Who is Paying for the Ring?

[SoonIHope]

My fiance "paid" for the entire engagement ring himself technically, hehe, but in reality, I probably pitched in a bit. When we first moved in together, he made a lot more than I did, so he paid for almost all of our dinners out, movies, things for the apartment, etc, and even covered my share of the rent one month. So when he was freaking out (much much later) about how much the ring was going to cost, I reminded him that he had "lent" me a lot of money over the years (he had never expected money back for any of this and I''m sure it didn''t really add up to THAT much, but still), so I persuaded him to let me pay his share of the rent for 2 or 3 months, which added up into quite a lot, and he used the money he would otherwise have spent on that to up his ring budget. He was uncomfortable with the idea of my paying for any of the RING, but he was fine with me easing his other monetary burdens (dinners out etc, too) during the few months leading up to the big purchase. So that worked great for us! Then I paid for both of our wedding rings, because mine cost wayyy more than his, and I was like well you got the engagement, so I should get the wedding! I basically just told him that as if it were obvious, and he was like, oh that''s how it works? Okay!

 

[dbgaap]

My answer is an amalgamation of others already posted.

He was uncomfortable with me paying for any of it at all, so he paid 100% for the e-ring.
Except that I threw in diamond earring for a trade-in (he wasn''t crazy about it but I talked him into letting me do that)

He wanted me to go whole hog and get something I would treasure. The poor dear had no idea how much that would cost if I ever did it!!!

So he set a budget and we shopped and I researched (obsessed) at ps til I was able to pick a good stone for the budget. Shopping was sooo fun!

Closer to the wedding, I paid for our wedding bands and I threw in a ruby /diamond eterity ring for myself (woops!)
Don''t ask me how, but somehow I convinced him that that is THE CUSTOM!
Oh didn''t you know? It is proper etiquette for the bride to buy the ALL THE wedding bands. (as many as she needs!!)

Now that we are married it''s all fair game and I can have whatever I want without needing any big conversations.
He totally gets that I am into jewelry now.

 

[SoonIHope]

Date: 6/29/2006 4:52:43 PM
Author: dbgaap
Don''t ask me how, but somehow I convinced him that that is THE CUSTOM!

Oh didn''t you know? It is proper etiquette for the bride to buy the ALL THE wedding bands. (as many as she needs!!)

Haha, I totally did this too!!

 

[BarbM]

He paid for it, but it was a combined promisary ring / bithday present (40th!). We don''t have wedding plans at this moment, but it was important symbol for our long term commitment in this relationship.

Barbara

 

[londonblue]

i was reading some article which made me think of this poll on ps
it''s interesting although i''m sure the results of the findings are mostly likely out of date having been collected almost 40 years ago.

an excerpt:
The male-female roles seemed to resemble closely the sex relations in a Victorian novel. "Man plays the dominant, active role in the gift process. Woman''s role is more subtle, more oblique, more enigmatic...." The woman seemed to believe there was something improper about receiving a diamond gift. Women spoke in interviews about large diamonds as "flashy, gaudy, overdone" and otherwise inappropriate. Yet the study found that "Buried in the negative attitudes ... lies what is probably the primary driving force for acquiring them. Diamonds are a traditional and conspicuous signal of achievement, status and success." It noted, for example, "A woman can easily feel that diamonds are ''vulgar'' and still be highly enthusiastic about receiving diamond jewelry." The element of surprise, even if it is feigned, plays the same role of accommodating dissonance in accepting a diamond gift as it does in prime sexual seductions: it permits the woman to pretend that she has not actively participated in the decision. She thus retains both her innocence—and the diamond.

and then it goes on to talk about how to target the men and make them part with the money

full link

 

[tdiddy]

He is paying 100% but I bought the house we will live in and paid for all of the furniture, closing costs, downpayment, decorating ,etc. In the end it will all balance out - so it could be considered 50/50 in that respect. I would imagine the WB''s will be paid by both of us or just him - he''s pretty traditional when it comes to money things.

 

[NovemberBride]

We had a very similar situation. FI paid for my e-ring and I paid for the downpayment on our house. Isn''t it crazy that those two things are almost equal in this day and age?

 

[marriahlyn]

DH is traditional, he paid for the engagement ring and picked it out. He refused to let me help pay for EITHER wedding band so I spent about the same amount his band cost and slid his mom a present to give him before the wedding with a card while he was getting ready (a TAG watch) that cost as much as the band and I felt better.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

He paid 100%, but I paid for the wedding 100%, so it worked out pretty equally.

Also, over the years, I've paid for most of our vacations, and he mentioned that everytime he wanted to pay for his portion, I told him to go ahead and add it to the engagement ring fund. It worked out quite well in my favour.

 

[firebirdgold]

He''s paying for the ring entirely, I guess we''re both rather traditional. I have tried to help out in small ways. For instance we have a family plan cell phone and we were supposed to trade off paying the bill. But I never gave him the bill, it took him several months to notice.