Wedding Who paid for your wedding?

[CJ2008]

Date: 4/17/2008 8:28:31 PM
Author: pmptrading
Hello,
PMP here......

Personally you need to learn a few lessons in life....

1) nothing is free.
2) weddings are worth nothing after the event......

If your parents pay for the wedding THEY HAVE CONTROL OF IT....

I have been married 3 times..... luckily my PERSONALITY ensures I don''t have many friends......

1st wedding - 1993 - cost US$2000- tops
2nd wedding - 2003 - cost US$3500- tops
3rd wedding - 2005 - cost US$3000- tops

My parents gave me $1000- for the 1st and 3rd wedding..... I was overseas for the 2nd wedding.....

Much better to have a cheaper wedding and invest in a quality DIAMOND or BRAND NAME WATCH !!!

hahaha

 

[anchor31]

Date: 4/17/2008 8:16:19 PM
Author: musey

I''m probably in the minority, but my parents are making no demands at all. Barely even requests. The only thing my dad asked for was a couple of swing songs at the reception, and we''ve had no guest list add-ons from them. They seem to have adopted a policy of non-involvement in our wedding plans

The in-laws, on the other hand, have asked to add a LOT of extra people that neither FI or I know--and they''re not even contributing to the wedding itself. FMIL offered to pay for their seats at the reception, though, since our budget''s pretty tight. That''s the only ''hard to say no'' problem we''ve run into.

It''s been pretty much the same for us... My parents, who are contributing half the $$, taking care of the RD by themselves, and my mom''s been working very hard on the invites, are not making any demands or requests whatsoever. But FI''s parents, who are not contributing or doing anything to help, have been doing nothing but making demands. Blech.

 

[goldenstar]

Each set of parents is contributing 25% and we are covering the remaining 50%. None of the parents are getting involved at all, other than to ask if we need help. Hopefully this doesn''t change as the wedding gets closer.

 

[noelwr]

We live in Holland where the bride and groom pay everything themselves. that is why I did not propose to him until I knew we had enough money saved up to pay for a wedding.

Only thing is that his family lives in South Africa so we will have the wedding there and it will have to be within driving distance from everyone''s homes as they are not able to afford to stay overnight in a hotel. I expect our out of town guests (including my family) to pay for their own travel costs. as long as my mom and brother are there, the rest are just a bonus! I will not have bridesmaids and will not be responsible for anyone''s clothing except my own and my groom''s. I will probably pay for both wedding bands as the engagement ring he got me was more than 3x the price of the engagement watch I bought to propose to him.

but... my mom offered to pay for my wedding dress (and thinks I should have it made) so that is a great money saver! we are going to a bridal shop tomorrow to try on dresses just to see what suits me.

 

[Gwyn]

When i got enganged, my mother gave me $20K. She said I could spend the money on the wedding or put it towards a downpayment on a house or whatever I wanted.

We are mostly using that to pay for the wedding. His parents have not offered any monitary amount. Though, when FI asked if they planned on hosting the rehersal dinner they said yes and that we should not feel weird coming to them and asking them for things for the wedding so we could probably get more if we wanted. Not sure how i feel about this. If they offered some money or offered to pay for flowers or something that would be ok but I know there is no way i am going to have fiance ask them for individual things as they come up. that is just a lil weird for me. We asked about the rehersal dinner just b/c it was "tradition" that they host it and we didnt want to make them feel excluded by arranging it all ourselves.

Oh and my grandmother with most likely pay for our DJ or something like that. Put in like 1K or so (she does that for all her grandchildren)

 

[noelwr]

that''s so sweet, regarding your grandmother''s tradition!

 

[zhuzhu]

We did it ourselves! But again it was $150 USD!!!!!

Seriously we elpoed, so the cost was minimal. We do plan on a reception fro family and friends "some day" but really, at this point I am just not all that excited about spending money (with the house purchase and all).

 

[miraclesrule]

Me...on my wedding
and Me on my daughters.
I am sensing a pattern here...

 

[AmyBride]

We''re paying, but we''re going to get very substantial gifts from our parents to help with the cost (or to be spent on whatever).

 

[Lynnie]

Date: 4/17/2008 8:36:07 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady
We did. There wasn''t even an offer, but we did get one of those lovely ''moving waterfall'' pictures from the Mall.

This comment ABSOLUTELY CRACKED ME UP!!!

I can just picture getting something like that from someone in our families!
We are paying for the whole thing ourselves also, as our families are poor. There is always someone on each side needing $$ cause their gas/electric/phone is either shut off or about to be. Now I don''t feel bad saying "No" to their asking for $$ because we are saving for the wedding.
We''ve got 8K saved up - trying to budget around 13K. For 4/18/09.

 

[Haven]

My parents are paying for about a third of the wedding and we're paying for the rest.

FI's father recently offered to pay for the band, photographer, and videographer and then backed out AFTER we signed the vendor contracts and put our own money down as deposits. I don't even want to talk about it. It was mean and hurtful, and it wasn't done in the nicest way. Basically, he decided after the fact that he didn't like the choices we made and took back his offer. I'm only grateful that we'll be able to come up with the cash to pay for everything without having to charge a thing. That would have been awful.

ETA: As for the money coming with strings attached, my parents have been wonderful about it and haven't made many demands. My mother did throw a bit of a fit last night wanting to add last-minute guests to our already-too-long guest list, but that's the first issue we've run into. FI's father, of course, attached many strings and then cut them when he didn't like the way things were going. Lesson learned.

 

[Aim_Turbo]

My parents are paying for the wedding and my FIL are paying for the rehearsal dinner, flowers and invitations. Both parents are splitting the morning after brunch (I know super crazy but my mom really wanted it). The FIL offered to pay for half of the wedding but my parents refused. My mom''s dad paid for my parent''s wedding when he didn''t have two wooden nickle''s to rub together so my dad was adament. Both sides have been perfect, they have been so supportive of all of our choices and never asked for anything.

I know I don''t post much on this board, I do read a lot of your posts and take pointers. I love this forum, it''s been very helpful! My point is I realize I''m not well known or seem uninvolved but the above paragraph tells you why! I really haven''t hit any walls or really stressfull issues. My fiance and I are REALLY lucky and we know it!

 

[Independent Gal]

My dad gave us some money, and we are using part of the money to pay for the wedding. So while, technically, we paid for the wedding, we paid for it with money my dad gave us. He wanted to do it that way to help us keep from getting sucked into wedding industry madness. I guess he figured we''d think twice about the personalized napkins if we were paying. Not that we''d have wanted personalized napkins. People blow their noses on those things, you know!

My mom paid for all of WP1.

 

[HollyS]

If you are under a certain age, the bride''s parents contribute the most to the actual wedding. The groom''s parents are traditionally responsible for a few things like the rehearsal dinner; expenses associated with the groom and his groomsmen; and more and more lately, they are picking up some portion of the reception costs. Any good bridal guide or magazine will give you the particulars.

If you are older (over 30) and pretty well established with a good income, you and the groom should be paying for quite a bit of the wedding yourselves.

 

[Aim_Turbo]

Date: 4/22/2008 1:35:59 PM
Author: HollyS
If you are under a certain age, the bride''s parents contribute the most to the actual wedding. The groom''s parents are traditionally responsible for a few things like the rehearsal dinner; expenses associated with the groom and his groomsmen; and more and more lately, they are picking up some portion of the reception costs. Any good bridal guide or magazine will give you the particulars.

If you are older (over 30) and pretty well established with a good income, you and the groom should be paying for quite a bit of the wedding yourselves.

I''m actually 31 and my parents still insisted. I think that it doesn''t matter who pays as long as everybody is agreement as to what''s expected of them and what the boundaries are. i don''t think it''s a matter of who "should" or "shouldn''t" pay. My fiance and I tried to fight my folks on it but my dad refused and actually started to get hurt by it so we chilled. we also didn''t really follow the etiquette books, bridal magazine''s about who should pay for what. We didn''t expect anyone to pay for anything but if they offered to pay for something (FMIL is paying for the flowers, FFIL is buying the champaign flutes) that''s important to them then that''s fine. Money is such a touchy and personal thing in some families so really it''s all about what your family is comfortable with, not what the books say.

Holly S I''m not picking on you at all..I know you''re just giving info as to the guidelines..i''m just feeling chatty today

that''s just my two cents

 

[Haven]

Date: 4/22/2008 3:16:59 PM
Author: Aim_Turbo

Date: 4/22/2008 1:35:59 PM
Author: HollyS
If you are under a certain age, the bride''s parents contribute the most to the actual wedding. The groom''s parents are traditionally responsible for a few things like the rehearsal dinner; expenses associated with the groom and his groomsmen; and more and more lately, they are picking up some portion of the reception costs. Any good bridal guide or magazine will give you the particulars.

If you are older (over 30) and pretty well established with a good income, you and the groom should be paying for quite a bit of the wedding yourselves.

I''m actually 31 and my parents still insisted. I think that it doesn''t matter who pays as long as everybody is agreement as to what''s expected of them and what the boundaries are. i don''t think it''s a matter of who ''should'' or ''shouldn''t'' pay. My fiance and I tried to fight my folks on it but my dad refused and actually started to get hurt by it so we chilled. we also didn''t really follow the etiquette books, bridal magazine''s about who should pay for what. We didn''t expect anyone to pay for anything but if they offered to pay for something (FMIL is paying for the flowers, FFIL is buying the champaign flutes) that''s important to them then that''s fine. Money is such a touchy and personal thing in some families so really it''s all about what your family is comfortable with, not what the books say.

Holly S I''m not picking on you at all..I know you''re just giving info as to the guidelines..i''m just feeling chatty today

that''s just my two cents

I agree with Aim. I''m assuming Holly is just stating her opinion because truly the real guideline (according to traditional etiquette) is that the bride''s family pays regardless of age. However, Peggy Post has altered the Emily Post Etiquette book to state that families often split cost according to ability, and I certainly think this is more the norm than an age cutoff as Holly suggested.

Regardless, I think it''s sad when I hear that people go in to debt to pay for a large wedding, and I think it''s wonderful when I hear that parents want to support their children and throw them a nice wedding, regardless of their age. I''m certainly not one to judge the choices of others.

 

[Sassee]

We went into the wedding planning on the assumption that we would pay as a couple. My Dad was actually quite traditional (not necessarily what I was expecting) and insisted that he would like to pay, as he would rather us put our money towards a deposit on a house or something more "tangible". I was quite shocked by this, but also decided that there were definitely aspects of the wedding that we''d like to take care of as a couple.

In the end, I "negotiated" with my parents, that FH and I would pay for our own wedding bands, my gown (couture - designed from scratch), his suit (tailor made dinner suit), the bridesmaids dresses and groomsmans'' suits and we are also paying for the costs of a wedding planner on the day (as I really wanted someone to help out aside from the venue manager).

My FMIL mentioned to my Dad early on after our engagement that she would like to "contribute". However, she has not mentioned it again, and of course my Dad would never raise it with her. Its become awkward to say the least. Particularly as she is leaving for Europe on a month-long holiday for all of May, and then the wedding is 7 June. Unforunately my fiance does not have a close relationship with his mother, so is reluctant to mention/revive the discussion of her financial contribution with her. She is well off and I know its not a case of not being able to find the funds. I suspect that she''s forgotten her offer, or she doesn''t know how to raise the discussion with my Dad again (despite there being MANY times over the last 6 months where such a discussion could have taken place).

I''m only concerned that my dear old Dad doesn''t end up footing the entire bill for the reception, when he''s been given assurances of some sort of contribution from the other side. However, he has told me not to stress and that he will treat any contribution as a lucky bonus, and if nothing is forthcoming he will just let it slide.

 

[Harleigh]

We paid for everything ourselves, including helping out the bridal party with their expenses to get to Maui, buying all of their attire and shoes, etc...

This of course doesn''t stop my mother from complaining about everything...

FI''s parents have decided they *must* throw a rehearsal dinner, but since we have no rehearsal, we are calling it a "Welcome Dinner," but they don''t have a lot of money, so my trying to find something within their budget means we will be picking up the extra expenses going over what they would like. I really appreciate their wanting to do this, but it''s just one more thing I have to try to plan in the next three months on a pretty darn tight budget...arghhh!

 

[sunnygirl]

for those of you whose parents are paying for all/part of the wedding, did they pay individual vendors or did they give you a check? If someone gives you a big check (say 20k like Gwyn), do you have to claim it as a gift on your taxes?

 

[Haven]

My parents gave me a check for $10,000 but I didn''t claim it on my taxes--should I have done that? EEEK!

 

[sunnygirl]

As far as I know, you dont have to claim 10,000 because it is under 12,000 which is the gift limit or something...but I dont know about if it is more than 12,000. it seems silly to have to pay taxes on that, but I dont know if technically you would have to

 

[scarlet16]

Date: 4/23/2008 8:01:57 PM
Author: sunnygirl
As far as I know, you dont have to claim 10,000 because it is under 12,000 which is the gift limit or something...but I dont know about if it is more than 12,000. it seems silly to have to pay taxes on that, but I dont know if technically you would have to

We''re having our parents write checks directly to our venue so that we can avoid this issue. I think you do need to claim it if it is over $12,000.

 

[Gwyn]

Date: 4/23/2008 7:50:29 PM
Author: sunnygirl
for those of you whose parents are paying for all/part of the wedding, did they pay individual vendors or did they give you a check? If someone gives you a big check (say 20k like Gwyn), do you have to claim it as a gift on your taxes?

My mother gave us 2 checks so far (one for 5K to get things rolling when we got engaged, and another for 6K a few weeks ago (both checks given in different years) she also used her credit card to pay for venue deposits and such. All of this to avoid tax issues and such. And so she could get points/miles on her credit card. For some reason I thought 10K was the gift limit, probably varies by state or something annoying like that. We just keeps track of what she spends/gives us At the end, she will write a check for whats left, if any.

 

[newbie124]

Gift limit is $12,000 per person per year. So technically a parent could gift you $12,000 and your FI another $12,000 and none of it would be taxed

Regarding our budget split...my dad will be covering about half. FI and I plan to contribute probably a quarter or more. We haven't heard from his parents what, if any, they would contribute. He wanted to wait until we were officially engaged before he had the "budget talk" with them (we started planning things out before the actual engagement). That may also be why they haven't said anything yet. He's pretty sure they will want to contribute, but not really sure how much. But even if they can't/won't, we should be able to still cover the difference ourselves in cash...would just have to be a bit more careful about not going too much over.