farm animals, and colors) that she was playing with. I thought it would be interested to see if 30 minutes of drill and kill would work. All I wanted her to definitely learn were to identify and say numbers 5-9 on the puzzle.

I began by asking her "what's this number." She'd guess a few or say "I don't know." So we'd count the objects under the puzzle number, which she did. Then I asked her what the number was. She said it correctly, and then we'd move on to the next number. When we went back to the previous number, she had already forgotten.

We pointed and counted over and over again. "5. 6. 7. 8. 9." Now what's this one Amelia? I don't know, she'd say. Listen, I'd say. Watch. Count.

10 minutes in, she began to fidget. I asked her to sit still, focus and watch. Since I've taught Amelia to learn to sit still, that part was manageable, but you could still see it was hard for her.

20 minutes in, she was frustrated and began to act out. I told her to stand still, watch, count. I held them up. we counted all the objects again. All she had to do was identify the numbers correctly, but she would not do it. Now, it became a battle of wills.

30 minutes in, I had pulled out the time out card, asking her if she wanted a time out because she began to hit the table in frustration. She stopped doing it when I asked her if she wanted to go into time out. She was hanging on, and I was right there with her. She asked if she could do a different puzzle and that she didn't want to do this one anymore. I kept at it a few extra minutes, but after that...

I decided for us, enough. I suppose the way of thinking according to the author of this article would be to STILL plow through...that you have to get over that battle and then Amelia would learn. I'm sure according to her, I'd be a wimpy westernized mom, who gave in when the going got tough.

Before we put the puzzle away, I decided to do something fun with it, so we could end on a good note. I grabbed all the numbers and with my usual silliness and goofy voices, I just held up 3 random numbers and said in a fun way, "Amelia, Amelia, can you pick out the THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?" She did, with lots of giggles. And so on and so on.

0-9, picked perfectly without a single error.

That part I didn't expect. I gave her a hug and a high five and we put it away. I'm sure I could analyze the 30 minute experiment to death and come up with all kinds of conclusions and criticisms.

But what I took away from it was it just wasn't fun for me. At all. I didn't have any joy pushing my kid. Would I have if after 30 minutes she showed that she knew her numbers perfectly (after the drill and practice, not the silly game part)? Maybe. But I don't think so. My temper did flare even though I knew I wasn't all that serious about the experiment. It quickly became a battle of wills, and as every mom knows, you gotta pick your battles.

I'm not saying that education (at some point) isn't a battle to pick...it is. But I'm not sure about other things, like piano or whatever. Maybe I'm selfish, but I didn't give birth to a child so I could raise the next brilliant whatever. We had Amelia with the hopes that it would bring more joy and light into our family and we could be a source of joy for her.

I'm sure for Ms. Chau, it wasn't exactly joyful for her to push as she did, but she did it because she believes it's the best for her child. I'll leave that up for debate. I can only speak personally, especially after my mini experiment, that I'm not cut out for it. There will be times that I'll have to push Amelia, but I think overall I'm OK with all of us simply enjoying the different stages of our lives, trying our well and truly "best" and moving on.

 

[zhuzhu]

Thank you Traveling Gal for sharing your experience and experiment.

I think we all learn better if we enjoy it in the process.

The key drawback in the author's theory is that there are no consequences in pushing, and that there are no alternative ways to achieve "excellence". I think those are false assumptions of hers.

Did you know that while she was born in the US, her parents came originally from the Philippines? How strange that she picked "Chinese mothers" as the title, and used herself as the golden example.

 

[perry]

I actually agree with certain parts of the article. The key one that most "american" children are never taught that they have to be excellent at anything - nor the work it takes to achieve excellence.

My upbringing was more of a balance. Us kids (8 of us) had to pick things that we would become good at - and in those things we were drilled to a level of at least near excellence. Extremely valuable lesson in life (including what it meant to make a commitment).

As for the rest... we were allowed to do sleepovers - camp - etc and be kids.

I think that is the right balance.

Perry

 

[ForteKitty]

I've been avoiding this article because I knew it would piss me off. now i wanna punch her in the face. Thank god my mother didn't raise me the traditional way.

My friends posted on her fb and people went nuts. One girl said, "I'm glad my Chinese mother let me do all the things that Professor Chua condemns. I should refute many of her points in a well-crafted letter to the editor—but I think I'll go play computer games and polish my Harvard diploma instead."

Ha!

 

[Cehrabehra]

I agree that a lot of western parents are overly worried about protecting their child's self esteem, and that the concern often backfires.

When I was a young adult and preschool teacher taking classes in the us in childhood education there was such a strong movement toward avoiding negative reinforcement, discipline, even neutral reinforcement was sometimes frowned upon.... and I too thought as you did above, the overprotecting of children's self esteem was doing american children NO favors. I made it a point to teach my children *shame*. Now, I never called them names and I didn't beat it down their throats, but when the appropriate time came, I made sure they understood what it felt like to feel ashamed of their own behavior. I think it is a crucial part of developing a conscience to understand both pride AND shame - and not just pride. You have to really understand both to understand either. Still always tried to weight it toward positive, but avoiding negative does not breed wonderful creatures IMO.

 

[TravelingGal]

I agree that a lot of western parents are overly worried about protecting their child's self esteem, and that the concern often backfires.

When I was a young adult and preschool teacher taking classes in the us in childhood education there was such a strong movement toward avoiding negative reinforcement, discipline, even neutral reinforcement was sometimes frowned upon.... and I too thought as you did above, the overprotecting of children's self esteem was doing american children NO favors. I made it a point to teach my children *shame*. Now, I never called them names and I didn't beat it down their throats, but when the appropriate time came, I made sure they understood what it felt like to feel ashamed of their own behavior. I think it is a crucial part of developing a conscience to understand both pride AND shame - and not just pride. You have to really understand both to understand either. Still always tried to weight it toward positive, but avoiding negative does not breed wonderful creatures IMO.

Agree Cehra. I think Asian cultures do understand this, but because sometimes there is a lack of outward affection, it seems to concentrate more on shame and disappointment.

My dad's called us the equivalent of garbage lots of times. Said that we're crap compared to all those kids in Korea, who work hard, blah blah blah. It didn't faze my brother or me because we had zero respect for my dad...we just thought he was crazy and of course crazy stupid things were going to come out of his mouth. He rarely ever showed any love for us and that's probably why.

Years later, he went to Korea for the first time in over 25 years. He came back saying those kids in Korea are horrible with no respect and things had changed. I just remember thinking - ha!

Now if my mom had called us something awful, it really would have hurt and shamed me, because she normally was very proud of us and full of love. And I think it would have been effective in terms of getting my butt in gear.

 

[Sha]

If I can ask - What's so great about the piano and violin? Are they considered 'superior' instruments in some way? Why can't Asian children be taught non-orchestral instruments, like the guitar or drums? Just an honest question.

It's a really interesting article, though, and I think the author does make some good points. My parents pushed us to excel in school as well. If we got 95% on a test, they would praise us but ask what happened to the other 5%, etc. The end result was that we always tried to do our best. I got straight A's (and a few B's) throughout school. When I went to University in North America (I'm from the Caribbean), I remember being really surprised that most of the students seemed like they were striving for C grades and actually rejoiced when they got them. It just seemed like they were content to get by with an average grade, whereas for me, it would've been a huge disappointment.

Anyway, I generally disagree with her methods. Thankfully, my brothers and I are all intelligent and academically inclined - so excelling in school wasn't a huge challenge. There are tons of children who are not, but are gifted in other areas - drama, sports, art, culinary and other technical arts, etc. -and these areas are just as important. Children aren't cut from the same cloth.. I feel like Ms. Chua makes them out to be. I can only imagine the pressure that some of the children from these households suffer.

 

[TravelingGal]

If I can ask - What's so great about the piano and violin? Are they considered 'superior' instruments in some way? Why can't Asian children be taught non-orchestral instruments, like the guitar or drums? Just an honest question.

I think there are a few answers to this question, and just my opinion...

First, piano is often known as the giving you the best musical foundation, in terms on understanding how music works and theory. It's also easy to learn (just hit the keys, vs learning how to blow a wind instument or use a bow on a violin) but hard to master.

I also believe they are both instruments that allow you to be a superstar. You are never going to be a concert solo drummer. Guitar isn't generally a concert instrument - it's a BAND (meaning, like rock band!) instrument so that's not going to be encouraged in a strict asian family.

Third, since all the other asian kids are learning piano and violin, you should too! Asian communities are very, well, communal. Everyone talks about who is the best teacher and blah blah blah. The resources more easily there for these often played instruments by asian children. When I was growing up, I didn't know anyone who learned music on anything other than piano and violin. In fact, I was given only these two choices myself. Many 1st generation asian parents don't play music themselves, so they don't understand it well. But they DO understand piano and violin, in terms of its role in concert.

ETA. wanted to add that the classic musical greats composed on piano. Hard to play mozart on guitar or drums.

 

[ForteKitty]

The concert master/mistress is always the 1st violinist. HIghly coveted spot. It's insane how competitive kids were when I was in orchestra. I'm guessing that's why? Didn't personally know anyone w/moms like that ... but we've heard plenty of stories.

I quit piano after one lesson, and started playing the flute.. self taught @ 13, slummed around in BAND, no less. My sister and brother were both in drama. the shame!

 

[TravelingGal]

The concert master/mistress is always the 1st violinist. HIghly coveted spot. It's insane how competitive kids were when I was in orchestra. I'm guessing that's why? Didn't personally know anyone w/moms like that ... but we've heard plenty of stories.

I quit piano after one lesson, and started playing the flute.. self taught @ 13, slummed around in BAND, no less. My sister and brother were both in drama. the shame!

Haha ForteKitty. As Asian kids, we what THAT meant.

 

[ForteKitty]

haha luckily my family didn't care either way, as long as we were happy. My first instrument was actually a set of plastic toy drums! eta: my real reason for joining band and orch? to get out of classes and perform/play at disneyland!!!! and i told my mom that too.. she just shook her head at me.

Although if i joined cheerleading, my mom might be slightly upset. she didn't want her daughters running around w/ football players. At least band and orchestra is "safe". hahahaha..

 

[kenny]

More music is written for solo piano than any other instrument for good reason.

It has a range of over 7 octaves and with ten fingers you can play ten notes at the same time.
Throw in the dramatic effect of the 3 pedals and the musical possibilities are enormous.

The violin is said to share certain similarities with the human voice.
This result in a unique subconscious emotional reaction in listeners.

Also a well-voiced fine piano also may mimic some tonal characteristics of the human voice.
When played softly, besides being lower volume, the tone contains upper harmonics that are relatively lower in amplitude than they are when played loudly.

The human voice does this too.
A sexy whisper and an angry shout sound different in ways beyond mere volume.
It's because of the relative strength of upper harmonics. (BTW, this is also what your brain uses to differentiate a clarinet from a french horn playing the same pitch)
A fine pianist on a fine piano that is well-voiced, tuned and regulated can rip your heart out.

 

[TravelingGal]

haha luckily my family didn't care either way, as long as we were happy. My first instrument was actually a set of plastic toy drums! eta: my real reason for joining band and orch? to get out of classes and perform/play at disneyland!!!! and i told my mom that too.. she just shook her head at me.

Although if i joined cheerleading, my mom might be slightly upset. she didn't want her daughters running around w/ football players. At least band and orchestra is "safe". hahahaha..

Which goes to show you my mom was crazy progressive because she totally allowed me to be a cheerleader. She trusted me...crazy novel concept!

Or...

My mom was very naive. She didn't think her daughter would run around with a football player. (For the record, I didn't.)

And those are very good reasons for joining a band.

 

[ForteKitty]

A fine pianist on a fine piano that is well-voiced, tuned and regulated can rip your heart out.

Very true. One that consistently gives me chills is Nessun Dorma from Turandot, on a violin. I heard a single violinist playing it once.. haunting.

 

[ForteKitty]

haha luckily my family didn't care either way, as long as we were happy. My first instrument was actually a set of plastic toy drums! eta: my real reason for joining band and orch? to get out of classes and perform/play at disneyland!!!! and i told my mom that too.. she just shook her head at me.

Although if i joined cheerleading, my mom might be slightly upset. she didn't want her daughters running around w/ football players. At least band and orchestra is "safe". hahahaha..

Which goes to show you my mom was crazy progressive because she totally allowed me to be a cheerleader. She trusted me...crazy novel concept!

Or...

My mom was very naive. She didn't think her daughter would run around with a football player. (For the record, I didn't.)

And those are very good reasons for joining a band.

TG- most of our cheerleaders were asian!

my mom thought band was safe... if she only knew half the stuff going on!

You know what, i actually really enjoyed playing, and really loved performing for a large audience. and because there was no pressure to become the best, i got really competitive and took the principal chair from a senior during my freshman year. I wanted my stars and stripes solo.

 

[slg47]

this article really bothers me... REALLY bothers me. On so many levels. Not only for all of the obvious reasons but because I see how it fails on a daily basis everywhere I look.

this. I teach chemistry to these kids in college.

 

[jaysonsmom]

I agree to the author's portrayal of the stereotypes, but I don't necessarily relate to one parenting method over another.

This article was very interesting to me because I was raised by a "Chinese Dad" that pushed me to be a straight A student, who pushed me to excel in piano for over 15 years, and who never let me go to co-ed parties or go on a date until I was of age to get married. I ended up almost dropping out of University because I went to a rebellious phase where I just wanted to party, and date, and not be buried in academic pursuits. I was also called a fatty (went on a fast and wouldn't eat in front of my parents for a whole week).....but all in all, I turned out okay, but I don't agree with the method completely. It worked while Iwas living under their roof, but I never leanred how to keep myself accountable when I became an adult.

Because I was raised by "Chinese Parents", I do find myself leaning towards that myself, but only with one of my kids. My "Chinese mom" expectations are more for my son who is the firstborn (. He is definitely the academic, and also the musical one. He is well on his way to be parented the "Chinese way", he's a 3rd grader reading books set for 7-8th graders, and I'm proud of his achievements. My daughter (6) is very different though, she is the artistic, dramatic, athletic one, and I find myself playing the role of the "western mom" with her. I'm extremely proud of her too, and love to talk about her skateboarding skills, and her pitch-perfect renditions of all her favorite pop songs, her witty comedic acts. I'm always consoling her when they get their report cards because her grades are not as great as her brother, but I told her that's not important because she has a ton of other skills (such as creating beautiful artwork) that is much better than anything her brother could ever make.

I guess what I'm saying is that certain children will respond to a certain type of parenting depending on their aptitude. I would not be able to use the "Chinese parent" method on my daughter because it would cause a complete relationship breakdown between us, and I could not use the "Western parent" method on my son because he really has no other interest other than making the best grades, and playing piano. A parent has to mold their skills to the needs of their child, and not use one method to encompass all their kids' individuality.