Wedding Who gets invited to the shower?

[modernsparkler]

What is the etiquette on this? My MOH just asked for my list and with my immediate family (aunts, cousins, grandmothers, mom), FI''s mom and close friends the list is at 30. However, FI''s mom wants some of their extended family there (2nd cousins, etc). I don''t want to overwhelm my MOH as this is something she is doing in my honor but I don''t want to make FI''s mom upset. What is the proper etiquette on this?

 

[galvana]

Others may know the "proper etiquette" on this one - i can just tell you what i learned
I ran into the same issue a few weeks ago - i was told
1) invite people to the shower that are invited to the wedding, you can not invite them to the shower if they are not invited to the weddding
2) i asked my MOH was the max # she would be comfortable with was............and then i worked from there
3) FI''s mom did want me to invite lots of others to make the # larger and then she offered to have those people at a SEPERATE shower she would host at her home
its a tough one i agree, you dont want to put your MOH out but you also dont want to upset people.
I decided I wanted ONE shower, not two so Im just having the one by MOH and am inviting the number she is comfortable with.

 

[meresal]

Date: 11/21/2008 7:59:28 AM
Author: iloveprincesscuts
Others may know the 'proper etiquette' on this one - i can just tell you what i learned
I ran into the same issue a few weeks ago - i was told
1) invite people to the shower that are invited to the wedding, you can not invite them to the shower if they are not invited to the weddding
2) i asked my MOH was the max # she would be comfortable with was............and then i worked from there
3) FI's mom did want me to invite lots of others to make the # larger and then she offered to have those people at a SEPERATE shower she would host at her home
its a tough one i agree, you dont want to put your MOH out but you also dont want to upset people.
I decided I wanted ONE shower, not two so Im just having the one by MOH and am inviting the number she is comfortable with.

Agreed. If possible, have a separate one for FI's side of the family. JMO, but even 30 people at a shower is going to be overwhelming.

ETA: Are you talking about your FI's second cousins, or your FMIL's second cousins? And how many extra people?

 

[KimberlyH]

I agree that you should start by checking with your MOH about a headcount that she''s comfortable with and then plan from there. I would explain to MIL that you aren''t inviting extended family on your side and to be fair you can''t invite extended family on her side (find a cutoff that is reasonable and stick to it; all cousins are invited or no cousins are invited, etc.).

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 11/21/2008 9:17:58 AM
Author: KimberlyH
I agree that you should start by checking with your MOH about a headcount that she''s comfortable with and then plan from there. I would explain to MIL that you aren''t inviting extended family on your side and to be fair you can''t invite extended family on her side (find a cutoff that is reasonable and stick to it; all cousins are invited or no cousins are invited, etc.).

Ditto. And suggest that if it''s important to her she could host a second shower for all the extended relatives but that you can''t burden your MOH with 50 people.

 

[modernsparkler]

Thanks for the suggestions. I asked my MOH and she was like, just invite however many ppl you want. She comes from a big family and I think a small get together for them is for like 50 people. However, I think I am going to just keep it at the 30 and explain to FI''s mom that we have to draw the line at the same relation- only 1st cousins, aunts, etc. I am hoping she will understand... I think she will, however she did insist on 2nd cousins for the wedding which our family did not invite Oh well I just want an intimate affair so I can hang with the people I am close to and celebrate a little before the wedding.