Which is more powerful? Love or Hate?

[Missy]

Love is more powerful, why?
When two people make love they can potentially create another being.

When two people act out in hate sometimes only one person emerges from that act of hate.

Yes! Love this. Of course in that way hate can do way more damage than love but I love what you wrote. Love can create more life. (I have dark thoughts about this too but won't share them here now).

 

[Missy]

I am not sure that love and hate are two sides of the same coin. Their actions are different. They come from different places and go to different goals. Yes they may affect the other if the one crossed the other's path, but their natures are essentially other. If I plant an apple seed I maybe concerned with the germination and safety of the seedling, but not so much with the chances of it producing sour oranges.

Valid and interesting points Vapid. Thank you. I was not necessarily comparing apples to apples and just wondering what PSers thought about which was the stronger emotion and if one could suffocate the other if you will...

 

[Missy]

I agree with this. I think people also mistake love for fear, as in they feel so strongly about their loved ones and want to protect them from all the perceived "evils" of the world that they act out based on that. I also think people can be taught to hate, when they are not necessarily hateful people. To me, love is the stronger of the two. People write songs about love, you know? Not a lot of popular songs out there about hate.

EVER THE OPTIMIST AREN'T I.

Hmmm I couldn't quote what you were quoting Monnie but yes I agree with both you and Kbell. Kbell wrote:

Kbell said: ↑
I've always been a romantic so for me it's LOVE.
I love more than hate ( don't really hate anyone...) and most people I know love more people than they hate. I would do anything I can for loved ones & am not motivated to do anything out of hate. Even those I strongly dislike don't instill enough of any feeling to act negatively on. Hate is such a strong word. I feel like those who truly feel hatred towards other human beings must be so unhappy... and love can cure unhappiness... a lot of people act out of fear (justified or not) not really hatred.

Again while I think it depends on the individual I do think we are taught to hate and fear whereas love is instinctual unless we are so damaged we can no longer have/feel the capacity to love.

 

[Missy]

Interesting to think about, but IMO there is no single true answer to such a question.

Kenny, Perhaps and if there is an answer I think it varies re the individual () but I tend to ask questions IRL where there is no answer. Drives my dh crazy.

Kristie wrote: Love and hate are intense emotions, for me, and in my case love is long lasting, and I tend to ratchet hatred down over time.

Kristie, Yes. Hope this is what happens though with some I feel hate can last longer than love depending...

Tacori wrote: Unfortunately I think hate is stronger than love.

Tacori, I think it *can* be but not necessarily. I think it depends on the individual expressing/feeling it and all their experiences that make them who they are. But of course there is no right or wrong answer and that's why I am glad we are discussing it. I find it very interesting to see what we are all thinking and feeling about this topic.

Ksinger wrote: A quick drive-by...

No one has defined what "power" means. Is it power over? Or power with? Or some combination of both? Defining the word is pretty core to any discussion of which is more powerful.

And for some reason, the title of this thread made me immediately start reciting this in my head.

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

Love that poem thank you Karen. Powerful means whatever you interpret it to mean. I deliberately left it open ended because I love hearing what everyone is thinking without limiting the definition. For me, powerful means having the ability to change things and influence the way people feel and overcome the other emotion. That is can love change hate into love and vice versa? Can one be so powerful as to null and void the other? And without strong emotions like hate could we really know true love? Could we really appreciate it?

The question then can become does love ultimately end in sorrow? And my answer is ultimately if you outlive the ones you love yes but the memories of love can comfort you in times of sorrow so there's that. Who doesn't remember that line from Tennyson...

BY ALFRED, LORD TENNYSON
I envy not in any moods
The captive void of noble rage,
The linnet born within the cage,
That never knew the summer woods:
I envy not the beast that takes
His license in the field of time,
Unfetter'd by the sense of crime,
To whom a conscience never wakes;
Nor, what may count itself as blest,
The heart that never plighted troth
But stagnates in the weeds of sloth;
Nor any want-begotten rest.
I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

But I digress.

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts. I am glad to see love is winning in our PS polls. For now at least.
(But then I always root for the underdog which in this case I thought would be love).

 

[siamese3]

Ok Missy... interesting question and I have been thinking about it. The optimist in me says love, but the realist in me knows that hate can be extremely powerful. The problem with that hate is that the power it holds is oh so destructive. I guess that is why, ultimately, I believe that in the long run, in the bigger picture, love is more powerful.

 

[Bonfire]

Love is by far stronger.

 

[Jambalaya]

It depends on personality factors, but I would also make the point that it depends what's happened to an individual. Someone who's experienced betrayal, cheating, rejection etc. would probably be much more familiar with the emotion of hatred than someone who's largely only known love and respect in their lives.

Of course, some people can rise above such events - I can think of two extremely forgiving people who forgave domestic violence and affairs - but I think the majority of people respond to unprovoked and serious ill-treatment with some degree of hatred. I actually think a certain amount of hatred towards someone who's treated you really badly for no reason at all is healthy.

I have felt deep hatred after experiencing just the above but it's not sustainable. It does simmer down. For me, it's about the sheer sense of injustice. I tend to deal with it by throwing the person out of my life for good...but I must admit that sometimes only the law has stopped me from taking more direct action. If we lived in a cave society, I'd have taken my revenge! Mwah-hah-hah! These days, it's no fun at all - you can't even let the air out of someone's tires without being caught on camera! (Joke.)

A dear friend was suffering from breast cancer, and another friend who had always wanted her husband tried to seduce him during his wife's sickness. Oh man, the fantasies I had about throwing a brick through that woman's window! I didn't, though - but I really wanted to, and only the thought of being caught and facing the law stopped me. The husband said no but the wife found out about her friend's betrayal while going through chemo. I hated that woman with a passion. Over time, I've found that kind of hatred simmers down to a state where you literally could care less if the perpetrator lives or dies - total indifference.

This is a long-winded way of saying that I think whether you consider love or hate to be stronger depends, to some extent, on how much you've experienced of each. In one of the examples above, the woman whose husband had multiple affairs told me that she couldn't believe the hatred she felt and that she didn't recognize herself.

 

[lyra]

I chose hate because I am always thinking generally about world affairs. Hate is something I always avoid in my own life. I can't tolerate it at all. Hate feels tangible. Love is taken for granted and silent sometimes. Just my thoughts for the day.

 

[Missy]

Ok Missy... interesting question and I have been thinking about it. The optimist in me says love, but the realist in me knows that hate can be extremely powerful. The problem with that hate is that the power it holds is oh so destructive. I guess that is why, ultimately, I believe that in the long run, in the bigger picture, love is more powerful.

Yes I hope this is true and it is what I hold on to. Sometimes we need to believe just to get through traumatizing events. Like yesterday. My heart goes out to all the people of England and I for one must believe that eventually love will overpower hate and good will prevail. Sorry about equating good with love but I guess I do. Because hate and destruction and evil are all related IMO. And good and love and hope and light and peace have to win.

I chose hate because I am always thinking generally about world affairs. Hate is something I always avoid in my own life. I can't tolerate it at all. Hate feels tangible. Love is taken for granted and silent sometimes. Just my thoughts for the day.

Yes I can see how you would feel this way. I never take love for granted however because I have seen to many awful losses and it has resonated with me. I appreciate every single day with my dh and my other loved ones just knowing how things can change in an instant. It is terrifying but one must live in the moment and one must have hope for the future though at times it all seems so bleak.

It depends on personality factors, but I would also make the point that it depends what's happened to an individual. Someone who's experienced betrayal, cheating, rejection etc. would probably be much more familiar with the emotion of hatred than someone who's largely only known love and respect in their lives.

Of course, some people can rise above such events - I can think of two extremely forgiving people who forgave domestic violence and affairs - but I think the majority of people respond to unprovoked and serious ill-treatment with some degree of hatred. I actually think a certain amount of hatred towards someone who's treated you really badly for no reason at all is healthy.

I have felt deep hatred after experiencing just the above but it's not sustainable. It does simmer down. For me, it's about the sheer sense of injustice. I tend to deal with it by throwing the person out of my life for good...but I must admit that sometimes only the law has stopped me from taking more direct action. If we lived in a cave society, I'd have taken my revenge! Mwah-hah-hah! These days, it's no fun at all - you can't even let the air out of someone's tires without being caught on camera! (Joke.)

A dear friend was suffering from breast cancer, and another friend who had always wanted her husband tried to seduce him during his wife's sickness. Oh man, the fantasies I had about throwing a brick through that woman's window! I didn't, though - but I really wanted to, and only the thought of being caught and facing the law stopped me. The husband said no but the wife found out about her friend's betrayal while going through chemo. I hated that woman with a passion. Over time, I've found that kind of hatred simmers down to a state where you literally could care less if the perpetrator lives or dies - total indifference.

This is a long-winded way of saying that I think whether you consider love or hate to be stronger depends, to some extent, on how much you've experienced of each. In one of the examples above, the woman whose husband had multiple affairs told me that she couldn't believe the hatred she felt and that she didn't recognize herself.

Yes I have made that point and 100% agree with that. Experiences shape the individual no doubt. I feel for those people who have been traumatized and abused who have turned on others. But while I can somewhat understand why they may behave in such a hateful manner when they do so towards innocent people I cannot excuse it. And I agree with you in that hating someone who has acted in a hateful manner towards you can be healthy to a degree but there is a point where it causes more damage to the person hating. And I am sorry for all you have been through. But yes ultimately it can hurt you more than the person you feel anger and hatred towards so moving on and not forgiving per se but letting the hate and anger go can be healthy. Though never forgetting and never making the mistake again to trust that individual.

I know there is no real answer for why there is such hate in this world but the fact is there is and it makes life at times uncertain and scary and sad. Keeping all those who are affected by such terrible hate in my thoughts and sending positive healing vibes their way.

Love is by far stronger.

Amen to that and I hope so Bonfire! I hope so!

 

[Scandinavian]

Love wins the day every time! Have you not watched "Beauty and the Beast"??? LOL but not really kidding.

 

[Missy]

Love wins the day every time! Have you not watched "Beauty and the Beast"??? LOL but not really kidding.

Scandi! Don't forget to vote in my poll. We gotta show love is strong!!! What's that line? Believe it and it will happen.

 

[kenny]

Kenny, Perhaps and if there is an answer I think it varies re the individual () but I tend to ask questions IRL where there is no answer. Drives my dh crazy.

No problem.
Billions of people do it.
They can't stand not 'knowing' the 'answer' to any question they can think up.
Saying the words, "I don't know." is unacceptable to them.

This turning off critical thinking and reasoning leads to some of the biggest problems that humankind faces ... like ... oh ... terrorism.

 

[OreoRosies86]

Hate is a product of fear, fear and love are the deepest human emotions and are often closely linked, so... I'm going with hate.

 

[Missy]

No problem.
Billions of people do it.
They can't stand not 'knowing' the 'answer' to any question they can think up.
Saying the words, "I don't know." is unacceptable to them.

This turning off critical thinking and reasoning leads to some of the biggest problems that humankind faces ... like ... oh ... terrorism.

Kenny, I am just super curious about everything (and I don't think being curious is a bad thing at all) and if I don't know the answer to issues/problems I just enjoy contemplating but it isn't frustrating for me not to figure out the answer. The fun is in trying to figure it out and thinking about all the possibilities. And when I say my dh gets frustrated with me asking all these questions of him for which there *is* no answer it is more like a running joke b/w us. He says to me "What am I, google?" LOL we are silly with each other that way so it isn't *really* frustrating to him. It's like a game we play. Can I stump him and then when I do he responds with the google comment.
Of course you know what "they" say about curiosity. Meoooow.

Hate is a product of fear, fear and love are the deepest human emotions and are often closely linked, so... I'm going with hate.

Yes that is true. I wonder if worry is closely linked with fear too. I am actively working on being less of a worrier and I think I am doing pretty well right now. Lots of things going on personally and I am remaining cool and calm and sort of zen about it all. You are one of the women I look up to greatly Elliot for all you have been through and for how amazingly well you are doing and how strong you are. Just want to say thank you and also send you more (((hugs))).

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I imagine all of our opinions are based on life experiences. Most of the people I work with have PTSD which is usually caused from acts of hate. I wish love was stronger but that is not what I have witnessed.

 

[Missy]

I imagine all of our opinions are based on life experiences. Most of the people I work with have PTSD which is usually caused from acts of hate. I wish love was stronger but that is not what I have witnessed.

Tacori that is so true. We are shaped by our life experiences. Maybe even more than genetics. Thank you for all you do in working with people who need you and whom you help so much. (((HUGS))).

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Tacori that is so true. We are shaped by our life experiences. Maybe even more than genetics. Thank you for all you do in working with people who need you and whom you help so much. (((HUGS))).

Thanks Missy!

 

[LaylaR]

I think hate is EASIER.

But I know love is stronger. But... it's terribly harder at the same time. It demands more. Sacrifices more. And hurts more. But if you are talking STRENGTH. Love wins.

 

[the_mother_thing]

Whichever one - love or hate - a person chooses to 'fuel' and/or surround themselves with is what will have more strength, so it will be different from person to person.

 

[cmd2014]

I imagine all of our opinions are based on life experiences. Most of the people I work with have PTSD which is usually caused from acts of hate. I wish love was stronger but that is not what I have witnessed.

But love wins in the end. People choose life. They choose to heal in the best way they can and to move forward rather than live in the past. They choose to do the hard work of trauma processing so that they CAN love again. Love is quieter. It's harder. It's less obvious. But I believe it is stronger. I think you do too or you wouldn't do the work that you do.

Plus trauma doesn't always come from acts of hate. People do terrible things out of fear, or indifference (to life, to the potential for harm, to safety/common sense, to the feelings of others), or to fulfill an unmet need (for food, for drugs, for other things), out of duty (i.e. soldiers during combat, or police in the line of duty), or because this is what they know and is normal to them (especially in parenting or in cases of domestic abuse), or sometimes by accident. Sometimes the act of forgiving needs to find a place of empathy (not condoning, just understanding) in addition to acknowledging that one has been deeply wronged. That also takes an act of love. I think hate is more obvious, but love wins if you let it.

 

[arkieb1]

I think the correct answer is it depends who you are.
For some people it is hate, those that hold onto some past set of wrongs and cannot let go, those that want revenge or fight in wars because of some cause or those that hate their neighbours or their ex spouses etc - for them they are driven and consumed by hatred.

For others like the Dalai Lama they live their lives from a place of compassion and love. For the love sick teens holding hands down the street, they live in a bubble of love. For people that go to work every day and smile and make others feel better, they operate in a world of kindness and love.

Some people impacted by wars, by atrocities, or that escape some horrible situation, go on to live wonderful meaningful lives filled with love, others cannot get past these things, so there isn't one true answer that fits everyone. In fact each person has an answer applicable to themselves.

 

[MarionC]

Gypsy, my thoughts exactly, but I had trouble articulating, so thank you

I think hate is EASIER.

But I know love is stronger. But... it's terribly harder at the same time. It demands more. Sacrifices more. And hurts more. But if you are talking STRENGTH. Love wins.

 

[Missy]

I think hate is EASIER.

But I know love is stronger. But... it's terribly harder at the same time. It demands more. Sacrifices more. And hurts more. But if you are talking STRENGTH. Love wins.

Yes Layla and Jimmianne! Ultimately I think Love is the more challenging choice because Hate is easy (it is so easy to hate for stupid reasons isn't it) but Love can take real dedication and hard work. But Love is worth the hard work and effort and energy. Nothing gives back to you the way love can IMO.

But love wins in the end. People choose life. They choose to heal in the best way they can and to move forward rather than live in the past. They choose to do the hard work of trauma processing so that they CAN love again. Love is quieter. It's harder. It's less obvious. But I believe it is stronger. I think you do too or you wouldn't do the work that you do.

Plus trauma doesn't always come from acts of hate. People do terrible things out of fear, or indifference (to life, to the potential for harm, to safety/common sense, to the feelings of others), or to fulfill an unmet need (for food, for drugs, for other things), out of duty (i.e. soldiers during combat, or police in the line of duty), or because this is what they know and is normal to them (especially in parenting or in cases of domestic abuse), or sometimes by accident. Sometimes the act of forgiving needs to find a place of empathy (not condoning, just understanding) in addition to acknowledging that one has been deeply wronged. That also takes an act of love. I think hate is more obvious, but love wins if you let it.

Yeeesss!

I think the correct answer is it depends who you are.
For some people it is hate, those that hold onto some past set of wrongs and cannot let go, those that want revenge or fight in wars because of some cause or those that hate their neighbours or their ex spouses etc - for them they are driven and consumed by hatred.

For others like the Dalai Lama they live their lives from a place of compassion and love. For the love sick teens holding hands down the street, they live in a bubble of love. For people that go to work every day and smile and make others feel better, they operate in a world of kindness and love.

Some people impacted by wars, by atrocities, or that escape some horrible situation, go on to live wonderful meaningful lives filled with love, others cannot get past these things, so there isn't one true answer that fits everyone. In fact each person has an answer applicable to themselves.

Agreed. And I think you have hit the proverbial nail on the head here. Both love and hate can give meaning to one's life but for those who choose kindness and love their lives can go on to have a wonderful meaning and satisfying existence while those who choose hate and destruction have a sad and pitiful existence but for them it gives their life meaning and a goal nonetheless. Sad but true. Yes each person makes their own meaning in life and some are driven by hate and some by love.