Who has a "Timeline" (of any sort)?

[MermaidKelly]

I was thinking a neat idea for a topic would be "Timelines". Who talked with their boyfriend and came up with a "timeline" for when to get engaged by?

On a similar (but sadder) note, anyone have a "mental timeline" like "if he doesn''t propose in 3 years I should leave" kind of a thing?


My boyfriend has given me somewhat of a timeline saying that he feels the proposal should come around 2-4 years of dating. Our 2 year anniversary is next March so I guess that''s the earliest I could hope for a proposal! Lol!

 

[HopeDream]

Hmm interesting subject!

I have a reverse timeline: BF said that he wished he could have proposed this time last year, but financialy he couldn''t. This year things are rosier financialy, but we''ve never actualy discussed timelines. Early 2010 we will have dated 4 years, and I''m a little closer to 30 than I am to 20, so soonish (within the next 1.5 years) would be nice.

He''s a great guy and I''m not too anxious so I''ll definately stick around for the next couple years at least.

 

[Parsley]

No timeline for us. In my head I think it'll be a fairly long time. We have to graduate, figure out who goes where afterwards (we'll be long distance after graduation) get jobs, get somewhere to live, and save up. I'm thinking 2 or 3 years till he starts to genuinely think about it. Frustrating, yes. But I've accepted that I've got a long wait ahead of me, so it doesn't get to me like it could. I know that we're young and I'm just ready for this a lot earlier than he is! We used to talk about it all the time, just after we got together, and I've known for a long time he's the one I want to share my life with, however I think his talk about it was because he was all caught up in the heady honeymoon days, hehe. I think my internal deadline would be about 5 or 6 years from now.

 

[MrsHToBe]

Mr. H has given me a timeline of "the end of the year", but he told me that LAST year, and broke it.. so, I''m not sure I want to put a lot of faith in it, KWIM? I mean, I hope he''ll stick to it, and financially he''s a lot better off than last year (the reason he had to break the timeline was because he lost his job, and it ate away at his savings), but only time will tell.
As for a mental timeline, I''ve never considered it. We''ve been together for almost 9 years, and have a 5-year-old DD together, so we''re a family regardless of a proposal or marriage. We''ll get there eventually.. it just seems we go at our own pace.

 

[monkeyprincess]

I know mine is going to be soon because we looked at rings and he later let it slip he had ordered a ring. I assume it will be happening soon, as in before the the end of the year, but he has never actually said as much. We were skyping with my family yesterday, and I asked my 3 year-old nephew what he wanted for Christmas, and my sister made him say, "A new uncle," and my boyfriend chuckled at that. Hope my nephew gets his wish

 

[fuzzers]

Not yet, but I really hope we can come up with one by our 5th dating anniversary which is later this year. I''m guessing the timeline will be 2 years, but that depends on a few things.

Internal deadline? No. I''m too young for that still. I know he wants to get married to me, it''s just a matter of when is convenient. If he didn''t however, that would be a different story, and I would say "see ya!"

 

[LilyKat]

We discussed timing pretty early on in our relationship. He brought up the future/marriage in a general sense first, and it just developed naturally from there. Neither of us are the type who like surprises, so we didn''t have a problem talking about specifics. We both agree that we want to get married next August, and about 6 months to plan, so January/February it is - basically a mutual agreement.

Personally, I wouldn''t be with someone who had a problem talking about the future and making plans to be together. Marriage is important to me and if it wasn''t important to him, we would just be fundamentally incompatible. I can see it being different if I was younger (I''m 26) or less keen on marriage, though, so I''m not saying everyone should be like me

 

[misskitty]

We don''t have a firm timeline in place, but we do have a wedding date in mind, and he knows that planning takes a certain amount of time, so it''s a sort-of timeline in that regard. If I had to pin it down, I''d say next spring/summer, but I''m not going anywhere if it doesn''t happen by then.

 

[lilyfoot]

I/we don''t have a timeline. I never felt the need to set one because I''ve never doubted when/if he''s going to propose.

In general, I do think timelines (both agreed upon and inner) are very important. They go a long way to showing you just how much you and/or your BF is serious about marriage.

 

[mariewest]

My SO told me around our 1 year (Jan.) that he would propose by the end of that year (which was 2008.) Obviously it is now almost the end of 2009, and I am no where any closer. I''ve given up on timelines. He did tell me in August of 2008 that it wouldn''t happen that year because he had to put money into his car and didn''t have enough. Mentally, if I don''t get an engagement by our fifth year together, it may be time to part ways. We are almost at 3 years right now.

 

[vc10um]

The only timeline I have is my "best guess" timeline for when he''ll propose (by April 2010) and subsequently when we''ll "probably" get married (late June 2011).

Neither is a hard-fast timeline. They''re just estimates because people keep asking for them!

I know he''s asked for my mom''s permission. He did that at the end of October. I don''t think he would have asked at that time if he was planning on asking any later than April 2010.

 

[katomm]

I did have a timeline but didn''t tell him what it was exactly. When we moved in together I wasn''t happy about living together before marriage but I did understand his point of wanting to see how we dealt with one another living together before talking marriage. I had told him I could not just live together for years and years as he had done in past relationships (7 and 10 years with no marriage). He didn''t have a solid response about wanting to get married again so in my head I set a date.

The date was October 16th of this year. We had moved in together March of this year. Since about August or September we had talked about getting married but me more than him. I knew he had the ring since I had found it in the closet and we had talked before of getting married before end of the year so I let that date slide. Obviously, he proposed two weeks later so he cut it close. LOL.

 

[JustLikeYou]

Hmm. Well, there''s no formal timeline or dates or anything, but we had a discussion about me graduating, us being together for 5 1/2 years at that point, and me not wanting to feel like I am in a relationship going nowhere, since he seemed pretty complacent. We had a little tiff in the car the other day (mostly because I''ve been SUPER stressed about finals week) and somehow our relationship got brought up. He said "Don''t you remember the last conversation we had about marriage?". I said "Not really, the conversation never went anywhere". He said "Well, you told me you wanted to know by the end of graduation that you didn''t spend time in a relationship that wasn''t going anywhere, so what does that tell you?"

I kind of dropped it after that, because for some reason, I''m uncomfortable when talking about being married. I mean, I think about it and say "Yeah! Marriage!" But, at the same time, I don''t see a real need to get married (I''m happy with just a commitment ceremony). The only thing that I really *want* to be married for is so that someday my kids will have married parents. Other than that, I''m pretty happy with the way things are.

So I think there''s an unintentionally set timeline of "by graduation"... but at the same time, I don''t want him to feel forced into proposing to me just so he won''t feel like he''s losing me... which he isn''t....

Oh boy, this could be a whole ''nother thread on it''s own, lol...

 

[Collee]

I know his timeline (as he has hinted) is sometime in the Spring. YIPPEE, only a few short months.

 

[babycush]

When we moved in together in June, we said we would wait 6 months before seriously considering getting engaged. Sure enough, I''ve gotten the first half of my proposal and the other half should come by New Year''s (I''m guessing. See "Secret Proposal: Part 1 of 2" for more). As for getting married, we are thinking of waiting until my 4th year of school, so about 2 years from now. That way when I graduate I can be "Dr. P"

 

[crossmyfingers]

My head is packed full of timelines.

My BF told me around March of this year that he thought we should be married in "a year or two, two years at the very most." That gave me a lot of hope. Now he won't even talk about the future. Says he will talk about all of it when he is finished with his bachelor's degree, which will be in just a few more days. He doesn't even want to *talk* about the future and engagement and marriage until then, but he says he wants to get married. I have a really hard time understanding why he won't talk at all till then.

In my head, I've set a timeline then changed it then made a new one. I've decided that if he doesn't talk about the future within a couple weeks of school ending, or does but isn't clear, I will wait till New Year's and I will tell him we need to seriously talk. (Actually, a couple days before, just so it isn't *on* the holiday.) Then I'll figure it out from there.

He had mentioned before that May 2010 was a possibility for us to get married. I keep thinking how great that would be, and honestly I think I'll be pretty let down if he doesn't want to get married by the end of 2010, considering how he's talked about it all along.

Wow this post doesn't make much sense... Sorry ladies. I have a gnarly cold and my head is pretty cloudy.

 

[suny27]

When BF and I first started talking online i mentioned that I didn''t want a repeat of my last 7 yr pointless relationship so any man only gets 3 yrs until proposal. At the time I was just talking because I didn''t think we would end up in a relationship. He just wasn''t my type. Anyway almost 3 years later here we are! Still waiting for the ring to be on my finger! I promised myself I would leave if he hasn''t proposed by the 3 yr mark and I am sticking to it. It doesn''t seem like I''ll have to but I refuse to be strung along so I have to be strong and walk when/if the time comes. So he has until March 30th give or take a few days!

 

[Jessie702]

i really dont have a timeline, but i told the bf that i love him, but i told him im not waiting forever. Sounds wrong, but im not that type of girl.

 

[defyingravity]

We haven''t set a timeline yet..

but in my head-- my soft, "it''d be awesome" timeline is probably four years from now, give or take half a year. My hard, "definitely leaving" timeline''s probably five or six years, depending on circumstances-- for example, it should happen within 2 years after being economically stable together.

 

[Ashley21]

we''ve talked for a while and kind of have a plan of getting married around the summer of 2011, so a proposal could be coming any time now until this time next year. I couldn''t imagine him waiting any longer than the summer. At least I hope not

 

[jewelz617]

It wasn''t a timeline, really. One day I just realized I couldn''t truly be happy if I didn''t have this wonderful man by my side until I am a shriveled old lady. I wanted to marry him. So I told him, he was totally in agreement and a month later we were married on Halloween at city hall.

 

[KatM]

Date: 12/3/2009 10:21:23 PM
Author: jewelz617
It wasn''t a timeline, really. One day I just realized I couldn''t truly be happy if I didn''t have this wonderful man by my side until I am a shriveled old lady. I wanted to marry him. So I told him, he was totally in agreement and a month later we were married on Halloween at city hall.

i love that.

we don''t really have a timeline, as we''re both still getting established in careers, but mentally i think i would need it within the next 2 years or so.

 

[jane_e]

as someone earlier said- for us it is sort of like a reverse timeline. He is working on a PhD and will be done probably May 2012. Then we''ll be moving who knows where depending on where he gets a job. So we pretty much have in mind that we''ll get married Summer 2011. That puts us at getting engaged probably Spring 2010- which makes perfect sense because our 2 year anniversary will be in May...and we''ve started looking at rings together now and I anticipate that process to take a couple months. Also, we were living together for about 6 months before we started looking at rings.

 

[sillyberry]

I would like to be engaged by the time I graduate law school in June. I''m going to be moving away and I want to know that boy (who is born and raised in current city) is going to move with me as my future husband. I also would like to have a wedding some time before July 2011 (since I will likely have a year deferral from my law firm, I want to get married before I start work so I can really enjoy it and take a nice honeymoon).

I know that if he does not commit to move with me (he''s flexible, I''m not) that will be the end of our relationship. But I don''t think it will come to that.

 

[HaloBelle]

I am very undecided on the timeline thing. I don''t want to verbally set one (either THIS is the date OOORRR do it by ___ or I am leaving) because I sincerely want him to want it and plan for it.

I have voiced concern about being one of those girls that never gets hitched and stays with the same man for 15 years and then it goes kaput and he swears that will never happen to me and he just wants to wait until he can provide for us. (sweet huh? makes me feel really selfish...) He knows I planned to be engaged (but not married) before I got out of college and that happened may 09. He is still in school (masters) until August or Dec, but I am seriously feeling the ''friends are all getting engaged'' I''m sad syndrome! At the same time, I know more than one that has met a boy, gotten engaged, gotten married and is pregnant and or divorced and dating again since SO and I got together!! Makes me glad we DIDN''T rush into it.

Long story short? No, I do not have a time line. I do not want him to say we''ll be engaged by _____. I want a surprise and it does not even need to be fancy - I just want to know he wanted it and it was his idea (the timing). I do cringe at the idea of him picking out a ring all on his lonesome though - PLEASE LORD have him ask BFFE!!!! haha.

I cannot even tell you how relieved I was when I found this forum!! I am not alone! Best of Luck Ladies!

 

[babygirl]

I guess we sort of have a timeline but it isn''t exactly hard and fast. We''ve been together for 3 years and are both 28. Several times, bf has informed me "we''ll be engaged by x date" and several times, those dates have come and gone.

I just saw him this weekend (we''re long distance right now) and he said he''d like to be engaged within the next month or two.. we''ve talked about it and both want to get married this fall so I''m keeping my fingers crossed that works out

 

[MayFlowers]

I don''t really have a specific timeline where I would leave him if he didn''t adhere to it. We have talked about when the best time for us to get married would be. Since we started talking about marriage, I had always envisioned us getting engaged during my third or fourth year of college and then getting married once I graduate. To me, this is the best timeline and I still believe it is. He knows I want to get married once I graduate in a year and a half and I want a year to plan. So, that puts the engagement sometime this spring or summer. I already know he is planning to use his tax refund to help save for the ring. So, that also tells me sometime this spring/summer.

I guess I really wouldn''t mind waiting another year. The only reason I would rather get engaged while I am in college is because I will have much more time to plan than I will after college. I am becoming a teacher. Where I am, your first year of teaching is very strenuous, demanding, and time-consuming. So, I really just don''t want to plan a wedding during that time. I also don''t want to wait another two years to get married. Which is why SO and I decided that sooner will definitely be better.

 

[YSQueen]

I will definitely say that in any relationship I''ve been in, there''s been a timeline. But I would say that the timeline has shortened as I''ve gotten older.

When I was 20, the timeline was around 5 years. When I was 24, the timeline was around 3 years. When I turned 28, the timeline became 2 years. I completely believe that age is a huge factor in deciding how long your mental timeliine should be. Of course, I would never mention the timeline to anyone, but I believe that a man knows after a certain period of time and if there hasn''t been ANY conversation about marriage after a certain period of time, then there probably won''t be one.

 

[Ms. Raptor]

Wow, some of you have been together for a long time!
I guess my story is a little different, since SO and I have only been together a comparatively short time.
When SO and I first met, we spent awhile being friends and even tried to avoid getting in a relationship because it would be so inconvenient with our different careers. Instead, we were just really good friends (seriously, no funny business or accidental hook-ups or anything...100% platonic), then after a few months, he asked me out. I was scared because I was afraid dating would ruin everything-- he was my best friend and I didn''t want to lose that in the change to boyfriend. We already knew everything about each other, so there was no initial dating awkwardness, and we just knew from the beginning that we were going to be together. Before meeting him, I never pictured myself getting married. But for us, we kind of have a "why wait?" policy. We compliment each other perfectly and it just fits. It''s so hard to explain. I feel like our relationship, aside from geographical obstacles because of his job, is very rational and yet we''re still very passionate about each other. I think a lot of people would classify our timeline as rash, but we both feel that we''ve found the person we want to share our life with and are very excited to be doing that as soon as possible.

So, our timeline is more like:
-met at the beginning of 2009
-started dating in the late spring/early summer
-have been dating a little over 7 months & are both blissfully happy
-will most likely be engaged by May (after not quite 1 year of dating)
NOTE: he wants me to move in with him in May...I said we''d have to be engaged before I would move in with him...he said we would''ve been engaged @ 3 months if he''d had a larger nest of money saved up...and, as of this past wknd, he''s contacted Whiteflash
-if we are, in fact, engaged by May, I would like to be married within the year and no longer than 8 months from engagement; I definitely do not want a long engagement just for the sake of having one. that seems so pointless to me and there would have to be a major and serious reason for it.

 

[ChloeTheGreat]

We have been together for 5 1/2 years and are starting to put together some wedding ideas for June 2011. (It will be our 7th anniversary)

I have a promise ring that I''ve worn for years, but don''t have an engagement ring yet. Right now, money is holding us back. 2009 was a rough year for us, financially, and we''re just trying to stay afloat, let alone make a big purchase like that. So we''re not "officially engaged"...just waiting on the financial situation to improve.

We''ll get there one of these days!