Who is Paying for the Ring?

[aussiegirl23]

Hey everyone,

Quick question for you all... My boyfriend are in the process of looking for and planning an engagement ring... So with that comes PAYING for the ring. I'm curious how couples figured this one out. Did he pay 100%? Did you split it equally? Were your finances already pooled, so this was a non-issue? Forget whether or not you paid up front or financed it... just where did the moolah come from?

Just very curious how it all works out for people - and if there were disagreements on this issue - how did you compromise?

And you HAVE to include at least a BRIEF reason WHY... it's no fun otherwise - and not very helpful : (

 

[zikronix]

the person that asked should be the one payiong for it finaances pooled or not

 

[oceanbeach]

Hi, I didn''t vote because we haven''t bought one yet, but for us, it will be either he pays 100% or I will chip in some if it goes over his original budget. Our original idea is that he pays 100%, but now that I''m starting to want one that is a bit out of his budget, so I''m seriously considering chipping in. I asked before here about "how much guy should pay for...", and one person mentioned that he wouldn''t mind if a girl chips in some for her dream ring.

I don''t really have a problem chipping in either as long as I get what I want!

Also, my co-worker just bought e-ring for his girlfriend who wanted 2ct center with 1ct on the sides. He said that he is only paying what he budgeted for, and she is picking up what went over.

 

[radiantgirl]

This was never a question for the both of us. My bf is old fashion when it comes to stuff like this,and he just thinks it is customary for the guy to do so.

 

[ladykemma]

engagement ring 0.25 carat in simple yellow gold settiing was $500 which was all we (he) could afford at the time. good stone, though.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

He paid 100% for my e-ring and 100% wedding band. I paid 100% for his (though it was a lot cheaper than mine!

) We do not yet have a joint bank account.

 

[AmberWaves]

I wanted a specific ring, and at a specific time (the facts behind this are somewhere on here, short story: car accident wiped out the e-ring fund, but after two years of the promised ring by a certain time, I told him I''d help out, since it''s something I wanted so badly) but it was more of a 75/25. He proposed when he was ready, so it was none of the pressure it seems would come from this arrangement.

We''re both very happy with our choice, and when people tell me he did a great job, I agree, but we still have our secret.

 

[MAchick]

I didn''t vote, because mine was a combination of a lot.

1. the center stone was inherited

2. he paid for the setting, but I paid for some of the extras (appraising, setting the stone into the ring, etc) - he doesn''t realize this of course.

3. I bought him a new computer he needed at the same time we were getting the e-ring, so as not to overload him with lots of expensive things all at once.

He''s saving up to go back to school, so I felt a lot of guilt about him buying me an expensive trinket that I wanted very badly but didn''t really need. Especially since I decided I wanted a custom-designed platinum pave ring.

Not that I''ve actually gotten it yet! More than a month after the ring got here, he still hasn''t proposed!

 

[orbaya]

Hubby paid 100% for the ering. When we picked out our wedding band, we weren''t able to buy them upfront, so we put them on layaway at the store and made payments when we got paid. So we both ended up paying for the wedding rings.

 

[aquarius_ser]

He was going to pay 100% until we started ring shopping. I discovered the ring I wanted was going to be very expensive $$$. We talked about it and I decided I wanted the ring so badly, I offered to pay for half. (We still have separate bank accts). He was OK with it. I definitely don''t regret it because I LOVE my ring!!!

 

[monarch64]

DH paid 100% for the e-ring and my WB. I paid for his WB.

 

[luvsdiamonds]

When me and mine decided to get married we had already lived together for over a year, so his money was my money and mine his so I guess you could say that we both spent money on the ring & rings.

 

[pinkflamingo]

Date: 6/27/2006 11:31:09 AM
Author: luvsdiamonds
When me and mine decided to get married we had already lived together for over a year, so his money was my money and mine his so I guess you could say that we both spent money on the ring & rings.

same here. i am not very traditional when it comes to stuff like this, and neither is my hubby.

 

[aussiegirl23]

Thank you everyone for posting! It is very helpful seeing what "typically" happens & the exceptions that are out there!

Aussiegirl : p

 

[RoseAngel04]

I''m still a LIW so I didn''t vote but my FF will be paying 100% for my e-ring. I will pay 100% for his WB when the time comes. We are pretty traditional so...that''s what works best for *us*.

 

[Gypsy]

Our finances were meshed, BUT he was making WAY more than I was at the time... so really he paid for it. For the new setting, I wanted to help pay for it... but he was adamant the $$ come from his commisions. But I REALLY wanted to help pay for it because I want it to be ours... don''t know if that makes any sense to anyone but the two of us. And he agreed. But really the point is moot cause everything is completely meshed anyway.

 

[Gothgrrl]

We were living together for 3 years before he asked me. Short version of the story is, he was on his way home from work and when he came home, he proposed. Since this was spur of the moment, he had no ring. After a week went by, I said we should go look at some. So I had to help pay for part of my ring. But he sure did make up for it! He has gotten me a lot of nice bling over the years.

 

[Mara]

he paid 100% for the engagement ring and my wedding ring. i paid for his wedding ring. traditional i guess...i don't even think we discussed doing it any other way. we lived together but our finances were not mixed.

also one of my friends is in the midst of getting engaged, and they are doing it the old-fashioned way too. they don't have any finances meshed and they don't live together.

 

[Snooper]

Husband paid for my ER, wedding ring, other bands, and I paid for his wedding ring. We have joint accounts. We never discussed who was to pay what, but I think we both assumed that was the ''normal'' thing to do...

 

[KristyDarling]

I think DH woulda felt kinda emasculated if I had pitched in. We chose the ring together, though. (he was happy to avoid the pressure of finding me the perfect ring) He bought both my rings and I bought his. We were living together but had separate finances.

 

[sanfranciscoellen]

My first engagement ring was an heirloom from his family. Then he surprised me with a three stone ring several years later, since the heirloom ring wasn''t practical for everyday wear.

For our tenth anniversary (actually six months after our 10th) I said, "I''d like a traditional wedding set." He said, "Oh. O.K." I said, "HOw about $_ for a budget?" He said, "Oh. O.K." Very romantic

I used that budget for the diamond and used my fun money savings for the setting and wedding band.

He''s not a diamond man, but is happy that I''m happy.

I think a nice compromise for some is when he pays for 100% of the stone and feels OK with her paying for the setting. I think everyone gets closer to what they want.

 

[kristy_lyn]

He gave me an heirloom bracelet for our engagement - and, I got to pick the ring. He gave me a budget (and, I only went over by $116!)

I think that I will probably pay the appraisal cost, since I forgot to tell him about that part.

 

[jewelryjunkie]

My husband paid 100% of my original e-ring and $100 toward my diamond wedding band. I paid 100% of his wedding ring.

I paid 100% of my upgraded e-ring and upgraded wedding band. And he just bought himself a new wedding band.

 

[codex57]

I paid. I''m the guy asking the girl to marry me. She''s got plenty of other things she can chip in for later, like wedding expenses, the house, etc. This is my gift to her. If she wanted a bigger diamond, we can do an upgrade later. Wouldn''t feel right for her to help pay for the e-ring when we''re not married yet when this is my gift to her. Yes, yes, it''s a stupid tradition that''s relatively new and doesn''t make much sense (or you can argue it''s like bribing the woman or whatever) but I don''t think it''s right for the guy to not buy it entirely by himself.

 

[Bella]

He paid for the ring (we did not have joint finances at the time). But of course, after the wedding, it was really a 50/50 split because all our finances were pooled after that. Whatever money he or I spent (or didn''t spend) before the wedding is still felt afterwards.

Unless you have a clear pre-nupt that keeps all pre-marriage assets separate. But we didn''t do that.

 

[UCLABelle]

My husband-to-be "paid" for it, but did borrow a little extra from my father and then paid him back...We have been together 6 years and he lived with my family for a few years and worked for my father''s company while going through college and grad school, so we are very close!

 

[Kay]

We went the traditional route (he pays for e-ring) in a non-traditional way. We shopped for my e-ring together, but I found PS and became the diamond specs freak, so I was the one who kept talking to vendors on the phone. We found 2 contenders at WF and decided to have them sent out. Since we had never purchased expensive jewelry online, there was no way we felt comfortable sending cash by wire transfer. We decided to put the stones on my AMEX, since I get 2% cash back and AMEX is very good about reversing charges if something goes wrong. Once we picked a stone and had it set and appraised, he wrote me a check to cover all the costs.

We also shopped together for w-rings and picked rings at 2 different jewelers. The plan was for me to pay for his and him to pay for mine, but I didn''t have time to go with him to try on and pick up his ring when it was finished, so he paid for his own. Then the same thing happened when it came time to pick up my ring at a jewelry store near my office. I don''t think we ever bothered to exchange checks for the w-rings.

 

[genette]

For us it is my boyfriend, but I''m paying for his wedding band.

 

[kcoursolle]

I think I might be an example of an unusual case, but that''s cool with me. I''m a very independent woman. I picked out the ring, he paid for the diamond. I paid for the setting, my wedding band, and I will pay for his wedding band as well. Adding up all of my purchases come to about $1k less than his. In the end, it probably doesn''t matter because we will be pooling our finances once we are married.

If I decide to upgrade down the road, our finances will be pooled. However, I''m sure it will be me that picks it out and me that puts the finances aside each month or so into a separate account. As much as I like romances and surprises, I have distinct taste and so much more diamond education than him. It just makes sense for me to pick things out, and I like contributing to these purchases as well.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/29/2006 2:57:15 PM
Author: Kay
We went the traditional route (he pays for e-ring) in a non-traditional way. We shopped for my e-ring together, but I found PS and became the diamond specs freak, so I was the one who kept talking to vendors on the phone. We found 2 contenders at WF and decided to have them sent out. Since we had never purchased expensive jewelry online, there was no way we felt comfortable sending cash by wire transfer. We decided to put the stones on my AMEX, since I get 2% cash back and AMEX is very good about reversing charges if something goes wrong. Once we picked a stone and had it set and appraised, he wrote me a check to cover all the costs.

We also shopped together for w-rings and picked rings at 2 different jewelers. The plan was for me to pay for his and him to pay for mine, but I didn''t have time to go with him to try on and pick up his ring when it was finished, so he paid for his own. Then the same thing happened when it came time to pick up my ring at a jewelry store near my office. I don''t think we ever bothered to exchange checks for the w-rings.

We kind of went the same route....

I make more money, so I didn''t expect much...and he paid a bit more than I thought he would. I wanted a setting that was a bit much (and probably overpriced) so I pitched in for the ring. I put the ring on my card since I get incentives and he wrote me a check right away. He picked the stone online, and I checked it out and OKd it.

Not romantic, but had already set the date etc etc. I didn''t think I''d be getting a ring, but he wanted to spend money and get me something. I don''t like jewelry all that much, so it had to be something I would wear.

For the wedding rings, I know this is TOTALLY untraditional and unromantic, but my band is costing more than his, so I''m just paying for my own, and he his. I just didn''t feel right about him paying for another ring after he was totally selfless and gave me all he could with the e-ring.

Things get a bit skewed when you make a lot more than your man!