Why are we doing this?

[theredspinel]

Does anyone else go through a "meh" stage? I'm in 1 right now... It might last an hour or 2 or sometimes the better part of a whole day where I just look at my (steadily expanding) collection of jewellery and just feel "meh".

It's not that I don't love my jewellery because I do; and not that I don't love my loose stones because I do but... I don't quite know.... maybe it's the feeling of glimpsing upon a world knowing you can never be properly part of it. I mean, gems and jewellery: obviously we all have the stuff that is within our means... but my eyes have seen the possibilities and now maybe my heart wants those out of reach possibilities....

It's a bit difficult to play this game of acquiring gemstones and treasures and not let your head fly off into the sky and into a world of royalty and fancy ballroom dances and etc. But that isnt my life so...

I guess I'm saying sometimes I forget to feel grateful for what I already have instead of having an undying thirst for more and bigger and better and sometimes I wonder what am i doing with actual gemstones???

I can't be alone in this...?

 

[ilovegemstones]

I know what you mean and have really slowed down.

 

[Gloria27]

Hey, there are people out there collecting stamps (I mean no offence).
Gems are better in so many ways.
If you are having fun while collecting, then that's it!

 

[chrono]

It is normal to experience this and it is very good for our wallets.

I.....I collect stamps (at least before the new type was invented and used).

 

[Gloria27]

I meant no offence Chrono

When I like a gem a lot I feel the "want" and when I get the gem this "want" is satisfied and I look for another gem "to want"
Maybe you satisfied your "want" for the moment, theredspinel.
I try to remind myself that I will not actually take these to the grave and they are just temporary, pretty distractions.

 

[theredspinel]

Hehe I collected stamps in my childhood. Gloria I think the problem is my want doesn't get sedated; I buy the gem I so lust after then as you said I just find another gem to lust after again! It's a bit exhausting and so not sustainable and then I look at stuff I already have in the hopes of reminding myself how much I already have and it all just feels meh. Then I think is that the fate of every gem and jewellry piece I lust after....

 

[ZestfullyBling]

I understand how you feel. Been there. I have purchased stones, set them, sold them and then back again. I have slowed down a lot though. I had to self examine and decide what important to me and my style.

 

[Gloria27]

Gloria I think the problem is my want doesn't get sedated; I buy the gem I so lust after then as you said I just find another gem to lust after again!

It's human nature I guess...
This forum made it worse for me, I discovered spinel and chrysoberyl.

 

[digdeep]

I think it's human nature and there is a 'competitive' side to this. That's why Barry's and Gene's gems sell like hot cakes---(as well as other vendor's) but just using them as examples. AND when you add finding gems that are reasonably priced for the larger market........ we get in situations where buy first think about it later......takes over. When you finally exhale and look at all the purchases there will be some questions.

That's what I think people mean when they 'take a break'....... if someone has a huge vault for storage and spending they may never look twice at their collection.........but for most of us it's a process of learning, balancing, rebalancing and prioritizing what we like---realizing that the priority may change, and so does the bank account!! Gem's are a lot like fashions........the style doesn't stay in one place...... what is HOT at one point may fade or become too costly for a majority of us to purchase. Again......learning, balancing, rebalancing and prioritizing......it's a process until you decide your appetite is full.

 

[smitcompton]

Hi,

There have been times that I have had to stop my fingers from typing, STOP, to some people on here who continually buy gemstone after gemstone as if there would be no more to buy in 2 weeks time. I have stopped buying gemstones for the last ten yrs with the occasional exception when the price is right. I have at least 30 rings and 50 loose stones. I regret having bought so many stones without really thinking about the purchases. I probably could do without half of what I bought and that would make me happier.

I wish that I would have emulated Chrono in how she buys her gems, with thought. In her case, less is more.

You like the experience of the search, and the thought that you are collecting something valuable. But, the truth is most gems most of us can afford aren't rare and can be found at any time. I believe its better to slow down. I am convinced prices are too high because this forum is a sitting duck for gem dealers and people who can't stop themselves from buying. For example: any color in spinel is priced excessively,IMO. This forum shys away from discussing pricing of stones. That should change, because we, gem lovers are enablers. We ought to also be critics. I know we do this at times, but I suggest we confess how many gems we have before we buy another or ask opinions. JMO



Annette

 

[dk168]

I learnt to control my finances late in life, paying off my 5-figure debt between 2010 and early 2015.

With no credit to speak off, I can only spend within my means, and vowed never to get another credit card unless it is a pre-paid one.

I have a collection of inexpensive "learner" stones that I am unlikely to set, and have switched my focus on better (and fewer) stones, to plug the gaps in my "desired" list.

In addition to CS and diamond jewellery, I also have a "pearl" habit, and it is going to suck my piggy bank dry this summer as I shall be going to LA to attend the PG Ruckus, with lots of shopping opportunities.

I believe it is only natural for one to desire better things in life, jewellery or otherwise.

I am happy with my lot in life, and do not feel I have to acquire the latest must have's in order keep up with the Jones.

DK

 

[theredspinel]

Thank you digdeep and smitcompton you both expressed the things I'm feeling and trying to express, perfectly! I love the culture here where everyone does ohh and aah over the things you get but I also always want the brutal truth too. If people here saw me getting "out of control" I would want to hear it because at the end of the day that would be what would untimely help me... over 'oh yeah go for it buy whatever you love'... (as much as I love being enabled lol).

Right now I 'only' have a handful of stones but I have setting plans for all except 3 (and those 3 were my cheapest stones). I don't want to be here in a year with a whole gem tray full because I've realised... I'm not a collector. I'm in this game to make myself some gorgeous jewellry and so often I lose sight of that and have a frenzy of buying stone after stone. Then I take a step back and end up feeling like this!

So my resolve right now is to not buy another stone until I've set my moonstone at least.... let's hope I can stick to it.

I'm sure posts like the above 2 are exactly what I need to keep myself grounded so, thank you!

 

[theredspinel]

Oh cross posted with you dk. I think with me I can see myself owning gem jar after gem jar of higher medium quality stones (it's only recently I've brought 'cheap' ones and tbh I don't think the cheaper gems do it for me) and whilst it gives me immediate satisfaction... I feel annoyed at myself in the end! Because like I said I do want to set everything I own and have jewellery from it, not just gems but if I don't stop myself buying.... I'd never get to set them! For me it's about reminding myself of my long term goals over the immediate satisfaction of buying a stone.

Eta: thankfully I don't have the keep up with the jones complex; it's more I wish the 'high' after buying a gem lasted long enough to sedate my need to buy another gem....

 

[chrono]

I get the "highs" by helping others shop for their perfect e-ring stone. Kind on my wallet, makes me happy, and makes the OP very happy.

 

[eos512]

it is called marginal effect, meaning that the more you get the less joy you gain. It also happened to me. One advice is just to aim for those quality gems. It hasn't to be very big in size but best color and cut in its kind. Forgot about those so-so gems

 

[theredspinel]

I get the "highs" by helping others shop for their perfect e-ring stone. Kind on my wallet, makes me happy, and makes the OP very happy.

Lol Chrono I wish I could get my highs like that! All those kind of posts make me want to do is.... go out and start my own search so I can own 1 too

You hit the nail on the head eos. The more I have the shorter the joy/high from it. I swear it's drugs!!!!!!

 

[dk168]

I guess I am not experiencing the kind of high's (and subsequent low's) as mentioned by the OP with jewellery purchases.

DK

 

[luxroman]

This thread is so interesting. I only have my engagement ring, because for now we have no means for me to acquire more... But I do check the forum almost every day, and I am daydreaming about others stones! When the time comes I'll be able to start building myself a small collection, I'll remind myself of this thread and will try to do it the best I can from the very beginning. Thank you!

 

[ilovegemstones]

I used to collect stamps and coins too! Now art dolls. Lots of living things are in our house too. I like collecting and learning about different things whether it is the hardness of a stone, the pH a fish likes in an aquarium or the age of an antique piece of jewelry and what people were into style-wise at that time. I am a collector of things and it has spread to gems. I am happy to say that the addicted feeling I had a few years ago is gone. I have learned just as much from other people's purchases on this forum as I have my own which had helped me to slow down.
Thanks for bringing this up redspinel!

 

[arkieb1]

I think that it doesn't help that spinel prices and paraiba prices have rocketed to unreasonably high prices. I will mention the elephant in the room that I see a lot of people buying things like really washed out third rate paraiba for obscene prices on here and I agree it seems to fuel others to do the same....

I don't think there is anything wrong with buying or collecting stones within a certain budget. But buy what you like and don't be afraid to send back things that you can't live without, that is what I have learned.

 

[lilmosun]

Interesting thread....are we all collectors by nature?

I've collected jewelry of sorts all of my life going through different phases including costume, silver, pearls, etc.. Right now its colored stones.

When I first started collecting colored stones, I did get carried away on some of the FB pages and have a bunch of stones that I bought because they were very cheap or rare that I regret...fortunately, nothing very expensive. I have since learned that I don't enjoy stones sitting in gem jars. Today I don't buy anything I don't think is worthy of setting.

While I sometimes dream of a killer piece especially when I see them here on PS, I like the variety of collecting too much to afford any high end pieces. I think about putting my money away for a bigger diamond or upgrading some of my pieces but I know that I would find it hard to justify spending that much on one piece unless I'd wear it every day -- even though my smaller pieces do add up. I tell myself that when if my life style changes where jewelry is not an accessory that I like to change up daily, I can trade in what I have for some larger pieces.

But do I go "meh" at what I've bought? Occasionally, but not often...and when I do, I just set it aside for awhile. I have been trying to sell/trade-in things I don't wear often. My downfall is that as I pull things out, I find myself falling in love with again.

 

[Acinom]

Interesting post! Thank you for bringing up this topic.
I want to set my stones and that determines the pace a bit. I try to choose the stones that are 'me' in terms of color, type, shape, size and cut. I made a few mistakes as well: the light pink sapphire in CvB setting does not look great on my skintone and I find the set too dainty. I bought a beautiful pink stone from JD that also does not look right on my and it will stay unset forever. And the little Ammy pair I bought as a set with my larger oval (set by BE) will remain unset simple because I wear my diamond studs every day.

A while ago it just happened that I received 3 rings on one day. It did not feel right somehow. It felt spoiled and over the top... All were deliberate choices so I covet each of them.

With each stone I buy I ask whether I really need it, really love it and whether it's realistic to set it. I would feel unhappy with a drawer full of stones. This will be different for everyone as some love to collect gemstones

When I get 'meh' with pieces I put them away for a while and I find that I do fall in love with them again after a while.

 

[caf]

To me - this is a fun hobby. I like to find nicely colored stones that are not outrageously priced and either just hold them to admire or set them. I know what you mean though ...what I might have set last year, may not be what I like this year. Now I try to stick to styles I know I will like over time. And stuff I will wear. But when it comes down to it, I think most of us do just reach for some of the same jewelry over and over. For me, PS has been a good learning experience. So what I might admire on PS may not work for me on a daily basis but I still love looking. I love jewelry and always have. I like learning about stones and settings and gold. I like seeing the process people go through with making jewelry. And yes there are still things on my list - but if I didn't get them, it would be okay. so as to "meh" I go through it - and recover and move on.

 

[arkieb1]

Acinom & I have discussed this before, people here probably fall into different groups those that buy stones to put into jewellery pieces and only have a couple of spare ones, people that hoard stones because they like the stones, and of course people that like both. I've been a stone and rock hoarder all of my life & enjoy looking at the stones as much as I do the jewellery. That doesn't help...

 

[Lisa Loves Shiny]

Most days it's like "meh" for me too. But when I find a gemstone I really like I will buy it. I am preferring larger gemstones and am getting super picky about how they perform under different lighting conditions in that they need to look attractive to me inside, outside and in bright sunlight.

I am over out of reach stones. The ones that have it all are very expensive and the rest are "almost" stones. You know- almost big enough, almost colorful enough, almost holds it's color except in this or that lighting, and almost good enough except for that darned feather or wonky pavilion.

 

[NKOTB]

I certainly have days where I feel guilty about the luxury and feel that I should be giving my money to charity or paying down my mortgage or taking my kids on trips. I also often have days where I get a lot of enjoyment looking at my stones and jewellery. It's art. Something beautiful created in the earth and made more so by a skilled cutter. Watching my rings sparkle gets me through inopportune emotional moments, boring meetings, and elevator rides. I have met interesting and lovely people through this hobby, and travelled to places I might not have otherwise (like Vegas!). My frenzied buying days are over, and with the exception of a few stones in line, I honestly feel like I'm pretty much done and will focus on setting what I have. I know those are famous last words around here, though!

 

[mochiko42]

I have definitely slowed down a lot and hesitate for longer before buying. I've sold off a few pieces in the past year that I found I just wasn't wearing (for various reasons). I'll still buy gems and jewelry, but from within a set list of things that I plan to acquire. The order in which I get them may depend on availability, funds and opportunity, (eg my paraiba ring was an impulse decision due to the timing since I was planning to upgrade my diamond, but a paraiba *was* on my list of gems to get). I try very hard to stick to that list of gemstones (which like other PSers seem to be narrowed to larger, better-quality stones that I actually love and would wear. I've also narrowed mine down to stones are more wearable, ie that have mohs of at least 8.5 - 9 or above, with rare expections made for emerald and paraiba).

In response to arkieb's comment regarding the recent paraiba trend here on PS... I'm not sure what prices people here are paying, but overall I would say that the stones posted here, while not the trade ideal neon windex blue (I only wish I could afford such a stone at $20k+ per carat!), would not be what I consider to be 3rd rate..maybe only 2nd rate (champagne taste on a beer budget?) . I've seen hundreds of paraiba at the HK gem shows that are far, far, worse than the stones posted here -- badly windowed, poorly cut, low saturation, etc-- selling for far more per carat than the stones sold by PI or Yvonne (I know arkie you didn't mention vendors but I know these are two vendors who many PSers have purchased from, just mentioning them as an example), just because the Asian market will accept that pricetag for the copper-bearing label. I believe that's also ridiculous and overpriced, there may be a correction in the market for paraiba coming with the Chinese economy tanking and the Japanese yen forex rate on the rise. Overall though, I think the paraiba examples shown here on PS are of better quality than what I've seen elsewhere, I don't recall seeing any 3rd rate paraiba on here purchased by PSer.. (but I guess rating system is subjective. what is 3rd rate to someone may be quite nice to me ). I think PI and Yvonne's prices are fair for the quality offered, they don't scalp you like some of the dealers I've observed in Asia, but that is just my personal opinion (I have bought only from Yvonne but not PI). At the end of the day if the buyer is willing to pay the price for a certain quality it is only simple economics, of supply and demand.

 

[arkieb1]

I wasn't attacking anyone personally, and I do agree there are plenty of vendors at gemshows selling 3rd rate stones for lots of money too...

 

[smitcompton]

Hi,

I also think that your feeling of "meh" for some of your stones may be from the difference in looking at photos of gems and seeing them in real life terms. The pictures are large, colorful and look gorgeous. A 5mm stone is small, and looks nothing like the picture.
I also learned I would buy nothing below a 7mm stone.

I agree that the more we have the less satisfying the acquisition. This holds true in many areas. My son told me to stop buying large shrimp because we were having it so much it was losing its specialness for him.

The upside to your interest is you are learning about something you never knew before. That, in itself, may give you satisfaction without having to buy more and more.

We have different people, with differing wants and needs on here and different budgets. We do have high end buyers. Acinom. has the most gorgeous paraiba. It blows me away, but its not for everyone. I, like you, like moonstone. I have a brooch that has amethyst and rainbow moonstone in sterling sliver. I adore it and keep it in my safe deposit box because even though it was inexpensive, I couldn't replace it.

Take more time, slow it down, keep learning and sharing on here.

Annette

 

[theredspinel]

Thank you everyone for your responses I loved reading them... so interesting! I think what it all boils down to is... know yourself. Know what you like and what you don't... The sooner you figure that out the more money you'll not waste. Recently I've learnt that I don't want to be a gem collector (leaving them in gem jars) but I want to wear all I own. Whilst I love the rare gems I need to stick to a certain mohs hardness and consider things like cleavage and brittleness...

Size.. is a difficult 1 for me. My taste is usually whatever the trade ideal of a stone is (damn expensive taste lol) so unless I want to put all my eggs in 1 basket (spend my entire budget on 1 stone) like someone mentioned above.... that's not in me. I crave and need variety. Hence I usually go for something smaller. However now I've also learnt about myself I really don't want 100 rings and less earrings and necklaces.... I need it to be balanced. So now I'm mostly buying for earrings so I'm limited by whatever comes in pairs... so again those stones are usually smaller. And the last but most important point for me... I realised I love gold. I love my jewellry to NOT be simple. If it's simple/plain... I won't wear it. So I guess I will spend a lot of money on settings (and having ornate and bigger settings) so again I think I'm accepting I don't mind small stones. (Just today.... I'm having a dilemma... whether to go for 3mm neon pink spinels (for sidestones in a ring)...see how hopeless I am!))

I've also realised when a stone is the current 'It stone' it COMPLETELY puts me off. I've had a few opportunities now where I could have purchased a pariaba (or 2 smaller ones for earrings- faceted, my preference) and I've made excuses to myself to not get it.... I usually tell myself it's the cost but I've realised now it's really not. Aside from most being heated (which I'm against lol) it's put me off that it's so popular... and I think now I will just accept that! It's like before this moment of relization I felt like I *should* want a paraiba.... but I didn't realise I was getting swept away in the current. When I'm faced with it everytime, it's put my money towards another stone. Anyway, so now, I can very happily cross pariaba off my list!

Eta: the other main thing is.. I need to remind myself to feel grateful. When I feel meh about my stuff it's not because it's sub par or I've gone off it... sadly it truly is because I lose sight of the fact I should be grateful for what I have....