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Wedding Who paid for your wedding?

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Dani_81809

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 16, 2008
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My parents have always told me they would pay for everything. Now that we are planning they are trying to push as much of it at my fiance''s parents as possible. His parents paid for his brothers wedding almost entirely and didn''t get much say in the matter. I plan on trying to include my fmil as much as possible because she has no daughters and should have the experience.

Also, if it weren''t for both of our parents wanting us to have a big wedding and nay saying an elopement we would just go to vegas. I want the day to be special and all but I really want to marry him and start our lives more than anything else.

So who paid for your wedding?
 
my parents will be paying for our wedding. I guess this is what is considered ''traditional'', but i wish his parents would offer to help with SOMETHING.
 
My dad offered to pay half... then my FI''s parents bailed out of their offer to pay half and only contributed 1/3 of what they''d promised. So my dad stuck to his word on his ''half'' and now we''re paying for the other 2/3''s my FI''s parents aren''t paying for and then some. We expected to pay for some things ourselves but it''s MUCH bigger now. Add on top of that we were trying to buy a house and we''re short on a down payment. Not the greatest time right now financially.
 
Date: 4/17/2008 2:17:05 PM
Author: DMBsGirl
my parents will be paying for our wedding. I guess this is what is considered 'traditional', but i wish his parents would offer to help with SOMETHING.
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It's 'traditional' for his parents to pay for the honeymoon, I guess.

My parents are paying for most of the wedding, and his parents are paying for the honeymoon (about half the wedding budget). There was a lot of 'insisting' going on on these fronts. FI's an only child and I'm the only girl, so this is a "once in a lifetime" thing for both our sets of parents.

FI and I were planning to do immediate family only, at the beach and with a $500 budget, and honeymoon over the weekend in a cabin in the Santa Monica mountains. Sometimes I long for the simplicity of our original plan...
 
I know. My parents are paying for things. I am choosing silk flowers (cheaper, easier to handle and my fiance has allergies and I didn''t want to take a chance) which they say they will pay for. They are also saying they will pay for the dress, but I may just do that myself. I am also a little bitter about some family things. My brother racked up 10,000 in legal fees because he was an idiot but they payed for it all. I got drama when I talked about college costs (paying for it on my own).

I have the distinct feeling this is not going to be fun...
 
My fiance and I are paying for everything. Including our rehearsal dinner. I was lucky enough that my mom offered to pay for my dress (to which i quickly said OK!!). I WISH WISH our parents could help more, since it is REALLY stressful when you are writing all of the checks
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So thank your lucky stars your parents are helping any way they can!
 
Date: 4/17/2008 2:26:50 PM
Author: Dani_81809

I have the distinct feeling this is not going to be fun...
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If this is going to ruin your wedding, ELOPE. If your parents want you to have a big wedding, tell them that''s fine--but you can''t afford it. That you''ll need a lot more help in order to throw the wedding that they want you to have.

Or just do what YOU want to to--it IS your wedding after all! Have the kind of wedding YOU want!

If I were in your situation, I''d refuse all contributions and do what we could afford on our own. You don''t need the guilt of their hesitance riding on you while planning your wedding. Monetary contributions to your wedding should be given happily or not at all.

Just my two cents...
 
Thanks Musey! Before we decide on elopement we plan on talking to his parents. His mother would be heartbroken at the idea. I brought it up before and she said :it is something they are happy to do for us." Time will tell how it all turns out.
 
just to add...the one thing I can say that has been awesome about us paying for the wedding, is NO ONE else has a say. When his mom wanted to add 10 more people we barely knew, it was very easy for us to just say NO. So while I do envy girls who have help from the parents, I am very thankful I didn''t have to deal w/ others opinions on what we should do/who to invite. So I guess the grass is always greener
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My parents are paying for almost everything. His parents are going to pay for rehearsal dinner and other traditional groom''s parents things (have to look those up I always forget). FI and I are going to pay for photographer, maybe videographer, wedding bands, and honeymoon.
 
My parents paid about 2/3 - if weddings actually cost what you have in contracts (reception, bar, flowers, musicians, limo, honeymoon), then DH''s parents paid almost half, but there was sooooo much other stuff that nobody really considered that my parents picked up the tab for every time that really added up (extra hotel rooms, food for the bridesmaids while we were getting ready, hair and makeup, dress alterations, three pairs of shoes..). My parents also hosted a second wedding (a blessing, actually) with a cake and punch recpetion at their church which they paid for completely.
 
My FI and I will pay for the wedding band (I won''t have one) and the honeymoon if we ever get a chance to have one. Everything else my parents are covering. They actually offered us money to elope, but for many reasons, it wasn''t going to happen.
His parents don''t have any money, actually, they owe us quite a bit of money. On top of that, they aren''t enthusiastic about the wedding anyway and I would NEVER want to be beholden to my FMIL for anything.
My parents figured they got off easy since my grampa left his estate to his grandkids education. Plus, if my bro ever does get married, which he may not, he will probably do a rocky horror picture show thing in Vegas or something anyway. So they really only have mine anyway.
 
My parents wanted to pay for it, but I didn''t let them. I''m sure I''m taking away something that would make them so happy to be able to do, and maybe one day when I''m parent (if I ever am) I''ll understand. But I just didn''t feel right letting them pay for it, plus I am so not with the idea of the bride''s parents paying for everything. She surprised me by paying for my dress and veil (under $600 total) and has said that I must let her pay for my flowers (which I will, but it won''t be that expensive at all, since it''s a very small wedding). And yes, it does allow you the freedom of doing things exactly like you want, and inviting exactly who you want. But for the last 6 months or so we''ve just been "bleeding" money at every turn, with the deposits, etc. So there are pros and cons to both.
 
Date: 4/17/2008 2:32:48 PM
Author: musey
Date: 4/17/2008 2:26:50 PM

Author: Dani_81809


I have the distinct feeling this is not going to be fun...
Click to expand...

If this is going to ruin your wedding, ELOPE. If your parents want you to have a big wedding, tell them that''s fine--but you can''t afford it. That you''ll need a lot more help in order to throw the wedding that they want you to have.


Or just do what YOU want to to--it IS your wedding after all! Have the kind of wedding YOU want!


If I were in your situation, I''d refuse all contributions and do what we could afford on our own. You don''t need the guilt of their hesitance riding on you while planning your wedding. Monetary contributions to your wedding should be given happily or not at all.


Just my two cents...
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i 100% agree with musey! if you are already dreading it, don''t even go there! do something that will make you happy and that will be the least complicated!

with that said, my budget is (allegedly) breaking down like this:
mom - 5k
dad - 10k
us - 6.5k
his parents - 2k

and that includes the honeymoon, RD, everything.
 
All of us are paying (my parents, his parents, and the two of us!) My parents have agreed to pay for the cathedral fee, reception, florist, linens, musicians, and cake. His parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner and transportation to the rehearsal dinner, as well as wedding day transportation, and out-of-town gift bags. My fiance and I are paying for our wedding bands, wedding attire, invitations, wedding coordinator fee, honeymoon, our hotel room, and other odds and ends like personalized napkins. We are all going to chip in for the tips for all service providers.

I''m paying for all of my girls, plus my mom and fi''s mom, to have hair and makeup on the day of. I''m also taking them to lunch before the rehearsal. I don''t know what my fiance has planned for his guys.

I would say that you should go for what makes you happy - seriously! I wanted a big, formal wedding, and now all of the minutia is driving me insane. But at the end of the day, it''s what we both want. I can''t imagine going through all of this hassle if it wasn''t the wedding we wanted!
 
Both sets of parents offered to pay for a portion of our wedding, but we politely turned down the offers. Neither of us come from wealthy families, and our parents are the type who had always sacrificed for their children. We have worked hard to save money and didn''t feel financially constrained having a wedding, so we did what we thought was best for us and our families. We did, however, ask them to use the money to treat themselves (something foreign to them) so my parents took a nice vacation and his parents used the money for home improvements. We loved our wedding, my parents loved their vacation and DH''s parents saved a lot of money over the winter with their new windows, haha!
 
My parents paid for our reception. His parents paid for the rehearsal dinner. We paid for everything else (ceremony, photography, our outfits). I think in the end, if you''re looking at dollar for dollar, DH and I paid for more, but none of it would have been possible if my parents didn''t offer to pay for the reception. There was some issues with DH''s parents not wanting to pay for the rehearsal dinner, but they came around at the end.
 
Oh, we''re paying for our own wedding bands (despite the parents paying for nearly everything else). I always forget that some people include those as a wedding cost. I don''t.
 
My parents are paying for 90% of it.

FI and I are paying for quite a lot and then either not telling them or telling them things cost less so they don''t pay me back. They have been amazing over everything - I''m sourcing most things and keeping costs down as much as I can.

FI''s parents have each given us a very generous cheque as a present and we will put some of it towards the honeymoon, but most towards buying a new house.

It''s very important for my father to feel that HE has paid for his daughters (3 of us poor man!) weddings.

My brother gets married next year, and my father isn''t contributing to that at all.


If FI and I were paying, we would be having a very small DW. My father wanted a big family do - so I am happy to make him happy!
 
We''re paying 1/3, my parents are paying 1/3 and his parents are paying 1/3. Even though both parents are giving us money towards it, they''ve been happy to take a back seat and let us plan it all the way we like so we''ve been pretty lucky with that side of things. D''s mother wants to add another 20 people to her side of the guest list but she''s offered to pay for them so I don''t mind who she wants to have there.
 
my FI and I are paying for the whole wedding and rehearsal dinner. we haven''t hit 12K yet, so we''re pretty ok. and since we''re in Hawaii and they''re a very giving type of people, we''re hoping to make up some of the cost. My parents are giving a couple thousand to help out... but they''re not in a good place financially and my FI kinda felt bad for accepting the money. but I know they wanted to bless us, so I talked him into taking it. =)

we''re 16 days away!!! :D
 
We have to pay for everything ourselves. Neither of our parents can pay anything towards the wedding, which is why it is going to be a while before we can actually get married.
 
My parents are paying half of everything (except the wedding bands and the honeymoon). His parents are giving us nothing at all, so we''re paying for the rest.
 
We''re all sharing in the expenses.

My parents are paying the majority (in terms of $, not items) though: the coctktail hour (open bar) and reception, the flowers, my dress and veil, the save the date cards and invitations, and the use of the venue itself.

My FI''s parents have given us a certain amount of $ to use however we''d like. So that, in combination with what my FI and I are contributing, is paying for the photographer, the DJ, the thank you cards that match our save the dates and invitations, my clip/comb to go with my veil, my jewelry, my shoes, the tuxes and accessories, our honeymoon (which we may have to put on hold), our officiant, my hair and makeup trial and the same thing on the day of for my sister and I, and the rehearsal dinner.

If we rent a trolley to provide transportation for our guests (either to the RD or to the wedding), my parents may pick up the tab. We''re not sure if we''ll do this though.

I feel like I''m forgetting something but you get the idea. My FI''s parents contributed an amount that they could comfortably give, and my FI and I are doing the rest, as far as our portion goes.
 
Date: 4/17/2008 2:36:58 PM
Author: cdt1101
just to add...the one thing I can say that has been awesome about us paying for the wedding, is NO ONE else has a say. When his mom wanted to add 10 more people we barely knew, it was very easy for us to just say NO. So while I do envy girls who have help from the parents, I am very thankful I didn''t have to deal w/ others opinions on what we should do/who to invite. So I guess the grass is always greener
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Yeah, I''d be thankful for that as well. Our fairly small wedding of 80 people my FI and I wanted has at least doubled. My mom has added a bunch of people but I can''t really say NO because my parents are paying the majority of all wedding costs. While I do think it will be fun, our wedding is certainly not shaping up to look how we wanted it originally.
 
lucy, 16 days away! Wow!
 
Date: 4/17/2008 7:04:31 PM
Author: ZoeBartlett
Date: 4/17/2008 2:36:58 PM
Author: cdt1101

just to add...the one thing I can say that has been awesome about us paying for the wedding, is NO ONE else has a say. When his mom wanted to add 10 more people we barely knew, it was very easy for us to just say NO. So while I do envy girls who have help from the parents, I am very thankful I didn't have to deal w/ others opinions on what we should do/who to invite. So I guess the grass is always greener
2.gif
Click to expand...

Yeah, I'd be thankful for that as well. Our fairly small wedding of 80 people my FI and I wanted has at least doubled. My mom has added a bunch of people but I can't really say NO because my parents are paying the majority of all wedding costs. While I do think it will be fun, our wedding is certainly not shaping up to look how we wanted it originally.
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I'm probably in the minority, but my parents are making no demands at all. Barely even requests. The only thing my dad asked for was a couple of swing songs at the reception, and we've had no guest list add-ons from them. They seem to have adopted a policy of non-involvement in our wedding plans
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The in-laws, on the other hand, have asked to add a LOT of extra people that neither FI or I know--and they're not even contributing to the wedding itself. FMIL offered to pay for their seats at the reception, though, since our budget's pretty tight. That's the only "hard to say no" problem we've run into.
 
My mom did. My in laws were having financial issues so they could not, but that did not stop them from being totally grabby and obnoxious. I think they paid for the rehearsal dinner.
 
We paid for our own. It really makes it simple.
 
Hello,
PMP here......

Personally you need to learn a few lessons in life....

1) nothing is free.
2) weddings are worth nothing after the event......

If your parents pay for the wedding THEY HAVE CONTROL OF IT....

I have been married 3 times..... luckily my PERSONALITY ensures I don''t have many friends......

1st wedding - 1993 - cost US$2000- tops
2nd wedding - 2003 - cost US$3500- tops
3rd wedding - 2005 - cost US$3000- tops

My parents gave me $1000- for the 1st and 3rd wedding..... I was overseas for the 2nd wedding.....

Much better to have a cheaper wedding and invest in a quality DIAMOND or BRAND NAME WATCH !!!

diab3.JPG
 
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