Who is the saver and how do you hide $$ purchases?

[Dancing Fire]

Funny story.... There were a lot of bills last month, and i needed to check that we had enough money in the credit card; o'wise i had to transfer money from the mortgage into the credit card. It was Valentines day, then i saw something that i shouldn't have-DH got me something for Valentines day. i still acted surprised when it arrived at work. hehehehee.

Anyway, i digress....Any of you PSer squirreling money away for that rainy day or that BLING purchase??????

on this thread you sounded like a gal to me... you said DH??

Greg has a partner. He is a man DF.

then why he say Dear Husband?..

 

[gregchang35]

DF my SO is my DH. While it isnt legally recognised here in AUS, yet; i would say that he and i are both DH.

But if DH is only a term for females to use for the male partners, then i retract and will change it to SO from now on.

 

[Deactivated member 42515]

DF my SO is my DH. While it isnt legally recognised here in AUS, yet; i would say that he and i are both DH.

But if DH is only a term for females to use for the male partners, then i retract and will change it to SO from now on.

It's not! You can use DH! What makes you different than a woman! Other than we have a vagina and you have a wee wee... Your husband, my husband. Same

 

[gregchang35]

Great! my man boobies will be the equiv of female boobies... yay!

I am having so much fun...on this post and the other one. heheheheheh

 

[Deactivated member 42515]

Great! my man boobies will be the equiv of female boobies... yay!

I am having so much fun...on this post and the other one. heheheheheh

I call DH's moobies. Man boobies. He doesn't think it's as funny as I do.

 

[Dancing Fire]

DF my SO is my DH. While it isnt legally recognised here in AUS, yet; i would say that he and i are both DH.

But if DH is only a term for females to use for the male partners, then i retract and will change it to SO from now on.

i didn't know you were gay...

 

[gregchang35]

That ok.. we are everywhere!!!!!

HAve you seen the results of the other post? there is a HUGE battle that is going on!!!

 

[Dancing Fire]

That ok.. we are everywhere!!!!!

HAve you seen the results of the other post? there is a HUGE battle that is going on!!!

what other post?..

 

[gregchang35]

the couples using PS post... you were going to fight with YT's DH.....

 

[Deactivated member 42515]

the couples using PS post... you were going to fight with YT's DH.....

Both of these threads have gone wayyyyy far from the topic at hand. HOW FUN!

 

[Smith1942]

My husband and I have our own money. I have bought all my jewellery except my e-ring, because if I didn't, I would never get anything! I've hammered it in the last couple of years, with the idea of getting every piece of jewellery I've ever wanted so that I won't have to pay elevated prices over the next (hopefully) five or six decades. I've spent a lot of money and truly got everything I wanted.

I used to feel a bit guilty, but I have a slightly different perspective now. My family has gone cancer-crazy in the last two years with six members struck down. So far, one is dead, one is terminal and the rest are in remission. As well as giving me a glimpse at my own future, it's taught me that we should grab at the beauty in life because there is also so much ugliness. I no longer care as much as I did about saving for the future - although we have plenty of savings/retirement accounts etc. and we're well off. I wouldn't have bought all my jewellery otherwise - we can definitely afford it. But I no longer feel the urge to save every penny or to feel guilty about every purchase, because we need to experience the joy in life and jewellery is one of my strongest passions. Whenever I feel bad about life, and what Nature can do, I remember that it also created diamonds. I know my jewellery passion would seem materialistic and crazily expensive to people off-Pricescope in the real world, but actually it all has very deep meaning for me. When I look at my gorgeous pieces I feel optimistic and it reminds me of all the beauty in the world. To be honest, I don't think many people would understand that and probably not my husband either, as he is very much a numbers guy, so wouldn't really connect jewels with emotions.

 

[SB621]

I always tell DH when I'm going to make a big purchase. I make more then him, but we share our finances. He does the same with me. We both have a good understanding of how much we make, how much we need to pay bills, and how much we need to save. With that said everything else is meant to be spent. He has his toys too

 

[madelise]

We both save, and we both spend.
We are both frugal in many areas, but we also both have very expensive hobbies.
I am just starting out, but collect jewelry, and do not intend on stopping.
He is just starting out, and he collects cars.. and I hope he intends on stopping.


No matter what, though, I can never feel bad about the $$$ I spend on bling, since he spends many times what I do on cars.




So, in order to buy stuff without feeling guilty, find a significant other that also has an expensive hobby.
Also, be cheap in other areas so you can justify the splurges.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Ha, we are pretty frugal with expensive hobbies, too! Me with jewelry and him with cars. I went for years saving a lot, but I decided I needed to stop and smell the roses a little more! I stopped working and now have time to do things that I didn't when I was working, but now I don't have as much extra money, either! But time is priceless, so I am happy!

I don't purposely hide anything, but I do take care of our finances so I do sometimes just order something and remember to tell him when I show it to him! He never says no because he knows I don't go into debt with jewelry (or anything else), so we get along fine.

 

[madelise]

Ha, we are pretty frugal with expensive hobbies, too! Me with jewelry and him with cars. I went for years saving a lot, but I decided I needed to stop and smell the roses a little more! I stopped working and now have time to do things that I didn't when I was working, but now I don't have as much extra money, either! But time is priceless, so I am happy!

Ah, DS, you and your DH would be great friends to me and my SO! Think about it.. we can drop the two men off somewhere with cars while we go bling browsing!!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Is the question sort of a joke?

I am pretty uptight about transparency on spending. If I found out DH was secretly spending money, like he had a credit card that was maxed or was siphoning off paycheck money into a secret bank account... well, it would be the most serious breach of trust I can imagine in our marriage.

 

[rosetta]

Is the question sort of a joke?

I am pretty uptight about transparency on spending. If I found out DH was secretly spending money, like he had a credit card that was maxed or was siphoning off paycheck money into a secret bank account... well, it would be the most serious breach of trust I can imagine in our marriage.

Yeah, same here. We do NOT hide purchases from each other. Ever. Usually, whenever I buy something, the first person I show is my husband, and vice versa.

 

[gregchang35]

Is the question sort of a joke?

I am pretty uptight about transparency on spending. If I found out DH was secretly spending money, like he had a credit card that was maxed or was siphoning off paycheck money into a secret bank account... well, it would be the most serious breach of trust I can imagine in our marriage.

No, it isn't a joke but i can see that it can be read that way. Sorry, if it offended. My DH and I are pretty transparent as we have joint accounts... so there will/ are no surprises.

Ppl at work were talking about it a while ago asking each others thoughts on the issue. Some hid the fact that they bought the shoes and hid them in the closet amongst other shoes and later brought it out and said it was on sale a while ago. Then that Valentines present that was charged to the CC that my DH got for me. I saw the charge BEFORE i got the present. So, it sorta spoilt the gift so to speak. Then, i thought i would ask PSers what was it like for their situation.

Transparency and honesty is always the way to go. Totally agree.

 

[chrono]

We have joint and separate accounts. As long as all the bills are paid, it doesn't matter what each of us buy. No permission needed.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Is the question sort of a joke?

I am pretty uptight about transparency on spending. If I found out DH was secretly spending money, like he had a credit card that was maxed or was siphoning off paycheck money into a secret bank account... well, it would be the most serious breach of trust I can imagine in our marriage.

Yeah, same here. We do NOT hide purchases from each other. Ever. Usually, whenever I buy something, the first person I show is my husband, and vice versa.

i don't hide it... i just buy it and then tell her what i bought...

i.e.. last week i bought a 60" TV. where am i gonna hide a 60" TV?

 

[distracts]

When I worked at a designer swimsuit store in the mall during college, there would always be women coming in wanting to split a $3k swimsuit purchase over five credit cards, a check, and cash so their husband wouldn't find out.

I don't do this personally, but I know some clever ladies that buy gift cards at the grocery store (the ones from Visa, MC, or AMEX) and use those to make purchases. If SO does not look at the individual grocery receipts, but rather just monitors the credit card, it appears that you just spent a wee but more buying your milk and eggs.

It's just one idea - it's not that I am a proponent of these sorts of things, but desperate times call for desperate measures!

GASP oh my god this totally explains the ladies who would come into the swimsuit store with dozens and dozens of $25-$50 Visa gift cards! OH MY GOD *mind = blown* (I mean, there were some who you could tell had gotten them from birthday/graduation, but those were on the younger end. The mid-forties/fifties women doing this were rather inexplicable.)

 

[iheartscience]

I'm the spender and my husband's the saver, although sadly I've started to bring him over to the spending side after 10 years. I do our finances but we have all joint accounts, so he has access to everything.

Sometimes he asks me if he can buy something and it drives me crazy. I'm like "Log into the bank app on your phone and if we have enough in checking, BUY IT." I don't hide anything from him. It wouldn't work anyway-he always notices when I'm wearing something new, whether it's clothes or shoes. He has an "ignorance is bliss" policy with my shoe and jewelry purchases though, which I appreciate.

 

[distracts]

All of our monies are linked to the Mint account... I don't think either of us has a clue how to hide big purchases! Even our accounts that we don't share are linked to the Mint so we can see them. Fortunately for both of us, we both have the mindset that if all our bills are taken care of and money has gone into savings, and there is still money, we can use it for big fun purchases if we want. We have to discuss and both agree on big purchases. About half the months we use it for fun stuff (including vacations and home renovation, not just hobby/interest purchases), but the other half of the extra money is put into bigger payments on the mortgage or extra in savings. Of course for the first half of this year all the extra, including the bonus, is going towards wedding/honeymoon stuff!

It's really fun reading all the responses from people who've been sharing money/bills for much longer than we have and really have it sorted out. We just combined in June and are still figuring out how we work together and where the differences in our priorities are. Fortunately they're mostly nitpicky differences - like I'd prefer six months to a year in the emergency fund whereas he thinks three to four months is fine. We align on our major priorities. For our wedding gift, my parents are getting us sessions with a financial advisor, so that should be interesting.

Speaking of my parents - they have wildly different ideas about money. My dad is a spender and always said we were wealthy and had plenty of money to spend. My mom is a saver and always said we were poor and couldn't spend any money or we'd be broke. I was never allowed to have more than about five days of outfits as a kid because anything extra would apparently financially endanger us all. Getting such vastly different messages gave me really effed up ideas about money! My brother and I were convinced we had grown up poor, but when we were in high school we realized we were actually wealthy and had just been given really screwed up ideas. Sigh. I think my mother may have been trying to instill financial accountability in us but it really just produced a raging sense of entitlement and complete ignorance as to actual poor people. (Also, when I finally had my own money, you can bet the first thing I did was BUY ALL THE CLOTHES.)

 

[Rosebloom]

I manage all the money and we are both savers. Almost to a fault! We put ourselves through school and had enormous student loan debt we've been paying off as well as some aggressive retirement savings. We live off about half what we make and put the rest towards paying off loans/savings. Last year I convinced him that we should each have a pretty modest "fun" money budget to spend as we want. We have had so much fun dreaming about what we'd buy and talk about it with each other constantly. I thought I'd spend my budget on January 1 but actually it's more exciting to make plans than to actually spend it!

 

[TravelingGal]

We have a joint account. A nominal amount of each of our paychecks go into separate accounts for "fun" money.

However, bonuses we each get to keep. The thing is, I make a lot more bonus (and he gets some of that for his fun account).

I believe in common courtesy. Personally I wouldn't be a fan of him going out and spending $1000 bucks on something without at least giving me a head's up. And that's sort of become our rule of thumb. Anything under $1000, we just let the other person know we're going to buy it. Anything over that gets a consult and approval.

We're not asking permission. We're simply respecting each other's opinions and bringing the other into the decision making for large purchases.

 

[rubybeth]

All our money is 'shared' but I am the nerd who likes to know where every penny is and DH is the free spirit who grew up without a lot of money. I don't think he ever looks at our bank accounts, maybe peeks at the Mint.com app on his phone sometimes, but he knows that I make sure there's enough in the checking account to pay the bills, and anything else usually goes on credit to be paid off each month. He just doesn't spend very much to begin with, maybe eats out on his own once a week, and his major expenses are camping gear and clothes. We have a bit of 'fun' money each month in the spending plan, and I like to save mine while he usually spends his on eating out or coffee, just little things.

We still talk about purchases that are $100 or more, because that seems like a lot of money to spend without each other's knowledge. However, last night, DH said, "So when are you getting that diamond ring?" and I was so tired, I went "Huh?" and he said "That ring you e-mailed me about that you're getting," and I was like, "Um, I bought a bracelet from another PSer for about $100, that I forgot to talk to you about before I bought it, so I e-mailed you, but not a ring!" And he said he thought I'd e-mailed him telling him I bought the OEC ring that Mara was selling. I went back to look at my e-mail and he had responded to that e-mail when I was just *showing* him the kind of ring I'd like for an upgrade, saying, "Okay, but only if I get to wear it" and I had replied "okay, if it fits you can wear it," thinking he was talking about the bracelet. He thought I'd spend over $3,000 without talking to him and he was okay with it!!! He said, "I *thought* it was a bit much, but if it's what you really wanted, that seemed like a good price."

 

[Smith1942]

We both save, and we both spend.
We are both frugal in many areas, but we also both have very expensive hobbies.
I am just starting out, but collect jewelry, and do not intend on stopping.
He is just starting out, and he collects cars.. and I hope he intends on stopping.


No matter what, though, I can never feel bad about the $$$ I spend on bling, since he spends many times what I do on cars.




So, in order to buy stuff without feeling guilty, find a significant other that also has an expensive hobby.
Also, be cheap in other areas so you can justify the splurges.

This. I have spent loads on jewellery, but: I do not and have never owned a car, since I have always lived directly in the centre of huge cities. I do not drink. I do not buy music, I never ever buy electronic gadgets, and I rarely buy clothes. I have a simple close-fitting style in dark colours which shows off the jewellery. I'm not interested in shoes. I buy the same style of leather shoes every year - I just picked up two pairs in an outlet for $30 each, so I'm shod for the year for $60.

I'm also not interested in spending money on travel. Of course, I've been lucky enough to travel for work, but in England the custom is to take a gap year and travel between school and university. My friends all tgook these, all spent loads of money and at least two ran up debts of twelve thousand pounds or so to travel. Yes, travel broadens the mind etc etc but for that kind of money, I always thought it was the most ridiculous luxury. You get your trip and then the money's gone - it's no investment and what you get for the money is so transitory and fleeting. I always felt you might as well have burned it. Ah, I'm not one of life's travellers, which is pretty funny when you think I worked in the travel industry for ten years before becoming a book editor.

I think the only things I spend money on are jewellery, restaurants, and Folio Society books. All three of those things are coming to an end. I've got all the jewellery I want, all the Folio Society books I want, and I'm perfectly aware that eating out is a waste of money. I like to think I've bought the things I want earlyish in life (before 40) and can now save more. I'm kind of an all-or-nothing person.

I LOVE the way you say you have no intention of stopping regarding collecting jewellery!

 

[kgizo]

We have a joint account and separate fun money accounts. Best marital advice we ever got. It's not about keeping secrets, it's about different value systems. He doesn't value jewelry and I don't value guitars. As long as you are meeting your savings goals who cares where the surplus goes.
It would be easy to keep secrets if I wanted to. Just had a rectangular spinel set in yellow gold and was so excited when I showed it to him. His response, that's not new. He thought it was my oval sapphire in white gold. Some people just don't get it.

 

[iheartscience]

This. I have spent loads on jewellery, but: I do not and have never owned a car, since I have always lived directly in the centre of huge cities. I do not drink. I do not buy music, I never ever buy electronic gadgets, and I rarely buy clothes. I have a simple close-fitting style in dark colours which shows off the jewellery. I'm not interested in shoes. I buy the same style of leather shoes every year - I just picked up two pairs in an outlet for $30 each, so I'm shod for the year for $60.

I'm also not interested in spending money on travel. Of course, I've been lucky enough to travel for work, but in England the custom is to take a gap year and travel between school and university. My friends all tgook these, all spent loads of money and at least two ran up debts of twelve thousand pounds or so to travel. Yes, travel broadens the mind etc etc but for that kind of money, I always thought it was the most ridiculous luxury. You get your trip and then the money's gone - it's no investment and what you get for the money is so transitory and fleeting. I always felt you might as well have burned it. Ah, I'm not one of life's travellers, which is pretty funny when you think I worked in the travel industry for ten years before becoming a book editor.

I think the only things I spend money on are jewellery, restaurants, and Folio Society books. All three of those things are coming to an end. I've got all the jewellery I want, all the Folio Society books I want, and I'm perfectly aware that eating out is a waste of money. I like to think I've bought the things I want earlyish in life (before 40) and can now save more. I'm kind of an all-or-nothing person.

I LOVE the way you say you have no intention of stopping regarding collecting jewellery!

I couldn't disagree more! Travel is anything but fleeting-the experiences, your memories from the trips and the knowledge gained will last forever. Sounds cheesy and cliched but it's totally true. You don't have to run up debt to travel, either-you can go on fantastic trips for a few thousand dollars, and much less if you go somewhere inexpensive! If I had to choose between jewelry and travel I would trade in my jewelry in a second.

This isn't directed at you specifically, but I don't see the point of saving if you're not going to spend it on anything. You can't take it with you! My dad (who is actually a huge saver) always says he wants his last check to bounce, and I couldn't agree more. My parents are both retired now and he and my mom have gone on countless trips, whether it's to someplace new or just to visit me or my siblings. I hope my parents spend everything they have and don't leave me or my siblings a cent-they gave us a fantastic start in life and I'd rather have them enjoy it all themselves.

 

[distracts]

It would be easy to keep secrets if I wanted to. Just had a rectangular spinel set in yellow gold and was so excited when I showed it to him. His response, that's not new. He thought it was my oval sapphire in white gold. Some people just don't get it.

lololol!